Doom Witch
by Invader Jed
Summary: Zim allegedly hates all human life. He does. But then after some things happening, changes are inevitable. Just as Zim is finding himself, an Irken assassin originally sent to avenge Tak shows him some affection as well as a rather scary human.
1. Prologue

Zim's Horrible Doom?  
  
Author's Note: Heeeeeelllooooo human stinkbugs who want to read my story! For I am ZIIIM! Well, Zim's friend, servant, MINION!!!! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAA!  
  
READ! Read and appreciate or you will invoke my terrible WRATH!  
  
- Prologue -  
  
"My Tallest! I have successfully - um - accomplished that - uh - THING you told me to do!" Zim improvised before the Almighty Tallest on the day that he reported to them all the time. The thing was, he had nothing to report, it had been an uneventful normal Earth week, and Zim was bored. The Almighty Tallest, rulers of Irk because of their mighty highness in height looked at each other then looked at the smallest disgrace to the mighty Irken race that was Zim.  
  
"Zim, we didn't actually assign you to anything!" the red Tallest almost laughed, "We'd have to be crazy to do that!"  
  
"LAZY! We'd have to be lazy to do that!" his purple comrade helped, but it was Zim that now had a confused look on his face, "I mean as we are the Tallest we'd have to be really lazy to want to disturb your - uh - great mission!"  
  
"Phew!" the red Tallest said under his breath, "That was close!"  
  
It seemed to have worked, as Zim cheered up after that.  
  
"Well, what do you want me to do this week, my Tallest?" Zim asked. Suddenly, Zim's minion GIR popped up in front of Zim with a big grin on his robotic face.  
  
"Heeeeellloooooo!" GIR screamed at the Almighty Tallest, who winced and hovered back a little bit, "I wish you were here to give me a GREAT BIG HUG!!!"  
  
"GIR!" Zim's angry voice came from behind the crazed robot, "GIR get back here and stop scaring the Tallest!"  
  
Zim's gloved claw-like hand was seen on GIR's shoulder. GIR looked down on it and screamed, "BUCKET!" before Zim pulled back on the goofy gadget and chucked him over his shoulder. Zim wiped his hands triumphantly, and looked up at the screen, ready to talk to his Tallest again.  
  
The screen was black, and Zim tapped on it, wondering why the hell it had gone off. Of course, the Almighty Tallest had got bored and signed off, but Zim, unknowing that the rulers of Irk actually hated him with a vengeance. Of course, it had nothing to do with the fact that Zim had nearly destroyed Planet Irk in the first Impending Doom mission. All because he wanted to push some buttons and pull some levers.  
  
Now he was still bored, the Tallest hadn't granted him his request and given him an assignment. Zim sighed and sat in his chair, slumping. GIR, who had been lying on the floor giggling, now got up and waddled over to the screen singing the "Doom Song".  
  
"Awwwwwww your friends is goned awayyyy!" he sympathised, Zim scowled at GIR, "LETS GO GET TACOS AND FORGET aaaaaaaaaaaallllll about it!"  
  
Zim tried to think of an answer to that, but failed, so he ordered GIR to get into his ingenious green dog suit, while he, Zim, took out of his little cool bag thing two plastic eyes and a wig and placed them in the appropriate places (evil red eyes and his bald green head), then, after establishing quite a vibe for Crazy Tacos.  
  
"Come, GIR!" Zim screeched in his evil voice, "We must to the tacos!"  
  
"YAAYYYYY!" GIR screamed, and ran out of the door, put the little lead thing round Zim's neck and dragged him along to the Crazy Taco restaurant without further delay.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
As his arch nemesis and his strange little robot disguised as a robot walked together to seek out the tacos, Dib Membrane, son of the famous Professor Membrane (the expert) and all round psycho kid. Dib was the only one that saw Zim and GIR for what they were - ALIENS!  
  
His sole purpose at the moment was to EXPOSE Zim, but first he needed a plan. As he saw Zim, his over - large head began to buzz, as a plan was mounting into his brain, as a cascading wave of ideas flooded into his head, forming into a fountain of creative alternatives, Dib gave one of those weird freaky smiles.  
  
He broke out into a grouping of manic laughter, and as he was enjoying his being ingenious and schemingly clever so much, he didn't notice his extremely scary sister Gaz come up behind him and hit him over the head with her GameSlave.  
  
"Ow! Gaz-" he began, but faltered when he saw the warning look on her face.  
  
"Don't, Dib," Gaz warned him, "Or I'll bash in your face with my fist cos I don't want to scratch my GameSlave. Now, why are you acting like an idiot?"  
  
Dib gave his sister a grim smile.  
  
"I know how to stop Zim," he said. 


	2. Zim

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Hello again children. I'm sorry, I must apologise for my prologue as it was crap. Hee. Well, I now have a plot and I know what I'm doing (kinda) just now so it will get better, bear with me. I'm sorry that this wasn't up before, but my file transferring thing went all wonky. I got it fixed as soon as possible . sorry. This isn't like a big major chapter anyway . just a bout a dictionary.  
  
This is my first TV story (I did a musical on Zim and a story on a game - see my Bio!!!) so please encourage, encourage, encourage. Thank you little insignificant Earth worm babies. I will now cause DOOM!!!!  
  
- Chapter One - Zim -  
  
Zim sat in the classroom, bored out of his mind. He watched the minutes drag by and noticed the irritable bristling of Ms. Bitters' moustache. Most of the other human worm babies were bored too, they shared one thing in common at least. Zim made the effort to shift his head over to watch Dib, who was rolling his eyes right back to amuse himself.  
  
Zim chuckled at Dib's patheticness a little loudly than expected. Ms Bitters' head shot up as if in pain, and Dib's eyes shot to Zim's. They burned into the fake human eyes Zim wore and he blinked, turning his attention to his frightening teacher.  
  
"Zim?" Ms Bitters growled, "Do you have something to say? A nice little joke to tell us? If not then I'm afraid you're doomed. If you do, you're STILL doomed!"  
  
"I - I -" Zim faltered, not having thought up an explanation, and was too tired to do so now. Only three minutes to go . "I was just thinking how interesting this lesson has been, and as I am an exceedingly contented Earth bug, I wished to express it through laughter," Zim covered up.  
  
He flicked his eyes to Dib, his arch nemesis' eyebrow raised, the other leaning down on his eye decreasing the size (A/N: O.o) dramatically. Ms Bitters noticed Zim's attention flickering, so zoomed across the classroom to his desk, even if he was only in the front.  
  
"Aargh!" Zim let out in surprise, before collecting himself, "I mean hello, Ms Bitters. How radiant you look-"  
  
"ZIM!" Ms Bitters roared, "What was the lesson on today that you felt you had to express it and interrupt my lesson?"  
  
Two minutes . Zim forced his eyes to look into ones of the not-possibly- human creature that was before him and grinned.  
  
"Doom?" he guessed. Ms Bitters' eyes narrowed dangerously, and slithered back to her desk. Zim relaxed, and caught Dib's disappointed look Zim was not going to be punished.  
  
One minute . had Ms Bitters forgotten to give them homework? Please let it be so, Zim prayed. Please .  
  
Thirty seconds .  
  
Zim's eye flickered. Ms Bitters sat motionless. Slowly she stood up and walked in front of her class.  
  
"Now, as I don't have to see you miserable beasts tomorrow-" she began, before the bell rang graciously and the children began to fly to the door. Ms Bitters was faster and zoomed to it, blocking the way, "I want you all to read from pages 20 - 489 of the Advanced Dictionary at the back of the classroom. ALL OF YOU, pick one up. And if I find ONE DOG-EARED PAGE or JUVENILE MESSAGE scribed upon one of them by WHOEVER'S HAND, the LOT OF YOU will be in DETENTION up to the school dance in AUGUST!"  
  
The kids reluctantly stropped to the back of the classroom and picked up a dictionary, their arms falling downwards instantly under the weight of the huge books. As Zim puffed and panted with his, he contemplated using his spider-like arm leg things concealed in his bag of useful things, but thought against it. He didn't want the Dib to have something he could use against him.  
  
No . that would be horrible. He dragged his dictionary down to the class exit, where Ms Bitters was letting children escape one by one, prolonging their torture gleefully. She was speaking to Dib at the time Zim reached the door.  
  
"Now, Dib. Don't let your father burn this one, or it will be DOOM for you!" she warned him, and Dib, straining against the weight of the book nodded.  
  
"Yes, Ms Bitters," he panted weakly, "But you can't actually keep us in here!"  
  
"Well, that's what I'm actually doing!" Ms Bitters snarled, "Now, Dib, go before I can see your demented head behind that book you keep trying to see me through. GO!"  
  
Dib left, with a protesting, "MY HEAD IS NOT DEMENTED!"  
  
Zim couldn't help but chuckle as he reached the door , and Ms Bitters noticed again. He sighed and gave her the nicest smile he could and she opened the door without a word.  
  
Outside the skool, Zim lagged behind the other students under exertion of carrying the dictionary. He gasped as he dragged his feet along the road. Once out of sight, he allowed his robotic arms and legs to emerge from the bag and carry it for him, relaxing his tensed muscles.  
  
"ZIM!" a sudden voice came from behind him, causing the Irken to jump. The book flew out of the spider-like grip of the mechanisms and landed on Zim's foot. He blew his cheeks up like a hamster so he wouldn't scream and spun around.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAARRRGGHHHH!!" Zim allowed the pain to be expressed, even in front of Dib, who was standing quite confused. He flinched when Zim screamed, and had a bemused expression on his human face.  
  
"Dib-Monkey!" Zim cleared his throat and regarded the character in front of him, "What do you want?"  
  
"I'm not sure, but I think you need a band-aid," Dib chuckled, "That's one hell of a book. Hey! There's legs sprouting out of your back! You're not an alien, are you?"  
  
Zim frowned as the equipment that had meant to help him folded themselves back into the bag. He bent down and picked up the dictionary again, which was so heavy it felt as if it might have been written in lead, not ink.  
  
"You're a funny creature, Dib," Zim growled unenthusiastically, making Dib scowl too, "And you'll be the last I destroy mercilessly, so you can watch each one of your friends die one by one." Zim stepped back a little at what Dib's reaction was when he had spoken those words.  
  
What was that that expression that had passed over Dib's face so quickly? Anger? Fear? Realisation Dib had no friends to fear for? It lingered only for a second, but Dib had certainly been something Zim hadn't known him to be. Except angry. Dib was always angry at something, whether it be Zim or Gaz or Professor Membrane or Chickenfoot .  
  
"We'll see, Zim," Dib snarled as he staggered away with his book, "We'll see - hey watch out you crazy llama!"  
  
Zim raised an eyebrow. What llama? Dib's glasses must have slipped off and seen a car, mistaking it for a llama. Suddenly a large camel walked across the road in front of Dib. "Well, it's not a llama," Zim muttered to himself, and continued walking, not risking taking out his robotic arms again.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
GIR sat grinning at the blank TV screen.  
  
"Hello," he said to it, "Do you know my friend Pooh Hare?"  
  
The TV didn't reply, and GIR got annoyed.  
  
Then, the "Welcome home, son" came from the front of the house, and GIR scrambled over to the hallway to meet his master, weak from carrying the dictionary for so long.  
  
"MASTER!" GIR screamed merrily, rubbing himself against Zim's thin legs like a cat and leaping on his head.  
  
"GIR! GET OFF MY HEAD! I'm going to drop - AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!" Zim screamed, as the dictionary dropped on the Irken's other foot, "Oh ow, ow OW! Call the firemen - it's over! Oh the pain, THE PAIN!"  
  
"I love this show!" GIR said happily, still on top of Zim's head. The metal claws emerged again and lifted GIR off his master's head and onto the floor, "WHEEEEE! Aw! It gone finished already!"  
  
Zim shook his head and limped over to the sofa, leaving the dictionary lying in the middle of the floor. GIR tripped over it and landed on his head as it was so tall.  
  
"YAY! What is it?" he asked Zim. Zim opened his closed eyes wearily.  
  
"A Skool Dict-" he attempted to answer.  
  
"What is it?" GIR screamed again.  
  
"A Skool Dictio-"  
  
"WHAT IS IT???"  
  
"A Skool Dictionary, GIR. I have to read some of it for the next Earth Skool Day," Zim answered finally.  
  
"Ooooooo! What's it for?" GIR asked.  
  
Zim shrugged, "I don't know," he said, "Computer, define "Dictionary"."  
  
"Computer is defining "Dictionary" as follows," the Computer said, repeating exactly what Zim had just said, which annoyed him immensely, he didn't learn anything about the human stinkbug's materials when his computer repeated itself! "Dictionary: n. 1. book setting forth, alphabetically, words of language etc. 2. reference book with items in alphabetical order."  
  
Zim looked at GIR quizzically, and GIR giggled. Zim shook his head and decided to speak to the Computer again.  
  
"What good does that do me?" he asked, "Those two definitions were the same! And what's this etcetera of which you speak? What does it mean? Tell me now ."  
  
"NO!" the Computer rebelled, startling Zim, then began to cough, "Dictionaries bore me! Look it up in the dictionary if you want to know. I'm going to bed."  
  
Zim would have argued, but he was too exhausted and couldn't be bothered. Instead, he walked behind the dictionary and slid it towards the sofa, letting the robotic arms pick it up and place it on his lap. He told the mechanical arms to flick it to the word "Dictionary", and they got to work.  
  
When they found it, Zim peered at the miniscule writing.  
  
"Dictionary: n. 1. book setting forth, alphabetically, words - hey! This is what the Computer said! Why is it the same? My head hurts ." Zim made the arms close the dictionary and put it back on the floor. Zim looked at his lap and the dent the extraordinarily heavy book had made on his legs.  
  
"Note to self," he murmured as he lay back on the couch lazily, "Dictionaries stink."  
  
A/N : HEY! Was that better? That was shorter than I normally write chapters, but I'm still kinda introducing it all. Don't worry, it's not all about dictionaries. That was just an insight on Zim.  
  
Next chapter : From Dib's POV, is contemplating how to defeat Zim. Again an introductory chapter, but it has to be done kiddies, I like to get into it first, sorry. It's gonna be quite good, I can feel it in my brain.  
  
Gee hee. It'll be a laugh anyway.  
  
TILL NEXT CHAPTER MY MERRY CHAPS! 


	3. Dib

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Heeeelllooooo! Keep reading my little muppet toys. Mwu-ha-ha- ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaa! (chokes) Ha.  
  
- Chapter Two - Dib -  
  
Dib Membrane's life sucked. His father blanked him and was constantly embarrassed by him, his sister was an evil unemotional demon from hell. And his mother? What about his mother? She had run off with a guy that didn't keep half his head hidden behind a scientist's coat years ago, shortly after Gaz was born.  
  
Dib missed her sometimes, but he didn't let his emotions interrupt his paranormal studies. Dib didn't cry - he had lost the ability to. Being "brought up" by a famous scientist that showed World Leaders around the living room and hardly ever saw as he was in his lab making toast had altered his love for life. Hell, Dib had forgotten his own dad's first name! (A/N: I always just presumed it was Professor, didn't you?)  
  
Instead, he resorted to aliens. They were fascinating. Zim . well, he was stupid, so the only thing that made him fascinating was that he WAS an alien. What a strange planet Zim comes from . Dib thought, he remembered hearing Tak's video message to her "Tallest?" Could it possibly be that the Irkens that ruled were simply taller than anyone else?  
  
"Weird," Dib muttered to himself, shaking his head. He was up on the roof again, gazing in the direction of Zim's house/base thing without realising it. How tall WERE the Tallest, then? Taller than Zim - they had to be, or else Zim would be leader. Dib shuddered at the thought and pushed the Irken democratic system out of his head.  
  
To his surprise, Gaz joined him on the roof. She sat next to him, about a metre away.  
  
"Hey," he said to her. Gaz looked at him through her squinted eyes, then looked in the direction her brother was looking in.  
  
"You're thinking about Zim," she said simply. Dib looked at her, his expression not changing. He looked back at the very pointed roof that could only be Zim's house.  
  
"So?" he replied defensively, "He IS trying to take over Earth, and I AM trying to stop him, so why shouldn't I think about how to stop-"  
  
Gaz snorted, "You're thinking ABOUT Zim. About why he's here. You don't really hate him, do you Dib?"  
  
Dib scowled at his sister. Sometimes Gaz could be really thick sometimes . though he dare not say anything to her . it could be dangerous.  
  
"No, no. I absolutely LOVE Zim! He's my best friend in the WHOLE world! In the whole GALAXY! Yes, one day I hope to marry Zim and we can live happily ever after once he has completed the mission I am so encouraging him to complete which will annihilate my home planet! Yes, yes, that's it, you've hit something there Gaz!"  
  
Gaz's eyes opened widely for a second, then closed again, as if she had been annoyed but realised there wasn't any point in arguing. She stood up and walked as if to get down from the ladder. She paused and turned to see him. She was standing so close to the edge of the roof Dib couldn't help but feel worried for her. He cleared his throat.  
  
"I only said you didn't HATE him, Dib," she said coldly, smoothly, "I didn't say you should go admitting your undying love for him. You exaggerate things so much. You're weird."  
  
As she began to climb down, Dib called her back,  
  
"Gaz! Gaz, wait! Come on, come sit with me. I didn't mean to annoy you," he said, and she reluctantly did as he requested, walking over to Dib and plopping next to him.  
  
"Well you're pretty good at it," she told him earnestly.  
  
"What?" Dib asked, not remembering what he had said.  
  
"Annoying me," she replied, "You're good at it."  
  
"Thanks, I guess," Dib said, not quite sure if this was a nice thing for Gaz to say.  
  
"It wasn't a compliment," she returned, "I just said you're pretty good at it."  
  
"Okay. Okay." Dib nodded, and looked back out to Zim's house.  
  
"You're still thinking about Zim," she said after a few seconds of silence.  
  
"Why is that a problem for you?" he questioned her. Again, silence.  
  
"It isn't," she said, a bit too defensively, which made Dib's eyes narrow a little, "But I think you're being too hard on him."  
  
Dib laughed, "Hah! Hard on him? I'd say I'm being easy on him! I'm the only one that knows he's an alien! A lamely disguised alien, but hey. All I've done is try to expose him a few times, not destroy him or anything! Not like he's tried to do to me!"  
  
"That's because you're encouraging his hostility," Gaz said, "Zim's alone, he's only got that crazy dog thing to keep him company. The green kid could be your friend, Dib."  
  
"Pfffft!" Dib laughed, waving his fingers in front of Gaz's eyes until she whacked them away. Dib rubbed his hand, "Get that out of your head, sis! There's no way! Why don't YOU be friends with Zim, Gaz? You're alone too, hadn't you noticed? Your GameSlave doesn't count as a friend, remember!"  
  
Gaz stood up, furious. She turned her back on him, grey smoke following where she went. Dib coughed and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he saw Gaz had gone.  
  
Dib kicked against the plaster.  
  
"DAMN YOU ZIM!" he cried into the night, "LOOK AT ALL YOU'VE DONE! I'LL GET YOU! I'll get you . "  
  
"Hey! Dib kid! Keep it down, okay? You're making my baby wake up!" one of Dib's neighbours yelled. Dib raised an eyebrow.  
  
"My name is Dib, not Dib kid!" he yelled in return, "And you don't have a baby!" he added in a matter-of-fact way.  
  
"Wha- oh yeah! Ok . never mind!" the neighbour said, then went back inside his orher house, Dib couldn't see whether it was the husband or the wife. They both sounded pretty male anyway. He didn't particularly care which neighbour had shouted at him either.  
  
"Ahem. As I was saying. I'll get you Zim . just wait." He sneered towards the sky.  
  
As he lay in bed, he thought regretfully about what he had said to Gaz. So maybe she was alone, he shouldn't have laid it in to her so hard. Thinking about it, Gaz could be pretty sensitive about . stuff.  
  
"God, Dib. You're talking to yourself. How sad is that?" he asked himself, then hit the wall his bed was pushed against, "Tomorrow I'll apologise to Gaz, she'll have let out her rage and be back to not speaking to me-unless- she-has-to," Dib thought, and cuddled up in the bed, holding close his stuffed bigfoot he called Teddy.  
  
"Sleepy sleep," he murmured softly, before drifting into an uneasy slumber, something he knew Zim couldn't do. Something he could hold against Zim, or did it give the alien he despised an advantage of a shadow? Dib shivered in his sleep but didn't open his eyes. If he was going to die by Zim's hand, it may as well be while he was asleep.  
  
At least that would make Zim a coward.  
  
Maybe.  
  
A/N: AAARGHHH! I hate short chapters, but introductions must be done! I am sorry. Done now, hopefully. Into long chapters now - WOO!  
  
Next time on Zim's Impending Doom? is from Zim's POV again mostly, but I might add a little bit of Dib's abnormally large head . stuff in it too. Maybe Gaz's. DUNNO! TOO MANY PEEEEEOOOOPPPLLLLEEE!!! Oh well, I'll get over it. Maybe. Sorta. I DUNNO!!!! Everything's gone wrong . (dottled expression). O.o  
  
Next chapter, yes. GIR goes a bit crazy at the start because the Tallest are eating the newest Irken craze, Space Tacos. It's funny, I had fun writing it. So why don't I know if it has a Dib POV bit? Oh, shut up Julie. YOU DARE INVOKE MY WRATH? Yeah! Ok. Cool. Hee. (bursts into fit of manic laughter). Ah. Ok . what else happens? Zim gets into Nirvana and demands to meet Kurt Cobain . poor soul. He meets Gaz on his way to buy the album and gets very worried when he doesn't feel dreaded hate towards Gaz.  
  
Oooooooooo! Read on to find out if you dare . BUT REVIEW FIRST! Thank you. Ding!  
  
Zim - I mean Julie - out! 


	4. Zim loves Nirvana

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Hey dudes. Carry on, it's quite funny at the start, but when Zim finds out about Kurt he gets a bit upset.  
  
- Chapter Three - Zim loves Nirvana -  
  
"Nry-afshi-stick-porful-grt," Zim mumbled weakly, "Crmplik-urw."  
  
"I know what you mean . " GIR said earnestly, sitting contentedly at the end of the sofa. Zim sat up wearily.  
  
"I'm going to contact the Tallest," he said finally, "GIR! Come quickly."  
  
"Okkkeeee Dokeee! Are we gonna see the turnips?" GIR asked excitedly.  
  
"No, GIR. I'm going to speak to the Almighty Tallest. They didn't give me a goal for this week last time I contacted them and it's Saturdee and I'm bored! So I'm going to ask them for something to do," Zim told him.  
  
GIR reached the toilet first, and Zim frowned at him.  
  
"I hate you," GIR said happily, looking up at his master adorably.  
  
"The feeling is mutual, GIR. Now, lets go to the base."  
  
"If I was a bird I'd be a mongoose." GIR said.  
  
Once in the base, Zim ran to the big screen and reached a transmission with the Tallest. They were standing beside a table full of snacks that looked distinctly like .  
  
"TACOOS!" GIR screamed, "Gimme tacos!"  
  
"Zim!" the red Tallest shrieked, while the purple one jumped a metre in the air, even though he was hovering about a foot off the floor, "What are you - it's not - whatever Earth day you call on!"  
  
"Wednelsdee," Zim told them, "All the days end in "dee".  
  
"No they don't!" GIR squeaked.  
  
"Hush, GIR! Be still!" Zim scorned, and GIR bowed his head.  
  
"Okay . " GIR said, and stood perfectly still. Zim turned back to the Tallest.  
  
"I'm sorry for not sticking to my schedule, my Tallest, but-" Zim started to explain.  
  
"You've run out of fuel and are never coming home?" the purple Tallest asked, now recovered from his fright. Zim missed the hopeful tone in his voice.  
  
"No . "  
  
"Earth has run out of food and you're starving slowly?"  
  
"YAY!" GIR cried. Zim spun around to glare at him, then turned back to the Tallest.  
  
"No . "  
  
"Well, what then?" Red asked.  
  
"Yeah! What doom has befallen you? Huh? Huh? Huh?" Purple urged.  
  
"No doom has befallen me, my Tallest! I was just-"  
  
"Really? No doom?" Purple said sadly.  
  
"Not even the inciest winciest bit of doom?" Red pushed. Zim raised an eyebrow and lowered the other. He was glad he was out of his disguise, it always hurt his eyes with those stupid fake things in if he had a puzzled look on his face.  
  
"Well . " Zim said, "I did run into a bit-"  
  
"TELL US!" the Tallest screamed together. Zim looked at GIR in a confused manner, and GIR just looked back at him, expressionless.  
  
"Guh-heh!" GIR let out, after he got bored of looking at Zim. Zim was now very confused, but had to inform his Tallest.  
  
"Well, the dictionary landed on my foot thanks to the Dib child, and then on my other foot thanks to GIR," Zim explained quietly. He hated admitting his glitches, but the Almighty Tallest seemed to like hearing it - more than his successes, mostly. Hmmm .  
  
"EXCELLENT!" Red cried, rubbing his hands together, "The dictionary is his weakness."  
  
"SEEKNESS!" the purple Tallest cut in lamely, "The dictionaries you must be seeking . ful of."  
  
It took a while for Red to cotton on. The four of them stood looking quite awkward.  
  
"Yes . seek . the dictionaries, Zim! That's what we want you to do until Wednelsda-" Red said slowly, trying to make sense of a very bizarre situation.  
  
"Die," Purple corrected.  
  
"Who did?" Red said excitedly.  
  
"No one! It's Wednelsdie! Not Wednelsda. Remember, Zim said every Earth day ends in - die - or is it doo?" Purple corrected, before getting confused himself.  
  
"DAY!" GIR screamed, "DAY, DAY, DAY!"  
  
"No, no. It's 'dee'." Zim settled.  
  
"Oh yeahhhh!" the Tallest said together. GIR shook his head, and took the dog hood down. Somehow, without it, he noticed again the Almighty Tallest had tacos.  
  
"Why you got tacos?" he asked, "Tallest no got tacos!"  
  
"Yes we do!" the red Tallest said, "These are Space Tacos. The latest Irken thing-"  
  
"You took inspiration from food from my planet!" Zim gasped, "Oh, my Tallest, this is an HONOUR!"  
  
Red and Purple looked at each other.  
  
"Yeah . that's what we did . " Purple said, averting his eyes.  
  
"TACOOS! I NEEEEEED TACOOOS!" GIR yelled, "PLEASE! Please, send me the tacos. I need them to liiiive . "  
  
"You don't live, you're a Slave Bot!" Red Tallest scorned.  
  
"NO I AMN'T!" GIR argued.  
  
"Yes you are!" Red shouted again.  
  
"NO I AMN'T!"  
  
"Yes you are!"  
  
"NO I AMN'T!"  
  
"YES YOU ARE!"  
  
"So . " Zim said to Purple.  
  
"Yup . " Purple replied.  
  
"So my mission is to seek dictionaries until Wednelsdee?" Zim asked.  
  
"Isn't it Wednelsdoo?" Purple asked.  
  
"No. Dee."  
  
"Ah. Okay. Gotcha, Zim."  
  
Zim nodded.  
  
"So . how's the Dig thing? Have you killed it yet?" Purple asked.  
  
"Dig? DIB! No, no, I'm working on it. He's the only one who can stop me . he must be destroyed. Yes, DESTROYED! THEN ZIM WILL SMILE! SMILE!"  
  
"This is why we think you're insane, Zim," Purple said, a little scared at Zim's outburst, "Uh - cool."  
  
"Thank you, my Tallest."  
  
Zim and Purple looked to Red and GIR, who were still contradicting each other.  
  
"Ok. Um, Red? Can you kinda . uh . shut that thing up?"  
  
"NO WAY HOSEEPOOP!" GIR shrieked, "Not till GIR get tacos!"  
  
"Can't you get tacos on Earth?" Red asked.  
  
"Not space tacooos!" GIR moaned, "PLEASE THANK YOU!"  
  
"Go get your own tacos! These are my tacos!"  
  
"NO THEY NOT!"  
  
"YES THEY ARE!"  
  
"Woah, woah, woah. Not going through the contradicting thing again. Zim, we have to go eat tacos. See ya!" Purple interrupted, and the screen signed off.  
  
"NO THEY NOT!" GIR screamed at the blank screen. Zim raised his eyebrow again, and ignored GIR.  
  
"Well, that was weird," he said.  
  
"NO THEY NOT!" GIR cried, still looking at the screen like he was still arguing with Red on it.  
  
"Uh - GIR? They're gone."  
  
"NO THEY NOT!"  
  
"Yes, they are."  
  
"NO THEY NOT!"  
  
"YES THEY ARE!"  
  
"NO THEY NOT!"  
  
"YES THEY ARE!"  
  
"NO THEY NOT!"  
  
"YES THEY ARE!"  
  
"NO THEY - finished!"  
  
Zim stormed over to GIR and grabbed him by the hanging down hood of his green dog costume.  
  
"I TELL YOU WHEN WE HAVE FINISHED CONTRADICTING EACH OTHER, alright GIR?" Zim said, softening when he saw GIR's face fall sad, "What's wrong?"  
  
"I want-ed the tacos! I want-ed them!" GIR shrieked, and nestled into Zim's shoulder. Zim let go of the hood, but still GIR clung on.  
  
"I want-ed-ed them, even! Sooooo much . but now they all gone!"  
  
"Ah, but the tacos are named after you, GIR. So everyone back on Irk eating them will think of you and how you brought them the tacos."  
  
GIR blinked.  
  
"GIR Tacos?" he asked.  
  
"No . Space Tacos. Close, huh?" Zim replied.  
  
"I DON'T CARE IF THEY CALLED GIR TACOS! I don't want da Irkens to eat tacos I want! They my tacos! THEY MY TACOOOOOOS!"  
  
GIR had to stop screaming "TACOOOOOOOOOS!" because he ran out of breath.  
  
"Hang on, you don't breathe!" Zim cried.  
  
"TACOOOO - oh yeahhhh!" GIR remembered, and instead began to dance. Zim shook his head in disgust and walked past his robot servant. He left the base and put his feet up on the sofa again, getting his leg things out of his pak. They picked up the dictionary and plopped it on Zim's knee. He decided to look up a few random words.  
  
"Hmmm . alien: a. 1. foreigner. 2. different in nature 3. repugnant - n. 4. foreigner - alienability . huh?" Zim read allowed, and gave up on that one.  
  
"Ok . parboil: vt. Boil until partly cooked. Fine . dictionaries stink."  
  
Zim tried to pick up the dictionary and throw it away, but it was too heavy, so he pushed it off with all his mighty Irken . might. It landed with a squeak, which could only mean .  
  
"YAY!" GIR screamed, "Crappy booky landed on meeee!"  
  
Zim looked at GIR, then looked up.  
  
"Computer!" he snapped.  
  
"Whaaat?" the Computer whined.  
  
"Define "crappy"." Zim ordered. The computer sighed.  
  
"Look it up in the dictionary, Zim!" the Computer said.  
  
"NO! It bores me. And I'm already too bored. Too bored . TELL ME! TELL ZIM OR WRATH!"  
  
"Oh, alright, alright. But only if you pretty promise to leave me alone after that."  
  
"Pretty promise."  
  
"OK. Crap: Gambling game played with two dice also known as craps."  
  
The Computer switched off with a sigh of relief.  
  
"GIR!" Zim yelled, "Have you been gambling?"  
  
"No . " GIR said innocently, "I meant crappy poo poo!"  
  
"Juice?"  
  
"NO! Different crap."  
  
"OK. I'm going to leave this now. COMPUTER!"  
  
A groan came from wherever the Computer was in the house.  
  
"Whhhaaaaaat?" it groaned.  
  
"What do humans do for fun? I'm bored. So very bored . I need . I need . "  
  
"A life?" the Computer suggested helpfully.  
  
"NO! I am surging with life . I need inspiration for my horrible hideous plans . tell me now!" Zim ordered.  
  
"Well, some humans play with toys . " the Computer said.  
  
"Uh - huh?" Zim urged.  
  
"And others go clubbing . "  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Other humans eat . "  
  
"I EAT!" GIR shrieked, "I EAT TACOOOOS! The Tallest stole my tacos! The Tallest are bad!"  
  
"Others drink alcohol, go out, make friends, read books, write pointless stories about cartoon characters, listen to music - " the Computer continued.  
  
"GIR! NEVER EVER - Computer. What was that thing you just skimmed over?" Zim demanded, half way through telling GIR off.  
  
"What?" the Computer queried, now seriously bored.  
  
"Muse-ik. What is it? Define! Define it now . " Zim said in a very low voice.  
  
"Music. Music is an art form using melodious and harmonious combination of notes-"  
  
"Like the Doom Song?" GIR interrupted.  
  
"No. I said harmonious and melodious," the Computer sneered. Zim tutted.  
  
"I must find out more about this-" Zim pondered aloud, onto something.  
  
"WHAT ABOUT ELEVATOR MUSIC?" GIR screeched, "Ya know, doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo bing bong!"  
  
"What is the best music? Where can I find it?" Zim asked of the Computer.  
  
"If I give you examples, will you PLEASE leave me alone?" the Computer bargained.  
  
"Ok. I promise. Pretty pretty promise," Zim said honestly. To be serious, the Computer was boring him too. He needed a remedy - and fast.  
  
"Right. Jazz," the Computer played a piece of Jazz music, and Zim turned up his nose, "How 'bout . classical?" The Computer played a piece of Bach.  
  
"It's purr-dy!" GIR soothed, but Zim shook his head.  
  
"No, no, it is too feeble! Give me more . " Zim said.  
  
"Popular Music, known as Pop," the Computer said, and played some Britney Spears music, "Mmmmm, Britney Spears." The music blared "Hit me Baby One More -"  
  
"AAAAARRGGHHH!" Zim yelled, "THE PAIN! THE PAINN! TURN IT OFF . please . turn it off . have mercy."  
  
GIR giggled and began to dance like one of Britney Spears' minions. The Computer was enjoying watching Zim writhing on the ground in agony, but GIR was beginning to scare him.  
  
"Maybe music isn't for me," Zim pondered, once the terrible influence had risen, "Maybe I will just have to read - "  
  
"NO!" The Computer shrieked, "No, one more type! Try Rock!"  
  
"No, I really don't think -" Zim started, but faltered once the Computer began to play a piece of Nirvana, Smells Like Teen Spirit, of course, "Wait . what is that?"  
  
"Rock Band name : Nirvana. Lead singer and guitarist : Kurt Cobain. Drums and vocals . "  
  
"Kurt Cobain," Zim said, as if he had just seen a girl in the street and liked her, and had just learned her name, "Cobain Kurt. What race is he?"  
  
"Human. Can I go now?" The Computer pleaded. Zim nodded, and only the quiet sound of Nirvana was heard. GIR stood up and looked at the ceiling in awe.  
  
"It's reeeallly purr-dy!" he cooed. Zim did his look thing.  
  
"What is, GIR? The music or the ceiling?" he asked, hands on his hips. GIR broke down and began crying on his knees.  
  
"DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE!" he screamed desperately, "DON'T MAKE ME CHOOOOOOSE!!!! I don't knnoooowww! I'm just a little penguin!"  
  
Zim could only smile grimly.  
  
"Yes, GIR," he agreed, "Now, we must find out more about this Kurt Cobain. Computer!"  
  
"GO AWAY!" the Computer cried, "Ask a human! Nirvana was a big band in its time!"  
  
"In its time?" Zim said softly, "It's gone?"  
  
"Bands don't last forever, Zim," the Computer said, "Especially when-"  
  
"NO! I must discover. Do not disturb me again, Computer! I've had enough of your babbling all day! Now, I must go out and find stuff! Come GIR!" Zim cried, and grabbed his contact lenses and wig, storming out of the house. GIR pulled up and followed him out, humming a mixture between Britney Spears and elevator music (not that there's much difference anyway).  
  
At the music shop Zim found, entitled "MUSIC STUFF 4 U", Zim walked up to the shop assistant, a small, shrunken woman with a fat belly.  
  
"CHUBBY LADY!" shrieked GIR, and Zim send him off to a listening booth so he could dance to Britney Spears (why GIR, why???).  
  
"Excuse me, chubby Earth servling," Zim began, "I wonder if you could be so graciousful as to tell me about Nurt O'Jane."  
  
The woman looked at him strangely. Zim hated being specific, but he felt now was a good time.  
  
"He was in Firvada," he added. The woman tilted her head, then laughed.  
  
"You mean Nirvana?" she asked.  
  
"What? Oh - uh - YES! Yes, THAT'S IT!" Zim cried, "Nurt O'Jane!"  
  
"Kurt Cobain," the woman corrected.  
  
"YOU DARE QUESTION ZIM?'' Zim yelled, ''Well, Ok, fine, Jurt Fobean, whatever."  
  
"Kurt Cobain."  
  
"YOU DARE CALL ME A CUR?"  
  
"No . I said Kurt Cobain."  
  
"I know you did! I know!"  
  
"Ok then!"  
  
"OK! What happened? Why does he not play in the band I have grown to love over so many years any longer? Did his mother take him to live on Irk?"  
  
"Uhhh . no. He died."  
  
"His hair?"  
  
"No. As in suicide?"  
  
"Sue - iss - ide."  
  
"Suicide."  
  
"Computer! Define "suicide"."  
  
''I'm not a computer ! I'm a sales assistant!"  
  
"Yes, yes, magical. Now tell me! Tell me now . "  
  
"Well, Kurt Cobain killed himself."  
  
"In a desperate attempt to hide the fact he was Irken?"  
  
"What's with all this Irken stuff? Where are you from anyway?"  
  
"I'm from the ceiling!" GIR's happy voice chirped, "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman!"  
  
Zim's eyes widened in horror, and kicked GIR back.  
  
"Don't kick me, I'm a perfect little teeny-bopper!" GIR yelled.  
  
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SLAVE BOT?" Zim demanded of the sales assistant.  
  
"Well, he's obviously been listening to Britney Spears. It does that to quite a lot of people. Try to keep him restrained, he may try to find his way to Justin Timberlake." The sales assistant warned.  
  
"WHY JUSTIN WHY???" GIR screamed, "I love-ed you!!"  
  
"WHAT'S THE CURE?" Zim cried, "I'll give you anything! PLEASE!"  
  
"Give it a couple of hours. He should realise he's done wrong and spank himself later." The sales lady told Zim. He relaxed.  
  
"Okay. Back to Kurt O'Bane-"  
  
"Nearly. Cobain."  
  
"OK. Thanks. So - why did he self-destruct?"  
  
"It was ages ago!"  
  
"When you were an Earth larva?"  
  
"No. Unemployed."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"It was 1994. Nine years ago. He shot himself in the head. He was drugged up to the eyebrows too. Some say it was murder -"  
  
"ZIM WILL AVENGE!"  
  
"That's just a theory, little more than a rumour . "  
  
"ZIM WILL AVENGE!"  
  
"Okay, whatever. I got customers to serve."  
  
"Thank you information dispensing Earth beast. You will not be forgotten in my oncoming mountain of destruction. I will spare your life and you will spend the rest of it working as a slave! Fare thee well!" Zim poured, then strolled out, dragging GIR with him.  
  
"BYE CHUBBY LADY!" the demented SIR unit shrieked, "Hit me baby -"  
  
Zim hit him.  
  
Once at home, Zim listened to Nirvana and heard Kurt Cobain singing.  
  
"Why do the good ones die?" he asked GIR.  
  
"I really don't." he replied.  
  
"Don't what?"  
  
"Reap fields! Wheeeeeeeeheehee!"  
  
"O .. K ... "  
  
"REMEMBER THE SHEEPIES! REMEMBER THE SHEEPIES!"  
  
"Ok, GIR. Calm down. You're delusional. You need to-"  
  
"SNORE! OK! Oink wiggle wiggle snarf!"  
  
"Fine. I never knew there was a human that was so -"  
  
"Alive?" GIR suggested helpfully.  
  
"No, GIR. He's dead."  
  
"Awwwww, let's go eat tacos."  
  
"No, GIR. I have to ponder on why there is a human I don't hate."  
  
"Can we please go out and buy tacos?"  
  
"Ok, ok. If you let me think afterwards."  
  
"No."  
  
"OK. Whatever. Dog suit now, GIR."  
  
On their usual route to the Crazy Taco restaurant, Zim passed Dib's house. He couldn't see Dib, but Gaz was out in the garden playing her GameSlave. As Zim looked at her, he wondered why he didn't feel a surge of hate cascading through his bones like he normally did.  
  
He looked more closely at her, but there was no seething hate.  
  
"Something's not right, GIR," he said, "That Dib monkey's sibling is up to something . I just know it."  
  
Gaz continued to play her GameSlave.  
  
"Maybe she ate a puppy," GIR suggested, "C'mon! Tacos are cold!"  
  
Zim shook the uneasy feeling from his head and tore his eyes from Gaz who hadn't looked up, even though Zim had stopped and was very unsubtlely staring at her. He picked his head up and clenched GIR's lead, walking ever onwards to the Taco shop.  
  
He missed the keen eyes watching from the inside window.  
  
A/N : Not much Gaz or Dib, but it'll be a Dib chapter up next. It was a fun one to write, no more GIR singing Britney Spears, I promise . mwu ha. I like watching you all writhe. WRITHE! Mwu-ha.  
  
Next chapter : Dib wonders what the hell Zim was doing and needs to act out his plan quickly before something happens. NOT TELLING WHAT IT IS! Mwu-ha.  
  
Also, Gaz isn't talking to Dib, and talks to Zim when he walks past her house .. Dib ain't a happy bunny wunny all tha day. STAY TUNED PPL! AND REVIEW!  
  
Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. Please? Pretty please? Pretty pretty please maybe?  
  
PLEASE!  
  
Review. 


	5. Two Masterplans, Same Thing

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Hey peeplets. Fourth chapter up now. WOO! I'm on a roll. How many chapters have I put up? Loads! Woo! I rock! Hee. Read on and please review cos I like reading them . Oh, and hey! Person asking if this is a Zim/Gaz romance in the review, you'll just have to read on and find out . but I think I've maybe made that a little obvious??? Duh . You gotta problem you no read this thang, k man? No offence like, but I'm just experimenting with it. I can assure you, this story is NOT SAPPY. Ok? Ok. Cool.  
  
- Chapter Four - Two masterplans, same thing -  
  
The next morning, Dib was in a bad mood. Zim had LOOKED at his sister. Maybe Zim didn't realise it, but maybe living on Earth had had some kind of effect on him, and had just randomly had to stop and stare at a human. Maybe he was planning on killing Gaz, or fusing some kind of gopher - creature onto her head. Maybe .  
  
Dib shook his head. Zim wouldn't dare, everyone was scared of Gaz. Or maybe he thought Gaz would be the key to Dib? Could it all be part of a big tangled plot in which Zim had trapped Gaz, or was planning to? Dib's masterplan would have to be carried out quickly.  
  
Dib ran over to the locked chest with the voice recognition lock, and it swung open, whacking Dib in the head. He cursed, and bent over to take out the blueprints that held the key to his cunning plan. He looked at them, his pointy hair defying gravity and stayed pointing upwards when logic says it should tilt over.  
  
Dib took them out and sat on his bed. The first one was a design for a cage that could be placed in Dib's room so he could keep an eye on Zim, and his father would never know, he never came into his room. Dib turned to the next one, which was a print of how to get Zim to reveal himself, and a gas that would disable him to break out of it. The design was perfect.  
  
But there had to be a plan. Zim wasn't going to simply walk up to Dib's room and agree to walk into a glass box in the corner of the room. He had to have bait, and to do that, he would have to discover Zim's weakness .  
  
The Almighty Tallest finished their juice with a slurp, and sent the servant off to get more for them. Red bit into a Space Taco, relishing the fact that they were his and not Zim's stupid robot's.  
  
"Y'know, maybe we should have given Zim a malfunctioning robot," he thought aloud, jerking Purple's head, "It would have destroyed Zim."  
  
"Are you saying that crazy taco - obsessed thing isn't malfunctioning?" Purple asked.  
  
"I mean malfunctioning as in turn-on-master crazy." Red corrected.  
  
"Yeah, I know what you mean."  
  
"Anyway, we got the tacos."  
  
"But are they as good as Earth's, d'you think?"  
  
"Who cares?"  
  
"Nyuh."  
  
The servant brought another couple of drinks, and again the Tallest drained them, putting the empty glasses on the tray and sending him off again.  
  
"Now," Purple began.  
  
"What?" Red asked.  
  
"I'm bored. Can we destroy something?" Purple whined.  
  
"But you blew up a solar system yesterday!" Red said, and Purple's head drooped.  
  
"Please?" he asked sweety, putting on his pathetic face.  
  
"Not with the face! And no, you can't. Destroy a planet or something instead."  
  
"AWW!"  
  
"Hey, why don't we think up a plan to destroy Zim? That's always fun." Red suggested helpfully.  
  
"Yeah but they never work! Zim always gets away somehow . maybe he's not as stupid . "  
  
"DON'T SAY IT! DON'T!"  
  
"Okay. Sorry." Purple apologised, and hung his head in shame.  
  
"We could always play with lasers . "Red said quietly. Purple didn't hear him.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"Lasers?" Red said, this time he put on "the face" himself.  
  
Purple shivered. It was always very painful when Red wanted to play with lasers. He shook his head frantically, making Red laugh. The tiny Irken that came again with the drinks saw Purple shaking his head and thought he was having a fit.  
  
"I'll save you, my Tallest!" he cried nobly, thinking he might be promoted. He threw the drinks over the head and at once Red's face turned to horror.  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha - aaaargh!'' Red shrieked and picked up the Irken, throwing him across the room, "What did you do that for, midget?"  
  
The tiny Irken stood up shakily.  
  
"I was . trying to save him, My Lord."  
  
"YOU WASTED JUICE!" Red roared.  
  
Purple stood behind him, trying to drink the remains of the juice that was all over him.  
  
"I - I'm sorry, Sir!"  
  
"BOW DOWN WHEN I'M YELLING AT YOU!"  
  
"Yes, Sir!" the Irken bowed down. Red's face was quite scary, "Perhaps you want some lasers to cheer Your Tallness up?"  
  
He saw Red's face flicker with temptation, but Purple began shaking his head again, and Red turned angry once more.  
  
"You wasted juice," Red told him, "You wasted juice! GET ME MORE JUICE! Then I'll think about sparing your miserably small life."  
  
"Y - yes, Sirs!" the servant stammered, and stumbled out of the room.  
  
Red sat down on a chair, trying to calm down.  
  
"Look, you'll get more juice in a minute . just hold on a little longer . " Purple begged, "I'm not ready for you to go yet!"  
  
"What I really neeeed . "Red whinged.  
  
"No lasers, Red," Purple warned.  
  
"Ok . can we destroy Zim then?"  
  
"Oh all RIGHT! Jeez . "  
  
"Yay! We need a plan . "  
  
Red motioned for Purple to sit down.  
  
"Now, I have to visit my Grandma on Planet Moriara shortly, as you know. You're still coming with me, right?" he said. Purple nodded his head.  
  
"Of course!" he cried, "I love your Grandma!"  
  
"Right. Now, if we can take something Zim treasures to Planet Moriara and put it in say a cage until Zim gets there, and then we put him in there instead, and voila! We have the biggest threat to the Irken race trapped like a fish in a net!"  
  
"Cool," Purple enthused, "But does Zim have a weakness?"  
  
"Sure he does!" Red assured him, "Everything has a weakness, except us, of course . WHEN'S MY JUICE COMING? All we have to do is find out WHAT Zim's weakness is, and take it, so he'll go to find it again!"  
  
"What about that robot thing?"  
  
"That might work, but it would drive us crazy. No, I think we need to do something a little more devious and evil than that. It's too obvious. We have to find something he cares for but hates caring for, which means he'll have absolutely no choice but to come after it, something he couldn't possibly suspect we would want. He doesn't know we hate him. Now, what about . "  
  
"A human?" Purple suggested, cottoning on, "He'd hate to care for a human! But he always says he hates them . what human could he possibly care for?"  
  
"Maybe it's time we got to know Zim a little better . " Red said evilly, and began to chuckle. He threw his arms back in a huge cackle, and the servant that had brought lots of juice was thrown back, spilling it all.  
  
We'll leave that scene there . but lets just say Red needed a lot of laser therapy to get over it .  
  
Dib's plan was settled, he just needed bait to trap Zim. What could an evil alien from one of the largest and most powerful races possibly care for? Dib thought of GIR, and shook his head. Zim could easily enough get GIR back by calling him, plus he would drive Dib crazy if that stupid robot was there.  
  
He went downstairs, walking urgently, and saw Gaz ready to go out.  
  
"Gaz?" Dib said, "You're going out?"  
  
Gaz turned round and glared at him. Dib flinched. Gaz was scary, alright, and Dib remembered Gaz hadn't spoken him since she went on the huff on the roof.  
  
"Yeah," she said coldly, "So?"  
  
"Nothing," Dib said defensively, "It's just you don't normally-"  
  
"Well maybe I'm going to make friends, considering I'm all alone!" Gaz told him snidely, and stormed out of the door, again leaving evil demon smoke behind her.  
  
"Sheesh!" Dib said to himself, then thought he should follow her, he had to make sure she wasn't getting herself into any kind of trouble.  
  
Dib walked along the road slowly, dragging his feet hidden deep inside his black boots. Most of what he wore was black, except for the T-Shirt he always wore with the slightly deluded face that described Dib so well.  
  
"Why should I care if Gaz runs into trouble?" Dib thought bitterly, "She's never shown anything remotely respectful to me!" He kicked a stone, which skidded in the direction of Zim's house. It was then that Dib had an idea to spy on Zim instead of looking for Gaz. She could look after herself, she had sharp teeth.  
  
When he reached Zim's house, the sight of what was going on at Zim's threshold made him cry out in horror.  
  
"I love this show . " GIR moaned happily, staring at the blank TV screen, while Zim played Nirvana non-stop.  
  
"I just don't understand why I almost - like - this human, GIR. It's something Irkens aren't supposed to do . I think. I mean, as a smeet, I was always treated like the insignificant Irk Worm Baby I was. I'm confused by it all, GIR. How can it be?" Zim asked his robot, who got up and walked over.  
  
"Awwww don't worry you'll find a new puppy," he assured him. Zim glared at GIR and shook the robot hand off his shoulder.  
  
"Yes, GIR. I will get a new puppy if you don't - hey! Computer!" Zim added, when he heard a familiar ringing.  
  
"What is it?" the Computer said, "You said you'd leave me alone!"  
  
"That was yesterday! Now what is that infernal ringing?"  
  
"That's your doorbell, Zim."  
  
"CALL ME SIR!"  
  
"No."  
  
"GO AWAY! Doorbell . where do I recognise . a door at a bell . a bell at a door . aaargh! The doorbell! I do not wish to be abducted again!" Zim cried, and turned to ignore the bell.  
  
Of course, the hyper-active robot zoomed to the door and whipped it open.  
  
"Heeellooooo," GIR greeted, "My name's Fred, but you can call me Mary!"  
  
"GIR!" Zim snapped, walking cautiously over to the door, "Did you answer the belldoor?"  
  
"I don't know!" GIR replied, and walked off, bored. He plopped himself in front of the blank TV, "I love this show."  
  
Zim approached the door, and looked at the visitor.  
  
"DIB MONKEY SIBLING!" he screamed, "What do you want?"  
  
Gaz opened an eye in mockery as she judged Zim.  
  
"Well, I came to say hi, but I'll go if you want," she shrugged, making no move to leave. They stood awkwardly.  
  
"Yes, yes that's what I want!" Zim cried, "For you to leave, terrifying Dib- sister! LEAVE!"  
  
"Okay," Gaz said, again making no move to leave.  
  
Zim blinked.  
  
"I thought you were leaving," Zim said blankly.  
  
"Yeah. Funny how things work out," Gaz replied.  
  
"So, what do you want?"  
  
"I'm not sure, exactly. What do you want?"  
  
"Why don't I hate you anymore?" Zim asked her. Gaz closed the eye and opened the other one instead.  
  
"Well, I don't know. Maybe you got used to me. Like you got used to Dib?" Gaz suggested.  
  
"No, no. I hate your Dib-Stink."  
  
"Oh. Right. Well, so do I, I guess."  
  
"Why? He is one of your owwwn . "  
  
"So?"  
  
"I don't know. It's just no one on our planet hates one another. Except how I hated Tak, and Tak hated me for some reason, but I can't imagine why."  
  
"Was that the weenie thing?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Ok. Just checking."  
  
Another awkward silence, and Zim looked at Gaz hard.  
  
"What are you doing?" Gaz asked, feeling a little uneasy.  
  
"Trying to figure out why I don't hate you anymore," Zim said, a slight waver in his voice.  
  
"Oh right. Could you maybe . um . do that without me here?" Gaz asked.  
  
GIR waddled up to Gaz and grinned at her in his green dog suit thing.  
  
"I love you," he said, and Gaz looked very uncomfortable.  
  
'Was she showing emotion?' Zim thought, 'I have never known the Dib-Stink's sibling to show emotion.'  
  
"Do you have Chicken Legs?" GIR asked Zim. Zim shook his head, and GIR walked away with a sad look on his face.  
  
"So, you don't hate me, huh?" Gaz said.  
  
"No, don't think so. I'm just trying to figure out why, but my Computer isn't speaking to me. I want to know why . I want to know now . "  
  
"GAZ!" a random cry came from the end of the garden, "GAZ! Get away from him!"  
  
Suddenly, Dib emerged from the bushes, a hostile look on his face. Zim readied himself and leapt out of the door in front of Gaz who was holding a can of juice.  
  
"What do you want, Dib-Stink?" Zim demanded, his feet wide apart and a burrowed frown.  
  
"I want to know what you're doing with my sister!" Dib cried, pointing at Zim. They were a couple of feet apart, and they were almost snarling. Any more hate and they'd be pouncing on each other. It looked like that might happen if they were left to stand there.  
  
"I'm figuring out why I don't hate - AAAARGGGHHH! IT BURNS!!!" Zim shrieked, rolling on the ground in agony. Dib looked at him weirdly, then looked at Gaz, who had sprayed the juice on Zim.  
  
"Good going, Gaz!" Dib cried, "That was really - AAAARGHHH!"  
  
Gaz chuckled and walked among the two writhing bodies in the grass, and grabbed Dib by the neck of his trench coat, dragging him home while he was screaming.  
  
By the time Zim had recovered, Gaz and Dib were long out of sight, and Zim stood up.  
  
He went back inside the house to find GIR with his hood up and a stick with a napkin full of stuff inside it, like people about to run away did. Zim looked at GIR quizzically.  
  
"Where are YOU going?" Zim asked. GIR ignored him and walked to the door.  
  
"Faaaaaar away!" GIR cried.  
  
"Far away? You're leaving? Why?" Zim gasped.  
  
"I don't know!" GIR said happily, "Master has a new friend so GIR going away to find his real master, the taco man!"  
  
"GIR, there is no taco man. And I am your only master! GIR! You're my slave bot, and I am ORDERING YOU to get back here now!"  
  
"Nooooo thank you!" GIR said finally, and ran off, squeaking as he went.  
  
"FINE! I don't need you anyway. Useless piece of machinery. I think I'll ask the Tallest for a new one. Yes . a new one. But not just yet, I'll wait and see if GIR comes back first." Zim told himself, closing the door.  
  
GIR didn't come back that night, and for the first time since Irk, Zim was alone.  
  
A/N: What did you think???? Review! WOO!  
  
Right . next chapter is called Irken likes Demon Child Thing, which basically means that the Computer says Zim 'likes' Gaz, and our little Irken finds it impossible.  
  
He thinks the only way is to figure out Gaz's 'spell' she put on him. GUESS WHAT HE DOES! Also, describes GIR's new home. It's gonna be cool, ppl. READ AND REVIEW! 


	6. Irken 'likes' Demon Child Thingy

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Righty ho children. Fifth chapter (sixth if you count prologue) ok? Getting there .  
  
- Chapter Five - Irken 'likes' Demon Child Thing -  
  
Zim paced back and forth in the main screen room, trying to get a little conversation out of his Computer since GIR had not yet returned.  
  
"He'll come crawling back, I know he will," Zim told the Computer, who sounded very depressed.  
  
"Yes, Zim," it said.  
  
"I TOLD YOU TO CALL ME SIR!" Zim bellowed.  
  
"Oh what-ever! Oh my God, you are like, so boring!" the Computer whined, and Zim gave it a look.  
  
"Don't look at me like that!" the Computer cried, "It's not my fault I'm snidy!"  
  
"I just don't understand it . " Zim said, ignoring the Computer completely, "Why do I not hate the Gaz creature any more?"  
  
The Computer grumbled itself for a few seconds, then answered,  
  
"Maybe you like her, it, whatever," it suggested.  
  
"Like?" Zim snorted, "As in - not detest? I've never done that in my whole life. How can I "like" something now? Tell me . tell me the answer . NOW!"  
  
"I don't mean like as in "I like tacos" like," the Computer explained, "I mean "like like", as in, y'know, like!"  
  
"I'm confused," Zim said, "Can you go through that again?"  
  
The Computer obliged, but Zim was no closer. The Irken sighed.  
  
"If only GIR were here. He would know what to do . " Zim said sadly.  
  
"Uhh . are we talking about the same robot here?" the Computer asked, "GIR would say something like "Can we go and play with the Piggies now?" or something-"  
  
"DON'T REMIND ME OF HIM!" Zim moaned, "Now tell me what like I do not hate this Gaz in,"  
  
"You know, you LIKE her!" the Computer said.  
  
Zim sighed. This may take a while.  
  
GIR skipped along in the middle of the road singing the Doom Song. He had been skipping some time now, and he wondered why all the cars were beeping. He figured they were greeting him.  
  
"Heeeelllooooooo!" he replied chirpily, "I got no master now!"  
  
When the cars didn't reply, he shrugged and carried on skipping happily, until he came off the roads and away from the cars and into a lot of grass.  
  
"Heeeelllooooooo!" he said to the grass, equally as chirpily, but likewise, the grass did not reply! GIR shook his head.  
  
"Cars and grass like master!" GIR said aloud to himself, "Master always never said nothing when I said "HIIIIII!"  
  
GIR now closed his eyes and kept skipping through the grass, until he bumped into something hard, and GIR fell onto his back. He opened his eyes.  
  
"I SAID NO MORE DISHES!" GIR screamed randomly, and hopped onto his feet to inspect what he had bumped into.  
  
"PUPPY!" he shrieked in delight, when in fact it was a farm house, he had skipped his way through a field and onto a farm. GIR ran forwards and bumped on the door continuously until someone opened the door and GIR ran right through and into the wall on the opposite side of the room.  
  
He spun around and looked at the two humans watching him oddly.  
  
"Heeeeelllooooooo!" he repeated, and the reaction was quite different.  
  
"A talking dog?" one said.  
  
"A talking green dog!" the other said.  
  
"CHUBBY LADY!" GIR screamed at the man. The man looked at his wife.  
  
"I think he means you, dear," he told her as kindly as possible. The woman scowled at her husband and bent down to speak to GIR.  
  
"Hello, talking green dog," she said quietly.  
  
"GOT TACOS?" GIR squealed, "I WANNA TACO!"  
  
"Sorry, doggie. We only got Shepherds Pie," the woman said apologetically.  
  
"WAZZAT?" GIR demanded, "Izzat Irkin?"  
  
"I don't know what you mean, but I don't think so," the man cut in, "Not unless what my wife says is Shepherd's Pie is something else."  
  
The woman hit the man, and the man hit her back, and soon there was a big fight going on, and GIR felt left out and jumped on the man's head.  
  
"YAAAYYYY!" he screamed, "CHUBBY LADY!"  
  
The man stopped and took GIR off his head, holding him under his arms so they stuck out horizontally.  
  
"I love this show . " GIR said happily. The man looked over to his wife suspiciously.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, doggy," the man dismissed, "Now my name is Sim, and this is my wife, Kel."  
  
"YOU NO ZIM!" GIR shrieked.  
  
"No . " Sim agreed, "I'm Sim."  
  
"NO ZIM!"  
  
"No . Sim."  
  
"You know Zim?"  
  
"No. I'm a stereotyped farmer. I only know my wife and sheep. Oh, and my dog. SHEEP!" Sim whistled, and a border collie bounded through the door at dramatic speed.  
  
Sim dropped GIR to the ground, who ran over to Sheep the dog and hugged his front leg.  
  
"He's got chicken legs . " GIR said in wonder.  
  
"Um . " Kel added, attempting to pry GIR's arms from Sheep's leg. He had a good grip, though, "C'mon doggy,"  
  
"CHICKEN LEG!" GIR screeched, making Kel instinctively reach up and cover her ears.  
  
"O . K . " Sim said, "Let's leave them to get acquainted. Sheep, don't eat . whatever that thing's name is."  
  
"What's your name, little talking green doggy?" Kel asked GIR, who looked at her blankly, before screeching,  
  
"TEQUITO!" then shutting up again with the same blank expression as if he had neve said it.  
  
"Ok Tequito. We'll leave you to it."  
  
GIR hugged Sheep's leg again, he was glad he was now called Tequito.  
  
"Computer, I HAVE to figure out what to do, or else I won't . do it!" Zim pained. He had been going on for the past three hours about how he could possibly not hate a human (that wasn't Kurt Cobain, of course) and quite frankly the Computer was getting very depressed.  
  
"Look, why don't you just destroy her, then you'll have nothing to not hate!" the Computer suggested, praying Zim would shut up.  
  
"No, no, the spell will still be there . " Zim muttered.  
  
"Spell?" the Computer whined, "Where does a spell come into any of this?"  
  
"She's a witch!" Zim finalised, "A WITCH OF DOOOOM!"  
  
"Right . "  
  
"But not for long, as I will destroy her with my AUNTIE WITCH RAY! I mean . Anti-Witch Ray . RIGHT! YES! Ingenious!"  
  
"And just - how - do you propose to do that?"  
  
Zim gave the Computer a funny look and said,  
  
"I think you know."  
  
"No, no I don't. Tell me if you want, I really, REALLY don't care," the Computer enthused greatly.  
  
"Oh, all RIGHT! My plan is to kidnap the Gaz and hold her in my base until she tells me how to break the spell that is holding me . and then I will ANNIHIALATE HER within an inch of her life, and then throw her off a tree!"  
  
"Okay . " the Computer allowed, "But when you annihialate someone, normally that means you reduce to nothing or utterly destroy the subject, in other words kill them dead. So . if you annihilated her, she would be dead, not an inch of her life dead."  
  
Zim tutted irritably, "Very well, very well, I shall bargain with the Dib- Stink for her life, and if he refuses my DEMANDS, I'll throw her off a tree anyway."  
  
"What's with the throwing off the tree thing?" the Computer queried.  
  
"DO NOT QUESTION ZIIIM!" Zim said.  
  
"Okay! Okay! Go do it then . before the spell kicks in too much and you'll be reduced to nothingness!" the Computer joked. Zim panicked.  
  
"What - what, you really think that'll happen?" he stammered.  
  
"Suuure, why not?"  
  
"I'LL GO NOW! GIR! Get my contacts and wig! GIR? GIR! Oh, yeah. RIGHT!"  
  
Zim collected his needs and stormed out of the house, with only half a plan. He would figure out how to get the Gaz without Dib noticing when he got there .  
  
Zim sneaked up on the house silently, his ears keen and eyes quick. If it was one advantage being Irken, it was that he was fast physically, if a little slow mentally.  
  
He crept past the fence and into the garden, which was empty. He crept to a window and peered inside stealthily. Everything was clear from what he could see, so he slipped round to the door and whipped it open and closed faster than . it would normally have been opened and closed.  
  
He hid under the kitchen table ever so sneakily, and whipped out and into the living room, where Dib was watching Mysterious Mysteries. He ducked down and slithered along the floor to where Gaz was at the end of the room playing her GameSlave.  
  
He used his robotic arms to come out of his pak and grab Gaz so she face outwards. He crawled back along the floor and ran for his life out of the house, Gaz still playing her GameSlave like nothing had happened.  
  
They reached the house safetly, and Zim carried Gaz downstairs into the base and the suspended holding cage he had installed "just in case" he had to accommodate a specimen. He put Gaz in that and it swung slightly under the new weight.  
  
Zim got his hovering disc thing and floated up to meet Gaz in the eyes. He used a robotic arm to take her GameSlave from her as he was too scared to do it himself. Gaz screamed in fury and banged her fists against the bars.  
  
"Silence, banshee!" Zim exclaimed, and Gaz surprisingly shut up.  
  
"Just give me the GameSlave back now and I will harm you as little as possible, Zim," she said softly. Zim pondered, but shook his head.  
  
"I'm afraid you do not understand-" he said,  
  
"GIVE ME THE GAMESLAVE!" Gaz yelled.  
  
"I'm afraid you do not understand-" he said again.  
  
"GIVE ME THE GAMESLAVE!" Gaz yelled again.  
  
"I'm afraid you do not understand-" he said yet again.  
  
"GIVE ME THE GAMESLAVE!" Gaz yelled yet again.  
  
"I'm afraid you do not understand-" he said still.  
  
"GIVE ME THE GAMESLAVE!" Gaz yelled still.  
  
Out of Zim's pak shot an arm, which laid itself across Gaz's mouth so she couldn't speak. Her eyes popped open with fury and Zim felt himself shudder, but still not hate.  
  
"I'm afraid you do not understand the situation, sibling of Dib. You will not get your GameSlave until you co-operate, and even then, I am not sure whether I should give it to you. Tell me one reason why I-" Zim started before Gaz pried the arm from her face.  
  
"I get withdrawal systems," she told him, "I could go for today but tomorrow I'd start getting weaker and within a fortnight I'd be dead."  
  
Zim laughed evilly. It would be too easy to kill this human. He had her life source in his gloved hand. So why was he floating forwards with his arm outstretched to pass it through to her. He snatched it back to himself and floated back again.  
  
"Listen, Doom Witch!" he snarled, "I know what you've done, you've put some kind of spell on me, and I am now ORDERING you to take it off, or else I will smash this game console into the ground with my boot."  
  
"Do that and I'll kill you," Gaz promised sweetly, "And besides, I haven't done anything to you, but I will unless you give me my GameSlave 2 back."  
  
"YOU WILL NOT THREATEN ZIM!" Zim yelled, "I am the one who holds you prisoner, and I will watch you writhe in your cage! By not doing so you will only invoke my wrath!"  
  
Gaz did a little pretend writhe, but it suited Zim, and he floated a little closer.  
  
"Now, tell me what you did, Doom Witch," he ordered.  
  
"Ever thought about you maybe just LIKING me, maybe?" Gaz suggested.  
  
"That's what I've been saying all along!" the Computer interrupted, and Gaz nodded understandingly.  
  
"YOU WILL NOT BOND WITH MY COMPUTER!" Zim shouted, "Now, Computer, go back to bed until I call you."  
  
"Aww . I mean yay!" Computer said enthusiastically.  
  
Zim turned back to Gaz.  
  
"What is it with all this 'like' nonsense? I just don't hate you, that's all!"  
  
"Maybe you want a friend?" Gaz asked helpfully. Zim shook his head.  
  
"Invader Zim chooses his friends," he said, and then Gaz flinched.  
  
"Well maybe you . LIKE me!" she gasped, and Zim gave her a look.  
  
"What? Explain this 'like' business. Tell me now . "  
  
"Well, there's the old story, but this one I'll alter slightly, Boy (or whatever you are) meets Girl (or whatever I am), and Boy fight's with Girl's brother (whatever HE is) and then Boy likes Girl."  
  
"Are you suggesting I am your love pig? Because if you are, there will be WRATH! Wra-" Zim asked, very confused.  
  
"NO! Hell, no. Zim, listen. You can't choose who you 'like', just like you can't choose who you 'love', apparently. Maybe you like me, Zim."  
  
"O . K . I am very confused now, Earth beast. What happens in the 'usual' Boy meets Girl shenanigan? Tell me quickly before my head explodes . "  
  
"Do you promise to give me my GameSlave after that?" Gaz bargained.  
  
Zim nodded in agreement. He wanted to go out and find GIR anyway, he missed him not helping out. Or not helping out, or occasionally helping out, or whatever GIR did."  
  
"Right. It's Boy meets Girl. Boy likes Girl. Girl likes Boy. Boy dates Girl. Boy loves Girl -"  
  
"NO MORE!" Zim cried, floating forward and passing the GameSlave into Gaz's waiting arms, "It burns! I have to go and find GIR now anyway . I'll talk to you later."  
  
He turned just before he left the base, and saw Gaz watching him intently, not yet switching on her GameSlave. He gave her a look and turned, then turning back so he was facing her again (he was beginning to feel dizzy, yes).  
  
"Will you - will you be okay?" he asked her quietly.  
  
Gaz seemed surprised by the question and buried her face in her GameSlave.  
  
Zim walked out of the base with a confused look on his face. Was it just his imagination, or had Gaz blushed??  
  
Zim shrugged off his annoying new feelings, and grabbed his disguise and tracking device he always kept on GIR since the city incident, and set off to look for him.  
  
A/N : Quite an eventful chapter, my small grotesque minions, no?  
  
Next Chapter : Zim begs with GIR to return, who has become a sheepdog, and Dib bargains with Zim for his sister's life.  
  
READ AND REVIEW!  
  
Will be updated soon! 


	7. SheepGIR

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllloooooooooooooo kiddiewinks. Did you sleep well? I have been fixful of the chapter that is supposed to be chapter one . it's now after the prologue, sorry for the mix up. *hangs head in shame*. Please forgive . Anyway here is chapter six .  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Six - SheepGIR -  
  
As "Mysterious Mysteries" ended, Dib sat back in the chair more comfortably, shuffling his shoulders so he was content. He closed his eyes, satisfied with what had been shown on his favourite show, which had unfortunately been showing some pretty bad stuff in search of ratings.  
  
But today was different, it had shown a class of the different world Dib wanted to know about. The alien world. The story had been so obviously fake, but the information given was enough to make even his father ponder on the existence of -  
  
HA! Dib had nearly been fooled there. His father closed his goggle-hidden eyes to all that was strange and unsolid. Things his father believed in had to be able to be toasted or magnified or have a show based upon it.  
  
"I love this show - " a sudden voice came from behind him, and Dib jumped in surprise. He turned around to see Zim and his robot GIR behind his sofa. Dib leapt to his feet and reached under the sofa for his stink gas, but Zim was too quick and ran round the sofa to push Dib back into it.  
  
Dib sat with his back right against the sofa with his already swollen eyes wide with fear.  
  
"Now I have you at last, stupid Earth worm baby, and your sister too - " Zim snarled, "And you will never be able to . SON! SON! SON!"  
  
Dib awoke with a start to find his father looking down on him with a frown on half of the face you could see. Dib had often wondered as a child if his father was an alien, and he hid half his mutated face so that no one could see and spoil his great ingenious sciency stuff -  
  
"SON!" Professor Membrane yelled in Dib's ear, who defensively curled into a ball, "Son, where's your sister?"  
  
"What? Who?" Dib asked, still quite dozy. What was it he said-  
  
"Your sister! I - uh - forget her name - Mildred? No - Millicent - Um - Pauline?" Professor Membrane guessed another few names before Dib cottoned on.  
  
"Gaz? I don't know - I haven't seen her since before Mysterious Mysteries," Dib told his dad guiltily, remembering his promise to keep an eye on her.  
  
"I've searched all over the house, but there's no sign of her anywhere!" his father whinged. Dib lowered an eyebrow.  
  
"Did you check her room?" he asked.  
  
Professor Membrane flinched and took a well-calculated little step back.  
  
"Why would I want to do that?" he asked in wonder, and Dib shrugged. He was still trying to remember what Zim had said -  
  
'Now I have you at last, stupid Earth worm baby, and your sister too-'  
  
Dib jumped up, pushing his father over, who flailed his arms stupidly, then wandered off without another word down to his base. Dib shook his head.  
  
"It was only a dream," he told himself, "Zim hasn't got Gaz - why would he? He couldn't have gotten in the house without me noticing, never mind daring to take Gaz away without pain."  
  
Dib sat himself down with a frown on his face.  
  
'She'll come back soon,' he thought, then said aloud for extra measure,  
  
"I hope."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
GIR was shaken awake by the man who said his name was Sim, and was lifted off of the cosy fur of Sheep, the real dog.  
  
"I wanna be a reeealll boy!" GIR told him, and Sim nodded understandingly.  
  
'Two days of this, and I'm already going crazy - ' he thought, and grinned at the dog.  
  
"Don't you have another home to go to, doggie?" Sim asked GIR, who looked blankly.  
  
"I wanna taco," GIR said, and Sim shook his head.  
  
"No tacos here, I'm afraid, Tequito. You'll have to have more Shepherd's Pie," he replied, and shivered at the memory of last night when Tequito had tried to eat the mince and the mashed potatoes. It had been horrible.  
  
"But then I don't think you're hungry," Sim added, and GIR still had the blank look on his face.  
  
"My name's GIR," he said.  
  
"I thought it was Tequito?"  
  
"Ohhh yeahhh."  
  
Sim shrugged, and whistled for Sheep to come. It was dawn, and it was time to round up the sheep. By the time they managed to get Tequito off of Sheep's "chicken" legs and out of the house to the field, Kel was already there looking annoyed.  
  
"You took your time!" she snapped impatiently, and Sim muttered an apology.  
  
"It's that damned green dog Tequito thing," he told her, and Kel nodded, understanding, "It took us a while, but I think we lost him. Maybe we should hand 'im into the - AARGH!"  
  
"BOO!" shrieked GIR excitedly, prancing up and down like a mad sheep goose, " I FOUND YOOOU!"  
  
"Yay," Kel said unenthusiastically, but the dog thing didn't seem to notice and began to dance. Kel looked up at Sim.  
  
"Were you going to say we should hand him into the pound?" she asked hopefully.  
  
Sim nodded.  
  
"How about it, little doggie?" Sim cooed, holding GIR down to stop him dancing, "Do you want to go and see all the other doggies?"  
  
"Will they have tacos?" GIR asked.  
  
"Sure, why not?"  
  
"Okkeeeee dokeee!"  
  
Sim sighed with relief, and turned to his wife.  
  
"I'll call as soon as I've got all the damn sheep in the field," he promised. Kel nodded and whistled to Sheep to run with her to the sheep, which were scattered around the large green area. It was clear why Sim wanted them altogether.  
  
"Now, Tequito, I want you to stay - huh?" Sim gasped, confused at where he could go so quickly, then spotted the little green dog blending in with the grass as he chased after a sheep, and it was Sim's favourite, 402!  
  
"Nooooo, not 402!" he cried, and ran forward. GIR looked at him for a second, then continued to screech after the sheep singing what sounded like a lot of consecutive "Dooms".  
  
"Do not upon my sheep afflict doom!" he cried, and galloped after Tequito chasing the sheep, "NOT NUMBER 402!!"  
  
The pursuing lasted a while, and soon Sheep and Kel joined in, probably because Sheep was attracted to what GIR was doing and was jealous of Sim playing with the other dog that couldn't even eat Shepherd's Pie properly. Naturally, Kel ran after them both screaming.  
  
This lasted a while too, until the sheep in front of the happy line stopped, then GIR bumped into the sheep's rear, causing Sim to catch up and scoop the protesting doggy into his arms, and Sheep and Kel finally caught up too, panting.  
  
The reason why the sheep randomly dropped, was not because it was a rebel sheep, neither because it had a limited memory span and forgot why it was running, but because there was a figure standing in front of it, and the sheep lacked the intelligence and common sense to simply run around it. Anyway, that wouldn't be any fun, would it?  
  
"What is this creature?" the obstacle asked, pointing at 402, and Sim peered over the squirming dog's head to see what it was. It was the size of a small boy, except - he was GREEN, and didn't appear to have a nose or any ears!  
  
"Who - are you?" Sim panted, trying to stop Tequito wriggling.  
  
"My name is Zim, a very normal and plain, unadorned Earth worm baby," he said simply, and Sim nodded.  
  
"Earth worm baby," he repeated, "Ok, well, my name is Sim."  
  
"Do not repeat me!" the green child snapped, "MY name is Zim."  
  
"Yeah, but my name is Sim!"  
  
"MY NAME IS ZIM!"  
  
"Sssssim! S - I - M! Sim!"  
  
"Oh, alright," the one who said his name was Zim allowed, then noticed Tequito still squirming in his grasp, "Uh - it appears you have my human dog beast."  
  
Sim looked at Kel, then at Sheep, then at 402, then at Tequito, then at the green child, and at 402 again because he liked the look of it, then back at Kel again in case she got jealous. He looked back at Tequito, then at the green kid.  
  
"Are you sure?" he asked finally, after all the looking had been completed.  
  
The green boy nodded.  
  
"Yes," he said, "That's my dog. Release him, or FEAR MY TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE WRATH OF DOOOOOOOM!"  
  
"Yeah - ok. Well, if it's your dog, then why is he here?" Kel challenged. She could always handle these things a little better than Sim.  
  
The boy shrugged, "He ran away," he said simply.  
  
Kel looked at Sim, and was planning on looking at everyone else but got bored, so went back to the green kid.  
  
"Well, maybe there was a reason for that?" she asked, "Maybe you're not a suitable owner?"  
  
The boy looked annoyed, but passive, "I guess. I was only rolling on the grass with pain because my arch nemesis' sister who I have now kidnapped as revenge sprayed me with Poop Cola. Now, can you give me my dog, or do I have to destroy you first?"  
  
Sim frowned.  
  
"Now, there's no need to be rude, young man," he said, "We just want to get things sorted out, that's all. Ok. If you're his owner, what's the dog's name?"  
  
The kid snorted, "Why, his name is GIR. He's a - special - model of the original Irken SIR units."  
  
Sim raised an eyebrow, and cast his series of looks again. It took a long time with all these extra people, but no one seemed to mind. Sim enjoyed his circle look things.  
  
"No," he said eventually, "His name is Tequito! So there!"  
  
"TEQUITOS!" Tequito screamed, having been quiet all that time, it must have been a record, "I WANT TEQUITOS!"  
  
The green boy smirked, "His name isn't Tequito, foolish Earth monkeys. I know his needs."  
  
"Oh yeah?" Kel sneered.  
  
"Yeah. NOW DESIST THE RESTRAINT OF MY DOG!"  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Like - tacos."  
  
"TAAAAAACCCCOOOOOOOSSSSSS!!!!!!!!" GIR screamed, now bored of being Tequito, and jumped through Sim's arms to stand in front of the green boy, and saluted.  
  
Sim thought he saw a flash of red through the blank eyes, but shook it off. He moved to see if 402 was ok.  
  
"Come on, GIR. Let's go. I better check on the Dib-Stink's sibling, besides, we've got ransoming to do!" The green boy said, and Kel and Sheep watched the two walk off leisurely.  
  
She shrugged, and went to see to the pie.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Dib sat in his room, now officially worried. Gaz had been gone since Mysterious Mysteries, which had finished over twelve hours ago. Where could she be? It was going on eleven at night (Mysterious Mysteries had been a repeat) and there had been no contact.  
  
'-and your sister too-' Zim had said in the dream. Since when had Zim ever wanted Gaz individually, but then Dib remembered it had been a dream. But it was so real, the robot so vividly crazy, and Zim so scary and menacing and evil and tall -  
  
Ok, maybe not exactly tall.  
  
Suddenly, Dib's TV began to flicker, and the huge widescreen was on without Dib pressing any buttons. The screen flashed bright white, which made Dib flinch and scramble back with his eyes closed in pain.  
  
When he opened them again, the screen had turned black with a red Irken symbol on it. Dib cleared his throat in terror.  
  
"H-hello?" he stammered, and a screech could be heard in the back ground as the symbol began to dance on the screen with a "doom doom doom-". Dib lowered an eyebrow in confusion. Then, an angry voice came from behind it and it fell back to reveal what was going on.  
  
It seemed that GIR had been holding a black sheet of paper with the symbol on it, and had begun to make it dance, then had fallen back. Well, that's what it seemed like anyway.  
  
Dib looked at what was going on. He could see the brief outline of Zim's bent head, and the distinct yelling at GIR who was singing, some funny alien looking machinery Dib would pay to see close up (with it being Zim's as an exception), and at the very back, a suspended cuboid cage, with a figure inside it-  
  
"GAZ!" Dib yelled involuntarily, and Zim's head jerked up in surprise, spun round to see Gaz, and then remembered she was there purposely, giving himself a little chuckle. He turned round to speak to Dib, a triumphant smile on his face.  
  
"So, Dib-Worm," he snarled, "Nasty to see you again,"  
  
"The feeling is mutual, Zim," Dib said, hatred evidently swarming his voice. He didn't try to hide it, "So you're the reason Gaz is missing,"  
  
A small hand peeping up into the screen offering its master juice averted Zim's attention. He denied the juice, and looked back at Dib.  
  
"What - oh - what - yes, YES, I AM!" he cackled, then choked, deciding he better take some juice after all, and slurped it down, giving the empty can to a devastated GIR. He was too short, Dib couldn't see where the robot went.  
  
Not that he cared, he was too angry with Zim.  
  
"What do you want, Zim?" Dib growled, "What do you want with Gaz?"  
  
Zim had a puzzled look on his face.  
  
"You know-" he said, "I really didn't think about that - I MEAN! Ahem. I mean, I want - a - fishing - uh - turnip - er - shoe?"  
  
"A fishing turnip shoe?" Dib scoffed.  
  
"Yes. NO! I want - " Zim attempted.  
  
"TACOS!" GIR screeched, "Master want tacos!"  
  
"NO! No, GIR! Bad! Go to the naughty corner. GO! Now, yes. I want to bargain with you for your sister's life-" Zim said.  
  
"DUH!" Dib cried, shaking his head. Zim ignored him.  
  
"In exchange for your sibling's life," Zim continued, "I demand your word that you will NEVER, EVER, have a little mini Earth worm baby of your own."  
  
Dib's mouth dropped open, and heard Gaz chuckle slightly. He noticed that GIR was now on top of the cage, and Gaz's chuckle was enough to start off a fit of manic screeching laughter from the robot.  
  
"You are kidding, Zim," Dib gasped, "I-I can't do that!"  
  
Zim sniggered, glad he had struck a nerve. Dib had always wanted a kid to tell all about how aliens DID exist, but now, he could be throwing that all away. But then, it was Gaz. His sister. His little sister had never depended on him before, and yet here it was.  
  
No rule except honour said Dib had to keep his word to Zim. He could have destroyed Zim by the time he was ready to have kids, or Zim could have destroyed the world-  
  
"Well, what's it going to be, Earth midget?" Zim growled, and Dib lowered his head. He couldn't believe this.  
  
"What's he talking' bout?" GIR asked Gaz. Gaz looked up at GIR through the bars in the top of the roof.  
  
"The birds and the bees, I think," Gaz replied, "Don't think Dib will be allowed to have any kids. No loss."  
  
"What birds and bees?" GIR asked, "What about the squirrels?"  
  
"I don't-"  
  
"And the piggies?"  
  
"I-"  
  
"WHAT ABOUT THE TUNA?"  
  
"GIR, I really don't-"  
  
"AND THE TACOOOS?" GIR exploded, really hyper now, "WHAT ABOUT THE TACOOOS??"  
  
"GIR!" Zim yelled from the front, "I'm trying to intimidate here!"  
  
"SOOOOWWWWEEEEEE!"  
  
Zim turned back to Dib with a triumphant glance on his face. He looked towards Gaz and pointed, then turned back to Dib, lowering his arm.  
  
"What's it going to be, Dib?" he asked quietly, "Your Earth worm babies or your terrifying sibling?"  
  
Dib lowered his head, and closed his eyes.  
  
"You promise to return her?" he whispered.  
  
"Huh?" Zim asked.  
  
"You promise to return her?" Dib repeated, a little louder.  
  
"Speak up, I can't hear you!" Zim said, annoyed.  
  
Dib jerked his head up and opened his eyes.  
  
"For Earth's sake, Zim. If I agree, do you promise to leave her alone?"  
  
A flash of unsureness flashed across Zim's face, if only for a second. It was enough to make Dib's spine crawl, though.  
  
'Ok, flesh,' Dib thought, 'Any time you want to stop crawling is OK with me- '  
  
"I promise to release her, Dib. Now say yes or no and get your sorry Earth rear end over here in fifteen minutes or the deal's off!" Zim snarled. Dib scowled. He wasn't done yet.  
  
"No. Promise to leave her alone as well, Zim. Never speak to her again. Never touch her."  
  
It was Zim's turn to scowl.  
  
"These are my terms, Earth child. Do not anger me-" Zim warned.  
  
"You don't have a choice, Zim."  
  
"Very well. If you accept, I will release and leave alone your sibling. And you will never have children. Do we have a deal?"  
  
"Done."  
  
"Fifteen minutes, Dib. Fifteen."  
  
The screen signed off with Zim's triumphant laughter echoing. Dib hauled on his boots and seized his trench coat before sprinting out of the house as fast as he could go.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * A/N: Oooooooooo. ^_^ Did you enjoy that kiddies???  
  
Next chapter is called Skool Dance, and guess who Zim asks, much to her brother's annoyance? But will she say yes? Or will she kill him? Hard one to call, huh? You'll just have to find out! MWA HAHAHAHAHAH! Ok. 


	8. Skool Dance

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Hello my splendid chappies. Salutations to you and to all. Now. This chapter : It will be quite amusing aber (but in German) snidy. All those easily exposed to snideism please do not read this chapter, or read it with your eyes closed. Ok? Ok.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Seven - Skool Dance - 3 months later  
  
Dib and Gaz were sitting in the living room, Gaz drawing, and Dib watching Gaz drawing. She looked up at him and glowered, so Dib stood up and wandered off. Gaz looked at her picture - one of Zim and Dib fighting while Gaz sat in the background playing her GameSlave.  
  
"Pfff," she said to herself, "Boys and their petty feuds. Zim and Dib are as stupid as each other."  
  
"Now Gaz," the macho cheesy voice of her father sounded as he arose from the depths of his laboratory, "Don't you go mouthing off about your brother, we all know he's insane."  
  
"Yeah-" Gaz began, "But it's Zim too. Is it just boys that are stupid?"  
  
Professor Membrane laughed from his diaphragm.  
  
"No, no, Gaz. Just look at me! I'm not stupid, am I? I mean - I invented . . . SUPERTOAST!" he yelled, and without another word, waved a finger and patted her awkwardly on the head, before walking very superiorly out of the room.  
  
Gaz opened an eyelid. Yeah, her dad was stupid too.  
  
She wandered upstairs and knocked on Dib's bedroom door. He answered it and stepped aside so she could walk in. Both her eyes opened at the - thing - Dib was constructing in the corner of the room.  
  
"Uh - Dib?" she said, and her brother closed the door, "What is that thing?"  
  
Dib chuckled, "That, dear sister, is my revenge, and Zim's terrible doom!"  
  
"Okay, Dib. Never call me 'dear sister' again. If you hate Zim so much, why don't you just stay out of his way?" Gaz suggested, and Dib chuckled again, which annoyed Gaz. She didn't find either of the questions he had chuckled at funny.  
  
"Because he's trying to take over the world, Gaz."  
  
"Whatever." "No! No, he is. Come on, Gaz. Open your eyes! OPEN YOUR EYYYEEES!"  
  
Gaz raised an eyebrow, and walked out of the room. Before she closed the door, she turned round and said:  
  
"You don't need to listen to Zim about the no-kid-ever thing, y'know, Dib."  
  
"Yeah. Well I'll think about that when I have to worry about - uh - that." Dib replied.  
  
"How long have you been working on that cage thing? And how are you expecting to get Zim in it?"  
  
"Since I had the inspiration. I'll think about how to trap him when the time comes."  
  
"If its going to be made of glass like it says on the plan over there," she pointed to the plan in Dib's hand, which he automatically hid behind his back, "Then couldn't Zim blast out of it?"  
  
Dib smirked.  
  
"You'll see, Gaz," he said quietly, "Just wait and see."  
  
"What?" Gaz asked, "Speak up, I can't hear you!"  
  
"UGH!" Dib groaned, and slammed the door in her face. He never got to be all mysterious and stuff. He quickly locked the door so Gaz couldn't deposit wrath upon him for slamming the door in her face.  
  
He turned back to his work in progress and rubbed his hands in anticipation of the day when he had Zim caught like a rat in a trap.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Zim was once again bored in skool. Ms Bitters had made each class member read a different definition of doom until they had it imbedded into their very brains. Ms Bitters seemed to be in an even fouler mood than usual, her rantings of DOOM were very much more enthusiastic than they usually were.  
  
At the end of the day, Ms Bitters stood up to the class. Everyone braced himself or herself for reading more of the dictionary. Zim really didn't want to read another 400-odd pages of some stupid little book anyway.  
  
"As you all know, this is August," Ms Bitters said, and though a couple flinched, none dared to say "DUH!". They were wise, "And that means that it's time for another horrible, horrible tradition I despise so much."  
  
"YAY!" the class yelled, though none could think of what it could be. Zim itched for the bell to ring, possible interrupting Ms Bitters. Please-  
  
"And as you all know, today is the 4th," Ms Bitters continued. Again, none dare tease the rather scary and evil-looking educator, "Which means only one thing."  
  
The class sat still, not sure whether to care or not. Zim knew he didn't. He wanted to get home so he could listen to Nirvana.  
  
The bell rang victoriously, and Zim leapt on to his feet.  
  
"Nurt O'Jane - Kurt Cobain, here I come!" he cawed, and rushed forward.  
  
"SKOOL DANCE!" bellowed Ms Bitters, and the class stopped in their eager tracks. Zim didn't understand what the sudden attention span was activated for, but he didn't want to seem different so he froze too.  
  
'Grandma take me home, Grandma take me home,' played in Zim's mind, a song called Sliver he had grown to like from Nirvana.  
  
Dib's eyes shot to Zim's in warning, and Zim's narrowed angrily.  
  
"I don't need any warnings from you, Dib-Stink," he whispered.  
  
"You keep your word, I keep mine, Zim," replied Dib coldly, and both turned back to face Ms Bitters.  
  
"The Skool Daaaance is on the 17th of August, and I expect you all to have DATES!" she shrieked, and Dib shivered. Who the hell would go out with him? And who would Zim ask?  
  
"There will be a prize for the best liked couple," Ms Bitters continued, "You have 13 days to figure out how not to humiliate yourself. GO HOME NOW!"  
  
The class obeyed, and Zim wandered away, Dib following closely behind. As Zim walked further from Skool, Dib noticed he was going a different way than he normally did. Weird. It was almost like-  
  
"ZIM!" Dib cried involuntarily, "What do you think you're doing?" he ran up to catch up with him, and Zim glared.  
  
"I'm walking, stupid infertile Dib-creature," Zim snarled, and continued walking. Dib blocked his way, his arms outstretched horizontally.  
  
"Where to?" Dib asked, equally as - snarly, "Looks like you're headed for my house."  
  
"Don't be stupid. Why would I be going to - oh!" Zim fell off as he saw Gaz walking towards them.  
  
"Hey," she said, "I hope you two aren't fighting, because I got soda in my bag."  
  
Dib and Zim shivered, and shook their heads.  
  
"No," Dib denied, "I was just asking Zim where he was going."  
  
"You're being friendly all of a sudden," Gaz said suspiciously, glowering at Dib, "What's up?"  
  
"I was actually on my way to see you, Gaz," Zim interrupted, and Dib's jaw fell open, displaying his psycho crazy teeth.  
  
"Oh yeah?" Gaz queried, hands on her hips.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Ok, what about?"  
  
"I wanted to ask you-"  
  
'Promise to leave her alone as well, Zim. Never speak to her again. Never touch her-' was what the terms were with Dib, Zim thought. If he broke them, would that mean Dib could have a human worm baby?  
  
'He would have shriveled up like a prune and died by then, humans live no time at all!' he thought to himself, and smiled.  
  
"What?" Gaz asked, and Zim flashed his eyes to Dib's, who's gaze was ready and hating.  
  
"I wanted to ask you - if you - uh - wanted to go to the dance with me?" Zim asked, and Gaz shut up, and Dib's mouth dropped open even further this time.  
  
A tumbleweed flew past the road, and the three watched it bounce. Bouncey bouncey bouncey - wow, look at it go! Ahem.  
  
"Yeah, ok, I guess," Gaz answered unemotionally, "See you then, Zim."  
  
"'Kay,"  
  
"Bye, Zim."  
  
"Bye, Gaz."  
  
Gaz wandered off with a slight tinge of red to her cheeks. Dib instantly turned on Zim with a not-quite-sure-whether-to-be-triumphant-or-not look on his face, and before the Earth worm baby could say anything, Zim was kicking up into the air in his funny little walk towards his base.  
  
Dib's mouth dropped open again, and watched the two disappearing silhouettes with a twitching eye, before shrugging and following Gaz.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The 17th came quite quickly, and it was now the day before the night of the dance (16th) and Zim was panicking. He didn't know what to do, let alone with his arch nemesis' sister! He was having second thoughts, but it had cost Zim his deal with Dib so he couldn't waste it. He had to rub Dib's demented face in his enemy going out with his sister.  
  
It was subtle, but effective, yes - this was the plan that began all other plans. He grew close to Gaz and he would grow close to her father, and subsequently find his path to DOOMING THE EARTH! And it was an added bonus that Dib would hate him more.  
  
Yes, yes, yes, this was it.  
  
Suddenly GIR threw himself across the lab screaming, and Zim put his head in his hands.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Dib sat in the classroom watching Ms Bitters drone on about doom and all its doomy glory. He knew enough about the oncoming doom upon them, it was sitting two chairs away in the form of a green kid with no ears. The green kid that was taking his sister to a dance that night. The green kid that had tried to destroy him so many times. The green kid that-  
  
"Diiiiiiiiib!" Ms Bitters called, and Dib's head shot up, "Are you thinking about something besides what I am speaking about?"  
  
Dib shook his head.  
  
"No, Ms Bitters. I was thinking about doom," he replied truthfully, and she slid back the two feet she had zoomed towards him, and continued her dooming speech.  
  
'Zim's doom,' Dib thought, 'As soon as my cage is finished and my plan complete, Zim will no longer be any threat to the human race! Or my family- '  
  
He chuckled to himself, and Ms Bitters must have been enjoying herself (even if she didn't look like she was) because she ignored him. The bell rang and everyone stood up to leave.  
  
"Remember the dance tonight, you horrible little weasels," she snarled as people reached the door, "I hope you aaaallll have someone to go with! OR DOOM!"  
  
"Uh - why?" Dib asked, mostly because he didn't have a date.  
  
"You don't have a date, do you, Dib?" Zim sneered from behind him. Everyone else had gone except the two rivals, their teacher and Zita, the purple haired girl that sat behind Zim.  
  
"Don't have a date?" Ms Bitters literally spat, and Zim and Dib wiped their face, "Well, we'll sort that out - ZITA!"  
  
"What?" Zita snapped, having not paid attention, "I mean, yes, Ms Bitters?"  
  
"Zita! You will go with Dib to the dance tonight!" she ordered, and turned to her paper work lying on the desk. Dib peered at it, and noticed all it said was "doom". She stamped it with an 'A'.  
  
Meanwhile, Zita's mouth was open in horror, and Dib felt very uncomfortable. Dib was trying hard to control his laughter.  
  
"But Ms Bitters! Dib's a freak! And I'm already going with-" Zita protested.  
  
"Siiiiiilence!" she hissed, "I don't care who you're going with, you will OBEY! Dib, pick her up at her house for seven."  
  
Dib's eyebrow shot up.  
  
"But I don't know where she lives," he said, "And I don't think Zita wants- "  
  
"DO NOT ARGUE! Now, Zita, tell Dib where you live, and Zim, what are you doing here?" Ms Bitters snapped, as if only just noticing Zim with his hands over his mouth bent double. When she noticed him, he jumped.  
  
"Sir! I came to wait for my - uh - good friend Dib! Sir!" he replied, and Ms Bitters waved her hand for them to leave. Zim strolled out into the corridor, and Dib gazed angrily after him.  
  
"Oh my God," Zita said suddenly, "I can't believe I am going to a dance with Dib."  
  
"Do you even know my last name?" Dib asked.  
  
"Uh - yeah. It's-"  
  
"Think on my dad."  
  
"Professor - Membrane. See! Ha. I know. Anyway - what's with the diverting?"  
  
"I'm not any happier about this, Zita."  
  
"Gee, thanks."  
  
"It's not you, but you see, Zim is going with my sister, and I really, really don't want-"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, okay, okay, you're life's a mess and you hate Zim and blah blah blah blah. Keep talking if you want, Dib, cos I'm going!"  
  
"Wait, I didn't get your address!"  
  
Zita sighed and wrote it down on a piece of paper she took from Ms Bitters' desk and handed it to Dib, then walked out of the classroom without another word. Dib looked at it and sighed. It was going to be a loooooong night.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The doorbell rang at seven o'clock, and Professor Membrane answered it. Dib walked past his father and Zim, who was at the door, with a glare, as he went to pick up Zita.  
  
"Hello, famous Earth being," Zim greeted, "I have come to escort your daughter to-"  
  
"AH! The little foreign boy is your date, Gaz! He's Dib's friend, isn't he?" Professor Membrane turned to his daughter, "Aren't you, little green man?"  
  
"Yes, yes, we're very close," Zim dismissed, and grabbed Gaz's arm, pulling her out. She yanked her arm back and waved to her dad before stepping slowly out of the house.  
  
"Have my little - uh - Gertrude back before eleven!" Professor Membrane called, waving them off, "Oh, I feel so happy! I'm going to make ---TOAST!"  
  
"It's Gaz!" Gaz yelled, before walking off with Zim down the street.  
  
"So, back for eleven, yup?" Zim improvised.  
  
"That's what he said," Gaz replied.  
  
"Looking forward to tonight?" Zim tried again.  
  
"Not really," Gaz said.  
  
"Ok - Do you like waffles? My robot - uh - dog, likes waffles."  
  
"That's great, Zim."  
  
They didn't say anything for the rest of the walk and Zim felt very awkward. When they reached the hall, some people were dancing, others were sitting down, and other people were arguing.  
  
"Wanna dance?" Zim asked Gaz.  
  
"No, not yet. I want to save my dignity for a while," Gaz replied, and Zim breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"Dumped you already, has she, Zim?" Dib's voice came from behind him. Zim whirled round to meet Dib standing with Zita.  
  
"No," Zim snarled, "Hey Zita."  
  
"Hey, freak," Zita replied, "How ya doing?"  
  
"Okay, I guess. You?" Zim asked.  
  
"Not bad -" Zita looked at Dib, "I guess."  
  
Zim smiled a little, and turned to go and get some punch, leaving Dib feeling even more awkward.  
  
"So," he tried, "How are you, Zita?"  
  
Zita glared at Dib and wandered away to meet with her friends.  
  
A couple of hours later was the dancing competition. All couples had to dance to a piece of music that sounded like it had been ransacked by the Irken Army and THEN trampled on by a herd of elephants. Dib led Zita out onto the dance floor and they stood as far apart from each other as possible.  
  
It started off for Zim and Gaz like that too, both unsure and a little edgy. By half way through the song, they were dancing away, and Dib looked on with jealousy and protective - stuff.  
  
"Hey, you're quite a good dancer," Gaz acknowledged. Zim scoffed.  
  
"And you dance while you play your game thingy a lot, do you?" he replied.  
  
"No," she said defensively, "I only said-"  
  
"I was only teasing."  
  
"Oh. Right. Okay."  
  
When the song ended they stepped away and regarded each other. Neither of them noticed Dib with clenched fists breaking away from Zita so he could glare at them with gritted teeth. Unable to control himself, he stormed into them and stepped in front of Gaz.  
  
"Dib!" she protested, and he threw an arm back to stop her pushing him away. She groaned angrily.  
  
"Okay, Zim," Dib snarled, "I've had enough. What are you up to?"  
  
Some people had stopped dancing and were looking at them. Gaz tried to look uninvolved but it was easy to see she was part of it.  
  
"Nothing, you suspicious worm-beast! Why are you always so mean to me?" Zim retorted.  
  
"Because you're trying to take over our WORLD!" Dib cried, "You're the ENEMY!"  
  
"Oh, not this again, Dib," Zita said, coming up to him, "Seriously, you need to get a life."  
  
"Zita!" Dib cried, "Wait! I'll get you, Zim. You lay one finger on her and I swear-"  
  
"Are you coming or will I go and dance with Torque?" Zita snapped, and Dib backed off, bumping into a couple of kids without taking his eyes off of Zim until Zita grabbed him and pulled him onto the dance floor.  
  
"You'll pay for this, Zim!" Dib shrieked, "You won't get away with this one that easily! You'll pay!"  
  
Zim looked at Gaz.  
  
"Do you want to go?" he asked her.  
  
"Yeah," she said, and they walked out.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Once at the Membrane household, Zim stood on the doorstep and smiled at Gaz grimly.  
  
"Sorry about Dib," Gaz said, not sounding sorry.  
  
"I'm used to it, but he will pay, how he will payyy -" Zim snarled.  
  
"Tell me about it," she agreed, and Zim looked at her cautiously, then turned to go.  
  
"Bye then," he said, then awkwardly returned to her side and pecked her on the cheek.  
  
He turned to leave again, then heard a sensor go off. The door whipped open and Professor Membrane stood in the doorway. Zim stood behind Gaz as he was walking away and stared at her father, confused.  
  
"HELLO!" Professor Membrane hollered, and Zim raised a brow.  
  
"Er - hi," he said, "I think,"  
  
"DO YOU?" Professor Membrane bellowed.  
  
"Yes -"  
  
Zim wasn't sure how to react to a scientist man yelling at him.  
  
"Then come on in! There's plenty of room here!"  
  
He stood aside to let Zim and Gaz in, then took Zim down to his base while Gaz went to play her GameSlave.  
  
"And here," Membrane said on the tour, "Is where I make my toast!"  
  
"The SuperToast?"  
  
"YES! How clever you are, no wonder you took my daughter to the prom!"  
  
"Uh - it was just a dance," Zim told him.  
  
"Really? Oh thank goodness. I was worried I was going to miss her graduation! And going to the prom in that dress she always wears? Oh dear, I AM glad it wasn't the prom. So glad, I think I will show you my latest invention, my Great Toast Distributor!"  
  
"Um," Zim said.  
  
They walked over to something suspended from the ceiling beams, which looked like a large toaster machine with holes at the bottom. Suddenly a plan began to form in Zim's mind.  
  
"This is the Great Toast Distributor! This will give breakfast to the whole world - and it really flies! It was inspired by that amazing screensaver with the flying toasters, if it wasn't for the screensaver, it would never have been thought up! Which means people would have to make breakfast themselves! What an idea!" Membrane babbled, while Zim plotted.  
  
If he could drop bombs from the toaster instead of toast, then he would be able to cause havoc. It wouldn't be much havoc as it would just be little bombs, but there could be lots, and he could kill off people he disliked while they walked through the streets!  
  
"HAH! INGENIOOOUUUS!" he yelled accidentally, and Professor Membrane looked at him blankly.  
  
"Yes! It is, rather, don't you think?" he cried, "I'm so glad you approve!"  
  
Zim grinned, and hid a chuckle. This would be too easy. He noticed a roll of plans entitled "Screensaver", so snatched them and put them in his I.D. Pak.  
  
"That's fascinating, Professor, but I really must go now, I have to tell my parents the good news!" Zim said, trying to sound excited, and Professor Membrane's eyes told Zim he was smiling, so he turned and left the lab the way he came.  
  
On the way out, he passed Gaz, and he felt something he had never felt before.  
  
He didn't like it.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N : What do you think so far? Review revieeew! Review review! Pleassse!  
  
Next chapter : Zim tells the Tallest of his great plan and Gaz comes round after skool. I won't reveal any more but let's say it's a moment that you've all been expecting, I bet!  
  
MWUHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!  
  
Review. 


	9. A Liiiiiitle Weird

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: HELLLOOoOOO! O.o Ok. HOW ARE YOU!? I am an Irken evil chappie boy. Girl, actually. OHHHHHH WELL! ^_^ Next chapter up - NOW!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Eight - A Liiiiiittle Weird -  
  
Zim at once forced the front door open and knocked the roboparents out of the way in his hurry. GIR was watching the Scary Monkey Show and murmuring he loved it, but Zim grabbed him by his doggie ear and dragged him down to the base.  
  
"I love this show," GIR said happily, and Zim looked at him irritably. He sat GIR down and walked over to the big screen. GIR sat facing it and grinned at the Irken symbol.  
  
"I love this shoooow," he cooed, and Zim threw a can of sardines at him.  
  
"Hey, where did they come from?" he asked himself, then shrugged and connected a transmission with the Tallest.  
  
On the Massive, the Tallest were busy eating Space Tacos and other assorted foods. Red had since - uh - 'fired' the disgraceful Irken servant that had wasted the precious juice, and was in a good mood at the moment, until the over-enthusiastic transmission detecting guy yelled:  
  
"Innnncomminggg Transmissssssiooooon from Eaaarth!" he informed, and Purple looked at Red wearily.  
  
"Zim," Purple groaned, and his red friend nodded for the transmission to commence.  
  
"My Tallest!" Zim cried, "I hope I find you in good health-"  
  
"No, Zim. I have a - cough - disease and I'm slowly dying - I think it would be safer if you cut the message in case you catch it over the transmission-" Purple pretended to sink to the ground in agony, and Red tried his best to play along, he really, really did.  
  
"NEVERR!" Zim roared, and Purple really did cough. Red hovered slightly above him, not sure what to do. He wanted some lasers, "I will come in the Voot Cruiser and find an antidote, then bring it to the Armada and give it to you personally!"  
  
Red yelped, and Purple struggled to his little hover thing above the ground.  
  
"Y'know, Zim, I'm feeling a loooooot better, I don't think that will be necessary," Purple said quickly, and Zim narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Are you sure, My Tallest?" he asked.  
  
"Yes. Look, he's dancing!" Red cried in pretend joy, and Purple kicked his partner, then began to hover around the room doing little twirls. Zim smiled, satisfied.  
  
"Very well-" he decided, "The reason I called, My Tallest, was to speak to you, of course, but also to deliver a message to you, but I couldn't really do that without speaking, could I, and-"  
  
"Get on with it, Zim," Red said with a bemused expression on his face. He grabbed Purple as he went twirling by and sat him on a chair, where he immediately began guzzling Space Tacos.  
  
"Right. It's about my mission, Sirs. I have a new plan," Zim said proudly, "It involves-"  
  
"Lasers?" Red asked hopefully, but when Zim shook his head, he lost interest. He might even be prepared to listen to Zim if it was about lasers, but no. Maybe one day there would be lasers in Zim's pathetic, very, very small life. But then, with the awesome and devious plan in motion to be performed on Planet Moriara, Zim may not have enough time to grow to lasers. Not that Red cared, anyway.  
  
He realised Zim had been babbling while his evil plotting had gone on in his head.  
  
"-And I just KNOW my evil testing on affection will work this time, My Tallest, as I am SURE the Gaz is not an Irken, like Tak. Is she dead yet, anyway? Anyway. Yes, yes - my evil affection scheme will bring me closer to the human's famous sciency father, who has the MAGIC TOAST MACHINE! With that Great Toast Distributor, I can do much things, evil things - TOAST WILL BE MEMBRANE'S DOWNFALL!" Zim cackled, and the Tallest looked at each other.  
  
"Yes, Zim," Purple agreed, "Now go - do your evil - Toast - thingy."  
  
"Very well, my masters!" Zim agreed, "Invader Zim out!"  
  
"I love you!" GIR screamed, as the screen signed off.  
  
Red looked at Purple.  
  
"The sooner that midget is behind bars the better," he said.  
  
"Yeah-" Purple agreed, "But I get to hit him first!"  
  
"AWWWW!"  
  
"HA HA!"  
  
"NO FAIR!"  
  
"WHHHEEEEEE WHEEEE HOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
"What?" Red asked, a little worried at his colleague's strange, bizarre outburst.  
  
"I don't know." Was all he replied.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Gaz was still wondering on whether to be mad at Zim or not. She had never been kissed before, never had wanted to be, so that was one reason for ripping his very brain out of his stupid green head, if he even had a brain, he was so dumb.  
  
But then, she hadn't been angry at the time. Zim had kidnapped her, taken her GameSlave from her and put her in a suspended cage, demeaning her to the very ranks of low dignity in contacting her brother for her life. Would Zim really have killed her if Dib had refused to meet his demands, however lame they were?  
  
But he had let her go. And then kissed her a few months later. Well, pecked her, or whatever.  
  
It was her birthday, two days after 'it' had happened. She was eleven now, but she felt a lot older. Were eleven-year-old-video-game-obsessed-evil- scary-children supposed to be kissed by strange maybe twelve-year-old-green- big-brother-Dib-hating-power-ridden-no-eared kids? Only her brother remembered her birthday, her dad was either too busy or didn't care to get her a present.  
  
It seemed like Dib had anticipated that. He had bought her a new GameSlave 2 game and bought her a cake and a packet of sodas he had sworn not to touch. He promised her pizza that night too, and he would have his own separate one, leaving her with a WHOLE pizza to herself.  
  
It would have been nice if someone had given her a present as a friend though, but she hadn't told anyone, not that she cared or in fact had any friends. Did Zim count as a friend?  
  
"Hey Gaz," Dib said as he came up to her in the cafeteria. It was lunch time, and the dreaded 'Ketchup and Rice' day, "How's the Birthday Girl?"  
  
Zim heard the words from two tables down. He sat alone, as usual, he couldn't be bothered keeping up appearances with kids. It pained him to be around humans. Except Gaz, for some mutated, horrible, freakish, unnatural and completely insane reason.  
  
"No - I will not yield to this Earth worm maiden, I will not YIELD!" Zim cried urgently, and as usual, no one paid any attention. He shrugged and went back to his ketchup, "Bluch, this stuff tastes like - nothing," he murmured under his breath, and refused to eat another bite. He thought enviously of GIR back home stuffing himself with tacos while watching the Scary Monkey Show.  
  
That monkey -  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
After class had diminished, Gaz followed Zim home quietly, persuading Dib to go on without her as she had to speak to a new girl about her locker. There was no new girl, of course, and if there was, Gaz wouldn't think once about showing her to a locker, or the right one anyway.  
  
She snickered, and was almost sorry there wasn't a new girl to show the wrong locker.  
  
She walked slowly in her usual fashion and reached Zim's house eventually, and stood behind the fence. The fence Zim's bestest friend Keef had followed the Zim-Squirrel to his doom. The fence that either led Gaz to the 'boy' that had kissed her, or separated her from him.  
  
She wavered slightly, but managed to urge herself forward, walking past the creepy garden gnomes, the blowfish and the flamingos. Including, of course, the tacky 'I love Earth' flag at the front of the garden. The gnomes seemed quite big, they came up quite far on Gaz.  
  
She rang the doorbell and at once the squint - angled door swung open to reveal GIR in his green dog costume. Of course, Gaz didn't know it was a costume, or didn't care (take your pick), but she reached forward and attempted to pet it. It was drooling gunge from its open mouth.  
  
"Gotta cupcake?" he asked conspicuously, turning a few people's heads outside the street. Gaz made a move to enter the house.  
  
"Uh - is Zim in? I need to talk to him - " she said uncertainly, and GIR blocked her way. She snarled at him, which would make most people shake at the knees and run away squealing, but the dog just stared at her blankly and grinned.  
  
"Gotta cupcake?" he asked again, "I looove the little tacos, I love them goooood-"  
  
Gaz opened an eye, and closed it again. The sight in his open mouth was just too gross.  
  
"GIR!" the dominative voice came from inside the house, "Who is that? If it's that blasted make - up human again - "  
  
"WHERE?" GIR yelled, "I NEEEEEED STUFF!"  
  
Zim emerged at the doorway and regarded Gaz.  
  
"Hello," he said to her.  
  
"Hi, Zim," she said, "I just came by - "  
  
"You look like a flabbergasted turkey foot!" GIR screeched randomly at Gaz, and dodged Zim's blow, and flew inside the house on what looked like a jet pack. He then said, "Ooops! I forgot tha tuna!" and ran off out of sight.  
  
Zim looked apologetically at Gaz, then scowled again.  
  
"What do you want, Earth beast?" he demanded.  
  
Gaz took him by the hand and led him out into the garden. Zim looked at her suspiciously.  
  
"If you did not enjoy the dance then I will not destroy you," he said, "Because I didn't either, I mean - I will destroy you eventually, but not just now, I mean-"  
  
Gaz leaned forward and kissed him. She knew it was stupid and she was young and it went against everything she stood for, or didn't stand for, or whatever, but it felt right. Plus, she wanted to shut him up. Zim pushed her back, a puzzled expression on his face.  
  
"What was that, human?" he asked, "I have never known a human to do that before."  
  
Gaz scowled. It had taken a lot of effort to do that, and now it seemed like he didn't know what she had done! Not that she was either, mind-  
  
"I just gave you a kiss, Zim," she told him, "It's what people do when they - uh - like someone."  
  
Zim narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Is that the 'like like' or the normal 'like' you speak of?" he asked.  
  
"The 'like like'," she replied, and he nodded.  
  
"So you 'like' me?" he said, as if he couldn't get his head round it.  
  
"I guess so, yeah," she determined, realising it herself. She thought of how stupid it sounded.  
  
"Do I like you too?" Zim asked.  
  
"I don't know. What are you asking me for?"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It took Dib a while to realise that Gaz would NEVER, EVER help a new girl find her locker. He couldn't believe how stupid he had been. Maybe she had gone to the mall to look at a new GameSlave game, but he had just given her one for her birthday, and plus, Gaz would tell him and promise him never ending doom if he told on her if she had been going to the mall.  
  
So where had she gone?  
  
Had Gaz made a friend? Who would be friends with that scary, terrifying and oh so frightening little sister of his?  
  
Dib's blood ran cold as he figured it out.  
  
Zim.  
  
He ran as fast as he could back down the road back towards the skool and took a left towards Zim's house. He skidded in front of it and screamed at the sight of Zim leaning forward to kiss Gaz. He didn't have much luck of what he saw in that damned garden.  
  
He rushed forwards and tore them apart, knocking Zim off his feet and onto the grass. He picked himself up angrily and leapt at Dib, pinning him to the ground.  
  
"Get off my property, Dib-Stink," he ordered.  
  
"I can't - you're on top of me!" Dib protested, and Zim grumbled, rolling off Dib and standing over him beside Gaz, who, surprisingly, didn't have Poop Cola ready.  
  
"Gaz! Are you okay? He didn't hurt you-" Dib panted, scanning her. She stood angrily with her hands on her hips. He grasped her forearm, "C'mon, let's get you home, we can get rid of the alien gunk there."  
  
He dragged her off while she yelled at him. He didn't pay too much attention to what she was saying, he was too busy glaring at Zim, who looked less than well. He swayed on his feet a little bit, and staggered off inside the house. Dib turned back to the street when he bumped into a lamp post and hurt his morbidly large head.  
  
He cursed, but held fast on Gaz's arm and stormed off down the road with her back to the Membrane residence. Gaz screamed at him the whole way, and Dib was frightened, but he tried to shut her out and concentrated on getting her as far away from Zim as possible.  
  
'Why did he look so unwell?' he wondered, 'Maybe he has some alien virus thingy and has infected my sister!'  
  
He almost broke into a sprint when the house came into sight, but Gaz was protesting and reluctant enough to hold him back. When they finally got into the house, Gaz turned on her brother and snarled.  
  
"What did you do that for, Dib?" she demanded furiously, her arms behind her back in fists. Dib suddenly turned equally as angry and yelled back at her,  
  
"Zim KISSED you, Gaz! Were you not AWARE of that happening? What the Hell are you yelling at me for? I saved you!"  
  
"Saved me?" Gaz scoffed, "There was nothing to be saved from! And, I kissed Zim first if you must know, not that it's any of your business, Dib."  
  
Dib's jaw dropped.  
  
Gaz strolled past him and huffed up the stairs, leaving Dib seething with utter contempt. Why -  
  
He stumbled up the stairs and into Gaz's room, he couldn't let her leave it there, there was still too much uncovered that had to be understood.  
  
Gaz was sitting on her bed looking at her GameSlave but not playing it. She stared at it blankly before looking up at Dib and frowning, as if he had done something wrong. Wasn't it Gaz that had kissed an alien trying to take over her planet? Never mind the fact that she was ONLY JUST ELEVEN!  
  
"Gaz," he tried, as softly as he could, "Please, please, tell me WHY you kissed Zim? Did he threaten you?"  
  
"No," Gaz replied.  
  
"Blackmail you?"  
  
"Aren't blackmailing and threatening the same thing?"  
  
"Did he try to bribe you?"  
  
"A bit different, but no."  
  
"What about - beg you?"  
  
"Why would I kiss some moron that begged me to? I kissed Zim because - because -"  
  
"Because what?" Dib pushed, and Gaz turned on him, hopping off the bed onto her feet to face her brother.  
  
"It's none of your business!" she snapped.  
  
"It is, because you're my sister and he's my arch nemesis!" Dib argued.  
  
"You just can't see inside who he is and you look at WHAT he is!"  
  
"This is coming from you, the one who despises all contact with living organisms and absorbs herself in a games console, and dresses up in little goth clothes and scares everyone that crosses you - or doesn't cross you!"  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
"NO! Gaz, you need to see, Zim isn't your friend, and if he is then he's only pretending to be."  
  
"That sentence makes no sense whatso-"  
  
"GAZ! Zim is the ENEMY! Bad guy! Naughty and bad also! No touchie! Don't go there!"  
  
Gaz stormed right up to him and stared at him in his big bulbous eyes.  
  
"Get out of my room, Dib, before I make you," she snarled, "Don't you DARE tell me what to do or what not to do, you are my BROTHER not my FATHER!"  
  
"Some dad you've got that forgets your birthday," Dib snarled.  
  
"He didn't forget - he just doesn't care," Gaz shrugged, "And some dad YOU'VE got that doesn't believe a word you say!"  
  
"GAZ!"  
  
"DIB!"  
  
"GAZ! I -"  
  
"Just get out of my room, Dib. Get out of the house, okay? I really just need to - not see you, okay?"  
  
Gaz walked back into the room and Dib attempted to follow her. Suddenly she whipped out a can of Poop Soda and shook it up. Dib knew what was coming and he cried out. She leapt to attention and chased him down the stairs and out of the house, where he attempted to catch his breath.  
  
She sprayed him through the window while he bent over panting in the garden.  
  
"Witch!" he gasped, before he hurtled down the path out of her reach. She sure was skilled with that juice, and with Gaz in that temper it wouldn't be safe to go back to the house for at least a couple of hours, when she would be well into the Zone. But where would he go until then?  
  
Zim's.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The Irken Armada was hovering towards Planet Moriara on a well - earned break while the Almighty Tallest visited their relatives, as it turned out that Purple's sister Fia was to be staying with Red's grandmother Zenin. They knew about the plot to capture Zim and disapproved, but then, they weren't the Almighty Tallest, although Fia was quite tall for a female Irken, with Zenin slightly smaller than her.  
  
"Almost done, Sirs," the Irken designer announced, regarding Zim's cage. It would hold any life form and slowly suck out their life source, making them weaker and weaker by the hour. After about two weeks they would be saying their last prayers. It was in this cage they were planning on keeping the bait, and swap it for Zim instead when he arrived.  
  
Nearly everything was set, and the only problem was that they didn't know what Zim's weakness was.  
  
The trap was set in the Irken Head Quarters on Moriara, an Irken civilian planet, where the Tallest were currently contacting Zim to find out his weakness. Of course, they weren't in view of the cage, even Zim could get suspicious and would ask what it was for. Just in case one of the intelligence - lacking leaders let slip it was actually for him -  
  
"Traaaansmissiooooon to Eaaaarth receivvved, my Mastters!" the guy exaggerated, and Red sat down on his little cool seat thing, they respected the Tallest here than other places, there were throne - things and everything. The screen flickered and Zim's face was seen.  
  
"My Tallest?" he said weakly. He looked tired and exhausted, not like the Zim the Tallest knew him to be, crazy, insane, power-ridden and even paranoid, but never so weary.  
  
"Zim?" Purple asked, "Are you alright? You look a little - dead."  
  
"Peaky!" Red interrupted, "You just look a little pale, uh - Invader."  
  
Zim nodded and looked a little anxious.  
  
"I don't know what's come over me, my Tallest," he agreed, "One minute I was fine and the next I'm almost falling over my slave bot! It must be some kind of human resistance - it must be stopped - yes, stopped - but how?"  
  
Red looked at Purple. That was a mixture of insane and paranoid.  
  
"So, apart from you being - uh - resisted against, Zim," Red said, "How's it going? The exile - uh - mission, I mean."  
  
"Oh, very well, my Tallest!" Zim said, a little more perkily, "I have just been - oh, excuse me, my Computer is - oh that blasted belldoor!"  
  
"So, Zim, what's the thing that you'd say was your weakness? Your Achilles heel? Weak ankle? Funny knee? Demented elbow? Slightly unrounded chin? What human makes you tick?" Purple continued, not realising Zim was distracted.  
  
"Uh - I like Kurt Cobain," he filled in, "I'm sorry My Tallest, I'm going to have to go now."  
  
"Very well, Zim. Go get a rest, you're looking worse." Purple finished.  
  
"Yes, Sirs. Zim out."  
  
The screen went blank, and Purple came to sit on his throne - thing, and looked at his partner.  
  
"You! Irken setting - um - guy! Find the co-ordinates on Earth for this 'Kurt Cobain' at once! This is our chance!" Red ordered, and the several workers at the front contacted the Armada, which had the equipment to scan Earth, and the process began.  
  
They were going to get Zim at last.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: Irkens love Kurt, it's a fact. Or Nurt, in Zim's case. Anyway, what do you think of the story so far then?  
  
Tell me now -  
  
I love this shooooooow.  
  
Next chapter : Dib comes to confront Zim and has a big argument with GIR, who somehow mistakes him for the pizza man and demands his pizza, rightly so. Zim comes to the door eventually, and (great climax builds with drumrolls and little Indian bells - they rock cos they're pointless) - you'll just have to read and see.  
  
MWUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Ha. Hee.  
  
A hoo.  
  
REVIEW!  
  
P.S. My sister is a SpongeBob lover. WHY IS IT ALWAYS THEM??? NOT MY SISTER! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???? It's so unfair! NOT SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTTSSSSSSS!  
  
Noooooo- 


	10. Worst, Naughty Scenario

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Salutations and greetings to you, feeble Earth creatures. How art hou beingful this fine - day. NEXT CHAPTER! Enjoy - then SUFFER! Mwuhhahahahahhahahahahahhahaa- hack hack - ha. Haaaaa. Ha.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Nine - Worst, Naughty Scenario -  
  
Dib stood outside Zim's house and banged on the door and rang the doorbell until the door swung open to reveal GIR in his dog outfit. Dib scowled at him angrily and made to sweep into the base dramatically and demand the answers to what he did to his sister to make her KISS him, because Gaz just wouldn't - uh - do that in normality. It was something Gaz didn't do.  
  
Anyway, then he would destroy Zim and save the Earth and avenge his sister. Blah blah, yadda yadda, it was a great plan.  
  
Alas, his dramatic entrance was foiled, as his enemy's disguised robot frowned slightly and blocked the way, holding one material paw out expectantly.  
  
"What?" Dib snapped irritably, staring down at the dog, who rolled his fake eyes like he was the stupidest kid in the galaxies.  
  
"Heeeeellloooo?" GIR moaned, "Where's my PIZZA?"  
  
Dib tilted his head towards GIR slightly in puzzlement and tried to storm past him, but his attempt failed again. He was getting annoyed now.  
  
"Listen, pipsqueak. I'm Dib, you KNOW me. I'm you're en-em-y, not your pizza delivery boy," Dib told him. The dog's face remained blank.  
  
"Oooooohhh yeeeaaaah," he said finally, "Where's my pizza?"  
  
"I told you, I don't have you're pizza! I'm D-"  
  
"I WANT MY PIZZA!"  
  
"I don't have any!"  
  
"GIVE ME MY PIIIIIZZZAAAAAA!"  
  
"I DON'T HAVE YOUR DRATTED PIZZA!"  
  
GIR gasped.  
  
"Don't speak about the pizza that way!" he sobbed, "HOW COOOOUUUULLLDD YOOOUUUU? HOOOOOOWWWWW???"  
  
"Look, if you let me past, I'll-"  
  
"HHOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW????!!!!!!"  
  
"Hey, listen, robot! I've had enough of your stalling tricks! They won't work, y'hear? Now, give me my pizza - I mean! Let me PAST!"  
  
"Saaayyyy pleeeeeeeaase!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay then - PIZZA NOW! OR TACOS! OR TEQUITOS! OR - OR - PIZZA!"  
  
"I don't have any-" Dib stopped mid-yell as Zim staggered to the door looking very weak. He held onto the doorframe and even Dib's expression softened at the sight of Zim like that. He shook it off immediately and scowled at him.  
  
"Zim," he snarled.  
  
"Dib-Stink," Zim regarded him weakly, "What do you-"  
  
"PIZZAAAAAAA!" GIR whined, "Master, the pizza girl no giva meeee pizzzzaaaaaaa!"  
  
"OH MY GOD!" Dib shrieked, "I think I just saw an invisible pizza on the couch there!"  
  
"WHERE?" GIR cried.  
  
"On the couch!" Dib pointed inside the house, where the supposed 'invisible pizza' was. GIR zoomed over to it and looked like he was eating pizza.  
  
"Dat's goooooooood tacos!" he mumbled.  
  
"Wasn't it supposed to be piz-" he started, but Zim wove his sentence away weakly.  
  
"Don't question it," he advised, "Now what do you want, Dib-Stink?"  
  
Zim swayed a little on his feet, then held on with two gloved hands onto the doorframe. Even through his lame disguise he looked pathetic. Dib clucked his teeth. He should take Zim out now while he was vulnerable, it shouldn't matter about the principal of his weakness, it was MANKIND on the line.  
  
"Um - I came to destroy you, Zim," he said quietly.  
  
"You'll never manage it, Dib," Zim moaned, "I have powers you could only dream of possessing, and I - uh - oh -"  
  
Zim fell to his knees with a groan, and GIR looked up from his invisible pizza, or tacos, or whatever he thought he was ACTUALLY eating. Dib looked down at him awkwardly, was Zim dying?  
  
"Uh - yeah, Zim. I've come to annihilate you and save the world," Dib muttered, "The human race will suffer no - Zim?"  
  
With a final groan, Zim fell over backwards, unconscious. GIR ran over to him and shook his head like a doll.  
  
"Master?" he squeaked, "Master? WHERE DID YOU GOOOOO? WHYYY IS IT ALWAYS THE PRETTY ONES??? Whhyyyyyyy?"  
  
GIR knelt down at Zim's head and placed his dog ear on his eye.  
  
"YUP!" he squealed, "He's dead!"  
  
Dib blinked. He staggered forward the few steps that had separated him and his out-for-the-count nemesis, and felt where he felt there should be a pulse. Being Irken, there was none, so Dib took out his X-Ray goggles and scanned GIR to test they were working. It showed a lot of junk. What did they make their robots out of, anyway?  
  
He hovered the glasses over Zim and it showed his squeedly-spooch, still beating like a heart - although - not. Dib took off his glasses and was torn between killing his enemy here, or to walk away. He looked at GIR, then looked at Zim.  
  
"Another time, you bastard," he murmured, then walked back down the path, until GIR screamed after him.  
  
"NO! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT!" he yelled, and Dib turned to see GIR with a blank face as if he had never shrieked that very long word.  
  
"What?" Dib said, annoyed, and GIR shrugged, before feeling Zim's forehead with his paw and putting it in his mouth.  
  
"Master no like Dib!" he squeaked.  
  
"No, that's right." Dib agreed.  
  
"Dib no like master!" GIR said.  
  
"No, definitely not."  
  
GIR stood up expectantly, standing aside making room for Dib. He frowned, very confused.  
  
"I'm sorry, what are you wanting me to do?" he asked.  
  
"DUH! Help master, he no weeeeeelll!" GIR replied, a little too enthusiastically.  
  
"I can see that, but there is NO WAY I am going to help him. If he dies, it's no blood on my hands."  
  
GIR grinned.  
  
"Master's blood is black," he told him.  
  
"So?"  
  
"I DON'T know. Are you gonna help him?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Awwwwwwwwwwww!"  
  
GIR looked sadly at Zim and patted his head. He attempted to drag him inside, but either couldn't pull him or was pretending not to be able to pull him. Dib suspected the latter, but still he stomped over to GIR. Zim's eyes were closed and he almost looked peaceful, Dib thought.  
  
Not an evil, power-obsessed bee-fearing monster.  
  
"Will he be alright?" Dib asked GIR impaciently.  
  
"I dunnooooo, ask tha compooper!" GIR suggested helpfully.  
  
"Excuse me?" the Computer said superiorly, "Compooper?"  
  
"Look," Dib said, "I really don't have time, and I really don't care, but will Zim - your master - be okay?"  
  
"I know who he is, human," the Computer said mysteriously, "It is just you I do not know-"  
  
"GET ON WIVVVVIIIIT!" GIR screamed excitedly, "The Scary Monkey Show's commin on!! Zim loves that shoooow!"  
  
"Uh - no he doesn't," the Computer said.  
  
"YES HE DO!" GIR disagreed.  
  
"No he doesn't!"  
  
"Look, can we PLEASE just get this over and done with? Compooper - uh - Computer, analyse Zim's - thingy. Find out why he's unconscious." Dib interrupted, and the Computer paused.  
  
"Oooookaay," he agreed, "Processing - PROCESSSING!"  
  
Dib raised an eyebrow and looked at GIR, who giggled delightedly. He had no idea that if his master's weird - surprise fall thing was fatal, he would either be sent to Irk or destroyed. Or left to wander around. Dib almost felt sorry for him and nearly hoped Zim would be alright.  
  
"Zim will be fine," the Computer said finally, and Dib had to fight very hard not to sigh of relief, "He seems to be suffering from - shock?"  
  
"Why are you asking a question?" Dib asked, "You're a computer, you don't-"  
  
"Just because I'm a cold and unfeeling Computer doesn't mean I don't have feelings!" the Computer said defensively.  
  
"YES IT DO!" GIR shrieked.  
  
Still standing in the threshold, Dib made to leave, but GIR stopped him again.  
  
"What now?" Dib asked, "He's gonna be okay! What do you want from me now?"  
  
GIR lowered his eyebrow slightly in annoyance and Dib nearly kicked him, but then he would be attacked by gnomes, and he didn't like the gnomes very much.  
  
"You have to help me carry 'im!" GIR said happily.  
  
"What?" Dib cried.  
  
"YAAAAYYY!"  
  
"I am not going to-"  
  
"YAAAYYY!"  
  
"Seriously, I-"  
  
"YAAAYYY!"  
  
"I-"  
  
"Oh, fine!"  
  
"Aww!"  
  
Dib blinked at GIR, and followed the robot to Zim again. Dib slid his arms between Zim's neck and the back of his knees and carried him over the threshold.  
  
"YAAAAY! THEY'RE MARRIED!" GIR shrieked, and Dib turned on him.  
  
"I'll drop him," he warned, "Now, where do you want me to put him? On the couch?"  
  
"NO!" GIR cried, "The bedroom! THE BEDROOM!"  
  
"What? Aliens don't have-"  
  
"It's a decoy bedroom, in case the master ever had to have what you humans call a 'sleepover," the Computer told him, and Dib nodded.  
  
"Okay, fine, whatever," he said, "Now where is it?"  
  
"At the back of the hooooouuusse!" GIR said, and suddenly the tiles they were standing on rose up to hover over the floor and they zoomed across the living room through a room at the back and into a room Dib had never seen before. He walked into it with GIR singing behind him, and laid Zim down on what was supposed to be a bed roughly.  
  
He looked down at Zim, then scanned the room. Apart from the bed and a couple of chairs in the room, there was only a wall that looked like a TV screen in the room. That was probably where Zim contacted his leaders from other than his base below. Dib looked at the small control panel at the foot of it and would love to play with it, but felt that he shouldn't be in Zim's room when he recovered.  
  
He made to leave the room via the door, but GIR was standing in the way while busy stuffing something down his throat. He had taken off his disguise, and what he was eating looked distinctly like -  
  
"A KEY!" Dib cried, "What did you eat the key for? Why - why did you even lock the door?"  
  
"I didn't say I locked it!" GIR said defensively, and stood aside so Dib could leave. Dib breathed a sigh of relief, then cried out bleakly when he couldn't get the door open. He stared at GIR in horror.  
  
"I didn't say I didn't lock it neither!" he giggled, and shot across the room onto Zim's head.  
  
"WHY DID YOU EAT THE KEY?" bellowed Dib.  
  
"Shhhhh! You'll wake the baby!" GIR hissed.  
  
"What baby?" Dib asked, a little quieter.  
  
"ANY BABY!" GIR yelled, and began to jump up and down on Zim's head. Dib snatched him and flung him against the wall furiously.  
  
"Why - did - you - eat - the - key?" he panted, and GIR cried out, then giggled, then made a sad noise.  
  
"Becauuuuuusssseeee it was cheeky to me!" he shrieked happily, "It had to be eaten!"  
  
"Right, okay, we'll just get out of a window, then," Dib reasoned, and looked at a wall that wasn't made out of TV. There weren't any windows.  
  
"Wha-" he gasped, and slammed the robot against the wall, "I'm going to destroy you, then I'm going to take you apart piece by piece and rebuild you into a key!"  
  
"Unhand my slave-bot!" a slightly less commanding than usual voice ordered, and Dib dropped GIR instinctively, twirling round to face Zim.  
  
"Zim!" he cried, "We're locked in! There's no way out!"  
  
"Nonnsense, feeble Earth baby! Computer! Find a way to get the door open! Computer!" Zim snapped.  
  
"Whhhaaaaat? I'm bored of playing Nirvana!" the Computer whined.  
  
"What? I wasn't - how can you be bored of Nirvana? Anyway, figure out a way to get the door down!"  
  
"Not just now, I'm resting!"  
  
"NOW!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
Zim shook his head. He was obviously not strong enough to feel the need to win an argument. GIR skipped around the room then began to dance. It was then Dib realised properly he was trapped in a small room with two alien life forms that despised him.  
  
"Zim, don't think about anything funny, I swear I will-" Dib started.  
  
"Silence, Dib-Stink," Zim breathed, "I'll kill you when my strength returns."  
  
"Aww, I mean, okay, fine!" Dib agreed, puzzled. This wasn't like Zim, "Uh - why did you faint, by the way?"  
  
"Faint?" Zim asked.  
  
"Pass out. Fall unconscious?"  
  
"Oh. I - don't know. I felt dizzy ever since- THE DOOM WITCH! Your sister, she is a witch!"  
  
"Tell me about it, I mean! Don't speak about my sister like that!"  
  
Zim scowled at Dib, who returned the scowl.  
  
"I'll speak about your sister any way I like, Dib!" Zim cried.  
  
"YOU KISSED HER!" Dib yelled, "You must like her!"  
  
"Wha - why is everyone so obsessed with this 'like' thing? And she 'kissed' me first!"  
  
"I want tacos!" whined GIR.  
  
"Liar!" Dib yelled, "You brainwashed her!"  
  
"She made me faint!"  
  
"I want tacos!" GIR moaned, and blinked as the rear wall flickered and turned on, creating a source of light in the enclosed room.  
  
Dib and Zim didn't seem to notice, but a picture of the Almighty Tallest appeared.  
  
"Hey, Zim!" Purple said, his eyes closed due to eating Space Tacos, "We were just calling to say that there is no Kurt Cobain on Earth! We can't find him so we couldn't capture him and hold him as bait - I mean, fly a kite!"  
  
He shrugged at his companion, but GIR didn't notice.  
  
"He's dead," GIR said, "That makes master sad. He likes anudder hooman nooowwwww! GIMME TACOS!"  
  
"She did not make you faint! YOU FAINTED YOURSELF!" Dib cried in the background, oblivious to the goings on with GIR and the Tallest.  
  
"LIAR! The human Earth weasel boy lies! When will the lies end?" Zim yelled, and ran forward to push Dib, but fell down, under-estimating his returning strength.  
  
"Hey, what's up with Zim?" Red asked GIR, "He looks kinda peaky."  
  
"Ohh yeaaaah, he fainted coz da human girly he likeeees gave 'im a kissss!" GIR told them.  
  
"What's a 'kiss'?" Purple asked.  
  
"'Means Zimmy master likes her!" GIR informed them, feeling important.  
  
Purple grinned at his partner.  
  
"And who is this human Zim likes in this way?" Red asked sneakily. Purple rubbed his claws together and stuffed a Space Taco in his mouth. GIR grinned.  
  
"I'll tell you if you give me tacoooos!" he bargained.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, sure. We'll give you tacos," Red lied, and GIR whooped slightly.  
  
"YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER!"  
  
"Only if your sister stays away from me!"  
  
"'Er name's Gaz!" GIR yelled, "She's Dib's bruvver! I mean sister! They live with the famous sciency guy. I like his shoooow."  
  
"Thank you, Zim's robot junk heap," Purple acknowledged, "Your tacos will not be sent shortly."  
  
"YAAAAAAY! Wait-" GIR cried, and zoomed up to Zim.  
  
"Don't you give me that, my skin is superior - hey, GIR! What is it? I'm pointlessly arguing here! Do not interrupt me!" Zim cried at GIR, who was pulling on his boot.  
  
"Zimmy Zim Zoom!" GIR wailed, "The naughty Tallest peeeeeeeeeple are stealing your friend! AND THEY NOOOOO GIVE ME MY TAAAACCCOOOOOSSSSSS!"  
  
"What?" Zim snapped, looking up at the screen, "What are you talking - AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!"  
  
Zim and Dib looked at the screen wall with open jaws at the sight of Dib's house on the screen. The doorbell rang, and an Irken dressed up in a long brown coat stood on the outside of the house. Gaz answered, and he grabbed her.  
  
"Hey, what are you - LET GO OF ME!" she yelled, and managed to fight him off, but she was caught eventually and beamed away.  
  
"GAZ!" Dib cried out, and a picture of the Almighty Tallest came on screen again.  
  
"You see, Zim?" Red grinned, "Your friend has been transported to Planet Moriara where we are staying just now. We will give you more information, but just now we need to settle accommodations. She may be with us some time."  
  
The screen buzzed and went black.  
  
Dib looked at Zim dreadingly, his jaw practically dropped the ground.  
  
Zim met his eye with horror.  
  
"Oopsie," GIR said, grinning.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N : WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO! That was a worst naughty scenario alright man! That was fun to write. Didst thou liketh?  
  
Nextium uppium : Dib and Zim are forced to join forces (again) to save Gaz and they set out on their way to Planet Moriara. Will the Tallest manage to convince Zim to divert the mission? How will they get out of the room?  
  
Will GIR regurgitate the key?  
  
Will the Computer be bothered to help?  
  
Will Dib devise some clever scheme to escape the evil of the - uh - room?  
  
Or will Zim just blow the place to pieces?  
  
What do you think?  
  
FIND OUT NEXT TIME!  
  
Review.  
  
Invader Jed out! 


	11. Not Again!

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Hello children. Are you enjoying the story thus far? I must agree, I am warped and weird but I am NOT BORING!  
  
WOO!  
  
Okay.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Nine - Not Again! -  
  
Gaz looked around her surroundings. She had been transported onto a large ship, and then beamed down to a planet all in one day. Didn't they have to make big journeys across time and stuff to get to other planets? But then, the machinery did look pretty cool and advanced and fast.  
  
She had been walked through what could only be described as a city, with its tall luminous buildings and strange flags dotted everywhere. They soon arrived outside a huge building, both in height and width. It was like a big gas storage thingy, because it was round too. It was black and sleek with a symbol she recognised, possibly Zim's religious cult's trademark.  
  
After walking through endless metal corridor after gleaming endless metal corridor, they eventually reached a large door, which slid apart automatically like something out of one of those geeky nerdy sci-fi TV programmes that Dib always watched.  
  
Except that it was real, and that there were aliens or something here. What did they want with Gaz?  
  
As well as confused, the scary sibling of Dib Membrane stumbled as a guard tripped her over into a wide room with lots of strange aliens at the front at a control panel, with two really tall guys looming over them on a higher level of the room. They were watching the blank screen and appeared to be eating what looked like tacos, but one turned when he noticed Gaz and her little band of merry armed men.  
  
'The guy that looked over has red eyes like Zim's,' she thought, 'Maybe it's his big brother,' she looked at the height, probably the size of a tall man a bit taller than her dad, 'His very big brother.'  
  
"Can't get enough of these - mmmmm - tacos!" the equally as tall guy with purple eyes next to the guy with red eyes moaned, before his friend nudged him and he looked over. He dropped his slightly weird-looking taco and grinned at Gaz.  
  
"Thank you, guardians of the - uh - what was it? Himen? Human! Yes! You may go now!" the red one said importantly, and the people standing around Gaz wandered off out of the doors. The purple - eyed alien hovered over to her.  
  
"Hey-how do you hover?" Gaz asked, "I don't see any jet packs or anything."  
  
"Oh my God, what kind of question is that?" the purple - eyed one said to his friend, "Hey - how do you hover? I mean - DUH! Hey, Red, how DO we hover - um - again?"  
  
The red-eyed tall guy shrugged.  
  
"I 'unno," he muttered, "I just know it's cool! Whhheeeeee!"  
  
He began to zoom around the room happily, until his purple friend cleared his throat and he stopped mid-hover.  
  
"Sorry," he mumbled, and floated over to his friend that was standing beside Gaz again, "I just like the hover thing."  
  
"I know you do, Red, but we have business," Purple scorned, for once not being the stupid one and clearly enjoying it, then both of them peered down at Gaz, "I thought Zim said humans were tall."  
  
"I'm a kid," Gaz said, "So I'm not fully grown yet."  
  
"Hey - you computer panel guys!" the red one called, "Define 'kid!"  
  
"KID!" one yelled over-dramatically, "A YOUUUUUNG GOAT!"  
  
Gaz snarled and balled her fists. Purple floated away a bit, slightly scared.  
  
"Um, Red?" he whispered, "What's it doing? I thought Zim's robot said it was a human, not a - a - goat?"  
  
"Remember how stupid the robot is," Red groaned, as if defeated, "Another plan to kill Zim failed. Oh well, eject the goat-thing into space and lets go eat tacos."  
  
"Wait!" Gaz yelled, "I'm not a goat! A kid is another name for a child. A - a-" she thought of what Zim would say, "A human worm baby!"  
  
If the two tall guys had any suspicions, they left their faces when she said 'human worm baby'. They floated over to her again, seemingly interested once more.  
  
"Well then," Red said sneakily, "It appears we may have a job for you after all, little human."  
  
Gaz scowled.  
  
"What do you want with me?" she snarled, "I don't even know who you are!"  
  
"We are the Almighty Tallest," Red said superiorly, "Rulers of Planet Irk, or will be again once it's been repaired. Zim - uh - broke our planet, so we kinda hate him."  
  
"Yeah," Purple seconded, "So in our evil ploy to destroy him we're going to use you as bait until he comes here to save you."  
  
"Why would he do that?" Gaz asked.  
  
"Because he - what was it - 'likes' you," Red told her.  
  
"He does? Well, it won't be you killing him, then," Gaz replied.  
  
"Didn't you know Zim was an alien?" Purple asked, changing the subject. It seemed like he had become bored and was being drawn towards the tacos but his friend stopped him, so he was trying to console his loss of the chili, such beautiful chili - - -  
  
"Yeah, me and my stupid brother Dib are the only ones who know," she said, "He keeps trying to take over the world, but he's so bad at it."  
  
"I feel your pain," Red agreed, "But we really need to lock you up now. Please give up any carry-on items!"  
  
"What?" Gaz panicked, remembering her GameSlave 2 tucked safetly inside her pocket, "Can't I carry on my carry-on items to - uh - wherever I'm going which is preferably home?"  
  
"Sorry, give 'em up." Purple said, and held out his clawed hand.  
  
"But I - NO! I will not yield!" Gaz yelled, and tried to run away. Two mechanic arms shot out of the walls and held her arms while the tall guys searched inside her pockets. Gaz struggled, and they took out some coins, a set of spare batteries and her GameSlave.  
  
"No!" she moaned, trying to grab it, "No! Please - not that! Anything but that!"  
  
Red grinned and felt the sides of the GameSlave, fascinated.  
  
"It's pretty," he murmured, "Purple, be a pal and lock the Earthanoid up, will you? I'll just play this - "  
  
Purple waved the robot arms off Gaz and held her shoulders firmly while she jerked them, trying to get to Red. He floated her over to a strange-looking tile at the back corner of the room and put her on it. He stepped back and before she could move it slid down through the floor and a replacement tile appeared above her.  
  
She was in pitch black now, and she felt the tile underneath her settle into the ground. Gaz swallowed and stepped forwards off of the tile. Lights suddenly filled the room all around her, making her blink. She was in a glass sphere, about the size of an average-sized bathroom. Good thing it had a toilet, she wasn't sure if these aliens possessed the excretory system.  
  
Anyway, she didn't REALLY want to think about that.  
  
There wasn't much of the square room outside the ball she was inside, only a large viewing screen which took up most of the wall. Suddenly, she felt a bit less angry and slightly more concerned, which wasn't like her. Maybe it was those horrible lights, beaming down mercilessly on her.  
  
God, why wouldn't someone turn them off?  
  
Why?  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGHHH!" Dib yelled, throwing himself on the robot angrily, pounding his head off the floor again and again.  
  
"YAAAY!" GIR squealed, "It hurts!"  
  
Zim stood looking at the black screen with a puzzled expression on his face.  
  
"You - stupid - robot!" Dib shouted, with each word banging the robot's head off the ground, "What - did - you - do?"  
  
"I told them-" GIR began.  
  
"What - did - you - do?"  
  
"I told them - "  
  
"What - did - you - do?"  
  
"I'm trying to tell ya! Jeeeeeeeeeez!"  
  
"What - did - you - okay, fine, whatever. Make it quick, the pounding your head off the floor is quite stress-relieving," Dib said.  
  
"I told the Tallest that Zim liked Gaz! I dunno why they wanna know, but I think it has something to do with some kind of plan that they want to do and they said they would give me tacos and I just can't resist tacos and I said okay if they gave me tacos so I told them Zim liked Gaz who was your sister and I wanted the tacos but they no give me tacos and I think my head is going to explo-" GIR twittered before his head flew off and forwards, and fell right in front of Zim's feet, who didn't really notice, "Yup! I was right! YAAAAAAAAAAY!"  
  
Dib shook his head and walked up to Zim, nudging him.  
  
"Why did you get your leaders to kidnap my sister?" he demanded, "What did Gaz - wait a minute, this is about the fainting thing, isn't it?"  
  
"What? Dib? No, no. I don't know why they - I didn't - what's going on?" Zim spoke to himself more than Dib, "I want answers - I WANT THEM NOW! Like - like - potatoes in a sack screaming for boiling fried fish! I NEED THE FRIED FISH!"  
  
"I think you need to sit down, Zim," Dib said honestly, pointing to the bed. Zim shook his head vigorously until he fell down, then the screen in front began to flicker.  
  
GIR, who had been reconnecting his head, looked up at it and grinned at the forming faces of the Almighty Tallest.  
  
"Thank you for my tacos," he said sweetly, "They was verrrrrry nice."  
  
"We didn't give you tacos, you stupid robot," Purple snarled, "And by the way, the human is not a goat! Hang on - "  
  
Red patted his shoulder sympathetically and pointed toward the tacos. Purple floated over to the tacos, leaving his comrade on the screen. He acknowledged Zim on the floor and the human standing next to him.  
  
"Hey Zim, you look a little - whoah! Look at the size of that guy's head!! It's HUGE!" he yelled, pointing at Dib, who frowned.  
  
"My head is not big!" he cried.  
  
"Why is his head so big?" GIR screamed, "Why is his head sooooo BIG?"  
  
"My Tallest!" Zim said, struggling to his feet, "Forgive the interruption, sirs, but - why did you capture the Gaz creature?"  
  
"We couldn't find Kurt Cobain, so we took the next thing," Red told him, and Zim nodded sadly.  
  
"Yes, Nurt O'Jane has departed this world, it is sad. He is the one human that I truly connected with. I think he was Irken, you see. It is my theory, my very, very great theory of - LIFE!"  
  
"Fandabby dozy, Zim," Red said understandingly.  
  
Purple floated back over with a taco in his hand.  
  
"I want the GIR Tacos!" GIR yelped, "PLEASE!"  
  
"No!" Purple yelled, "They're MINE! MINE!"  
  
"Umm - back to my sister?" Dib suggested, putting his hand up so he was noticed, "Where is she, and WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER?"  
  
"We have put her in a containment chamber directly below where we are standing now, on Planet Moriara's Irken Military Head Quarters," Purple said superiorly, "She will be held here until you, Zim, come to get her."  
  
"Whhyyyy?" Zim moaned, "Why couldn't you just leave her here? What's the point of me going all the way to the Armada - wait a minute? Moriara? That's an Irken civilian planet!"  
  
"Yeah, I'm visiting my Grandma," Red said happily, "And Purple's sister, but that's a different story. We need you to come here, Zim. If you don't, your friend will be eliminated in a week. Here are Moriara's co-ordinates."  
  
The image of the Tallest disappeared and instead came up a large map. At the left hand corner was Earth, then at the far end was Planet Moriara.  
  
"You'll never get there in a week, Zim!" Dib cried helplessly, "I don't know how they did!"  
  
"The Irken spacecrafts are very fast, but I agree. It takes months to get from Conventia to Earth, never mind getting further in a week!" Zim cried, "My Tallest, how am I going to-"  
  
"Have you never noticed the secret button in the Voot Cruiser before, Zim?" Red asked, "It's underneath the chair, it's very small and only to be used in events like this. We need you to get here fast. The boost will put you faster than the speed of very, very, very fast for up to nineteen galaxies, and you only need to travel past seven, so you should be there in just about a week if you leave now, Zim. I suggest you do."  
  
"Very well, my Tallest," Zim said, still a little confused, "But I still don't understand why you-"  
  
The screen went blank so Zim stood silently. He grabbed GIR, who was sobbing in the corner over his lost tacos and readied his pak to blast a hole out of the room. He did so, and the debris flew outwards, which attracted GIR, who chased the broken bits of plaster giggling.  
  
"GIR, come on, we've got to ready the Voot," he snapped, and stood on a tile, waiting for it to take him up to the roof. Dib gripped Zim's arm, who looked down at his hand.  
  
"What do you want, Dib-Stink?" Zim snarled, still a little weaker than usual, "I'm away to rescue your sister, or do you not want me to?"  
  
"So you agree that she's been kidnapped?" Dib asked, still not letting go.  
  
"I don't know." Zim said honestly, and tugged at his arm, but Dib held fast.  
  
"Zim. You know I hate you."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And you hate me."  
  
"-yes?"  
  
"I have to come with you."  
  
"WHAT? Dib, there is no way you are coming with me. NONE! NONE, you hear me? Noooone!"  
  
"Heeeeey! C'mon, master! The ship's a-waiting!" GIR shrieked, and Zim nodded irritably.  
  
"Zim, you can't do this without me," Dib told Zim desperately. Zim stopped pulling and narrowed his eyes at his enemy.  
  
"What do you mean? Tell me---" he asked suspiciously.  
  
"Zim - I - I thought about it, about the button thing on your Voot Cruiser."  
  
"Uh - huh?"  
  
"Well, if it's going to go fast then if you push it and you're not controlling the ship too then you'll go off course and end up in a completely different place, and you won't get to Gaz in time!"  
  
Zim blinked thoughtfully, and shook his head.  
  
"GIR can-" he began.  
  
"Zim, I wouldn't say this if it wasn't for Gaz's life. GIR's concentration is very limited, and I'm sure that you'll have to hold the button down for a while. Plus you'll be so busy steering it, someone will have to change the fuel tanks, and since when could you trust GIR to do that?" Dib said, and GIR blinked.  
  
Zim looked at GIR, then at Dib, then up at where the Voot was.  
  
"I really hate doing this," Zim snarled.  
  
"Me too." Dib agreed, and held out his hand.  
  
Zim remembered the baloney incident with the tack, but the disturbing thought of wanting Gaz back got in his way and he shuddered, then stretched his gloved hand forwards.  
  
The nemesis' hands met and shook, so the tile shot up with the three of them on it and they were in the Voot Cruiser, Zim and Dib sitting in the large seat with GIR on a ledge slightly behind them. Zim acknowledged the location of the button and felt where it was. Strange the number of times he had had to repair his ship and he had come across it but never properly wondered what the button was for.  
  
He started the engines and waited until they were quite far into space. He and Dib hadn't said a word to each other until Zim felt they were far enough into the never-ending vacuum of --- mystery . . .  
  
"Okay, Dib," he said suddenly, making his temporary ally wince slightly, "On my signal, push the button. I think that when you push it, the Computer will tell us how long to hold the button down for."  
  
"Okay." Dib said, and bent double so his finger hovered over the button slightly.  
  
"Right. Long live the Irken Army!" Zim cried.  
  
Dib did nothing.  
  
"Uh - that was the signal." Zim noted.  
  
"Yeah, but I amn't doing that." Dib said blankly, making Zim groan.  
  
"Fine. Long live the -" Zim amended, or tried to.  
  
"TACOS!" GIR shrieked, and Dib pushed the button and held it down.  
  
Right enough, on the screen in front two digital numbers appeared. Zim smirked and called out to Dib, "Thirty-nine seconds!"  
  
"Thirty-nine seconds?" Dib repeated, "That's a weird time. Okay."  
  
After twenty-nine seconds, the Voot Cruiser's engines were tested as they began to shake under the strain.  
  
Three---  
  
Zim looked down at Dib.  
  
Two----  
  
Dib nodded, and Zim turned back to the controls.  
  
One----  
  
Zim prepared his hands and his bladder for imminent release.  
  
BOOOOOM!  
  
GIR squealed with delight and Dib fell forwards as the Voot shot off at an unbelievable speed. Zim amazingly managed to keep up with it and piloted the Cruiser well, so that even Dib (once he had re-assembled himself in an orderly manner) couldn't help but be impressed.  
  
Maybe there was a chance they could save Gaz after all.  
  
Maybe.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The screen flickered and Gaz looked up at it wearily. She had been becoming constantly weaker during the three days she had been in the ball. The food she had been given was horrible and the drink was too disgustingly squidgy and alive-looking to be called a liquid.  
  
"Hello, little human," the red leader said, "Enjoying your stay?"  
  
"Why am I here?" Gaz moaned, "What do you want with me?"  
  
"You're bait for Zim," the purple one obliged, "once Zim arrives, we're going to make him swap himself for your freedom and then we'll have him and watch him die very nastily."  
  
"Why? He's one of your own!" Gaz attempted to understand.  
  
"Do not attempt to understand!" the red leader snapped, "We have our reasons, go back to your constant pain and weakness. By the way, your Game thing? It's cool."  
  
"Can I get it?"  
  
"No."  
  
Laughter, and then the screen went black.  
  
Silence.  
  
Gaz curled up in her ball again and waited for sleep, trying to mimic the game controls for the Vampire Piggy Slayer game.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Dib returned from changing the fuel tanks to see Zim looking quite exhausted. He had been flying non-stop for three days, you could hardly blame him.  
  
"You want me to take over, Zim?" Dib offered.  
  
Zim shook his head.  
  
"Even evil, power-obsessed aliens have to rest too, y'know." Dib said.  
  
"Silence, Earth child," Zim snapped, "I'll rest when I need to rest. That is not now."  
  
He yawned and Dib shook his head.  
  
"Why do you even want to rescue Gaz?" he asked Zim.  
  
"Who said I did? The Tallest told me to go, so I did. This has nothing to do with Gaz. It just so happens that they have her."  
  
"I'm sure. Zim, do you care about Gaz?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you care about her? Do you want to make sure she's okay?"  
  
"No . . ."  
  
Dib tutted and turned around to see GIR grinning in his face. He shuddered and looked out to the stars. The only time he was able to relax and see them was when his sister's life was a time bomb and the rescuers were her brother, an insane robot and a half-crazed alien. He looked at Zim.  
  
"HEY! HEY! Move out of the way! Stupid starship! STUPID STARSHIP! Almighty Irk and all its Irkens! What STUPIDITY does that starship possess? Much stupidity! MUCH!" he yelled at a passing starship.  
  
Okay, maybe a three-quarter-crazed alien.  
  
"Zim, how about letting me drive?" he suggested, and Zim looked at him up and down before quickly jumping out of the seat to let Dib in. Dib looked at Zim, who settled into a sleeping position on the chair.  
  
He knew that Zim couldn't sleep, but he was resting, which was good. He could go for longer without tiring.  
  
He hoped Gaz was okay.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: Hey kiddies how did you like that one? Kind of an in betweeny chapter I think. In betweeny chapters aren't as fun but they must be done, no? Yes. Yes. YES!  
  
Okay. I'm not mad. I just like mad stuff.  
  
WOO!  
  
I'm craaaaazy.  
  
WOO!  
  
I love tacos.  
  
Review. 


	12. Waco Taco

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Salutations. This is the person who will slowly take over your world and then feed it to . . . THE BADGERS!  
  
YES! BADGERS! YESSSS!  
  
Mwahahhahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahahaahahhaaa!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Ten - Waco Taco -  
  
The unlikely allies had been flying for six Earth days and twenty hours. They would reach Moriara in time, therefore de-activating the time limit the Almighty Tallest held over Gaz. It was just from what they'd do when they reached Moriara that seemed to phase them, as, only two and a half of the four hours remaining to them had been all that had mattered when they had set off. They supposed they had better try to contact the Head Quarters.  
  
In the meantime, GIR was pining, Zim was piloting and Dib was sleeping in the seat next to Zim.  
  
"I want taaaacooos," GIR moaned, "I neeeeeeeed taaacoooos!"  
  
Zim was interrupted from his piloting and turned to scowl at GIR.  
  
"Silence, GIR!" he snapped, "You can have tacos on Moriara. No doubt they have the Space Tacos there."  
  
"GIR Tacos." GIR corrected.  
  
"Yeah. Sure."  
  
The slight sound of Smells Like Teen Spirit came from the speakers in the Voot Runner, and it calmed Zim. He didn't know why getting to the planet in time was so important to him, or that why he should arrive so urgently was a necessity for the Tallest, but they were his leaders and they required him.  
  
It was just a bad thing Gaz was involved.  
  
Zim looked down at Dib beside him, and looked at his trusty Irken penknife sitting in the glovebox of the Voot, then back at Dib. It would be easy to kill him now, and why shouldn't he? He had done all Zim required off of him. Stupid human, he was a fool to sleep on Zim's watch.  
  
Suddenly the ship shuddered and any chances of a sneak attack were abolished as Dib woke up with a jolt.  
  
"What was that?" he yelled, but Zim calmed him with a wave of the hand, "Wha - Zim! What happened? What did GIR do now?"  
  
"It wasn't him, Dib-Stink!" Zim snarled, trying to remain unsurprised himself, "GIR has been sitting joviantly by my side like a little shoe- frog."  
  
"Uh - huh. Well, no offence, Zim, but from the looks of it outside, the reason we're being jolted around is because we're - um - under attack?" Dib said, pointing to the outside.  
  
Zim looked out of the Voot and was admittedly surprised at the sight of laser cannons coming from the - - - Armada? What was it doing here? It must just be hovering here while the Tallest visit their relatives, Zim thought. So why was the Irken Armada attacking his Voot Runner?  
  
Without another second to think, a blast hit them in the side of the ship and knocked the passengers over to the far right of the ship. Dib landed on Zim, who pushed him off angrily.  
  
"YAAAAY!" GIR screamed, "We're doooomed! Hang it on a goosey! I won't have no GIR tacossss! OH NOOOOOOOOOO! Zimmy! We can't be dooooomed! NOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
"Calm down, GIR!" Zim ordered, settling himself down at the controls again and positioning the ship, "We'll be in the atmosphere in a matter of minutes, this is just a little unexpected, that's all."  
  
"Okaaaaaaay!" GIR said, and sat back down quite relaxed, humming the Doom Song.  
  
After Zim piloted his way through the mass attacks coming from the amazingly large Armada, which Dib was gawking over, the descent onto the planet was fast and hot, and very fast. Hang on, I said that. Okay.  
  
After a last attempt to crash land the ship before it disappeared, the Armada settled down again to its well deserved break. They had succeeded in slowing Zim down, and they had had a little fun, too.  
  
'Cos they really hated Zim.  
  
The Voot Runner hurtled at an astonishing speed towards the ground, causing Dib and Zim to yell and scream, whereas GIR simply sat back with the anticipation of the reunion with his tacos. And these were "GIR" Tacos.  
  
Anyway, the ship was going down at a very fast speed yadda yadda, and it crashed. Okay, fine, I'll explain that better. Here:  
  
Meanwhile, the Voot Runner with Zim, Dib and the ever so slightly malfunctioning slave bot inside was zooming dangerously quickly towards the ground with terrible consequences a-looming.  
  
"Zim, is this supposed to - AAAAAARRRGGHHH! - H-happen?" Dib gasped, in between screams, and looked to Zim, who was about to answer, but his safety restraints snapped under the tension and he fell forwards onto the control panel and screen, unconscious. Dib pulled him back into his seat and held him there, while trying not to snap his safety belts too.  
  
Finally, the Irken spacecraft bounced off the ground once, twice, three times, and the screen smashed on the third. It was also then that Dib shut his eyes and used his hands to protect his face from the glass, letting go of Zim, who flew forwards without Dib to hold him back out of the front of the Voot.  
  
Dib, slightly dazed, got up and looked to GIR, who was waltzing with a broken gearstick. He shook his head and grabbed the robot, placed him firmly in the driver's seat and ventured out into the unknown to retrieve Zim.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Red looked at the screen showing the Voot Runner smoking in the ground with GIR still waltzing with the lever. They cut to Dib scrambling out of the broken glass to get to Zim, who was lying face up very still.  
  
"Is he dead?" Purple whispered, "Tell me he's dead, tell me he's dead!"  
  
Red frowned, squinting his eyes at the screen.  
  
"I don't know-" he started, "he could be . . . ah no, look, the human is shaking him awake."  
  
Purple shook his head.  
  
"It's not working though, is it? IS IT? IIISSSS ITTTT?" he screamed.  
  
Red looked at him.  
  
"No, but look. He's breathing! He'll be awake soon. Anyway, they're on the planet. We might have to wait a while for Zim to be revitalised-" Red faltered as the screen the two leaders had not been paying attention to had a large headed human in front of it, glaring at them.  
  
"Aaaargh!" Purple yelled, "His head . . . ENORMOUS! Why is it so huge?"  
  
GIR popped up in front of the large-headed boy and giggled in a high pitched voice.  
  
"Whhhhyyy is his heaaad so big? Whhhyyyyy is his head so biiiig?" he screamed joyfully, but the huge headed human knocked him backwards. The human was holding Zim's gloved hand with his . . . four fingered one? FOUR FINGERS AND A THUMB???  
  
Anyway, the human shook Zim's hand, trying to get him awake while still talking to the Almighty Tallest.  
  
"Why is your head so big - I mean, who are you, human?" Red tried to say importantly, but got embarrassed when he saw his colleague's jaw wide open in horror at the size of the thing's head.  
  
"My name is Dib," he said, "and you have my sister. I don't want you to have my sister! Give her back or I'll - hey!"  
  
He had been interrupted by GIR, who was sleeping on top of Zim's head.  
  
"Get off his head!" Dib yelled, "I'm trying to get him awake, you're not helping you stupid robot."  
  
He turned back to the Almighty Tallest, his frown fixed.  
  
"We will discuss the matter with Zim. Why he brought you I don't know. Are you his friend or something?" Purple asked, confused and dazed.  
  
"NO!" the human yelled defensively, "I hate Zim. Zim hates me, but you see, the human you have, she's my sister. I want my sister!"  
  
"We will talk with Zim. The sooner you get him awake, the sooner you will know what is happening. We have nothing more to say to you. Goodbye." Red grinned, and signed off.  
  
Dib banged his fist on the small display screen in the Voot Cruiser.  
  
"Urgh! Why couldn't it have been me that was horribly knocked unconscious? Wait-" he muttered to himself, and began patting Zim's hand again in an attempt to wake him up. The Irken lay with his mouth slightly open and his antennae down. Dib saw Zim unconscious a lot nowadays. All because of Gaz.  
  
"WOOOOOOOOO!" a sudden scream from GIR erupted from a nearby crowd of Irkens, "YAAAAY! Gimme a GIR Taco! They mine!"  
  
A muttering chorus came next from the crowd, but it was the Irkens involved.  
  
"What do you mean? These are Space Tacos!" one said.  
  
"No they not! The Tallest is baaaaaaaaaaaaad! Like a goose! I like goose. They make me smile. They GIR Tacos! But not GIR Gooses. Noooooo, I wanna GIR Gooses." He disagreed, and the gullible Irken civilians muttered again in interest.  
  
"So you are the creator of these delicious snacks?" one male Irken asked in awe.  
  
"Or are you the creator of these gooses you speak of?" a female asked.  
  
"I maded the tacos! They GIR Tacos! They the tacos of GIR!" GIR confirmed, and the Irkens gasped in admiration.  
  
"It's the Lord of the Tacos!" the female that had spoken before cried, "Come! Let us bless him and bleat after him like lambs until we get bored!"  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAY!" the crowd agreed, and as GIR ran up to Dib happily, the crowd followed him. Dib frowned.  
  
"You're going to attract attention to us, GIR," Dib scorned, "What about me? I look nothing like an Irken! What will people think?"  
  
"I don't care!" GIR shrieked, and began running in circles. The others followed him, and Dib sighed, turning back to Zim.  
  
"Come on, Zim," Dib moaned, "Come on, we need to go save Gaz. That's what you're here for, you know it is."  
  
Suddenly, Zim groaned and moved his head slightly to the right.  
  
"Lies," he croaked, "I am here to obey my masters, no more."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, Zim. We have to contact your great masters. Come on!"  
  
"Fine. It makes me glad to know I will soon speak to my Almighty Tallest once again face to face. Uhh - why do I hurt?" Zim asked.  
  
"Your seatbelt broke and you slammed into the screen, then you flew out of the Voot when we landed."  
  
"Ah."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Gaz sat in her little bubble, bored and weak. She had been without her GameSlave, and she was feeling very tired and drained. There must be some kind of special device in this thing because she hadn't even been able to stand up, and she had been eating and drinking fine, disgusting though it was.  
  
The screen flickered and those two green guys appeared again.  
  
"Hello, little girl," the red-eyed one sneered, "Feeling suitably weak just now?"  
  
Gaz frowned.  
  
"Well, adjust yourself 'cos you're just about to see your favourite Irken and your brother." The purple one sneered, and Gaz raised an eyebrow, "Yup, they're here. Little Zim flew the ship the whole way without hardly any rest, then fell unconscious under the impact of landing."  
  
Gaz blinked and swallowed.  
  
"Don't you want to know if he's okay?" Red sneered, "They've just contacted us and Zim has only just woken up, your brother wants us to prove you're still alive so we're going to put you on screen, okay?"  
  
The screen buzzed and Dib's abnormally large head appeared. His jaw dropped when he saw her barely even sitting on the floor, it was more of a useless flop, and he blinked.  
  
"GAZ!" he yelled, once he had adjusted himself, "Are you okay? Oh my God, what did they do to you? Wait! Wait, hey you - um - Irken leadery things! How do we know this isn't pre-recorded?"  
  
"Ask her a question that she could only answer if you asked her now," a somewhat weaker Zim's voice suggested from the background.  
  
"Okay . . . " Dib allowed, "Um, Gaz! You know how you thought I took one piece of pizza last time we went to Bloaty's? Well, I actually took two. You don't mind, do you?"  
  
"What? Dib, I swear I will kill you. My pizza? Two slices? Two slices of beautifully cheesed pizza and you stole it from the one person deserving enough? Do you know what I have to put up with? I'm in a bubble, Dib, with gruel to eat! And you're talking about pizza! You want me to starve?" Gaz tried to yell but failed, she was obviously too weak.  
  
Dib stepped back, a little scared and guilty at the same time. Zim took his place and attempted to look angry, but seeing the state she was in he couldn't help feeling a little worried.  
  
A little.  
  
"Um," he said, "you okay?"  
  
"No." Gaz replied. "Can't you get me out?"  
  
"I'm working on it, pitiful one. Look at you in the cage, it's because of me, yes? Well, I don't want to be here, and I don't want to have to be saving YOU! YOU STUPID, DELINQUENT- okay. I'm going to speak to the Tallest now. I think Dib believes you're alive now. Yes?" there was a pause. Then, "Dib, look, she's right there, ALIVE! You need help, Dib. She's alive. My Tallest? We know she's alive. What do you want us to do?"  
  
Gaz's screen went black, but Zim and Dib saw the Tallest on the screen in the smashed - up Voot Runner.  
  
"Can you let my sister go now?" Dib asked.  
  
"Come and get her at the Head Quarters, you can find it yourselves. Only one of you will get through security so make up your minds which." Red told them.  
  
"Why is only one of us-" Dib began, but Zim shook his head warningly.  
  
"How long do we have my Tallest?" he asked.  
  
"Well, we're not setting a limit, but the way your friend is going, Zim, I'd say she'd be dead in about three days, so somewhere in between then if you want her alive, I think."  
  
Zim tried to hide a gulp but failed, and satisfied, the Tallest signed off.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Zim, Dib, GIR and the Taco Zombies walked through the streets of Planet Moriara. They were in the capital, so they were sure the Head Quarters would be here somewhere. They'd been walking all day and had hardly spoken a word, so Dib did now.  
  
"Um, Zim, how are the leaders of your Empire visiting their relatives?" he asked.  
  
"Well, they came to the planet and go to their house and say hello and have a cup of-" Zim began, and Dib put on an annoyed face.  
  
"I thought Irkens were developed, not born, so how can they have siblings and grandparents and stuff?" he asked.  
  
"Well, the Almighty Tallests' families are different. Each Tallest is assigned a family. Every century, one of the relatives in each one's family is sacrificed. But there was a sacrificing just about a decade or two ago so the ones they're visiting have a while yet, they always visit the ones who are going next, you see." Zim explained, and Dib looked very bewildered.  
  
"That's just stupid." he said, and Zim shrugged.  
  
"Yes, families are pointless. But the executions are fun . . . " he smiled happily, and Dib looked scared.  
  
They didn't speak for another long while, and they stopped off for a while so the Taco Zombies and GIR could stock up on "GIR Tacos", then were on the move again. Zim had a detection device, which was pointing the way to the Head Quarters; he has loads of cool gadgets like that. By this time, he had regained his strength and was no longer in pain.  
  
"Zim," Dib asked, "Do you care for Gaz?"  
  
"Don't be silly!" Zim snorted, "Of course I don't. I hate your father!"  
  
"GAZ, Zim! GAZ! Do you care for Gaz? Why are you saving her? Don't you think that your leaders telling you to come here and also having Gaz at the exact same time is just a little weird? Don't you think it could be a trap or a set up or something?"  
  
"Why would the Tallest do that?"  
  
"I DON'T KNOW! Did you maybe do something to upset them?"  
  
Zim flashed back to his destroying the planet.  
  
"MWAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!" he had yelled.  
  
"But Sir, we're still on our own planet!" an objecting voice yelled.  
  
"SILENCE!" Zim had ordered, "Twist those knobs! Twist those knobs! YOU! Pull some levers, pull some leverrrrs!"  
  
Ah, those had been the days. The days without the Armada, without Earth, without GIR, without Dib and all those horrible people he knew. And Gaz. Especially Gaz.  
  
"Zim?" Dib asked.  
  
"No, no, I can't think of anything I did to upset my Tallest!" Zim yelled, "How could I, a great and so incredibly wonderful and respected DESTRUCTION MACHINE do anything to upset my beloved leaders?"  
  
Dib didn't answer.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: WOO! Are you enjoying it? Got loooaaaaaaaads to go yet. I'm really having fun writing it so you'll have to put up with me!  
  
Next chapter: Zim and Dib find the headquarters and decide who should go in. Meanwhile, GIR tries to find Red's grandma and Purple's sister because that's what Zim wanted him to do.  
  
You need to read it!  
  
YES! REAAAAD!  
  
Do you want to invoke the wrath of the badgers?  
  
DO YOU!?!?!?!?  
  
Didn't think so.  
  
Review! 


	13. You or Me?

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Official note from author. WOO! I mean, ahem. My cat is evil. EVIL! He likes my knees . . . why does he continuously attack my knees? WHY MY BELOVED KNEES???  
  
WHY?  
  
Jeez, I'm sorry it's been so long. My story is so far back, way way back nearly forgotted! Oopsie! Will try and update but had a batch of the dreaded writer's block, that always happens around summer. Sorry folks try and put up with me. Thanks to all who have reviewed and have been waiting for this, I'll make it up. Pwomise!  
  
Man this is a long chapter. 4,657 words, y'know? That's a lot! For one chapter, anyway! WOO! I love long chapters. You may have to read this offline if you don't have like a cool internet deal. But just make sure you read it? OKAY??? OKAYYYY?  
  
WHY MY KNEEES?!???!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Eleven - You or Me? -  
  
GIR was having fun with his minions, they did exactly what he did and copied what he said. His master was getting quite annoyed with him, and GIR was enjoying it because with an army of zombies behind him, there was nothing even the power-ridden Irken Invader could do. They had been eating Space Tacos - uh - GIR Tacos all the two days they had been walking, and suddenly, GIR's antenna began to buzz and a holographic image of the Almighty Tallest shot out of the small ball at the top.  
  
GIR blinked.  
  
"HIII!" he squealed happily, "I got loooottts of friends!"  
  
"Very nice," the red Tallest dismissed, "What did you contact us for?"  
  
"Whhhhaaaaaaatttt?" GIR dragged, "What you saaaaay?"  
  
"Did you even know that you contacted us?"  
  
"I really don't!"  
  
Red turned to Purple.  
  
"It's hurting me," he said, "You're stupider than me, Purp. See if you can understand him a little easier."  
  
"Well, okay," Purple agreed, "And - uh - Red? Don't call me Purp."  
  
"HIYA!" GIR yelled to the newcomer.  
  
"Greetings, Zim minion," Purple acknowledged, then saw all the Irkens behind the little robot, "Uh - who are they?"  
  
GIR looked behind him, as if surprised to find about two hundred Irken civilians behind him. He returned his very limited attention to the Purple Tallest.  
  
"They like my GIR Tacos!" he told them happily, "THEY LIKE MY TACCOOOS!"  
  
"Are you talking about Space Tacos?" Purple asked, looking down at the taco in his hand, "Y'know, I like this taco as it is, I don't want it to have anything to do with you!"  
  
"YAAAAAAAAY! I don't caaaare!"  
  
Purple scowled and Red took his place again, trying to come to reason. How had this stupid little robot they had created in thirty seconds been able to manipulate so many Irkens, even if they were infiltratable civilians. He decided to address them instead of the robot, who appeared to be spacing out.  
  
"Wooooooooo," GIR was saying, looking at the image projecting from his head, "Lookie! It moooooooooooooooooos!"  
  
Red raised an eyebrow and cleared his throat, "Irkens! Why are you following this robot? Do you not know who your leaders are?"  
  
"We obey only the Taco Lord!" a female Irken cawed dramatically, before being lifted up by the crowd and drifted to the back. Red didn't question it, but was scared.  
  
"They aren't even his tacos!" Red protested, "They're Space Tacos, and the Irken chef geniuses created them!"  
  
"BYE!" GIR yelled randomly, pointing to the ever diminishing silhouette of Zim and Dib, "We gotta go now, Master don't know I is heerrrre!"  
  
GIR pressed a button inside his head, and to his frustration it didn't work, so he shrugged, and walked on anyway, the image still coming out of his head. His minions followed ever onwards with tacos held high all . . . cool like . . . and . . . stuff . . .  
  
A muffled voice yelled in the background of the Tallest area.  
  
"HEY! He just hacked into the mainframe!" it yelled.  
  
Red's head jerked and he stared, gobsmacked at the Irken at the front who had brought forth the news.  
  
"What? That kooky robot?" Purple gabbled, "He hacked into the great Irken mainframe? HOW DID HE DO THAT?"  
  
"I pressed a wrong butty-wutten!" GIR giggled, and pressed another button. The image of the Tallest disappeared and a map of the city took its place, with a green dot, a yellow dot and a bigger blue dot.  
  
"WHAT?" Red roared, and GIR was still able to hear him in the background.  
  
"Oopsie!" GIR squeaked, and began to skip towards Zim, who had by now stopped and was yelling at him to hurry up.  
  
"Oo-oopsie?" Red stammered, "You - you stupid robot! You just hacked into the most sophisticated and complex mainframe computer in the Universe! NO ONE has been able to do that before, how can you, you, a delinquent, wacky Standard Information Retrieval Unit gone SERIOUSLY wrong be able to hack into it with an accidental push of a button? You have no idea how greatly you have-"  
  
GIR found the right button to cut off the Almighty Tallest transmission, hoping to get the stupid image off of his head. Instead, he only cut off the sound and was left with the map.  
  
He eventually reached Zim, who grabbed GIR's head and shook it.  
  
"What's this, GIR?" he demanded, "What did you do?"  
  
"I gotta map!" GIR replied, pointing continuously at the thing on his head, "Looky looky looky looky looky looky looky looky looky looky looky looky looky looky looky look-"  
  
"Okay!" Dib interrupted, "Fine! Whatever. A map, of what, I wonder?"  
  
"Dib, stop talking to yourself. It must be some kind of SECRET CUNNINGLY INFILTRATED DATABASE of some sort. Maybe a - map to the Head Quarters?" Zim suggested.  
  
"Yeah, I think you're right," Dib agreed, "But we have one of those. Do we switch it off?"  
  
Zim swung GIR's head down to his eye level so he could inspect the map. His eyes lit up.  
  
"These two dots - " he pointed to the smaller yellow and green dots, "They might be, yes, it would make sense anyway. Yes, this could help."  
  
"What would?" Dib asked, "Zim, what would help? TELL ME!"  
  
"YEAAAAAH!" GIR agreed, "I want the chicken legs! HEEEEEEEY! Why hasn't Dibby given me my pizza yet? I know it! DIB IS BAD!!"  
  
Everyone looked at GIR and he giggled.  
  
"Guh - heh!" he improvised, "Don't looky at me! I'm toooooo shy!"  
  
"Yeah." Zim agreed. "Dib, I think these other two dots could be the locations of where the Almighty Tallests' relatives live."  
  
"That don't be on a mainframe computer!" GIR squeaked, and Zim nodded in agreement for once.  
  
"I know," he allowed, "But I think GIR has SOMEHOW got into the heavily, cleverly, ingeniously, hideously deviously and schemingly guarded mainframe information for Planet Moriara only."  
  
Dib nodded, but didn't really agree that the mainframe files were that cleverly hidden if GIR could break into them.  
  
"Okay," he said, "But what do they have to do with getting Gaz back?"  
  
"They could maybe be a good source of information if it's needed. GIR! Get some of your minions to memorise it just in case it's wiped before we get back. NOW I WANT YOU TO STAY HERE, GIR. You do, you get tacos. You don't, and I'll send all your friends into the DEEPEST REGIONS OF . . . BRAZIL!" Zim warned, and GIR's camp settled themselves outside a nearby taco stand. It would keep them at bay, anyway, while Dib and Zim found the Head Quarters.  
  
The two enemies hurried ahead together towards some kind of . . . placey. Just kiddin, it was the Irken Base on Planet Moriara, which was heavily guarded with gates and security guards, tall ones.  
  
"WHO GOESSSSSS THERE?" one asked, very dramatically. Dib and Zim walked up to the booth it was in.  
  
"Hi there, soldier!" Zim said cheerily, "We've come to collect our human worm baby before it shrivels like a PRUNNNE and dies. Can we get in?"  
  
"You're Zim?" the guard asked, "Well, they said you were short but - anyway, specific orders from the Almighty Tallest state only one of you are allowed in."  
  
"Oh yeah, they said that, huh?" Zim remembered, "Hang on while we argue non- progressively over this."  
  
"Of course." The guard sat down again and began to chat to his companion. Zim dragged Dib over to a bank of Moriaran grass and sat down.  
  
"Let the arguing begin, Dib-Stink," he sighed, "Who should go in?"  
  
And so it began.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Gaz was no longer aware that she was dying, she was hardly aware of anything, but she was able to recognise that she didn't have long before something, whatever that might be, would happen.  
  
She thought of Zim, surprisingly, and was concerned at herself at why she was thinking of him because she despised his very existence. Like she did all humans, but then, Zim wasn't human, was he? He was whatever these people keeping her prisoner were, which would have meant he might have told them to capture her, but he was here trying to rescue her, wasn't he?  
  
Why would he get some guys to kidnap her so he could try to rescue her?  
  
If she ever got out of this, she would have to ask him.  
  
"Zim," she croaked involuntarily, and attempted to hit her own fist off her head but couldn't find the strength, so instead tried to sleep. It hurt to move, but she eventually found a reasonably comfortable position on her back, staring up at the shimmering bubble cage, and just before her eyes closed, she knew she wouldn't open them again.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Zim frowned. He had been expecting an argument, but not hysterics.  
  
"She's MY sister, MY responsibility, and it's YOUR fault that she's here and no doubt you'll muck it up if YOU go in so I'M going to go in!" Dib yelled.  
  
Zim narrowed his eyes and said nothing.  
  
"Well come on, "Mighty Irken". Prove to me I'm wrong, tell me that I shouldn't go in. Give me reasons! GO ON!" Dib continued, his swollen eyes fit to bursting point.  
  
Zim raised an eyebrow, keeping the other eye in a steady scowl. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, then bore his eyes into Dib's.  
  
"Dib-Stink," he snarled, "I didn't ask to come to this civilian planet to seek your STUPID WORM SIBLING yet I did, and you insisted on coming in my Voot. I have been knocked unconscious, and what makes you think that the Almighty Tallest would not destroy you in an instant when they saw you were a human?"  
  
"I was planning on destroying them in an instant." Dib retorted.  
  
"HA! You make me laugh, Dib human? See? I'm laughing. You're very funny. AHEM! Are you suggesting that you can defeat the ENTIRE Irken Military, protecting the Almighty Tallest? I can persuade Gaz's release, you will ensure her destruction! Destruction is nice, but not of Gaz!" Zim left Dib gobsmacked, but he soon reco-ordinated himself.  
  
"Why is Gaz's destruction not nice, Zim?" Dib challenged, admittedly defeated by Zim's point and was going to allow Zim to go, but not without a final word.  
  
Zim just scowled, and walked up to the gates, turning back just before he reached them and yelled to Dib.  
  
"Find GIR and go to the relatives! Find out . . . stuff! About how Impending Doom 2 is going, anything that will be useful in my conquest of Earth!" he told him, and Dib laughed.  
  
"Yeah, I'm gonna help you destroy Earth, Zim! I'll find your leaders' family and will force information out of them that will help me stop you!" he retorted.  
  
"Uh, Dib, they're Irken!" Zim reminded the silly human, and Dib looked a bit puzzled for a moment, then nodded, having obtained a sufficient comeback.  
  
"Yeah, and if they're anywhere near as stupid as you then they'll be a great help!" he laughed, and ran off, leaving Zim growling.  
  
Yup, he still hated that lousy human beast child.  
  
"Silence your noise tube, human!" he screamed after him, "You have no idea what power the Irken race holds! NO IDEAA, I'm gonna kill you and then I'm going to slice you up and I'm done yelling now because you can't hear me can you Dib? CAN YOUUUU - okay."  
  
Zim turned to the Irkens monitoring the gate, and nodded. When they didn't pay any attention he gave an even more conspicuous nod and the gate opened, he walked through in his funny little step thing when he kicked up his feet and held his head high in a very dignified manner as he went to do his duty to save . . . one of the race he was trying to destroy.  
  
How confusing this 'like' issue was. The sooner it was over the better.  
  
After Zim entered the building and began wandering through the complex corridors and weaving his way down endless staircases (because Zim knew that prisoners were usually held on lower levels), the two Irken-Moriaran guards held down a communication button and informed the Almighty Tallest of his arrival.  
  
"Excellent," Red snarled, "Everything is in place. Evacuate the control room! I want it just to be me, Purp and Zim when he arrives. You hear?"  
  
"Yes, my masters!" the employees at the front control panel obeyed, and scurried out of the door. Red looked to the tile in the corner of the room that would lower Zim to his doom. He chuckled, and looked at his colleague.  
  
"What's wrong?" Red asked.  
  
"I told you not to call me Purp!" Purple whined, and the more intelligent of the Tallest shook his head impatiently. Why couldn't he have been just a milimetre taller than Purple? Then it would just be him who ruled, he wouldn't have to share with this idiot. He looked at Purple and he immediately regretted his thinking that.  
  
THEY WERE SUCH GOOD BUDDIES!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Hey! Hey! Quit it! Quit that!" Dib yelled at GIR, who had surprisingly stayed where he had been told. Maybe Zim had some control over the crazy piece of tin after all. GIR squealed and began singing "doody doody" repeatedly, and his minions followed course, therefore resulting in a big encore of "doodies". Dib shivered and grabbed the wooky robot, dragging him along the road towards the little green dot as it was the nearest.  
  
"Lets sing a song to keep us happy on the way!" one Irken suggested, and GIR squeaked with mirth.  
  
"YAAAAAAY!" he agreed, "DOOOOM SONG!"  
  
"Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom! The end!" GIR and his choir sang joyfully, making poor Dib shudder.  
  
At last, after another round of the Doom Song and then one about tacos, they reached the flashing green dot, and the map disappeared, the projection disappearing inside GIR's head. The little tin container closed, the little cool aerial thing appearing again. The Irken-Moriaran civilians "ooohed" in awe, and began twanging the little antenna.  
  
"WOO!" GIR shrieked, "My little head's all closed up again!"  
  
Dib wasn't sure whether that was a good thing. He hoped GIR had memorised the map, but he wasn't counting on it. What if no one was inside the house, because that was where they were - outside.  
  
It was like something out of a sci-fi movie, the house was round and went up about three stories. The windows were kite-shaped and the door was like a Star Trek sliding door. It had a panel to the left of the door, like in a multi story apartment, but there was only a single button beside speaker holes. Dib swallowed and pushed the button, which flashed twice before a computerized voice said:  
  
"You have reached the home computer of Zenin of Irk, currently inhabiting this Moriaran shelter unit. Do you wish to: a) speak to the inhabitant. b) request entrance. c) sell cookies. d) force entry and kill the inhabitant mercilessly, then rob the corpse. Please state your answer in a clear voice with your head exactly six inches from the speaker."  
  
Dib moved his head closer to the microphone and cleared his throat.  
  
A mechanical voice said, "ALERT! Thine head is not exactly six inches from microphone. Please await assistance."  
  
"Huh?" Dib started, when a head vice shot from the speaker and held Dib's head exactly six inches from the speaker. He spluttered and tried in vain to pull free, "What is this? Let go!"  
  
"State your desired action," the voice told him, "a) speak to the inhabitant . . . "  
  
"Yeah, yeah, speak to the inhabitant and request entrance to abode, whatever!" Dib yelled, very uncomfortable.  
  
"Accessing. Inhabitant allows entry. Inhabitant currently has guest so requires your name and purpose." The computer said.  
  
"My name is Dib," he said, "I need to see the inhabitant to discuss very urgent matters. It can't wait!"  
  
The computer waited a moment, then the metal clamp released Dib's head, and he rubbed his jaw instinctively.  
  
"Access allowed," the computer declared. "Please stand back, our doors will open."  
  
"But they're slidey doors- aaargh!" Dib yelled, and as the slidey doors parted, two within them swung open and hit Dib full in his abnormally large head. He was knocked back, and GIR attempted to enter with all his minions. Dib stood up and shook his head at GIR.  
  
"No, GIR," he said, "Your friends will have to wait outside, it's not fair on the - uh - inhabitant that we bring two hundred aliens into her house. Whichever one it is, that is. Anyway, it's not fair, GIR. But maybe we should bring one Irken civilian to show that we mean no harm and that we're not attacking her, as we are the aliens here, GIR. Or I am. Or something. BRING ONE!"  
  
"Awwwwwwww!" GIR moaned, looking at his followers lovingly, each one shrieking, "Pick me! Pick me!" "They're all so lovely! I can't choose!"  
  
"Fine, I will!" Dib yelled, pushing GIR out of the way, the crowd drifted over to him and lifted them above their heads. Dib shook his head. He grabbed the nearest Irken, which was about four inches taller than himself, and nodded to him.  
  
"What's your name?" Dib asked him, not quite believing he was going to ask a member of the enemy race to help him. Zim was right about the superior race, though. The Irken Empire seemed to have an awful lot of extra planets, whereas Earth had only one planet.  
  
"I want the Taco Lord!" the Irken squeaked, "I want to serve the Taco Lord!"  
  
"Look, he's not - ugh! What's your name, worthy taco follower?" Dib improvised, which cheered up the Irken immensely.  
  
"Why, my name is Shoe!" the Irken replied.  
  
"Really? You poor guy!" Dib said sympathetically, "Well, um, Shoe, you're going to help your Taco Man."  
  
"TACO LORD!" Shoe screamed ramdomly.  
  
Dib blinked.  
  
"Yeah . . . "  
  
GIR, after being lowered to the ground at last by the crowd, began to sob as he waved goodbye. He sniveled when he reached Dib, who shook his head in disbelief.  
  
"You'll see them again before you know it!" he scorned.  
  
"Awwww!" GIR moaned, and Dib thought it was best to give up, so he led the wonky robot and Shoe to the door which remained open. They walked through it, and GIR ran forward and up the stairs, Shoe prancing after him merrily. Dib wished Zim were here to yell at the robot, but didn't wish Zim was there for any other reason.  
  
Dib knocked on the door up the small flight of stairs, and it was answered by an Irken female about twice (if not more) the height of Zim. She had deep magenta eyes and would probably be called pretty in Irken terms. She was wearing a similar uniform that Zim and all the other Irkens seemed to wear, except that she had a longer piece of material at the back, quite like Tak's.  
  
Another female Irken appeared behind her, slightly taller than the magenta eyed one, who appeared to be quite a bit older than her. She had a bent back, and Dib noticed that both of the Irkens were hovering slightly above the ground, like the leaders did. Probably because they were relatives of the Almighty Tallest, and were like a royal family.  
  
"WOOOOO!" GIR screamed, "HI THERE!"  
  
The younger Irken blinked, and gave a little puzzled expression, shooting a glance at the elder, who beckoned Dib, who felt very small, into the room. It was a living room, with funny pod-chairs and a large hexagon table with a ceramic vase full of strange flowers. A viewing screen was on the far wall, probably to contact the leaders of this Empire Zim bragged about so much.  
  
"Hello," the older Irken said, once they were all seated in the pod-chairs, "Who - and what, are you?"  
  
"I'm Irken!" Shoe said proudly.  
  
"I know you are," she replied, "I was asking the strange white skinned creature. Is that a SIR unit?"  
  
Dib blinked.  
  
"What's a SIR unit?" he asked.  
  
"Obviously not Irken," the younger one said, staring at Dib intently, making him feel uncomfortable.  
  
"Obviously." Dib confirmed. Then, "My name's Dib. My dad's a famous scientist on Earth, where I come from. I'm a - an Earthling, I guess."  
  
"Earth?" the older asked, a slight twinge of surprise in her voice, "I always presumed it was pronounced Ee-arth! Oh well, you learn something new every year, I suppose."  
  
"Yeah - uh, you know about Earth?" Dib questioned. Maybe these two would be useful in telling him about the plans to destroy Earth, so he would have an idea on how to avert them.  
  
"Not about it," the younger one said (A/N: I wish Dib would get to know their names, it's so annoying writing "younger" and "elder"!), diminishing Dib's hopes, "We just know of it."  
  
"So you don't know any deviously clever plans I could use to infiltrate Zim's plans?" Dib said, not being able to help sounding disappointed.  
  
"No, sorry, Div, was it?" the younger asked.  
  
"Dib," Dib corrected.  
  
"Ah yes. Dib. My name is Zenin, and this is my house," the older said politely, tipping her head slightly, "I am the Red Almighty Tallest's assigned grandmother."  
  
"And I am Fia, Purple's sister. We're both next in line for the sacrifice." The younger said in a very matter-of-fact way, no trace of fear or remorse in her magenta eyes. The two were very polite for the power-mad race.  
  
"You don't seem to be-" Dib began, not thinking of a way to finish his sentence appropriately, "As ambitious as the others."  
  
"No, that's right, we hate the whole Empire idea. It's all very well maybe having a spare planet or two while Irk is being repaired, but there's no need for the Irken Empire to fill all the galaxies it's just stupid," Zenin said with a trace of impatience in her cracked experienced voice. Fia nodded in agreement.  
  
"Hang on, did you say - did you say REPAIRED? Your original planet is being repaired?" Dib queried, wishing he could say this was the most bizarre thing he had ever heard. Alas, it was not.  
  
"Yes," Fia said cheerfully, "After Zim nearly destroyed it, we had to evacuate so it could be built up again slowly. Good old Zim, he always did get right up the Tallests' noses with great skill."  
  
Dib disallowed his jaw to drop open.  
  
"You see, the Almighty Tallest really don't like Zim, we don't know much about it, but if they had half a chance to capture him they would." Zenin chuckled, "I don't suppose they'll have much of a chance though, will they, if he's far in the Milky Way Galaxy. Never been there myself but I've been told the rings on Saturn are just charming-"  
  
"They want to CAPTURE Zim? And I let him go in there! Does he know?" Dib panicked.  
  
Fia blinked and gave Zenin another glance.  
  
" . . . No . . . And what do you mean, go in there? Where?" she asked, and her magenta eyes shone impressively.  
  
Dib swallowed and looked around the floor. GIR was rolling around on it, Shoe doing likewise, chanting about how great and mighty the Lord of the Tacos was.  
  
"My sister - the Tallest kidnapped my sister Gaz, and me and Zim went after her. Zim went into the building - he's in danger isn't he? Which means he won't get to Gaz! She doesn't have long left we have to go there now!" Dib twittered, becoming louder and louder each time.  
  
"Breathe, human." Zenin said calmly, "We'll get this all sorted, now what are you here for?"  
  
"I was here for informati - NO! We have to help Gaz!"  
  
"What about Zim?" Fia asked.  
  
"What about Zim? It's his problem. I came here to save Gaz, not help my sworn enemy get out of a web he caused!" Dib snapped bitterly.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAY! I'm rolling in da hay! LOOKIE AT ME! LOOOOKKKKIWOOKIE AT MEEEE!" GIR screamed randomly, and everyone ignored him except Shoe, who clapped joyfully.  
  
Zenin tutted, and looked over to Fia, who scowled.  
  
"Zim used to be a very good friend of mine," she snarled, her magenta eyes sparking angrily, "Small though he is, he has a unique character and could be a valuable tool for the Irken Military if Red and Purple would only let him! If Zim can't free your sister like he said he would, no one can."  
  
Dib blinked, and had no idea what to do or say.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Zim was getting nearer, he could smell the human stench.  
  
"Funny," Zim said aloud to himself as he walked briskly through the corridors, "I've had no problems from security, not that I would as I am ZIM! But still, these corridors are utterly DESERTED LIKE A DESERT QUAIL!"  
  
He stopped after his little yell and descended another flight of steps, where there was a large sliding door. Zim pushed the button on the control panel and it parted from the middle, revealing another empty room.  
  
"This room shouldn't be empty, it's the control room!" Zim cried, "What's going on? What doing is this? Tell me, someone, or a computer, or something! What's the-"  
  
From a tile in the corner of the room, Gaz rose up on a platform and collapsed forwards. Zim rushed to her without thinking, and wanted to kick himself for showing - gulp - compassion! He patted her head awkwardly.  
  
"Get the GameSlave . . . " Gaz croaked, "Get the Vampire Piggies . . . "  
  
Gaz blacked out, and Zim held her in his arms, feeling very uncomfortable. She looked so helpless, something he never thought Gaz could do, she had always been so incredibly scary. Zim felt something he had never felt before inside and he bit is lip, trying to force it out of himself.  
  
Suddenly, he felt the cold press of metal against his head. He dropped Gaz's arm and spun around, leaping to his feet and rotating all in one movement. The gun that was against Zim's Irken flesh remained there, and he moved his crimson eyes to his attacker, the purple eyed Almighty Tallest, with his colleague standing a little bit away, playing Gaz's GameSlave.  
  
Zim gulped.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I love this story . . . I may like it a little more than my Ico story . . . GASP! I'm so sorry . . . but it's cool and is more like a series as this whole Moriara thing is only part of the big plot thingy.  
  
WOO! Not giving anything away! YAAAAY! SUSPENSE!  
  
Just like those sweet, sweet, taquitos.  
  
Aaaaaaahhhh . . . taquitos.  
  
Hang on, where are my taquitos?  
  
looks around  
  
Taquitos?  
  
Ta-Ta -  
  
TAQUITOOOSS!  
  
Review. 


	14. Zim's Choice

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: I love Nirvana. It's pretty. Zim loves Nirvana too, y'know. Like a small rounded goosemaiden. Yeah that was random. I come out with random crap you just have to put up with me, k?  
  
Remember to review!  
  
Oh Jeez, yeah sorry it's been so long! I've been on holiday and had MAJOR writer's block, I mean I sat at this here computer hands poised and nothing came out and I got really annoyed but now it's come back YAAAAAAAAY!  
  
Okay. Next chapter. MWAHA! That means you have to read it, you silly little dwellers of Turnipland!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Twelve - Zim's Choice-  
  
Zim looked back at Gaz and though his mind and limited logic told him that even if it was only his leaders that were here, his instincts told him he was in danger, which made him feel uneasy. It was this human that this 'danger' was all in aid of.  
  
"My Tallest," Zim acknowledged, trying to push away from the gun but not appear disrespectful to his Tallest. He left Gaz lying still as stone on the floor and was disturbed by the itching temptation in his shoulders and the back of his knees to go and help her. He resisted them and cleared his throat, "It is an honour to be in your presence after such a long time."  
  
"Ditto, Zim." Red grinned, as if triumphant, waving at Purple, who took a while to click that he was supposed to remove the gun from Zim's head. He did so, and joined Red in his great grinning fest. Was he simply glad Zim had made it to see them, or that he had come to save the human on time? Zim was very confused at the moment, he wanted answers like he wanted to help Gaz, not very much, but a lot.  
  
"Such a shame I have to leave for Earth so I can resume my mission . . . which is going very well, by the way." Zim said uncomfortably, and took a step back towards Gaz, realised he had stepped back to far, so took another half step forward. By this time he was a little too close to Gaz so turned, took a little incy wincy step and whirled 90 degrees so he was still facing the Tallest but right beside Gaz (but not too close).  
  
"Not just now, Zim," Purple said smoothly, hovering over to Zim and putting a metal claw on his shoulder, having to bend down quite far to do so. Zim looked at it suspiciously and tried to shake away his feelings of doubt, but found he couldn't. He looked to Gaz, as if she could help, but as she was out for the count, she couldn't, of course.  
  
Zim narrowed his eyes ever so slightly, the uneasy feeling of worry settling comfortably in the invader's squiddly-spooch.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" GIR screamed, amongst the great confusion and awkward silent tension between the Irkens and his master's enemy. "I'm a-gonna scream a little song for yoooooooouuu!"  
  
"And I will accompany with a series of very tedious doodies!" Shoe volunteered, settling himself into a comfortable position for his 'doodies'.  
  
Dib took no notice, he was too busy thinking. About Zim, about Gaz. About the Almighty Tallest Zim was unknowingly sacrificing himself to. Could it be that the only chance of his scary yet somehow necessary sister's return?  
  
"This is crazy," he told himself more than the tall female Irkens, "This cant - it can't be real!"  
  
The two seemed to think he had been talking to them, even if he wasn't talking to them.  
  
"I wouldn't tell you if it wasn't true!" Fia snapped, "I tell you, if no one can get your sister back, then Zim can't. I mean, if Zim can't get your sister back, no one can! That's right, huh Zen?"  
  
Zenin nodded. Dib frowned and shook his head.  
  
"Why not?" he retorted, "Why is it Zim I have to rely on? What is it that Zim has that means there's not another person that can save Gaz?"  
  
"Because there is no one higher than the Almighty Tallest," Zenin said simply with a little shrug, "And there is no one that the Almighty Tallest want more than Zim, so there is no one else they will swap your sister for . . . except Zim."  
  
Dib swallowed. Okay, so it wasn't because Zim had some kind of special power that manipulated the mighty rulers that he had half been expecting, but it was still pretty crap that he had to depend on Zim for Gaz's return, and he didn't have much time either.  
  
"WOOOOOOOOOOO! OH YEEAH! Dat's a good song! ALMOST LIKE THOSE SWEET SWEET TAAAAACOOOOOOSS!" GIR interrupted, but Dib wasn't listening. He hadn't even noticed GIR and Shoe had been singing, and it was hard not to notice as it sounded so awful.  
  
Anyway, he was thinking.  
  
"So if Zim resists capture then Gaz will die. But who's to say that the Tallest will simply just capture them both? It's not like they're going to want to give away either of them when there isn't a ransom or anything. Sure they told Zim they'd let her go if he came-" Dib began.  
  
"Then they will." Fia interrupted, annoying Dib slightly. "It's an Irken thing, if Zim has come and no one else has set a bargain, then it will be up to Zim whether or not he takes your sister's place."  
  
Dib's jaw dropped.  
  
"But he's an evil demon!" he protested, "He'll never choose Gaz over himself! I have to go and save her and - uh - stuff!"  
  
Fia and Zenin cast each other a sideways glance. This boy underestimated Zim, but then he was his enemy. Fia smiled slightly.  
  
"You'll see," was all she said.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Zim," the Red Tallest said silkily, "We know this is a human you - uh . . . like? Like, that was it, huh?"  
  
Zim nodded, his throat running dry. There was an atmosphere that made his antennae twitch nervously. He glanced back at Gaz and swallowed the remains of liquid in his mouth, she looked so weak. Why did he feel so damn scared for her? What had this witch done to him that made him worry in the presence of his mighty rulers?  
  
He chuckled slightly to himself, but the Almighty Tallest didn't seem to notice.  
  
"Just a second, Zim." Purple said, moving over to a large screen at the front of the control room and pressing a series of buttons, "This is your moment of truth. There."  
  
Zim tilted his head, and as the Tallests' attention seemed to be averted onto the screen, he knelt down beside Gaz and patted her hand awkwardly.  
  
"Come on, human, don't make this trip pointless for me," he murmured under his rash breath. He didn't want the Tallest to hear him, they might think he had gone soft, something that Zim had certainly not gone to, and "I've come too far with that dratted brother of yours - DIB!"  
  
He yelled the last word not because he loathed the human worm baby named that (which he did anyway - CONFUSED!), but because he was quite surprised at seeing Dib's figure on the screen suddenly, along with GIR and three other Irkens. He guessed that the human had found the two relatives - but who was that strange creature dancing with his robot?  
  
"GIR!" Zim yelled, attracting the attention of all the beings in the screen, not just GIR's very limited attention, "GIR! Stop dancing with that civilian!"  
  
"Awwww!" GIR moaned, "But he's my new brand puppy!"  
  
"GIR . . . " Zim warned.  
  
"Okkeeee dookeeee!" GIR squeaked and sat himself on the ground happily, Shoe doing the exact same, sitting in the same way, except that the Irken's legs were attached to his actual body. Zim, now feeling very much in the background watched Dib. He was looking at his leaders with absolute loathing, then noticed Zim was watching him, and saw Gaz in his arms.  
  
"Gaz!" he yelled, making Zim jump slightly. He clutched the human female's hand just a tad tighter, she was beginning to stir, but she needed to get out of here and into a medical unit.  
  
"Silence, Dib-stink!" Zim ordered, "We need to sort this out. My Tallest . . . what's going on?" Zim looked out to the screen past Dib and GIR and his new minion, to see two female Irkens.  
  
"FIA?" he yelled.  
  
"Zim, nice to see you again. Pity about the circumstances." Fia regarded Zim, remembering the old times they had had as Irken smeets.  
  
"After we've had our great reunion, I think we'd like to get this out of the way, don'tcha think?" Red suggested, "So, whoops, no time for a reunion, Zim it's moment of truth time."  
  
Zim blinked, then looked at Dib who looked equally as puzzled. He looked to Fia and Zenin, but they looked as puzzled, but had a hint of apprehension in their faces. GIR and Shoe, however, just seemed to be having fun.  
  
"Awwww look Masta's all confuzzlicated!" GIR sympathised, but didn't help Zim much, who bit his ever so superior lip and stroked Gaz's finger with his thumb. The purple Tallest hovered over to him with a sort of spear looking weapon and tilted Zim's pointed chin upwards, the spike of the spear at his throat.  
  
Dib felt his mouth go dry and his jaw drop. Why were they acting like Zim was their prisoner? Surely what the Irkens said about Zim being on the wanted list was a fraud, a phony just to scare him. His clever brain itched at his options and realised that which ever way he looked at it, they were in deep poo-poo. Zim, surprisingly enough, had the same slightly freaked out expression on his face as Dib had.  
  
"Let us simplify things for you, seeing as our dearest relatives seem unable to do so, Zim," Zenin offered, and Zim lowered an eye suspiciously, willing her to go on nonetheless, "They want you to choose between that human's life," she nodded towards Gaz, and Zim instinctively looked at her also, "and your own." Zenin looked up to the Almighty Tallest, Red especially, "Isn't that right, grandson?"  
  
Red narrowed his eyes and clicked his claws defensively, wishing the plasma screen to be a portal to his grandmother's room so he could attack her like a gooseberry with turtle dove wings . . . or something . . . (A/N: Don't judge me I'm hyper!!!!)  
  
Anyway, he ended up nodding in agreement, and Zim now looked extremely bewildered. Dib acknowledged his enemy's puzzlement and compared it to his own. The human was aware his face was startled and ashen, most probably, because his sister was going to die as there was no way Zim would choose a human over his own life.  
  
"A joke, my Tallest?" Zim suggested with a nervous laugh, "A little welcoming treat to work up an appetite, perhaps? Tell me it is with greatness and GLORY!"  
  
"What?" Purple looked very confused, "Zim, look, no! This - is - real. You have to actually choose whether you or . . . whatever that alien creature is . . . lives. Okay? You know, Red, you said this would be fun but it's really just plain confusing."  
  
Dib let his jaw drop, real low like.  
  
Zim looked at Gaz in disbelief and suspicion, as if it was her fault. Dib narrowed his eyes, had Zim actually FALLEN for Gaz? The Swollen Eyeball agent Mothman grabbed GIR's tin head and lifted him up as he ran past giggling with Shoe. He shook the little slavebot thing, as if he expected to obtain an answer from the idiotic gadget that controlled all that was considered lunacy and mental disturbance.  
  
"UNHAND MY OBEDIENT SLAVE!" Zim ordered angrily, and Dib looked for an obedient slave but couldn't find one, there was only GIR that he was holding! He looked up at Zim innocently, even in these circumstances they were still enemies and loathed each other. Zim scowled furiously. Then, "Very well, very well. Unhand my exceedingly DISOBEDIENT, INSANE robot!"  
  
"That's more like it." Dib dropped GIR, who was skipping in mid-air. When he fell he took a minute to readjust himself then continued skipping, although he got somewhere this time.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" he squeaked, and was reunited with Shoe, who had been pining, rocking himself back and forth on the floor murmuring "Taco Lord, Taco Lord . . . Lord of the Taco . . . doo . . . doo . . . "  
  
The Almighty Tallest were looking quite left out, but Fia and Zenin seemed quite amused by the whole thing. "Um," Purple said sadly, like a lonely little guy (A/N : Hugs Purple), "Y'know can we get back to the whole "Zim- you-must-now-decide thing? Please? It's fun torturing simple minds!"  
  
Red giggled, then when he saw his comrade look a little annoyed at this he kinda turned his laughter into a cough, clearing his throat. He hovered nearer to Zim, who was now standing up looking extremely puzzled, looking back and forth from Gaz to his leaders to Dib and Zenin, then at Fia. Red and Zim were now about a metre apart and the small Irken was wishing this would all go away, that he would once again fall unconscious (A/N : *Hugs Zim and doesn't let go cos I love ZIM!) but alas, alack, the darkness denied him and he was forced to stay in the cold reality that was this confusement and unclarity. He had always respected his leaders, and thought they had always respected him as the INCREDIBLY AWESOME soldier that he was. This had to be some kind of misunderstanding or . . . or a test! Yes, that must be it, he thought, really more trying to kid himself than believe it.  
  
Dib saw Zim grinning all of a sudden and watched the Red leader look a bit surprised at this sudden smirk appear on the Irken who was supposed to be terrified of what was going on and making an agonising decision about his life! Red could almost stamp his foot on the ground in frustration, if he wasn't so dignified and regal and stuff. Dammit, why did nothing ever go to plan in that straight-forward, foolproof way they were so sure it would be? Stupid independent thoughts that changed scenarios. DAMN THOSE INFERNAL INDEPENDENT THOUGHTS!  
  
Red straightened himself out and shrugged his shoulders back in little circles, but ended up being all hunched over again. You see, the reason they were bent over was because the ceilings of the rooms were so low that they couldn't hover properly and had to hunch over so they wouldn't bang their heads off the roof, and it kind of lasted. That had been when they were first appointed Almighty Tallest of the Irken Empire, when they had been young, free, and had low ceilings. Ah, those were the days before they ordered those damned cool high ceilings . . .  
  
ANYWAY, to remind all of you : Gaz was unconscious, Zim was standing over her with a nervous grin on his face, Dib was gob-smacked, Purple was kinda in the background, Zenin and Fia were sitting back and watching the show, and GIR and Shoe were pissing about backstage just being GIR and his Irken taco-minion.  
  
"I GOTTA LOVE ME THOSE MEXICAN GROCEREEEEEEES!" GIR squealed randomly, "Hey Master I gotta get you some tacos you look happy!"  
  
Zim scowled at GIR and turned his attention to his Almighty Tallest, who were now both about five metres from him and Gaz, now standing side by side. The tiny Irken stretched his neck up as far as it would go and saluted them.  
  
"My Tallest!" he said in that very superior voice we know and love so very well, "Excuse my recent discombobulation but I am now fully recoordinated and ready for whatever task you have set me, however . . . unusual it is. I am forever vigilant, even to your extremely surprising assessments. I am greatly in awe. Watch me be in awe! Here I go! I am indeedly in awe! GREATLY!!!"  
  
The Tallest blinked in unison, with the same fear on their faces.  
  
"I'm scared too, Red, buddy don't let it frighten you too much. We've nearly got him Red come on!" Purple hissed in his shivering comrade's ear. The characters on the other side of the plasma screen were still standing uselessly in the background, all even more confused than Zim. It took a while, but Dib was the one to speak first.  
  
"LET MY SISTER GO!" he cried randomly, all his bottled up feelings shooting out of him at last, "Let her go or I'll-"  
  
"You'll WHAT, Dib-worm beast?" Zim snapped in return, catching Dib's sniper words aimed directly at his masters in mid-air, "This is MY assessment, MY test. I need no help from you to pass or fail. Now, my Tallest, that I am fully organised and understanding, what do you wish me to do?"  
  
Red looked at Purple in surprise, and whispered in his non-existent ear, but took an educated guess at where the best place his hearing mechanism performed, "He thinks it's a test. He still thinks we like him!" Purple gave his colleague a swift smirk and homed in on Zim menacingly, who looked a little intimidated but stood strong. He had guts, but as the Jackass theme says; "If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough."  
  
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" GIR screamed, causing everyone (except Gaz who was obviously unable to do so) to clutch at their ears, or non-existent ears, depending on the species. Even Shoe was a bit daunted by his master's words and almost looked weirdly at him, and Dib wondered if perhaps the taco trance the simple civilians were under was slowly being broken. "Woo. Hoo. Moosies, anyone?" GIR suggested, then for the first time, fell silent (but only for a couple of seconds don't worry people! ^_^).  
  
"Zim," Red said, after they had all recovered, "We want you, for your -uh- "assessment", to choose whether you or the human lying behind you will live or die. The choice is yours and we are losing patience with all this time- wasting. Make your decision now, Zim. This is your moment of truth."  
  
"This isn't an assessment, is it, my Tallest?" Zim asked, causing Red to hover back a bit, but he shook his head, almost glad that Zim was showing the slightest smithereens of intelligence.  
  
"No, Zim, it isn't." he agreed. Dib, in the room with the Irken relatives and the screaming taco lovers, listened on silently, his heart racing, occasionally skipping a beat. He never took his eyes off Zim's, not once. Even when he blinked he imagined the Irken's slim outline.  
  
"IT'S AN EXAM!" Zim yelled randomly, making everyone jump back in shock, and he slumped down in a seating position, knees up, his little boots tapping at the floor every so often. He appeared to be deep in thought and finally he stood up, "I think that the answer you want would be the one that makes me look more noble, and though it may not be the choice I would make if it were a real scenario, as I am NOBLE ONLY TO YOU, my Tallest, I will pick the human's life over my own." Zim blinked expectantly, "Now where is my award medal? I wish to return home to listen to Nirvana - uh - continue my mission."  
  
Red floated over to Zim menacingly, and put a clawed hand on his head thoughtfully. Zim lowered an eyebrow suspiciously but stood his ground, almost protecting the helpless Gaz behind him. Helpless? Gaz? It didn't seem right. Zim was still confused, especially now that one of his masters was looking at him so strangely, like HE was the victor, and not Zim. Suddenly the sound of "Lithium" floated into his head and he nodded his head in time to it.  
  
"Is he just stupid?" Dib asked Zenin, not sure whether to cheer aloud or not, "I mean, does he really think it's all a TEST?"  
  
"No, he thinks it's an examination," Fia shot back snidely, "Zim knows deep down it's real, he just can't figure out a logical explanation, it doesn't occur to him that his masters could possibly loathe him the way they do."  
  
Zenin nodded in agreement, and Dib felt his mouth run dry as the Purple Tallest hovered over to the screen and stared him right in the eyes.  
  
"Funny looking things, these himmuns," he murmured to himself, then got distracted by Shoe and GIR chasing each other continuously around the couch, "Well, young himmun, I suggest you come here and collect your sister. But first, say goodbye to Zim. Red, bring Zim over here to say goodbye, will you?"  
  
"Are you going to annihilate the Dib?" Zim twittered excitedly, "Can I watch, can I, can I?" He was led over to the big plasma screen and the two rivals regarded each other.  
  
"Well, Zim," Dib sighed, "Guess this is it."  
  
"HA! Prepare to meet your horrible DOOOOM Dib-creature!" Zim roared, still in Red's grasp.  
  
"Still the same arrogant bastard as always, I see. Goodbye, Zim."  
  
"Fare theeeeee well, Dib-stink."  
  
"BYE MASTA! Will you get me some taquitos? PLEAAAASE? I'll be a good little forshinlsnick!" GIR shrieked randomly.  
  
"Yes, yes, magical." Zim allowed.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"  
  
Zim found himself being led away again, back over to the corner where Gaz was. Purple bent over and shifted her out of the way. Zim turned around to find Dib had gone, and there was no longer any sign of Shoe, GIR or Zenin. Only Fia stood alone in the middle of the large wall screen, watching Zim actionlessly. They acknowledged each other as old friends, until Red pushed Zim forwards onto a specific tile, Gaz now out of the way, and their eye- contact broke.  
  
Suddenly, the tile slid downwards and Zim freaked a little, just a little. What was going on? Where was he going? The exit? A hall of fame? An autograph signing? An ice cream parlour? Tallest? Gaz? Dib? GIR ? Fia ?  
  
None answered, and the Almighty Tallest waved to him from above, eyes closed in bounteous happiness (^_^). The tile settled, and another closed over the above source to the room he had been in. Zim scanned his surroundings, a glass bubble inside a large square room. There were vents imbedded into the walls of the bubble, connected to funny pumps leading to tanks of what looked like gas containers. 'Strange . . . ' thought Zim.  
  
Unexpectedly, a cold rush of air blew over Zim and he fell to his knees involuntarily, feeling his strength fail somewhat spectacularly. He righted himself and felt very suspicious, and very much hoped this was another part of the "exam".  
  
Suddenly, he felt very exposed, and very alone.  
  
So much had changed.  
  
It worried him.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: Sorry it's been so long people. I really am. Will make it up now, I promise with my little Scottish toe!  
  
Oh flo'or O' Scotland, when will we see your lights again wha fought and died for that wee bit hill and glen . . . sorry, getting carried away.  
  
HEY! Evanescence ROCK! And so do . . . NIRVANA!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOO! I really love Nirvana.  
  
Keep reviewing!!!!!!! Next chapter will be mostly Dib stuff but obviously some ZIM! And GIR and all the people you love, but mostly Dib. Hey what you guys think of Shoe?  
  
I love you guys that review (sniffs) I love ya dudes!  
  
One word of advice : A DIRTY BRUSH IS A USELESS BRUSH!  
  
All you Americans who have never seen the League of Gentlemen, I pity you. ( 


	15. Dib's Choice

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note : Hey people, did you enjoy the last chapter? Review to let me know what kind of thing, or also e-mail me which a couple of people have done which is really cool I love people! Can I call you all my . . . fans? (gets all excited) YAY they like me! WOOOO! Friends at last!!!  
  
Hee hee!  
  
Right, okay dokey, reminder of last chapter : Zim is now trapped in the energy sucking thingamijigger Gaz was in, but she is now in the room with the Tallest waiting for Dib to come and take her away. She is still pretty weak and keeps slipping in and out of consciousness, so we'll set the scene with the Almighty Tallest speaking to Fia via the big screen, and Gaz lying in the background occasionally moaning, and Zim is down below in the cell underneath but we're not going into that OKEY DOKEY!  
  
Now this is quite an important chapter so PAY ATTENTION!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Thirteen - Dib's Choice-  
  
"Ah here's that himmun thingy come to collect his chum!" Purple said cheerily, turning his head from his sister Fia to the motley crew that had just entered the room. It was indeed a motley crew, a regal Irken, an Irken civilian called Shoe, a stupid tin robot and a 'himmun'.  
  
Dib sprinted the length of the room to where he thought Gaz was, but realised that she was behind the Almighty Tallest and not in the corner to which he had just run. Feeling quite foolish, the Dib-child pretended to pick something up and pocketed the imaginary object, then set off at a walk towards Gaz, breaking into a sprint again and knelt down in front of her.  
  
"Gaz? Gaz! Say something! Gaz, can you hear me?" he panicked, "Say something, Gaz! It's Dib!"  
  
Wearily, Gaz opened her eyes to slits and shifted around slowly.  
  
"D-doofus-" she whispered, then conked out again. Dib smiled to himself softly, then stood to meet the Almighty Tallest, who were examining his 'affection' with great disinterest.  
  
"I've come to collect my sister," Dib said steadily, "And also Zim, coz we kinda need him to repair the ship and navigate back to Earth. But that's all! It's not like we want the little worm back or anything . . . "  
  
"Ummm," Purple said, really making an effort of this acting thing, "No!"  
  
"Aww, I mean hey!" Dib protested, "We need Zim to get back home, Gaz needs the treatment back on Earth, not the weirdo stuff here!"  
  
"Come back another day, Ee-arth weasel and we'll sort something out, an escort that will -ahem- blow you up, maybe?" Red suggested, and saw his grandma scowl. "Look, it took a lot of effort to finally get hold of Zim and we're not gonna let him go now! He's already dying with the extra amount of that cool life source sucking stuff in there we put in. He'll be dead by late tomorrow if he's lucky! Now go away, it's time for our daily snack consumption."  
  
Dib's jaw dropped, this happened a lot nowadays. Suddenly, Fia cleared her throat and spoke.  
  
"Zen, bring Dib and the others back and we can discuss maybe giving them our ship," she suggested, winking at Zenin very obviously. The old Irken was having trouble catching up.  
  
"What, Fia, we don't have - ooohhh! Yes, yes that's the best idea . . . we can discuss our actions back at the house. We'll be right there, Fia." Zenin caught on and winked at her companion equally as obviously. The Almighty Tallest didn't seem to notice as they were getting bored, and left Dib and Zenin to carry Gaz out, which was quite complicated as Zenin was quite tall and Dib was short, so it ended up just the Irken carrying the little girl (A/N: It's a good thing she's unconscious otherwise she'd eat me if she heard me calling her that . . . sorry . . . ) back out of the door they came.  
  
The Almighty Tallest finally relaxed, moving out the other way towards the snacks laid on the large table for them.  
  
"Burritos!" Purple called happily.  
  
"We-we've finally got him, Purp. We've finally got INVADER ZIM!" Red glorified.  
  
"Yeah, that's cool . . . hey, dude, will you PLEASE stop calling me Purp? It's really gay!"  
  
"Only if you stop calling me dude."  
  
"Fine! Jeez . . . "  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Fia wrung her claws in anxiety, worrying about the Irken disgrace that had not so long ago been her friend. Although Zim was older than any known human on Earth, he was only seventeen in Irken years, and seen as an ambitious teenager. A VERY ambitious teenager. Zim hadn't lived his life enough, he needed to experience new things and had to be able to make mistakes and be forgiven, even if he did nearly destroy the home planet of the Irken Empire. If his own people couldn't forgive him, what hope did Zim have to hold onto?  
  
"WOOOOOOOHOOOO Wilma ah'm home!" GIR's mechanical voice interrupted Fia's worried thoughts, and the little robot that should be fighting to save his master as his slave pranced in the room, oblivious to his companion's danger. Shoe danced in closely behind him, along with Zenin and Dib, who was now carrying Gaz with great effort. Fia hurried into the bathroom and returned with a futuristic looking syringe.  
  
Dib lay Gaz down on the couch and eyed the needle suspiciously, then made eye contact with Fia. He shook his head aggressively, grasping Gaz's hand.  
  
"Ohh no, no way," he refused, but Zenin took hold of him under his arms and pulled him back a bit so Fia could get at Gaz. Dib had to let go of his sister's hand and he began to make a bit of a fuss. In fact, he was kicking and struggling and cursing at the old Irken, who looked a little shocked.  
  
"A boy your age shouldn't be swearing like that," she tutted, "Now calm down, calm DOWN, Dib. Fia knows what she's doing, and that medicine will help your sister recover quicker, I promise."  
  
Dib reluctantly stopped his protesting and lay limp in Zenin's arms, watching Fia carefully push the needle into Gaz's flesh. Had the girl been awake, and the young Irken would have been in a fierce headlock before she could say "Smithers, release the hounds!" Luckily for Fia, Gaz was unconscious and the syringe was in and out as quickly as possible. Fia went through into the bathroom to bin the sharps and wash her claws, and Zenin let go of Dib, who scrambled on all fours over to his sister.  
  
"Gaz?" he muttered, shaking her arm, "Gaz, are you okay?" Deep down he knew he could trust Zenin and Fia, he was just worried about his sister, which made him suspicious. Suddenly Gaz stirred and looked around her.  
  
"Dib . . . " she croaked, "Dib what the Hell happened? Where - where's Zim?"  
  
Dib scowled.  
  
"We can forget about him now, Gaz. The threat to the human race is no more. Isn't that cool?" he smiled at her, but her sleepy frown remained on her face. She went back to sleep and let the medicine go around her blood stream. Dib turned round to face Zenin, who looked pretty annoyed.  
  
"Don't you think you owe Zim?" she snapped, "After all he did, he's being starved of his life source, don't you think that's a bit of a sleazy reward for sacrificing himself for one of the enemy race? Don't you think you owe it to him to free him, Dib, or can you live with the guilt that Zim's death wasn't very victorious? Won't look very good back home, will it? That you left Zim to rot after he saved your sister's life? Who looks like the bad guy there, Dib?"  
  
Dib's heart rate quickened. She was right, and however much he hated Zim he had willingly gone to his death for Gaz. Whether it was that he thought it was just a test or not was irrelevant, because Zim was going to die and he had saved Gaz, ultimately, hadn't he? Dib kicked the ground angrily and saw Fia smile as she came back through from the bathroom.  
  
"I'll come with you," the young Irken told him, and Dib knew better than to argue. He may as well use all the help he could get.  
  
"I have a back-up plan that may come in handy," Zenin said, handing Dib a small round object with a button in the centre. He pocketed it and gave her a look, which asked her what it was. "It's a communication device, a panic button. If something goes wrong, press it and we'll activate the reinforcement plan."  
  
"What's the-" Dib began, but Fia shook her head.  
  
"We'll know if we have to use it," she said, "Let's just hope we don't, okay? Now you and I'll go into the command base where those two idiots that call themselves leaders will no doubt be eating snacks. They're always alone when they're eating lunch, so we'll go tomorrow midday, right? We'll just talk about a lot of stuff, blackmail them telling them we'll tell everyone about trying to kill off one of their own people. If that doesn't work, run for the table of snacks and tip it over, okay?"  
  
Dib nodded, not quite sure what significance of destroying a tableful of snacks had against the rulers of the Irken Empire had, but then Fia knew her stuff, and he trusted her.  
  
It wasn't like he had much of a choice anyway, did he?  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Zim winced as another stronger blast of that horrible sucking thing struck him, and he felt another wave of energy loss. He had been here since last night, at least he knew it was the next day. That was all he really knew, there hadn't been anything going on at all. Suddenly, the big screen in front of him flickered and fuzzed.  
  
"Damn you I don't care if this isn't an authorised transmission I'm still transmitting it!" an angry female voice snapped, and there was a mumble from the other side of the black fizzing screen, then Fia's pointed face appeared on the large television.  
  
"Hey, Zim," she said gently, and Zim forced his head up. Maybe it was the gravity level in the bubble, but it took so much energy just to look up, "How ya doin? I'm going to have to be quick, 'kay?"  
  
Zim nodded. Then; "You're going to have to be, don't think I can . . . talk much longer . . . awfully sleepy . . . got to get back to . . . infiltrating . . . Earth . . . "  
  
Fia smiled, her eyes flashing, "Soon, Zim. I promise. Don't worry, I'm on my way. Just hold on, okay?"  
  
"Don't pity me . . . " Zim told her, "I am the almighty . . . Invader Zim . . . unstoppable . . . death . . . machine . . . "  
  
"Save your energy and let me do the talking!" Fia snapped, causing Zim to flinch. She lowered her voice. Dib, behind her in the background, spotted the affection in her voice and couldn't pretend he wasn't surprised, "This isn't an exam, Zim. You're in danger and you need to fight it, alright? Just . . . don't give in, okay? Just don't. That's very important. Stay alive until we get there."  
  
"Not . . . an exam?" Zim whispered, unable to lift his voice any louder.  
  
"No. The Almighty Tallest planned this. Zim, it's very important you understand. Stay alive. Don't give in. Don't let them . . . "  
  
Fia's voice was cut off, and Zim imagined it was because the Almighty Tallest didn't want to give anything away. He couldn't fight it much longer, he was too weak. He wished whatever was coming to be quick.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Dib followed Fia's swift hovering with great difficulty, and he was getting seriously bored of running after this Irken girl. Still, it was better than world discrimination and no doubt there would be the tinciest bit of guilt if he let Zim die like that. He would destroy the Irken Invader another day, if they got there in time, anyway. Fia seemed confident they would, and it seemed that way as the Head Quarters loomed ahead.  
  
Fia had authorised clearance as she was part of the royal family, and Dib and the next in line to be sacrificed entered the complex easily. It was the guards that had been warned indoors not to let anyone get into the control room until Zim was good and dead that were the problem. It was a good thing that Fia knew how to handle a gun, and Dib's quick thinking distracted the simple minded guards and they eventually ran off in another direction.  
  
Dib and Fia forced the locked slidey door open together with the laser guns and old fashioned pulling the doors apart and shoot the lock technique. Fia burst through first, followed by a more reluctant Dib, who blocked the door with some "Stick-ee Ick-ee Super Dooper Glue" which would hold the guards for a while at least.  
  
"Aaaargh!" cried the Purple Almighty Tallest, then "Oh, hey sis."  
  
"Hi." Fia said coldly, then walked right up to her assigned brother, "Listen, 'bro', I want you to release Zim now, or else I won't rest until the entire Irken population knows you killed one of your own soldiers, however useless or disgraceful you think he is. You assigned him to Earth which is where he has been. If you wanted to kill him you would have been obliged to do it when he refused to stay in Foodcourtia. Not when he's carrying out a mission."  
  
Red scowled at Fia, and Dib thought with an agonising second passing that he was going to hit her, but then not even his comrade would have stood for that. Purple folded his arms.  
  
"The Irkens may be a little cheesed off at us for a while, Fia, but they'll eventually realise how better off we are without that little weasel." Purple shot back at his sister, and the young Irken female nodded to Dib, who, feeling like an idiot, ran to the snack table and grasped its curved wooden edge, tipping it slightly.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Red screamed, and the leaders' claws flew to their heads with mouths open wide, "Not the snack table!"  
  
Dib pushed with all his might and the multiple types of foods and juices toppled over onto the floor, ruined. Purple's mouth dropped worryingly low, perhaps his jaw had been dislocated.  
  
"Why you little . . . " Red roared, hovering with maximum speed towards the human. Dib yelled and ran for his life, while Purple made for Fia, shoving her backwards.  
  
"Dib!" Fia yelled, as Red was catching up with the twelve-year-old, "DIB! The panic button! Now would be a good time -"  
  
Dib hauled the thing out of his trench coat pocket and it flew out of his grasp. Calling out in distress, Dib flung himself at it and landed right on top of it, his torso pushing in the button under his weight. Fia and Purple were screaming at each other like siblings do, and Red picked Dib up by the throat. Fia noticed this and zoomed across the room, grabbing Red's arm.  
  
"DIB!" she cried out, and Red threw her to the ground, "AARGH!"  
  
"Now you make YOUR choice, human," Red snarled, tightening his grip. Dib gagged and his mouth gasped for air, "You leave now, alive, and leave or you die fighting for Zim's worthless existence. Make your choice now before your humany organs explode!"  
  
"I swore I'd rescue Zim . . . " Dib retorted, "And no matter how I . . . don't wanna, I will."  
  
Dib's eyes glazed over as all traces of oxygen left him. So this was what it was like to die. Not so bad really, if you didn't count the agonizing pain as your lungs closed . . .  
  
"NEVER FEEEET!" GIR's robotic yet oh-so-crazy voice screamed, breaking through the door (despite the Stick-ee Ick-ee Super Dooper Glue sealing it) with an army of Irken civilians behind him, short and tall, fat and thin, ugly and . . . not . . .  
  
"I MEAN NEVER FEEEAARRRR!" GIR tried again, and the Irken-Moriarans rushed forwards, making a circle around the Almighty Tallest. Red dropped Dib in shock, who fell to the ground making coughing noises, gasping for air and rubbing his throat. He scrambled back into the crowd, bumping into Gaz.  
  
"Gaz!" he yelled, "What are you - you're not strong enough!"  
  
"Well, obviously I AM, dear brother, now silence or I swear I shall destroy you with this fist." Gaz snarled, waving her right clenched hand at him menacingly. Dib could have jumped for joy. His sister was back! He wouldn't have minded if she was a little less evilly insane, though.  
  
"WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!" GIR screamed, and the taco minions followed suit, causing a chorus of "woohoos". Shoe gave an impressively good "woohoo" which made his beloved Taco Lord proud, or the nearest emotion possessed to pride. Hee.  
  
The Almighty Tallest stood surrounded by their own people, but no one noticed when Red activated a robot in his pocket and slid it along the ground towards the control panel. The robot followed its orders and turned the gauge up, causing the life-sucking gas in Zim's cell to become stronger, and the Irken's failing strength diminished. Fia noticed too late and rushed to the control panel, kicked the robot and cried out in frustration. Finding the turning control, she twisted it right until the smiley green face now turned to a sad, red face, meaning the gas pressure was now off.  
  
"Fia, find the button that raises the platform!" Zenin called urgently, and Dib ran over to the younger Irken to help her, "Some of the gas will still be lingering we need to get Zim up!"  
  
Fia nodded and her panicky claws flittered over the control panel, searching for it.  
  
"It's not here!" she cried, and Dib nodded his head to confirm the fact that there was no button or pressure pad that raised the platform, saving Zim's life. Zenin walked through the circle of Irkens into the centre, where Purple and Red stood, outraged.  
  
"Tell us how to get Zim up, or else I'll give the motion for GIR to set his taco-hungry minions on you, and I won't call them off." She warned, and Red gave her a big scowl to show her how much he didn't like that idea. His eyes flicked to GIR's aqua, grinning eye sensors, and the little robot whooped to show he was serious about setting his minions on them. Red clenched his claws and looked at his comrade, then dropped his arms and nodded.  
  
Purple took a small gadget out of his pocket and took up the plastic cover, flicking the switch, and the platform rose. 'It seems to be whichever tile Zim was on that raised up, must be a weight sensitive pad,' thought Dib cleverly to himself. Zim was out for the count, if not more. Dib thought he looked pretty damn dead, and looked away. His eye caught glimpse of Gaz, who was looking at Zim in the funniest way.  
  
"Jeez, don't tell me my little sister has fallen for my arch nemesis, and I just saved his life," Dib muttered under his breath, now not sure whether he wanted Zim to be alive or dead.  
  
Fia floated forward and knelt down beside Zim, picking him up very gently. She found it quite easy, she was twice the height of him. Without another word, she left the room, and Zenin followed her after casting a warning look at her grandson. Dib wandered over to Gaz, but she didn't stay by his side and walked right up to Red, parting through the multitudes of Irkens. She held out her hand expectantly, and saw the Almighty Tallest leader reach into his pocket and pull out Gaz's GameSlave, dropped it into her hand and fold his arms in the huff. Dib chuckled under his breath softly, and waited for his sister to come back, and they walked out together.  
  
GIR gave his master's leaders a big cheesy grin and said, "Buh-BYEEEE PIGGY! GOTTA GO BACK TO MA TACOSS!" and turned, leading the Taco Squad out of the door and to the left, then realised that he was going the wrong way and squeaked in hysteria and turned right, zooming along the corridor, with all his little friends zooming after him. Mmm-yup, there sure was a lotta zooming.  
  
The Almighty Tallest looked at each other, shrugged, then made a move to order some more snacks.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"He's not waking up."  
  
"What do you expect? He had a whole load of that horrible gas taking his energy."  
  
"So did I!"  
  
"Yeah but you didn't have it full blast did you?"  
  
"I DON'T KNOW, I WAS KINDA A BIT BUSY WORRYING ABOUT DYING, NOT ABOUT THE QUANTITY OF THE POISON I WAS BEING GIVEN!"  
  
"YOU DON'T NEED TO YELL!"  
  
"YOU'RE YELLING TOO!"  
  
"WHAT?! NO I'M NOT YOU LITTLE . . . HYBRID!"  
  
"HYBRID? OF WHAT?"  
  
"A MONGOOSE AND A . . . SEAL!"  
  
"WHAAAT?!?!?"  
  
Gaz and Fia were having a bit of an argument, and Dib was looking on in a scared fashion, watching Fia's maroon eyes become ever more regretful of arguing with Gaz, but she was probably just as stubborn and wasn't backing down. Dib was glad when Zenin pulled them apart and gave them lollipops to suck on, but was sad that he didn't get a lollipop.  
  
They were outside and had been given a ship, and Dib was a bit annoyed because the only reason he had saved stupid Zim was so he could fix the Voot and navigate but this ship had the smashed up Voot in its carrier and had auto-pilot right for Earth. It also had a medical bay that Zim could stay in, and the robots there would automatically give him shots when he required them. Zenin carried Zim on, and Fia followed her, abandoning her argument with Gaz. She left Dib, Gaz and GIR with the Taco Followers, then Zenin returned.  
  
"Okay, GIR, time to say goodbye." The old Irken said to the little robot, who clung to Shoe lovingly.  
  
"Noooooo I'm not ready! I'M NOT READY TO LOSE YOOOUUUUU!" he mourned, and Shoe sobbed along with the rest of the minions.  
  
"Farewell, master!" Shoe groaned, hugging GIR tight. GIR turned and walked up the ramp to the ship. "I'll never forget you!!"  
  
"You were my favourite puppy!" GIR sobbed, waving to Shoe, "GIR Tacos are now . . . Shoe Tacos!"  
  
"Oh my God . . . " Gaz moaned.  
  
"Oh thank you, mighty Taco Lord!" Shoe worshipped, "Master you are great!"  
  
"BUH BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" GIR screeched, and Zenin had to "shh" him, until he climbed aboard the ship. Zenin turned to Gaz.  
  
"Make sure your brother doesn't kill Zim, he's still very sick." She told her, "I know you understand that, Gaz."  
  
Gaz blinked and didn't say anything as she was a cold, callous person but Zenin felt she would protect Zim from her brother. Dib didn't look like the kind of guy that would destroy Zim when he was ill, anyway. She climbed the ramp and gave an awkward wave to Zenin. Dib followed her.  
  
"I won't kill Zim till I get home, I promise, Zen," he told her, "Thanks for all your help."  
  
"Perhaps you should thank Zim as well?" Zenin suggested, and laughed when Dib gave her the I-don't-think-so look, "Come on, Dib, it won't hurt to say thanks to the guy who saved your sister's life."  
  
"Don't give him so much credit," Dib snapped, "He said himself that if he thought it was real then he wouldn't have done!"  
  
"I saw the way he looked at her. He would have. He's just too proud to say so." Zenin said, and Dib opened his mouth to answer but couldn't think of anything to say, "Go on, now. The sooner you get back the better. The ship is able to dodge the Armada's fire, so don't worry about that."  
  
Dib nodded. He didn't like relying on computers wholly but the Irken technology was far more advanced than Earth's so he trusted it more than he would normally, being enemy technology and all. He waved to Zenin and ran aboard the ship and into the sick bay, where Zim was lying on a floating bed strapped in, secured for lift-off. Fia was standing over him speaking to him softly. Dib suddenly felt very vulnerable, he had never thought Zim to have any friends, he had always just assumed he had been an Invader. He had never thought of his enemy as a child, playing with toys like a child does with little friends.  
  
"Bye, Zim," Fia said softly to Zim, not noticing Dib's presence, "We'll meet again soon, in better circumstances. Keep in touch, okay?"  
  
Zim didn't respond, but Fia smiled and left, regarding Dib as she passed him.  
  
"Bye, Dib," Fia said, "I hope to see you one day, and not as enemies."  
  
Dib nodded and shook hand and claw with her, and they parted. Dib took a long look at Zim before closing the door and moving through to the command deck where Gaz was sitting at the controls and GIR was sobbing away in the corner clutching a piggy.  
  
Dib took his seat and pressed the ignition button, and the engines started, a couple of silly taco minions trying to stow away in the exhaust pipes were burnt to a crisp. The large ship rose into the air and flew away into the atmosphere.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! That's the end of that bit! Section one of the story . . . FINISHED! I don't know how many there'll be, I just don't know, Jimmy.  
  
Depends on how my reviewers go!!!!! Wooooooooo! Bye bye, Shoe. I don't know how they're all going to meet up again yet, I will figure that out one rainy day when there is bugger all to do!  
  
YAAAAAAAAAY! BUGGER ALLLLL!  
  
Anyway, next chapter : Will Zim still want to be an Invader now he knows the Almighty Tallest hate him? YES, HE WILL! Want to know why well you'll have to read on, huh? The AT also come up with another plan to stop Zim's . . . um . . . life! Will this one succeed? YAAAAY new character!!!!!! Not in the next chapter will it be introduced, just spoken of. Will Zim and Gaz finally get it together? Will GIR be able to get over the loss of his taco friends?  
  
Okay, coz I'm bored, I'm gonna hold a survey. Who out of the three characters I have made up so far is your favourite:  
  
A) Zenin B) Fia C) Shoe?  
  
Tell me either in a review or e-mail (strange_deluded_one@hotmail.com) and why you like them and whether you would like to see them again. I'm just trying to make this interactive, y'know? PLAY ALONG DAMN YOU! If you can, also tell me what reason they'd come back for, and if it's good I'll see if I can worm it into the plot. You may have noticed I've given you THREE chapters at once, well that's because I said I'd make it up to you . . . DIDN'T I?  
  
Well my wwriting ability's come back and I'm on a ROLL, baby!  
  
WOOOOOOOOOO! I like rolls . . .  
  
With bananas . . .  
  
WOOOOOOOOOO! I like bananas . . .  
  
Review! 


	16. Home Again, Jiggityjig

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note : Okay people, fill in chapter here which is boring but contains VITAL INFORMATION and stuff so you still have to read it with utmost vigilance and concentration and just shut up now Jed before you scare them all away okey dokey. You're not scared, are you? That's my good little minions . . . WOOOOOOOO!  
  
Okay, READ!  
  
By tha way, the title comes from a little thing we have up here : "Home again, home again, jiggityjig . . . " Yeah it's stupid but I thought it would be a cool name for this fill in chapter. WOOOO!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Fourteen - Home again, Jiggityjig-  
  
The ship landed on Earth's soil after nearly a fortnight, and Dib ran out of the ship and rolled around on the ground, knowing that as they had landed in the middle of a field no one would see them or really care. Gaz walked through into the sick bay with GIR and unstrapped Zim from the bed.  
  
"Hello, Zim," Gaz said unenthusiastically, not meeting his eyes. It was the first time he had actually been unconscious and looked awake.  
  
"Are we home yet?" he asked.  
  
Gaz nodded. "Back on Earth, anyway," she told him.  
  
Zim didn't say anything.  
  
"Zim . . . "  
  
"Did I pass?"  
  
"What?"  
  
Gaz looked at Zim in complete puzzlement.  
  
"Did I pass the exam?" Zim pressed.  
  
"What exam?" Gaz returned irritably. Dib walked into the room and saw the look of frustration on his sister's face.  
  
"What is it?" Dib asked her, and Gaz turned to her brother.  
  
"He's asking me if he passed some exam. I don't know what the Hell he's talking about." Gaz said.  
  
"What? Aw man! He - he doesn't remember?"  
  
"That's a bit of a presumption."  
  
"Shut up, Gaz. Go get GIR outside along with the rest of the supplies. We're about three miles from Zim's house, we can drop him there and try and explain everything to dad and-" Dib said, and Gaz stormed off before he finished, "-get on with our lives."  
  
Dib sighed and looked at Zim, who was sitting up on the hovering bed.  
  
"You don't remember, do you?" Dib asked.  
  
"I remember being in the control room and something about an exam and then I saw Fia . . . then I woke up here. What happened, Dib-stink?" Zim demanded, "I insist that you tell me details . . . GIVE ME DETAILS!" Zim couldn't yell quite as impressively evilly as normal, but that was kind of expected. Dib shook his head.  
  
"So you don't remember anything about what happened with the Almighty Tallest?" Dib asked, disappointed for a reason he wasn't sure why. Maybe he had thought that if he was hated he would give up being an Invader.  
  
"I saw the Almighty Tallest?"  
  
"Never mind. Let's just get you home, okay?"  
  
Zim scowled and Dib moved to push the stretcher out.  
  
"Where's my Voot?" Zim asked.  
  
"In the back. Gaz has probably let it out, it's being carried on a sort of platform thing, disguised as a large piggy."  
  
"Ah yes, ingenious!"  
  
Dib pushed Zim out and they met up with Gaz, GIR and the Piggy Voot Cruiser, and set off through the field, the Piggy and Zim's stretcher hovering slightly above the grape vines.  
  
"This looks familiar . . . " Zim said to himself softly, looking over to the farmhouse nearby. "AARGH! I've been here before!"  
  
Zim reached inside his pak and pulled out his devious disguise, placing it on his eyes and head. Dib looked at his nemesis in the weirdest way he could manage, then saw why he had reacted.  
  
"CHUBBY LADY!" GIR shrieked, "IT'S MY CHUBBY LADY!"  
  
Zim, GIR and the humans watched as Sim and Kel ran out of the house and towards them.  
  
"He thinks his name is mine!" Zim cried in fury. "I AM ZIM!"  
  
"My name is SIM!" Sim yelled, once they had reached them, "And I was kinda hoping we wouldn't see you again!"  
  
"Hey, where's Taquito?" Kel asked, and Zim realised GIR was as a robot, not his ingenious dog costume.  
  
"Having a . . . sleepover!" Zim improvised, and the motley crew hurried along, leaving the two stereotypical farmers behind them, Sheep the dog barking like a stereotyped farmer's doggy.  
  
"WOOOOOOOO!" GIR screeched, "THEY MY FAVOURITE FRIENDS!"  
  
"What about your taco minions?" Dib asked.  
  
"What . . . who . . . OHHHH YEAH!" GIR remembered, and began to cry again while pulling on his dog disguise.  
  
By the time they reached Zim's house it was very late and Zim was sleeping on the bed. Dib tipped him onto the couch and GIR curled up on the ground, snoring. Gaz knelt beside Zim and looked at him for a while, before turning to her brother.  
  
"I'm gonna stay here tonight, make sure everything goes okay." She said.  
  
"WHAT?" Dib tried to keep quiet, but he was so shocked, "Why?"  
  
"I just told you," Gaz replied coldly.  
  
"Fine, but I'm staying too."  
  
"Suit yourself."  
  
Dib went through into the kitchen, and Zim still felt human presence and forced himself awake.  
  
"Computer!" he snapped, "Seal all entrances to the underground base."  
  
"DAMN!" Dib swore, and came out of the kitchen, and settled himself on the floor, not too near to GIR. Gaz sat up on the sofa too and the two shared it. Zim didn't seem to mind too much.  
  
After a while, everyone except Zim was asleep. He shook Gaz awake, a little dreadingly as he wasn't sure if she might bite him or not. She looked a little grumpy but they got talking and she eventually forgave him for interrupting her.  
  
"Thank you, Zim," Gaz said, "I guess."  
  
"What for, filthy human beast?" Zim asked.  
  
"Saving my life," Gaz paused, "Dib was right, have you got amnesia or something."  
  
"I don't know, I can't remember getting it though." Zim said thoughtfully.  
  
"Did you save me because you like me?" Gaz pressed.  
  
"I . . . don't know because I don't remember saving you." Zim said, after a little hesitation.  
  
"Okay. But you like me?"  
  
"Why is this like thing so important to everyone?"  
  
Gaz looked at Zim. She wasn't sure exactly how to answer his question. In a tone that made him feel stupid, in a tone that made him sound right, or a tone that sounded a little hurt that he was saying stuff like that? Her head was confused when she was around Zim, she didn't want to kick anything as much, which was seriously weird. She remembered one time before when they had connected, when Zim had used his ship's grappling hook to catch hold of her ship, and she had swung the two around so they were face to face. (A/N: Bloaty's Pizza Hog episode) Was she in love with Zim? Nah, she was only eleven plus she didn't believe in this mamby pamby crap.  
  
But she didn't want to hurt him when he spoke to her like she did when everyone else spoke to her. Except her dad, she could put up with her dad on most occasions, but then there weren't many occasions because her dad was always too busy to speak to them anyway. Poop.  
  
"I don't know. Maybe . . . maybe because to some people it matters a lot." Gaz decided to answer like that.  
  
"Does it matter a lot to you?" Zim asked.  
  
"No, not really. I just wonder why I 'like' you, you're not really special or anything, no offence . . . "  
  
"NONSENSE! I am a special soldier from the elite force of Invaders!" Zim disagreed.  
  
"Yeah . . . whatever." Gaz leaned over as if to kiss Zim. Zim moved away, and embarrassed as Hell, Gaz sat back into her position, looking at her feet.  
  
"Gaz-creature," Zim said softly, "I don't think . . . I don't think we should converse anymore."  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"I don't think we should speak anymore, Gaz. It is BAD for my reputation and BAD for yours, and all it can ever be is BAD and I have enough BAD what with your brother and a BAD robot and a damaged ship and I think you're a BAD jinx. I hope . . . I hope you understand, and if you don't then you can eat some WEBBED FISH TOES!"  
  
"But I . . . "  
  
"Webbed fish toes, Gaz."  
  
Gaz nodded, and slipped onto the floor beside her brother, curling up and going to sleep there. Zim looked at her. She was just a child and he had lived for over a couple of centuries, even if he was only considered young for an Irken. Nonetheless, he watched her sleeping for the rest of the night until the morning, when she simply woke up her brother, who helped her store the Voot in the rooftop, and left without a word from either of them.  
  
Zim sighed and decided he didn't care, then put his Nirvana on full blast, waking up GIR by doing so, which was not a good thing as he began screaming "SHAGPILE CARPETS!!!" and running around the house aimlessly bumping into random objects.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Red hadn't really budged from the control room since the whole Zim thing until the day when they had to leave for the Armada, and they went to a public signing, where they saw Zenin and Fia. They didn't speak much, there was nothing to say, and they both left that night for the Armada traveling around to nowhere in particular.  
  
"Y'know what would cheer me up, Purp?" Red asked, and Purple's eyes glazed over, trying greatly to tolerate being called "Purp".  
  
"What?" he said with gritted teeth, "Reddie?" He hoped that would annoy his colleague, but he didn't seem too phased by it. Purple knew he'd be annoyed if he was called Reddie, but then he wasn't, he was being called Purp which was annoying enough. ANYWAY . . .  
  
"Well, I'd really like to think of a really well-thought through plan that couldn't go wrong. If we hired someone so dedicated they wouldn't give up until Zim's head was mounted on this wall here." Red pointed to a spot on the wall.  
  
"Ewwww!!" Purple cried, "Red, that's GROSS!"  
  
Red blinked at his companion.  
  
"Yeah, sure, but it's traditional, dammit!"  
  
"Ah, can't argue then."  
  
"Okay, so what plan could be foolproof enough to bring Zim down?" Red murmured, "Where could I find such a person dedicated enough to pursue that disgrace? Why am I asking you? You're an idiot!"  
  
"Awwwwww, thanks!" Purple said, clasping his claws in happiness, then got bored and chewed on a Shoe Taco.  
  
"If we could train someone, maybe . . . from scratch to be an Invader, teach him to hate Zim so much . . . yes, that would work. So, we need to have a look at the waiting list for Invader Training Skool. Maybe there's someone that would be perfect . . . someone unlikely, that Zim wouldn't be expecting."  
  
"Uh, Red?" Purple perked up, "What makes you think THIS one will work?"  
  
"Because I've thought about it."  
  
"Okay . . . "  
  
"IIIINNNCOOOMMMINNNG TRAAANNSSMMIISSIOOON FROMMM EARTH!" the exaggerated voice came from the front of the command deck on the Massive.  
  
"Earth?" Red panicked, "ZIM?"  
  
"He's gonna set the garden gnomes on us, isn't he, Red?" Purple freaked.  
  
"Greetings my Tallest!" Zim said, a little weaker than usual.  
  
"Er . . . hello . . . " Red said, very confused. Was Zim playing a trick? Was he going to pretend everything was fine then surprise them by suing them or something? Zim wasn't getting any of their not-at-all-earned monnies, that was for sure!  
  
"It's a funny thing, I've had the humans telling me I have lost a crucial part of my memory. They said something about you, my Tallest but I'm sure I would remember meeting you in person again!" Zim said. Purple's jaw dropped and Red snickered.  
  
"PERFECT! I mean . . . uh . . . yeah. Funny thing these humans you dwell with. The sooner you - uh - they are dealt with, the better, no Zim? Well, you'd better get on with your mission, we're quite busy planning a little something ourselves, you know." Red told him.  
  
"Very well, my Tallest. What, may I ask?"  
  
"Oh, it's a surprise."  
  
"SPLENDID! Farewell for now, my Tallest."  
  
"Goodbye, Zim."  
  
The transmission cut, and both of the Almighty Tallest looked at each other, and burst out into manic laughter.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Dib and Gaz returned home at around eight a.m. and Dib was ready with his fake explanation, when they met their father in the living room.  
  
"Hello, you two!" Professor Membrane said happily, "Daz and Gib, isn't it? Where've you been all night?"  
  
"Dib and Gaz," Dib corrected, "And dad . . . we've been away for about three and a half weeks, if not four! Hasn't the skool phoned? Haven't you been worried about us?"  
  
"What are you talking about? I saw you just yesterday!" Professor Membrane said happily, "Now run along, I have a lot of important proper science work to do!"  
  
"Wha - oh, alright. I'll be in my room."  
  
"That's right, my enormous headed son."  
  
"My head is NOT enormous!"  
  
"Very well, gargantuan."  
  
"It isn't gargantuan!"  
  
"IMMENSE!"  
  
"IT ISN'T ENORMOUS! It's just a normal head!"  
  
"Yes, and I'm just a normal father!"  
  
Dib gave up there, and stormed up the stairs.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Red and Purple were staring at the waiting list, with interactive profiles of the prospective students of the special Invader Skool. Many young Irkens signed up for the three-year training program with the dream of becoming one of the elite soldiers known as the Invaders. You had to pass an exam to even get on to the waiting list, and there were only six potentials, three of which were very short and ugly, so they were cast away.  
  
"Ah, here's a very tall fellow, a Mr Goose. Sixteen Irken years, wishes to be an Invader, is prone to losing his temper and has a very short attention span . . . well we want him to be entirely focused on killing Zim. I think we have to put him from the list. Besides, Invader Goose sounds a bit stupid." Red looked at one profile and in the end tossed in into the 'no' pile.  
  
"How about this guy?" Purple pointed to a regular heighted Irken with suspicious blue eyes, "He looks quite assassinish."  
  
"But that's what we don't want, we want it to be a complete surprise." Red pointed out. "Besides, we don't want to train an assassin in deadly arts. He might get some ideas!" Red rubbed a claw around his throat, and Purple quickly put Mr Fig in the 'no' pile too.  
  
"Maybe we should just pick a short one . . . " Purple sighed.  
  
"Hang on . . . " Red said, as he read the last profile card.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"This one looks good . . . a female Irken . . . fifteen Irk years . . . already a deadly shot and looks like she might be pretty loyal and keen to do work for us. Obedient and sticks to the point . . . Purp, this is what we're looking for!" Red hit the profile and the holographic image of the young Irken flickered.  
  
"I wish you'd stop calling me that. Let me see." Purple took the card off of his comrade and looked at the picture, "She's not very tall . . . "  
  
"Invaders are generally pretty short anyway. We could also get her to finish off Invader Tak's plan to make the Earth a snack container! I really like the idea of that." Red pointed out.  
  
"Me too." Purple agreed, and handed the profile card back to Red, who looked at the red eyed, slightly smiling Irken with pointed antennae not unlike Tak's, except a little shorter. Her eyes weren't as pointed as Tak's but there was the slant at the top which all female Irken's had. She was probably about the same height as Tak, too.  
  
"She reminds me of Tak," Red said thoughtfully, and looked at the bottom of the card, which was 'Next of Kin' and it said: Tak. "Oh yeah . . . that explains it. Well, Miss Jed, looks like you're about to become an Invader."  
  
"In three years, if she passes the entrance exam and doesn't drop out and . . . " Purple interrupted.  
  
"Oh shut up, Purp, you're spoiling the moment." Red snapped.  
  
"STOP CALLING ME PURP!" Purple yelled indignantly, "Reddie!"  
  
"Mm-yup, Invader Jed, has a kind of ring to it. I don't think we'll be disappointed in our young assassin, Purple. Three regular years and she'll be over there, now send a little note to our young friend informing her to get her own way to Devastis, and begin her training immediately." Red laughed manically, but was once again cut short by his comrade.  
  
"I'm not doing it, you lazy thing, do it yourself!" Purple protested, and the two friends began fighting again.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: That was a bit of a shorter chapter but it was a fill in so NYAAAAHHAAA!  
  
YAAAAAY Invader Jed is coming into it woooo yeah tacos! She's gonna have a . . . oh I'm not telling you . . . (looks at synopsis) yeah you'll find out next chapter, it's to do with her SIR unit. The next chapter will be set three (Earth) years in the future, and you'll see what everyone has been up to, Jed will have finished her training (YAAAY I'm Jed! But it's not a character like me or anything it's just the name oh shut up Julz okay dokay!) and Zim and Dib will be 15 (or Zim is supposed to be) and Gaz is only just 13 and it's all peachy and stuff. I'm not going to tell you how old Professor Membrane if you're wondering coz that's none of your nosey . . . mucus!  
  
HAAAAAA! Mucus!  
  
Okay . . .  
  
See ya next chapter DUDES!  
  
Oh I just had to make them land in Sim and Kel's field, eh? Couldn't resist MWAHAHHAHA!!!  
  
Review. 


	17. Invader Jed

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note : GOOOOOSE! Back from holiday with lots and lots of new chapters for yeeeew! You know I just watched 'A Room With A Moose' it is probably one of the most bizarre episodes. Man that moose is scary, don't you think? And the way it eats those walnuts . . . eerp! Meep, even! MEEP, I TELL YOU!  
  
*gasps for breath*  
  
Okay . . . I'm fine. Just . . . kill Herb Scannell for me, okay? Pretty please? I'm so tired of those damn Rugrats *shivers* and the Wild Thornberries *shivers again* Bring back ZIIIIIM! Please? Pretty please? It's the only decent show we have! Except the League of Gentlemen, but it's not as good as Zim (SORRY REESE!) Okay, you have to see the L of G, it ROCKS!  
  
Anyway, yup, I am the author of this story and you are the . . . victims I mean . . . readers . . . of this very sensible and realistic story about . . . gorgonzola, a popular type of cheese. Well, my granda likes it. And all the preppy people say "GORGONZOLA!" instead of "CHEESE!" when posing for a camera which is just so damn witty, don'tcha think? I mean WOW a specific type of cheese? HOW FUNNY IS THAT?! Just . . . kill the preps . . . I've become a bitter nasty person (like Scott hee hee) oh hang on I always was jeez this is long okay dokey I'll change the author's note bit to Author's Essay hee hee okay getting bored talking about nothing so I'll talk about NIRVANA!  
  
No, I won't. Bad Julz. BAD!  
  
Awww. I miss Kurt Cobain! _THREE YEARS LATER  
  
Leaving Devastis after three hard years of intense training was the thing Invader Jed had been most anticipating. Finally, she would meet with the Almighty Tallest on board the great Massive, and the Armada would give her a ship, probably a Voot Cruiser. Then she would be off with her trusty Standard Information Retrieval Unit (oh my God I'm sad I didn't have to look that up! Sorry, I really have to stop interrupting . . . NOW!) and be off on her roughly six month journey to Earth, where the assassination of Invader Zim and her sister's mission would be completed.  
  
Finally, this was it. The moment she had been waiting for, ever since her sister told her about the great Invaders. Tak had strived to become one and had failed due to Zim, but she, the slightly smaller and supposedly weaker Jed had become one of the elite soldiers loyal to the Almighty Tallest, kind of like the SAS. But . . . not.  
  
Now, you're probably thinking, "Hang on, how can Jed and Tak be sisters? Aren't Irkens grown?" and if you're not thinking that, you're bad and silly. Naughty you. But if you're a good girl or boy, then you'd be asking: "How can Tak and Jed be sisters? Aren't Irkens made and not born?" Well, you clever bunnies, the answer to that is that once every so often, two Irken cells are put in the same pod by mistake, and share the same or similar genetic information. Like twins, or the Irken term, Geminis. Yeah, like after the star sign. Now, after that point of information, back to the story -WOOSH!--)  
  
In the SISTC, (the Standard Inter Space Taxi Cab) Jed looked back and said a silent goodbye to the bustling planet that had been her home and training base for the past three years. The Almighty Tallest had made extra sure that she hated Zim, and she never questioned it as she was really one of the brainwashed zombies that did exactly what the Tallest said, but also because she had reason to hate Zim. He had cheated her sister Tak twice, once when he had trapped her inside the failed training capsule when half the electricity had gone down on Devastis fifty-three years ago, and she may have been able to forgive that, but her revenge-seeking sister had indeed sought out Zim, and he had once again (after a bit more struggle and less snacking) defied her.  
  
This made Tak and Zim enemies, and since Jed and Tak were literally two peas in a pod, for Jed this was so much more than a mission, but a chance for revenge on behalf of her ashamed sister, hiding somewhere on the Irken civilian planet Moriara (we know that planet don't we folks!). Maybe once or twice Jed had wondered why the Almighty Tallest really hated Zim so much, he wasn't doing any harm on Earth (which he was supposed to be doing) so why not leave him to serve exile there? Did Zim know something that the leaders didn't want revealed, or did they just want the guy dead coz he was short?  
  
Jed didn't know, and didn't care, because she was going to kill him anyway.  
  
As the stars zoomed past, Jed ignored the conversation the SISTC driver was trying to make, and continued to ignore the conversation he started to have with himself after a while. Jed had no time for morons, except morons she had been ordered to kill.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
That moron (Zim, for all you slow people ^_^) was humming along to Nirvana while he and GIR were having their Monday morning clean of the house. Zim had his germ goggles, but wasn't quite as paranoid about them nowadays since the whole meat-fusing-to-flesh-and-nearly-going-blind-when-it-invaded- his-eye-sockets scenario, but just for safety's sake, he didn't want the horrible, stinking DIRT getting everywhere.  
  
"That ought to do it, GIR," Zim said, throwing his Marigold Rubber Gloves into the bin, remembering that it was a passage to his secret lair. He made a mental note to tell GIR to eat them, but the crazy robot would probably do that by itself anyway, "GIR! I said, enough!"  
  
GIR was zooming around in his dog costume in time to the music with two yellow frothy sponges like a disturbing ice skater. He was screeching the words to "Come As You Are" which was playing thanks to the Computer's sources, and it was ruining Kurt Cobain's singing for Zim, who liked his 'Nirvana Time' very much. He caught GIR by his antenna while he was sliding past and picked him up, snapped the elastic bands holding the sponges on GIR's feet and put them in the bin too. He made another mental note, similar to the one he had made a couple of minutes ago.  
  
"Awww!" GIR moaned, and Kurt Cobain's rough but heavenly tones soared through Zim's invisible ears once more, "I likied it!"  
  
Zim scowled at his minion and took his germ spotting goggles off, placing them on top of the kitchen counter.  
  
"Next Mondee, GIR," he promised, and GIR looked happy, despite it being a week away, "Now, what ARE we going to do today? It's not Wednelsdee yet, we can't contact the Tallest and the Toaster plan is going according to schedule . . . so what can we do?"  
  
"PIZZA!" GIR screamed, and Zim jumped back a bit, as he had really been speaking to himself more than GIR, and had forgotten he was there. Zim opened his mouth to disagree; it was not a good idea for GIR to have pizza mid-morning, it made him sleepy . . . so Zim would have the rest of the day to himself. After tolerating GIR's disgusting restaurant antics, he would be a little windy for a while but then fall asleep, and he, Zim, could have some decent Irken food and drink while looking at the progressive data on the Toaster plan in his base. Yes, it would be the perfect afternoon.  
  
Zim nodded, and put on his disguise. GIR, who already had his disguise on, was waiting at the door, scratching and whimpering like a real dog. Zim grinned at GIR, glad of his small progress, but with GIR involved, at least it was progress. As long as the tin gadget didn't start urinating, he could progress all he liked.  
  
"Oopsie!" GIR exclaimed suddenly, and yanked Zim back in the house by the lead, "I forgotta marmalade!"  
  
"GIR!" Zim yelled, "GIR! Human dog monsters do NOT return to the house for marmalade! That's bad, GIR! You're bad!"  
  
GIR looked sad, and put the whole jar of marmalade in his mouth (Mmyep, he ate the jar too), then pulled on the lead, so Zim closed the door so followed his little dog down the path, past the gnomes, past the blowfish, flamingos and his ironic I LOVE EARTH flag, past the fence, past the pavement, onto the road . . .  
  
"GIR!" Zim cried, "Back on the pavement! Immediately! Immediately!"  
  
"Aw man!" GIR moaned, "Now?"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"Ooookkkie doookkkeee!"  
  
GIR whizzed off the road and smashed back into the fence and fell backwards, dazed. Zim took his free hand and put it to his forehead dramatically, shaking his head and screwing his eyes closed.  
  
"I am sane. My robot is sane. Everything is sane and my evil ploy to destroy the world is well underway. I am sane. My robot is sane . . . " he muttered this to himself all the way to the Bloaty's Pizza Hog restaurant, and he only stopped there because he spotted Gaz, Dib and Professor Membrane in a booth, having their annual meal together. "What are the odds of that, eh GIR?" Zim mumbled under his breath to the green dog, who shrugged and led his master to their usual booth, right next to the Membranes' one.  
  
"No! No, GIR. Over here . . . " Zim shook the lead, but the dog, with freakish strength, dragged the Irken over to the regular booth, to which GIR was very particular. Really not wanting to sit there, but not wanting to draw attention to himself by enduring a GIR tantrum in the middle of a restaurant, he yielded and he slumped in the seat.  
  
Professor Membrane turned around to speak to Zim, and said cheerfully, "Hello little green midget man! I haven't seen you for a while! How are your terrible facial warts? Like toads they were! Terrible! You should try hand puppets, you know! Read my book: Hand Puppeteering IS a Science, by P. Membrane!"  
  
After that little advertisement, the Professor turned around again, leaving Zim looking very confused. When had he had terrible toad-like facial warts? Sure he had had a molt and Pistulio(which had both exploded), but never facial warts. How would hand puppets help him if he did, and how, in heaven's name, was it a science? Zim wasn't going to even ask if the 'P' stood for Professor as he already knew what the answer would be.  
  
"Stupid slimy Earth personage," Zim murmured under his breath, eyes narrowed, "Like toads themselves, they are. Slimy. SLIIIMMYYY!"  
  
GIR leaned across the table with an embarrassed expression on his face, "Master! People are looooookin at yoooouu!" Then he flew across the table and embraced Zim's head, so he couldn't see or breathe or anything, "I'LL SAVE YOU! MAH HEEEERRROOOOOO!"  
  
Zim tore the humiliating minion disguised lamely as a canine and threw him into the back of the booth, then grabbed him again and walloped him off the table.  
  
"YAAAAAAY!" GIR screamed, "THAT HURTS!"  
  
"I won't tell you again, GIR!" Zim said, quieter now, and the people that had been staring, including Dib, looked away, except Dib, who always insanely obsessively stalked Zim, "We have to keep a low profile! Now shut up and order your pizza!"  
  
The waitress was standing expectantly, tapping her foot. GIR turned his very limited attention to her.  
  
"I wanna pizza!" GIR shrieked.  
  
"I got that, you came into our PIZZA restaurant," the young acne-infested delinquent pointed out, and GIR looked confused.  
  
"Ohhhhh . . . can I get a taco?" he asked.  
  
"No, this is a pizza restaurant," she replied, insanely nastily.  
  
"Can I get one?" GIR asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Okay!"  
  
There was a moment's silence, and despite the waitress' glares, GIR didn't say anything. Zim waved for his minion's attention, glad that no one on this planet found a talking dog weird, except stereotyped farmers.  
  
"GIR," he said, "You were here last Thursdee. You know what to do. You order what KIND of pizza you want."  
  
"Ooooohhhhh yeaaahhh!" GIR remembered, but didn't say anything after that. Zim sighed and looked to the waitress.  
  
"Just get him a large pizza with everything on it," he dismissed, and GIR clapped. The waitress wrote it down, and Zim noticed something about the waitress that struck him with horror.  
  
"What drinks d'you want wi' that?" she asked impatiently, and GIR told her he would like a bubblegum squishee, and half-way through writing that down and walking away, Zim interrupted her.  
  
"WAAAAAAAIIIT!" he yelled dramatically, and she turned around wearily, looking at him with her eyebrow raised, asking him what it was. He answered obligingly, "Are you chewing . . . GUM?"  
  
The waitress raised the other eyebrow and wiped her smock with her notepad. She shrugged and chewed it conspicuously. "Yesh," she said, and blew a bubble to annoy him. When it burst, Zim screamed.  
  
"BEGONE WITH YOU, FOUL GUM CHEWER!" he cried, "Deliver the pizza then flee from the life of me until I control your brain, if it hasn't already been ridden with the evil power of . . . THE GUM!"  
  
The waitress walked off, and Zim sat back, panting slightly. GIR patted him comfortingly, and Zim nodded. Dib leaned over the booth and looked down on them. Zim rolled his eyes and scowled, which hurt because the lenses went all funny with all the eye movement Zim was doing.  
  
"Hey, ALIEN!" Dib sneered nastily, "Ummm . . . ha! You're an alien!"  
  
Zim shook his head and waited for Dib to give up and go back to his pizza. The Membrane family left soon after and Gaz and Zim's eyes met for a split second, before both looked away. Neither had spoken to each other for the past three years, and if Zim cared he might have made an attempt to speak to her. Now it was just awkward silences and tumbleweed moments, with the occasional very brief eye contact. Not that Zim cared.  
  
He hadn't been up to nothing for the past three years, and he hadn't spent his whole time doing the stupid Toaster plan either, he had been working on ways to make himself look a little more ingeniously human. He had created a formula, which allowed him to grow in height a little bit each year, which the male of the human species went through a thing called "puberty". Zim would still be considered small by the Tallest, so don't get excited, but he was a little taller, a couple of inches short of Dib, who was pretty small anyway.  
  
The waitress came back, her mouth wisely emptied, and put the obviously spat in pizza in front of GIR, who began guzzling it immediately. Zim looked at the waitress knowingly, his eyes steady with an expression that clearly stated: "I know you have expectorated in my small dog's Italian dish."  
  
"Mastadidjaseemamarmalade?" GIR slurred, translating to "Master, did you perchance happen to observe my delicious jam additive known as marmalade?"  
  
Zim reminded GIR that he had earlier eaten said marmalade, and the little dog looked a little disappointed himself, so emptied his leg full of tuna onto the pizza and began devouring the rounded popular food.  
  
"Ilikadapizza!" GIR screeched, once the plate had been cleared (after about twelvety seconds), which translates to "Oh thank you my kind master for such a delicious treat which was greatly enjoyable to my robotic insides, and if I was a proper robot I would explode because of my consumption of these foods. Please, allow me to pay for this snack and would you be kind enough to please pass me a napkin?"  
  
Yeah, okay, that wasn't a very accurate translation. GIR basically said he liked it, okay?  
  
Jeez . . .  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It hadn't taken long at all to make young Jed hate Zim's intestinal guts. What with her sister Tak's previous conflict with the Invader, she was almost too happy to take up the assassination mission and her sister's evil snack plan, by sucking out the magma in the Earth's core and replacing it with assorted snacks.  
  
"I just really like that idea!" Purple confessed to her when she finally reached the Massive, floating about seven months east of Planet Earth.  
  
"And, your sister was a dedicated almost-Invader, so it's only right that her sister carry on the task with the required equipment of course. Here," Red said, handing her a small pointed object, almost like a small drill, "is a house building device. You'll have seen them advertised on TV, right?"  
  
"Yeah . . . If you're bored and not insured then "Driiiill a House, Driiiill a House . . . " Purple sang the popular theme song to the advert for "Drill a House" (all rights reserved, batteries not included), and looked like he could go on for a while. Red hit him over the head with a Shoe Taco, which wouldn't really hurt, but the leader got the picture.  
  
"Anyway. You're Voot Runner is in the ship bay. Your SIR unit will show you. You can give it a name and . . . " Red handed her an instruction manual, "Choose a disguise for it, and yourself. How to do so is in there." He nodded at the large book, "You'll have plenty of time to read it on the way to Earth. Now I take it your I.D. Pak is in working order?"  
  
Jed nodded, "Yes sirs. I had it tested just before I left Devastis." She held out her hand to receive her SIR unit. It appeared in the shape of a bucket and folded out into a robot, and saluted her, a little floppily. She looked at it suspiciously, then let it lead her off (after she saluted the Tallest of course) to the left, then after a while Red and Purple saw them walking past in the opposite direction, Jed looking distinctly pissed off at the robot.  
  
"Have a nice trip!" Purple cried, and waved a handkerchief. Red snatched it off him and glared. "What?" his violet-eyed comrade asked innocently, "Wha- at?"  
  
"I TOLD you to make sure she got a decent SIR Unit! That one looks wonky!" Red yelled.  
  
"It's nothing like Zim's piece of junk . . . " Purple optimised.  
  
"I - don't - care! What I do care about is that Zim is gone properly! We can't risk a malfunctioning SIR ruining everything! We'll just chase after her and uh . . . " Red trailed off as Purple pointed out the red and black Voot Cruiser speeding off into the distance, " . . . damn."  
  
"Hee hee. Well, um, Red, she looks like she can manage, and it only malfunctions SOMETIMES, I made sure of that!" Purple laughed cheerfully.  
  
"Wait . . . what? Wait a minute, you did this on PURPOSE?" Red freaked, "Oh my GOD, and I was just beginning to PITY you! You know, I might have let you off before, but I now have no choice but to hit you over the head with this taco again!"  
  
"NOOOO!" Purple pleaded, "Please, Red. I've learnt my lesson! I just thought it would be fun to see if she could handle a little resistance from her own side!"  
  
Red's angry eyes shone compassionately and if you looked closely you could see a twinkle. He lowered the taco and it dropped to the ground dramatically, helped his cowering friend up and they hugged tight.  
  
"I hate you, Purp!" Red sobbed.  
  
"I love you too - HEY!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"DON'T CALL ME PURP!"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
After a somewhat eventful annual outing with their father, Gaz and Dib both stormed into the house in moods. Gaz was in the mood because she always got touchy when she saw Zim, even after three years since he told her ever so nicely to go away. Dib, however, was annoyed at his father because he wouldn't give the young paranormal investigator permission to go on the Swollen Eyeball field trip to a Bigfoot sighting spot.  
  
"But dad, this is really important to me!" Dib yelled to his father, not giving up that easily. Now he was a teenager he found that he was listened to even less so he had to shout louder and for longer before the message got through, "And it'll be really educational! It's just a weekend! PLEASE, dad!"  
  
"Not now, my son, please!" Professor Membrane dismissed, real cheesily like. Dib kicked the table and the Professor Membrane - shaped lamp toppled over, and the Professor dropped his hand puppet and jumped forward as if in slow motion, yelling, "Nooooooo!" Dib stepped back a little and even Gaz paused her GameSlave. The crap father grasped the lamp just before it landed to it's carpety doom . . . and he ordered Dib up to his room.  
  
"FINE!" Dib yelled, "Just . . . FINE! My room's much more interesting than this . . . room!"  
  
Professor Membrane gasped and broke down into sobs. Gaz rolled her early- teenagerish eyes and wandered off, unpausing her GameSlave.  
  
Dib lay on the roof playing with his transmission stuff like he normally did on a Monday night, after he figured his father would have forgotten he was to stay in his room. There were no signals whatsoever, but Dib swiveled the satellite around anyway, hoping to pick up something.  
  
While he was atop the roof, admittedly bored, Dib thought about how his obsessive monitoring the alien hadn't really paid off in the last three-and- a-bit years. If there was somehow a way to get into his base like he had once managed (and got caught) then there was a possibility he could hack into Zim's computer and steal some files. The thing was, Zim had such high security, he would have to find a weakness, and he didn't know that. He would like to be able to use blackmail, but there was nothing Zim really cared about that he would give up files.  
  
Dib had since given up on his cage plan, deciding it wasn't an original masterplan anymore as the Almighty Tallest had used a similar method, but was keen on the blackmail idea, but since Zim and Gaz didn't speak any more, the idea of kidnapping his own sister seemed useless. Dib wondered what had happened between his terrifying sister and the alien -ahem- menace that was Invader Zim. But after Zim had just saved her life, wouldn't even Gaz speak to him after that, because she had liked Zim before too. It was all so confusing, which was the reason Dib didn't have a girlfriend. Okay, so the fact that he was considered a freak by all in high skool was the reason he didn't have a girlfriend, but that wasn't the point!  
  
Dib looked at the back of his wrist at his watch and stood up.  
  
"Damn," he said, looking out at the misty dark horizon, "I'm late for stalking Zim!" He began to rush to the ladder, until his transmitter began to beep.  
  
"Huh?" Dib started, and hurtled back to the satellite machine, looking at its reading. Something was coming through the speakers, on the little screen was a bunch of co-ordinates. Dib hurriedly switched off the scanner so the satellite stayed in one spot. He could hear voices . . . the voices he now recognised as the Almighty Tallest.  
  
"How long did it take Zim to get to Earth? We were hovering over Conventia then, won't it take longer now? I want him dead NOW!" the higher pitched one moaned. Dib remembered vaguely that Purple had the higher pitched tone, and his comrade had the more professional character.  
  
"She'll get there when she gets there, but I think it'll be roughly the same time if I'm being honest, Purp." The calmer voice said.  
  
"Stop calling me that!" Purple said impatiently, "You know I hate it! I just . . . it's nearly Earth's Wednelsdee, isn't it, and Zim's transmissions just scare me! Why can't we just destroy the planet and him with it?"  
  
Dib couldn't hear it and couldn't be sure, but he could be certain that this was a "DUH!" moment.  
  
"Because, imbecile, we've already sent Invader Jed over there, and she's going to fulfill her sister's evil snack plan!" Red snapped, and some bad reception could be heard, but Dib soon realised it was one of the leaders slurping juice loudly. Once the drinker pulled away he smacked his lips and inhaled deeply.  
  
"Ohhh yeah! I loved that idea! Remember, Red, remember how much I loved that idea, Red, Red, do you remember?" Purple asked irritably, and Dib heard the more sensible snack obsessed ruler tutting.  
  
"Yes, I remember," he heard Red say through gritted teeth, "But it won't be long. Our transmissions to Zim these next few months will be our last to that idiot, thank God. He must be the biggest idiot . . . "  
  
"Do you remember? Do you? Do you really? Red? Are you listening to me? Red? Do you remember?"  
  
"Okay maybe second biggest idiot," Red decided, "Do I remember what, Purple?"  
  
"I . . . can't remember! Isn't that funny, Red? Huh, huh? Isn't that-"  
  
The transmission cut suddenly, and Dib realised he had accidentally leant on the switch that turned the satellite on scan again, and he lost the signal.  
  
"NO!" Dib yelled, "No, no! Come on . . . "  
  
He fiddled with the receiver, struggling to get it back into position. He gave up after a while and sat back on his hunches, trying to believe what he had heard. It was enough to enhance his greatest fears.  
  
"They're coming again . . . " he whispered to himself.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOO! It is warming up now, no? You will like it, it is warm! Review and let me know what you think! Don't worry about the new character Jed she won't be an annoying character you don't like, well I hope not because I gave her my name!  
  
Anyway, the next chapter is called "They're coming again!" quite coincidentally as it is the last line in this chapter . . . MAHA! Moo. The majority of this chapter will be from Dib's POV (YAAAY! I love Dib! *hugs Dib*) but at the end it will kind of be both Zim and Dib, I won't tell you why they meet up! (YAAAAY! Zim and Dib! *hugs Zim and Dib*)  
  
MEEP! I'm evil! I may fit in a little Professor Membrane! YAAAY I love him he rocks! There may be a little bit of Gaz but I'm minimising her part for the next couple of chapters so the impact will be greater later on SHUT UP JULZ YOU'RE SPOILING IT!  
  
Awwww . . . Okay . . . so . . . wait for the next chapter like patient people, shouldn't be too long because I lost my Writer's Block at long last and I am on a big ROLL! Well, I prefer sandwiches, really . . . with CHICKEN! And lettuce and cucumber . . . AND MAYONNAISE!  
  
Wow, I'm hungry now . . . but dammit look at the time!  
  
Sleepy time!  
  
Review!  
  
Zzzzzzzzzz . . .  
  
"Don't try to fix me I'm not broken, hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide don't cry," - Hello, Evanescence. 


	18. They're Coming Again!

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note : Man I love Invader Zim. Why don't they bring it back . . . why? Please pretty please with little marshmallows on top of hot chocolate? Awww! _SEVEN MONTHS LATERONE DAY LATER  
  
Dib gave up that night at about two a.m. and went downstairs reluctantly to fetch some water before he went off to bed. His father was in the kitchen making, surprise surprise, toast.  
  
"Hello son!" he said cheerily, not at all concerned his fifteen-year-old son had been on the roof all night and was up very early in the morning, "Did you have a good session of your phony science?"  
  
He laughed from the stomach, finding his joke very funny indeed, but Dib didn't really appreciate the hilarity it offered his father. He simply nodded and poured himself a glass of milk, deciding that would be more exciting than water, and sat down at the table. He sipped at the dairy product and then drank it thirstily. He stared at the empty glass, he hadn't realised he had hardly drank anything that day. He washed the glass out and filled it with water this time, and slurped it down. His father watched him proudly.  
  
"Now that's REAL science!" his father bellowed, staring as his son refilled his glass again and again. After about four glasses, Dib felt he could stop and sat back down, surprised at himself.  
  
"How is drinking several glasses of water real science?" he asked his father, who shook his head and waved a finger in front of his face.  
  
"Now, now, son. I'll have no cheek from you! Now would you like some toast? It's new and improved!"  
  
Dib sighed and nodded his head, knowing his father would go in the huff if Dib denied his precious toast. Sometimes the troubled teenager worried if his father perhaps loved his toast more than his children . . . if that was so then Dib would just have to devour ALL the toast so there was none! But then there would be no bread . . . and Dib liked sandwiches. Damn, he was screwed now, huh?  
  
He sat for about five minutes while his father stood with his back to him poised over the toaster, ever vigilant. Dib realised that all that water had taken effect and he rushed to the bathroom. Once he had completed his business, he washed his hands and looked in the mirror at his own face, not bothering to dry his hands on a towel. He hadn't changed so much. Still the same shortness, the same distorted head, the same pointy hair his opponent despised.  
  
When he moved back through into the kitchen, he saw his father still leaning over the toaster, but he was scratching his head in puzzlement.  
  
"Now this is strange, not at all like Nelly at all. Come along, old girl! BRING ME THE TOAST OF GOODNESS AND . . . SCIENCE!" Professor Membrane ordered the toaster (which he had previously named "Nelly") and jumped back a little, bent over and waved his fingers at it like a wizard kind of thing. Dib looked at his father weirdly and walked over to the toaster, which was bleeping and buzzing.  
  
"Don't go near her, son! You might hurt her with your parasciency evil karma!" Professor Membrane warned him, and Dib sighed, and shook the toaster, "NOOOOOO!" his father roared, and threw his son the length of the room and banged into the fridge.  
  
"OW! Hey! OWW!" Dib moaned, and struggled to his feet, "Dad, you've gone . . . " Dib looked up at his father, who now had a saucepan on his head and was hitting a wooden spoon off it, "Dad?"  
  
Professor Membrane began twittering to himself, he had gone without toast too long. Dib walked over to the toaster suspiciously, trying his very best not to laugh at the sight of his father and struggling to see the serious side of the toaster going crazy. He poked it with his finger and it seemed like it was cooking, it was hot. Trying to pull up the lever that held the toast down for the required time, Dib forced the toast out of the flipped machine and threw it down on the worktop.  
  
Professor Membrane threw the pan and the wooden spoon away on the floor and stood up perfectly straight very suddenly, and patted his son on his enormous head.  
  
"No, dad!" Dib warned, "Don't go near the toast!"  
  
"That's right son, run alo - AAARGH!" the Professor screamed, looking at the charcoaled toast in horror, and Dib shook his noggin, "It's . . . horrible!"  
  
Dib patted his father's back, wishing he could reach up to his shoulder, but he had only grown about a foot. He tried to usher the scientist away, but his dad held the sizzled bread to his eye level and felt it crumble through his gloves to nothing. His father mumbled for a moment, then struck a very dramatic pose and reached to the sky yelling "NOOOOOOO!" like in one of these very cheesy cartoons like He-Man. Except in He-Man it's always on top of a mountain or the verge of a crevasse or volcano, but this was a twenty-first century kitchen.  
  
Dib now had no sympathy for his deranged father and got bored, but decided to have a closer look at the toaster. It blipped and Dib realised what was happening. It struck him as quickly as it had struck his father that his mum had left him . . . not very easily. Dib clambered back out into the back garden to his long-range telescope, and looked through it, dreading the sights he may see. If his suspicions were confirmed, then . . .  
  
"AARGH!" Dib yelled, pulling away from the telescope in horror, but unable to keep himself away, he pressed his glasses against it again, ready for the sight this time. What he was looking at was the Earth's atmosphere being disturbed by a small ship that, if not seen through at telescope, looked like a shooting star, on which several people would be wishing at that very moment. The only wish that would be granted would be if you were wishing for an alien to invade and turn your world into a snack container.  
  
What Dib saw through the telescope was a mostly red Voot Cruiser, similar to the one Zim owned in design except slightly more menacing looking. It had black engines and the rooftop was also a sleek jet-black colour. Inside was a red-eyed robot that looked similar to GIR, but looked somewhat more sophisticated. But then, anything really was more sophisticated than that idiotic robot. He also saw, in the driver seat, an enemy he had known before . . . Tak.  
  
"AAARGH!" Dib yelled again, and increased the focus on the telescope, his mouth hanging open. He realised the reason the toaster had gone haywire was because the Voot entering the Earth's atmosphere had disrupted the electricity and this was the cause of the interference. He looked back at the ship now that he had gotten a better focus, and now realised with utmost horror and confusion, that it wasn't Tak.  
  
She looked very much like the old enemy Zim and Dib had joined forces to defeat, except that she looked slightly smaller and had the same colour of eyes as Dib's arch adversary. What was it that Dib had heard over the transmission a few months ago?  
  
"How long did it take Zim to get to Earth? We were hovering over Conventia then, won't it take longer now? I want him dead NOW!" The Purple Almighty Tallest had moaned. Could it be that this Irken was being sent by the Almighty Tallest to kill Zim? He also vaguely remembered something about fulfilling "her sister's evil snack plan," which had been Tak's scheme to destroy the world.  
  
The jigsaw was forming very slowly in Dib's head. So this female Irken was coming to Earth to destroy Zim and then continue Tak's plan? This was Tak's sister? Man, these Irkens were WEIRD. Suddenly Dib realised she was heading straight for Zim's house, and saw the Irken in the ship cry out, even if he didn't hear her. The little robot began frantically searching for the problem and the alien was yelling orders to it. Dib ran inside, grabbed his trench coat, and slammed out of the door, leaving Gaz to deal with their gibbering father.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"AAAARGH!" the young Invader yelled amongst all the bleeping of her Voot Cruiser, "What's going on? What's going on?"  
  
"Sir!" the SIR Unit answered, "We've gone off course. We are currently crash landing. WHEE!"  
  
The Invader shook her head. Why did things have to go so wrong now, after the journey had been so successful? She shook her head at the little robot, which worked most of the time but went hyper an awful lot, even if it was for a couple of seconds. She had named it MAX and had admittedly become quite fond of her companion, but it annoyed her when it called her "Sir" and "Master".  
  
Anyway, there was a crisis in the young soldier's hands and she didn't know how to sort it. Her co-ordinates were set on Invader Zim's base, but that wasn't where she wanted to build hers, and she wanted to be able to settle before she even thought about seeking her revenge. She had to be on top form to perform such an action, but if she crash-landed in his base then she would either be killed on impact or would have to rely on her instincts to assassinate her enemy.  
  
She was frantically flicking through the instruction manual, commanding MAX and the Computer to perform duties to restore the Voot to its former glory, but there was no joy.  
  
"I'm sorry, Dave, but I'm afraid I can't do that," the Computer told her, and Jed screamed at the control panel. The Computer was malfunctioning too? MAX was searching the engines for flaws, and found that they had shut off. The only thing that was working was the co-ordinate settings, which she had used to get as near to Invader Zim on this stinking planet as possible, but she didn't want her presence known. It didn't seem like she had much choice, and braced herself for the oncoming impact.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Dib rang on the doorbell frantically at Zim's house, and eventually the alien arrived without his disguise. He swung open the door and rolled his eyes in the acknowledgement of Dib's presence.  
  
"Dib-Stink," he moaned, "What do you want? I was . . . how you humans say . . . RESTING!"  
  
Dib forced his way into the house, and when GIR saw him he made a happy sound (like the one when Zim told GIR they were going to Mars) and zoomed over to him, hugging his legs. Dib shook GIR off and kicked him across the room.  
  
"WOOO!" GIR shrieked, and began to dance around the room, "I'm naked!"  
  
"Yes, GIR," Zim agreed, and shut the door with a slam. He sat on the couch, but Dib grabbed the alien's arm, and Zim cried out in protest, "Hey! Hey, Dib-child! Get your horrible humanness off of me before I get infected!"  
  
Dib didn't let go and Zim yelled for GIR to help him, who instead simply followed them outside, where Dib eventually let go of his enemy's arm. Zim tried to go back inside, but Dib stopped him.  
  
"Zim!" he yelled, "I don't want to be here any more than you want me to be here, but there's another of your people coming!"  
  
"The Armada is here?" Zim yelled.  
  
"No! It's Tak's-" Dib tried to tell him, but Zim had already lost interest.  
  
"Yes, yes, I'm sure Tak has returned for her horrible wrath to be unleashed upon me, very nice," Zim dismissed, and Dib's jaw dropped at Zim's arrogance. He dropped Zim's arm and pointed at the Voot Cruiser, now clearly coming into view with tail fire and all, heading straight for Zim's base.  
  
"LOOK AT THE SKY!" Dib roared, and forced Zim's head around. Zim shut his eyes and turned back to look at Dib.  
  
"DO NOT CONTROL MY EYES!" he yelled, "I do not wish to look at your smelly, stinky sky!"  
  
"But - but, look, Zim. Why would I come here if it weren't deadly important? Just look at the sky! I'm not going to try and sneak into your base while you're not looking!"  
  
"HA!" Zim shouted, "Reverse psychology! Very clever, Dib, but it still does not fool my GREAT POWERS! Yes, you come here, expecting me to look at your smelly sky and you would sneak into my base!"  
  
"NO! Zim, there is a ship flying right towards us! Just . . . goddamn it, just LOOK!"  
  
Dib swung Zim around angrily, and before the Irken could shut his eyes he saw the Cruiser rushing down over their heads. The two enemies and the insane robot heard a cry of horror from the ship and a flash of red and black, before the ship slammed into the roof, utterly devastating the compartment where Zim kept the . . .  
  
"MY VOOT!" Zim yelled, "MY BEAUTIFUL VOOT!"  
  
Dib and Zim stood side by side, waiting for whatever was going to happen to happen. Suddenly, out of the smoke appeared a silhouette of a figure not so different to Zim. The Irken Invader who had been on the planet for about four years looked at Dib and swallowed.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: GRRRRRR that was short! I don't like short chapters I don't! Anyway it builds up the suspense . . . or something like that. MEEP!  
  
Next chapter : Well I think you can figure that out. Invader Jed and her SIR (named after my cat!) arrive. Will she kill Zim there and then? Or . . . not?  
  
Review!  
  
"Your skin, oh yeah you're skin and bones turn into something beautiful. You know for you I'd bleed myself dry." - Yellow, Coldplay. 


	19. Assassin

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note : I love Evanescence! Not as much as Nirvana but they rock too. Amy Lee has the coolest clothes! Going to restrict my Author's Note this time. Meep! Okay . . . this chapter is going to have Dib and Zim meeting Invader Jed. The two slave bots will bond, but will Jed kill Zim or vice versa? Dun dun DUNN! Hee.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Seventeen - Assassin -  
  
The smoke parted, Dib and Zim stared on in horror, while GIR simply stood and "oooooed!" at it. An Irken possibly just slightly smaller than Zim's artificial height (Yay someone smaller than Zim!) emerged, with a robot stood by her side looking quite serious. As the debris settled and the small fire that was result of the collision had burnt itself out, the character jumped off the roof with the two smashed Voot Cruisers and landed like a cat on all fours, then stood up straight. Her SIR unit hopped down next to her and stood vigilant.  
  
"T-Tak?" Zim stammered in disbelief, and the other Irken smiled nastily, then shook her head.  
  
Zim's jaw dropped, and as Dib had already seen what was coming he wasn't as surprised, but it wasn't exactly the most subtle landing. Without a word from any of the figures standing on the lawn, the new arrival pulled out a laser gun, which was slightly larger than a pistol and pointed it at Dib, who cried out. Zim grinned evilly, but his eyes froze when she looked as if she'd made a careless mistake, and swiveled the gun to point at the male Irken's head.  
  
"Inside," she growled, tilting the gun forcing Zim inside. Dib followed, and the Irken didn't object to this nosy inhabitant of the planet doing so. GIR and the female Irken's robot came in closely behind, MAX closing the door behind all of them. GIR sat on the rug and whipped out a box of popcorn, sitting like a teddybear with the box between his legs that weren't even attached to himself anyway. The Irken and her robot stood in front of the TV and the female kept her eye firmly set on Zim's, who stared at her in fury and confusion.  
  
"What is the meaning of this?" Zim demanded, his hands clenched in fists against the sofa, furious at being treated as a prisoner in his own home, especially by one of his own kind. Dib looked sideways and understood Zim's frustration, and was very glad that this Irken assassin was no longer pointing that nasty looking gun at him. He was still beginning to wish he hadn't followed them inside the house, because thinking on it that was probably quite a stupid thing to do.  
  
"You're not in control here, Invader Zim," the young Irken reminded him, "I am."  
  
Zim growled at her, his eyes very narrow. Hers were angry and focused, a look Dib thought looked like she had wanted to point her gun at Zim for quite a while. He supposed it was because this Irken was Tak's 'sister' and was seeking revenge. Looking again at his enemy, he realised that Zim wasn't sure who this was, and he, like Dib had originally thought, that this was indeed Tak herself.  
  
"And it looks like I'll be in control from now on," the intruder snarled, pushing a button which Dib figured must be the equivalent to the safety on human guns and tightening a grip on the shiny black handle, the barrel aimed right at Zim's head.  
  
"What is this?" Zim snapped, "Who are you?"  
  
The Irken smiled wryly.  
  
"My name is Invader -"  
  
"Who are you?!"  
  
"My name is Invader -"  
  
"Who are you?!"  
  
"My name is Invader Jed. I have been training on Devastis for the past three years, having drilled into my mind: To seek my revenge on you, Zim. Well, actually, my sister's revenge, I'm just performing her wrath via myself, who will then take up her plan to turn the Earth into a big box of snacks. A round box . . . of snacks." She replied obligingly, with the same evil voice Zim wielded, except hers was slightly softer, less intense.  
  
"What do you mean?" Zim still didn't understand, "What revenge? Who's your sister?"  
  
Invader Jed laughed and Zim flinched a little. "You haven't twigged yet, Zim? My sister is Tak, who you ejected into space in a Voot Cruiser emergency pod. I was planning on setting up my base first and choosing a disguise, but it looks like I'm just going to have to kill you now and do all that later, thanks to my Voot going a little insane on me. I guess you're lucky in a way, Zim. The gun will be quick. What I had in plan for you was slow and horrible. Oh well."  
  
She pressed another button, probably a second safety. She put one of her two fingers on the trigger, preparing to pull and destroy her rival.  
  
"Meeow!" GIR shrieked angrily, and Jed scowled at him, her hand never wavering from Zim.  
  
"MAX!" she snapped, "Take that defective tin can outside, destroy it and get the "Drill A House" device. We'll kill these two and go find ourselves a suitable spot where we can begin our destruction."  
  
"This is my planet!" Zim protested, "GIR! GIR, defensive-" he was cut off by a warning flick of the gun, and his mouth snapped shut, and Dib could feel him seething with rage beside him. MAX urged GIR outside, who was sad to leave his popcorn.  
  
"I wouldn't advise it, Invader," she snarled. Even though her voice was filled with hatred she still remained respectful to his title, which Dib found strange yet remarkable. He had always seen Irkens as unemotional dirt bags, but maybe that was just Zim, "You'd be dead before you realised I'd pulled the trigger. Now why don't you just shut up and appreciate the last few moments you live. And before you disagree, that's not a request."  
  
Dib didn't think Zim's frown could lower itself anymore but it did, and the Irken hostage looked on at his opponent with utter contempt and loathing.  
  
"You'd not be so cocky if I was holding a similar weapon instead of being treated like a dog by a coward!" Zim yelled, unable to keep himself from telling this girl exactly what he thought of her, "The COWARD that you are, miserable TRAITORESS!"  
  
"Yeah, well you know what Zim, you're not holding a weapon, so just shut the Hell up, okay?" Invader Jed snapped, and Zim retook his position as the helpless prisoner, Dib knowing full well how much he hated the situation. He wasn't really enjoying himself much either, though. The female Irken looked thoughtful for a few moments, her eyes boring into Zim's, who gave her an equally as steady glare, before she broke away and continued looking straight at his forehead. There was a slight waver in her voice the next time she spoke, "You know, Invader, I've been waiting a long time for this moment."  
  
Zim growled again, and Dib felt his throat run dry. This was it. She was going to shoot Zim, and then she was going to kill Dib simply because he was there and had heard too much, or whatever the reason was. He had never had a chance to tell his dad he didn't really hate him, or tell Gaz that he liked her for who she was, even if that was an evil pizza-obsessed maniac. This Jed character wasn't going to kill Dib with the same thought as she was going to do to Zim, she was just going to shoot him without a word, then leave them to rot together on the sofa while she doomed mankind. Oh well, at least it wouldn't be Zim's victory over Earth.  
  
"Is that so?" Zim asked, but his voice had the tone that told her he didn't really care, but that he wanted her to either get it over with or shoot herself because that was how much he hated her.  
  
"It is," Jed replied, "And I'm sorry you feel so helplessly obliged to loathe me after we'd never been properly acquainted."  
  
"You personally have no reason to hate me, I didn't send you off into the depths of space!" Zim objected, "And I don't see why you can't steal your own planet."  
  
"Well it's not going to be any use to you if you're dead, is it Zim? What use is a mission if you're lying in a grave rotting to nothing?" she spoke bitterly and coldly for a young-looking Irken, and Dib wondered if Zim showed the inciest bit of remorse in his eyes. There was a flash of something, whether it had been sorrow or regret that he had never been able to destroy the humans, or the helpless feeling of anger that he was going to be killed like this. If Dib hadn't been so worried about his own life, he would almost have felt sorry for Zim, sitting next to him with the gun pointed directly at his head.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Fly, birdie fly, up in the sky, with a one!" Swinging up into the air, Dib giggled, "And a two!" Another swing, higher and higher, "And a threeee!" Dib flew higher than he ever had, yet gravity defied him and he fell down onto the soft cushion of his mother, who let herself drop backwards onto the soft, bouncy grass and bring his three-year-old self on top of her.  
  
"Mommy!" Dib shrieked happily, playing with her facial features, "Do it that again!"  
  
His mother laughed pleasantly and shook her head, her hair mingling with the fresh spring daisies. He tangled her hair up with his pudgy hands and she sat up, still laughing.  
  
"I think you've had enough flying today, young man!" she told him, pulling him off of her and planting him on the grass, "We wouldn't want you to get air sickness, and I can hear little Gaz crying. I'd better go and see to her, hmm?"  
  
Dib sat on the grass and watched his mother walk inside with a bounce in her step. The happy dreams that were his early years hadn't lasted long after that.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
When he had first seen the gun, Zim didn't know how he should react. This intruder had pointed it first at Dib, which was fine; his initial reaction was that perhaps this Irken was a rather clumsy reinforcement to help him defeat the humans. But then she had the look on her face that told him she had made a mistake, and she had swung the gun to face him. That had been when Zim's organs had frozen and his body turned cold.  
  
Now he was sitting on the couch, waiting for this Invader to get bored of talking and shoot him, which he was beginning to wish she would hurry up and do. She was taunting him, her red eyes flickering teasingly, the gun dancing before him. He could try and fight her, but he believed her word, that she wouldn't hesitate to shoot him. Oh how he wished he had a gun in his pak. He knew exactly where his one was, a similar model to the one she held at him now. The gun was down in Store Room #2 where he had been using it to shoot cans of HUMAN WORM BEANS as target practice. He was a good shot and wouldn't miss her if he were in the position to shoot her.  
  
Whether he would miss Earth or not was a big thing to decide. He would miss hating it, plotting to destroy it and wishing it to be DOOMED to infinity. He would miss his Toaster idea, it was nearly finished. Sure it wasn't his world conquest plan, more for his enjoyment than anything else. It would have been fun, firing the organic sweep. But now this . . . Invader . . . was going to take it all away and use her sister's plan which he had so cleverly foiled. He had no regrets in how he had dealt with Tak so wasn't about to apologise, not that he would anyway, being a proud Irken and all. Another thing . . . he would have liked to speak to Fia once more too.  
  
Zim looked to Dib, who was already looking at him. Their eyes met and held, and Zim saw markings of tears in the adolescent human's eyes. Zim supposed he was looking back on his short life, like he himself was. He had wanted to be the High Invader, but supposed now he never would. Was he on his way to this "Heaven" humans spoke of, or would he become nothing more than a dead organic mass he had always been taught would happen when he stopped living?  
  
Zim swallowed and looked away from Dib, his nemesis, and his matched rival. After these few years, he had never been able to defeat him.  
  
"Goodbye, Dib-Stink," he mumbled under his breath.  
  
"Goodbye, Zim," Dib replied, his voice cracked, "See you in Hell."  
  
Zim nodded and looked back at the gun, ready for fire. She had a steady hand, the new Invader that was to be his and the Earth's end, he gave her that. She reminded him a little of Fia, in fact, when he thought about it. She wasn't as tall or had anything of Fia's grace, but there was just the air around them both that was similar. How strange Zim had become because of living here on Earth. How weird it all seemed, that one day everything was normal, and then your human rival comes and tells you a ship is going to crash into your base, destroying your Voot. Next thing you know you're being held in your own home with a stranger telling you she's come to kill you.  
  
Strange how things changed so quickly, and Zim realised that no one really cared. One thing he also would have liked to have done, was to buy GIR one last taco.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"BANG!" Zim roared, "BANG, you're DEAD! DEAAAD!"  
  
He began rolling on the ground laughing manically, and his friend stalked over to him and waved her hand over his face, a little concernedly.  
  
"Zim?" she asked, "Zim, are you okay . . . you're acting weird . . . "  
  
"Nonsense!" Zim laughed, and this time Fia joined in. They resumed their fighting positions, toy guns poised, until the older assigned brother of Zim's friend swooped in and stole his gun. Zim looked up at Fia's purple- eyed brother and tried not to frown, Fia had said that he would one day be Almighty Tallest and Zim didn't want to anger the Tallest.  
  
"Hey, shorty!" Fia's brother laughed, waving the gun in front of him teasingly, "Can you reach it? Huh? Huh?" He chewed on a burrito as he spoke, which spat out of his mouth and crumbs landed on Zim's face. Zim didn't say anything and looked at the elder brother of his only friend.  
  
Fia snatched it off him swiftly, and he stalked back inside reluctantly. Zim and Fia regarded each other and looked away awkwardly. This had been Zim's only encounter of kindness and had found it hard to believe, and didn't know how to react. He was always being made fun of for being short, but he didn't care because he was going to be better than everyone. He was going to be an Invader.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Snapping back into reality, Zim realised his eyes were pricking with what humans called tears. Having no experience of these things, and not wishing to, the Invader turned away, then remembered he was at gunpoint.  
  
"No sudden movements, Zim," Invader Jed warned, "It won't be long now. I can see you beginning to suffer under the strain."  
  
"Never," Zim whispered hoarsely, practically spitting. Dib had never seen Zim so quiet and angry, and was almost willing him to start ranting and raving and going crazy. This loathing silence was horrible and Dib wished it all to be over soon. Zim, however, was having second thoughts about dying, but there was nothing to be done.  
  
"Very well," Jed shrugged, "Goodbye . . . Invader Zim."  
  
She saluted him, and refocused the gun to Zim's head. She took a step forward so they were quite near, and Zim felt his mind tell him, 'Not today, Zim. You don't die today. This is not your time.'  
  
Zim inhaled deeply and gave the intruder his most hating look that he normally reserved for Dib.  
  
Suddenly, without realising what he was doing or how it sprung to his mind, Zim thought of Gaz, and noticed he had never really decided what he felt for her. 'Goodbye, Gaz,' he said silently, and waited for the impact.  
  
At that precise moment, GIR came zooming in with a huge grin on his robotic face. MAX sprinted in after him and attempted to wrestle him to the ground. Invader Jed dropped her guard for a moment and Zim started to move but she motioned him back down into his seat before he could attack. Suddenly he noticed something that looked vaguely familiar in GIR's hand, and within a flash it was gone, inside the stupid robot's mouth and swallowed into the abdomen apartment.  
  
"Goodbye, GIR," Zim said, with a hint of fondness in his cracked voice.  
  
"AARGH!" Invader Jed yelled suddenly, "You little . . . "  
  
She looked like she wanted to move over to GIR, but that would be giving Zim time to attack her and steal her gun, which she was full aware he could do. She kept as much attention as possible on Zim and the human thing next to him, but that little demon . . .  
  
"He . . . just ate my Drill A House device!" she hacked, and a wide grin spread across Zim's face, "Don't look so smug!"  
  
She pressed the gun right against his forehead and tightened the pressure on the trigger, but Zim cried out.  
  
"Wait a second!" he ordered, and she looked very surprised. GIR stood motionless, MAX poised and ready to strike. Dib just looked on, his eyes wide and terrified.  
  
"What?" Jed snapped, angry enough, "I may not have a base but I can still destroy you!"  
  
"And be stranded here?" Zim queried, and Dib suddenly noticed his plan, and his heart skipped a beat.  
  
"Wh-what?" this Invader may be very confident, but she was still young and inexperienced.  
  
"Think about it, if YOUR device is broken, and your Voot and my Voot are both in need for repair, then WHAT HOPE IN THIS UNIVERSE have you of possibly having any resources to take over this planet?" Zim analysed, but she still looked confused so he obliged, if it meant he may get to stay alive, "How are you going to operate the repair bay and all the equipment if you don't have a base?"  
  
"I'll - I'll use yours!" Jed laughed, but Zim shook his head, chuckling at her slightly. She didn't like that, and tipped his chin up with the gun now to his throat. Zim swallowed and carried on.  
  
"My Computer obeys my voice only. The commands of any other life form will be denied without exception, unless I program the Computer to accept those commands." Zim saw the look in her eye, "And I am not going to allow my base to work under your orders."  
  
Invader Jed looked completely devastated, "Well, what . . . what do I do?"  
  
Zim was surprised, as was Dib. Neither had expected her to ask Zim, whom she had come to kill, for help. Yet here it was, and Zim looked both happy he wasn't going to die and also quite annoyed that this Irken Invader that had been so sure and confident minutes before was now faltering.  
  
"Well, you could either kill me, and remain stranded here, trying to use one of the human shuttles to get back to the Armada, which I very much doubt these slow in technology beings' spaceships are capable of, or we could come to a compromise." Zim looked at her, letting her know he would much more prefer the latter.  
  
Invader Jed nodded and swallowed, still not lowering her gun. Her SIR Unit giggled briefly, and GIR joined in with a chorus of manic laughter. Dib supposed this was robot bonding. Zim stared hard at the intruding Irken, and she bore her eyes right back into his. Suddenly, she chuckled.  
  
"I'd love to hear what Tak would do," she murmured, "She was always so sure, and I'm . . . "  
  
Zim didn't say anything, he didn't want to provoke her by saying that her sister was a power-ridden evil beast monkey that would have rather killed Zim and be stranded than join forces with him, and Zim and Dib shared a brief glance which told them that they were both sharing the same train of thought.  
  
Jed, meanwhile, was looking very uncertain, but eventually her face told them she had made a decision.  
  
"What would this compromise go like?" she asked unprofessionally, but Zim didn't comment on it, she was still pointing that gun at his throat, keeping his chin up. He was getting cramp in the back of his neck.  
  
"Well, PERHAPS a temporary peace treaty in which you let me go, and I let you stay here, and neither of us try to kill each other no matter how much we both want to. We keep it strictly business, no personal . . . ness, and NO DANCE OR POP MUSIC!" Zim roared, and Jed blinked, "And then, once my base and both our Voots are repaired, and once you have settled yourself and your gadgets, we can discuss our plans and how to settle this killing business."  
  
Jed looked unsure, and Zim really hoped she wasn't a dance music fan. Or pop . . . Zim moved his eyes, as he couldn't move his head, over to GIR, who was playing a rather vigorous game of chess with MAX. He looked at Dib, who looked almost grateful, then back at Jed, who eventually nodded.  
  
"Alright," she said, "But just until I get settled, then I'll kill you."  
  
"Not if I kill you first . . . now, you really need to take this GUN from my INGENIOUS NECK now. Now, do it, do it now, do it. Now you will do it now . . . do it . . . " Zim promised, with a little waver at the end.  
  
Jed removed the gun and Zim leapt to his feet, and the young Invader stood back. Zim stood slightly taller than her due to his artificial height, and Dib also stood up, mouth slightly open in disbelief.  
  
"So . . . we're not going to die, then?" Dib asked, breathing very quickly, and Zim shook his head.  
  
"Not today, Dib-Stink," he replied, and without another word, Dib rushed out of the door to the night streets. Zim and Jed regarded each other, and Zim put out his hand. Jed looked at it suspiciously.  
  
"It's a tradition humans have," he explained, "To confirm DIRTY deals and treaties like this COMPROMISE OF DOOOOOM!"  
  
Jed nodded, and took his hand without another word.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: Woof! I mean . . . dude . . . hee. That was a very fun chapter to write, but I'm really enjoying writing this story. Man I'm on a roll. I DON'T WANNA STOPPP! Meep!  
  
Keep reviewing folks! I do like to read 'em I do . . . Mmyep.  
  
So . . . what do you think of Jed? Is she a good addition to the story? Do you not know her well enough yet but think she may grow on you? Do you think she is a no-no? WELL IT DOESN'T MATTER DOES IT!?!??!  
  
Nah I'm just kidding, if there's anyway you think I can improve I am really only too happy to hear what you guys have to say, in fact I encourage it. Just don't eat me, okay guys? Meep! I don't like being eaten on Sundays! Or Sundees.  
  
Meep.  
  
I say that too much, huh?  
  
Okay . . . going to bed now . . .  
  
Review.  
  
"I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black." - Heart-Shaped Box, Nirvana. 


	20. Nothing To Do With Jelly

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note : Okay we're really getting into this story now (or I am!) . . . the next few chapters are going to be mainly set from both Zim and Jed's (so you can get to know her) point of view, but this chapter in particular has all of our main characters in it. You know, Zim, Dib, GIR, Gaz and the new addition, Jed. You notice I took the name of this chapter from one of my favourite lines in the "Tak: The Hideous New Girl" episode, from when Dib accuses Zim of being jealous and he says indignantly; "This has nothing to do with jelly!" I thought that would be a good way to describe Gaz's mounting jealousy of Jed, but as she is proud she is in denial. In this chapter, Dib and Zim find themselves walking together and arguing, which, shall we say, is a similar position Jed and Gaz find themselves in. SAY NO MORE! Read . . . *waves magical fingers to make you read*  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Eighteen - Nothing To Do With Jelly -  
  
" . . . and THEN she realised that if she destroyed Zim she wouldn't be able to use his base as her own because his commands are set on voice recognition! So she looked kinda confused for a while, then Zim and her set up a compromise that they won't kill each other until she can get herself settled, but I don't think either of them will hold to their word because they OBVIOUSLY hate each other and it'll be hard not killing each other when they're living in the same place and all . . . "  
  
Gaz had become increasingly bored with Dib's gibberings he had been giving her all morning, and she was getting seriously depressed, but her ears pricked when her annoying brother mentioned Zim and this new Invader sharing a household. She dropped her spoon into the cereal bowl and watched Dib stop mid-sentence. Gaz NEVER paused while eating cereal. He swallowed his words on the event in fear.  
  
"They're living together?" was all she said, and Dib couldn't help but give a sigh of relief and a small nod to confirm Gaz's question as affirmative. She paused for a moment and Dib could feel the fear for his younger sibling returning rapidly, but she simply narrowed her eyes back to squints and returned to her cereal. Once she had finished she walked right up to Dib who was now reading his "Cropcircles" magazine, which was affiliated with the Swollen Eyeball Group. (I don't actually know that, I just wanted to say "affiliated". Hee hee! Affiliated! Moo! Ahem . . . )  
  
Pushing his glasses up his nose so much that it hurt, Dib closed his magazine with his thumb still embedded in the glossy pages (no Dib doesn't get turned on by cropcircles, you dirty people!). Gaz glowered at her brother.  
  
"They're living together?" she repeated slowly, more calmly, and Dib rolled his eyes and made a move to open his magazine, but found it was no longer in his hand, but Gaz's.  
  
"Wha - HEY! GAZ!" he exclaimed, and Gaz chuckled slightly. She liked seeing her simple brother in torment. It was fun. Or something.  
  
"I want information, and I want it NOW, foul creature," she snarled, and Dib leaned back in his chair, then decided he wasn't going to give up without a very little, unimportant fight.  
  
"What, still have a crush on Zim, do you?" he teased, and she ripped the magazine in two in front of his eyes. Dib cried out in protest and moved to grab the magazine but Gaz shot out an arm and he was jolted back in his chair. He cried out again and a macho cheesy voice was heard drifting up from a certain famous scientist's lab.  
  
"You're not killing each other, are you now, kids?" he asked, and was quite happy with the disgruntled negative response Gaz gave in reply. They heard some cheery humming for a few seconds then an angry: "NO! No, you fool! Not the magnesium! THE COPPER! THE COPPER! AAARGHHH!"  
  
There was a brief flash of white light and some more yelling, ending with a loud crash of pans and equipment. Gaz and Dib looked at each other, wondering whether they should go help, then decided to leave their dad to it. Dib sighed, no longer having a purpose to remain in the kitchen as his monthly magazine had been ruined, so returned to his circadian ritual of going to his room and brooding about how much Zim and his life sucked. As he trudged up the stairs, Gaz (on the very rare occasion) ran around and blocked her brother's path, much to the fifteen-year-old's annoyance.  
  
"What is it, Gaz?" he sighed, and his younger sister frowned. He turned and walked into the living room, plopping himself on the sofa. Gaz joined him, and for once didn't reveal a GameSlave, a remote control or a piece of paper and a drawing utensil. It was weird for Dib to watch, she only ever came onto the sofa to draw, play obsessively on her games console or watch T.V. But for the first time Dib had known Gaz, which was all of her life, she looked about ready (if reluctant) to have a conversation with her brother, even if it developed into an argument like Dib predicted it would.  
  
"Dib," she started, "What is this other alien doing here? Just answer, and this can be over and done with as quickly as possible."  
  
Dib narrowed his eyes but yielded, "Her primary aim seems to annihilate Zim, and she seemed pretty intent on that until she realised she's be stranded if she didn't get her equipment."  
  
"Why didn't she just steal Zim's?" Gaz asked.  
  
"Because the Computer only agrees to Zim's commands, and even sometimes IT rebels which is just one crazy A.I. chip." Dib folded his arms, wondering where the Hell this was going.  
  
"Okay . . . " Gaz attempted to understand, "So why does she want to kill Zim, if she's the same kind of alien as him? I know those leader guys wanted to kill him . . . but they've not tried for three years. They'd have given up, right?"  
  
Dib shrugged, "I don't know. Three years isn't really much to these Irkens though, is it? Besides, she said something about . . . " he struggled to remember.  
  
"I have been training on Devastis for the past three years, having drilled into my mind: To seek my revenge on you, Zim. Well, actually, my sister's revenge, I'm just performing her wrath via myself, who will then take up her plan to turn the Earth into a big box of snacks . . . "  
  
Dib remembered the Irken's words and suddenly it twigged, yet he very much doubted Zim had gotten the same brainstorm. He let anger control his mind, and he was far too angry at being invaded when he himself was an Invader to be rational and see the logical side of things.  
  
"Of course!" he cried, and Gaz rolled her eyes in apprehension of another rambling from her brother, "she said she was Tak's sister, here to avenge what Zim did to her, then take over her mission and steal Zim's planet. But . . . the Tallest have to be involved somehow, they organise who goes to which planet . . . "  
  
Gaz sat impatiently, watching her brother's mind work. He twiddled his thumbs and scrambled about on the couch trying to find a comfortable thinking position. She watched his anxious movements, knowing Dib didn't care about Zim's well-being but he just wanted to understand. When he looked up at his sister, his eyes wide and knowing, she simply blinked, trying so hard not to look interested.  
  
" . . . it makes sense. The leaders of the Irken Empire want Zim dead, even after all this time. They obviously hate him this much . . . " Dib mumbled, more to himself than to Gaz. He was surprised she hadn't got bored and wandered off to sulk, but still she remained seated, watching his eyes flick from one side of his glasses to the other, still thinking, "But they needed someone that hated him so much that they would strive to kill Zim as an instinct, so the plan existed just after the Moriara one failed, but to do it right they HAD to train this Jed character so she would want nothing better than Zim dead, and to get the revenge Tak never got. But it's gone wrong. Jed crashed and is now living with the guy she's supposed to destroy. This is WEIRD."  
  
Gaz blinked and looked at her brother, who had relaxed, now having it sorted in his mind.  
  
"It's weird," he continued, coming out of the creepy trance he had been in, "but it's Zim's problem, not ours." He saw the look on her face, and freaked slightly, "And it's not going to become our problem, Gaz. It's his fault."  
  
"His fault that all three of us, me, you and Zim had a part in Tak's downfall?" Gaz challenged, "We could have just given Zim the memory disk that was inside her robot thing, we didn't have to come along. The revenge that Zim is getting is deserved by us too, Dib."  
  
"But - but Tak came to Earth to get revenge on Zim in the first place!" Dib argued, not liking where Gaz was going with this at all.  
  
Gaz shrugged, "Yeah, but then he saved my life, Dib. Don't we owe him something for that?"  
  
Dib jumped to his feet in a fury, pointing an angry finger at his sister, who sat calmly on the couch, "I don't owe that alien ANYTHING! WE don't owe him ANYTHING, Gaz! What - this isn't like you! We took him back to his house three years ago . . . we put his Voot back in place, which was destroyed when she crashed, by the way."  
  
"He saved my life Dib. If you don't help, then I'll do it myself." Gaz said simply, making a move to stand, but Dib held out a hand, and she desisted, sitting down again. Dib joined her on the sofa.  
  
"Wha - why . . . Gaz, WHY? Why can't we just stay out of it? I'll stop the other Irken, she seems a lot less manic than Zim, but I'm not going to fight two Irkens that are at war with each other. She'll . . . one of the two will end up killing each other. Can't we just wage war on the one who wins?" Dib pleaded, not quite understanding what had gotten into his cruel- hearted sister. "Is there something between you and Zim?"  
  
Gaz stood up and walked over to the coat hanger, taking her long raincoat off of it and whirling it around her shoulders, placing her arms in the sleeves. Dib collected his trench coat and schoolbag, slinging both over his right arm as he waited for an answer. Gaz narrowed her eyes at him.  
  
"No," she snarled, "He saved my life, that's all."  
  
She walked out of the door with a frown, and after Dib watched her hopelessly for a couple of seconds, he heard another yell from the lab: "NO! No, you fool! Not the potassium!! THE MAGNESIUM! THE MAGNESIUM! AAARGHHH!"  
  
Dib witnessed another flash, much louder and more destructive than the last and hurried out after his sister towards the skool, thinking that his dad should reconsider taking on the apprentice that used the wrong chemicals.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was the first week back of skool that term, a Wednesday, and Dib remembered that today was the day they would learn who their teacher for the year at the Hi-Skool he and Gaz now went to. For the first week, Dib's class had been given substitute teachers, and at last they would have someone to fall back on. He hoped that it would be someone like he had had last year, Mr Physicsgeek, who was into science, and occasionally listened to Dib's views until Zim heckled him and complained he had . . . "TIN PAGE INDIGESTION".  
  
The adolescent Zim seemed unable to understand that the word was "teenage" or "teenager". He insisted that they were all a bunch of "human tin pagers" which Dib found quite amusing. He wondered if Zim would be in hi-skool today, or if he was even alive. Gaz sure had been strange this morning, stranger than usual. He would speak to Zim after skool, if he was in, that was.  
  
Dib's heart sank when he saw Zim sitting in the seat next to the one that was the only other available seat in the classroom (in other words Dib had to sit next to Zim). He wondered why his father never bothered to send them to a skool that had different teachers for each subject, he could certainly afford it as he was a rich famous scientist, but he didn't seem to care much. Dib looked on the bright side, at least they didn't have to move between classes. He looked at his rival on his left hand side. Zim and Dib were dismissed to the back of the classroom every year, since they were the outcasts, the freaks. Dib had to sit in the far corner, he was the biggest freak. But Zim sat next to him at the back, slightly cooler than the geeky spiky-haired kid.  
  
"Not dead yet, Zim?" he asked, and Zim looked down at himself briefly, then shook his head.  
  
"Doesn't look like it, DOES it, Dib-Stink?" Zim retorted, "Now stop with your foolish school-boy death talking and be happy."  
  
Dib scoffed, and leaned closer to Zim, "Y'know, Zim, when someone says they've pledged to kill you I wouldn't be so dismissive."  
  
"You think I'd let that . . . child annihilate me, ZIM? Ignorant fool of a boy! Ha! I laugh at your ignorance! WATCH ME LAUGH! HA HA!"  
  
"Well what's the story? Have you managed to convince her not to kill you? Did you give her the commands to your base in return for your life, then flee and now you're sleeping under a bridge? Or are you just sleeping with her?"  
  
Zim's face turned bright emerald, and Dib presumed this was Zim's species' way of blushing. Satisfied, the human sat back in his seat and Zim hissed: "I will call your accusations a silly thing, Dib-creature, then warn you not to cross me."  
  
"We'll talk later Zim," Dib said simply, not looking at his enemy, which annoyed him greatly, but Zim could say no more and shut his open mouth, silently loathing the fool-boy next to him.  
  
The door creaked open and all the students except Zim leaned forward in their seats to see who it was. The result caused all the teenagers to scream in horror, including the proud Irken. The kids who knew this educator screamed in terror of knowing that this was the teacher they would have to rely on for their exams, and those that didn't know her face were terrified by that face.  
  
"Ms Bitters?" cried Zita, being the most popular, she sat in the front seat with all her friends around her. Dib remembered the skool dance he had shared with her and cringed, but was more worried by the fact that the teacher he had managed to have not seen for three years had now appeared looking even more horrible than before. He prayed it was another substitute and the new teacher was coming on Monday.  
  
"Yes, Zita." she responded, and everyone cried out again, "Class, I am Ms Bitters. I will be teaching you horrrrrible lot for the next horrrrrible hi- skool year. Those I have seen before, how horrrrrrible it is two see you again. Those I have not seen . . . you smell horrrrrribly."  
  
Several children burst into tears and this seemed to empower Ms Bitters greatly, and if you had a zoom out camera then you'd do that and see all the screaming kids and the teacher laughing horrendously, except that she wasn't laughing, just looking horrible. Zim and Dib were staring at the front of the class in horror, quite glad that they weren't at the front and seeing her up close. They prepared themselves for another year based entirely on doom.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
At the end of the day, Zim took a piece of paper out of his I.D. Pak and strolled over to the teacher's desk, where Dib was already, fulfilling his punishment of sharpening pencils until his fingers turned black. He wasn't being punished for any particular reason; Ms Bitters just enjoyed watching him writhe. Zim came up a bit taller than he had before on Ms Bitters, but still had to clear his throat so she noticed he was there.  
  
"Zim," she said, recognising him immediately, "How nasty to see you again."  
  
"DITTO, Ms Bitters!" Zim yelled, "NOW! I must hand to you this parchment revealing news of utmost JOY!"  
  
Ms Bitters looked at Zim in a very demeaning fashion, and took the piece of crumpled paper. It read, in very untidy writing:  
  
Dear Sir, we know you are teaching our daughter Zim but now wish you to teach our other child who is not an assassin planning to take over the world and Zim's mission, who is also not trying to take over the world. She will arrive tomorrow lots of love the greatest parental units Zim has ever had.  
  
Ms Bitters nodded and threw the piece of paper into the air, where it burst into flames, and a small amount of ashes fluttered down into her evil hand. Zim turned and walked out of the door. Dib stammered to Ms Bitters that his hands were raw and ran down the corridor to catch up with Zim.  
  
"ZIM!" he panted, meeting up with him at the bottom of the steps, "I need to talk to you!"  
  
"Must you?" Zim sighed in annoyance. Dib nodded, and Zim groaned.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Meanwhile, Gaz was running as fast as she could towards Zim's house, hoping to get there before the Irken that had once saved her life did. It appeared she had managed to do that, but there was no sign of him. She began to wonder if her annoying brother had managed to take him on a detour, and she entered the house, ignoring the two robots that welcomed her as "their little magpie".  
  
Gaz made her way into the living room and walked around, looking at the surroundings that hadn't changed for three years. The robot she sometimes saw as a green dog wandering around the streets with Zim appeared holding a taco in his hand, speaking to it happily. It wasn't in its lame disguise, but it had a friend, which looked slightly different with red eyes and a different design, but it looked like an updated version of GIR, but then anything was more updated than the psycho-bot, as Dib nicknamed him.  
  
"WOOOO!" GIR shrieked, recognizing her, "HIIII Gazzy! Not seen you since you and Zimmy was frieeeends, ya know what I meeaan?"  
  
Gaz ignored him and took another few steps forward.  
  
"INTRUDER!" the red robot yelled, with a much more mechanical and professional tone, and the toilet could be heard flushing, and a curse, then angry stomping as someone came through from the kitchen. Gaz clapped her eyes on the undisguised Irken that looked so much like Tak, but she had red, red eyes like Zim, and was slightly smaller and less scary looking, until she frowned.  
  
"Who are you?" the Irken demanded, "What are you doing here?"  
  
Gaz growled. She immediately didn't like this character.  
  
"That's none of your business!" Gaz snapped, and made to go through to the kitchen, and the small alien, about her size, pushed her back with quite a lot of force. Gaz took a couple of involuntary steps back and snarled angrily. "I should ask you! What do you want with Zim?"  
  
The other looked slightly confused, then nodded, "You're one of those humans, aren't you? Like that big-headed one. I let him go. If you leave now and I never hear from you again, you can live your blissfully ignorant life until I take over your planet. What business I have with Zim is, as you say, none of YOUR business."  
  
"Ooooooo," GIR cooed, "Girly fight!"  
  
"Silence!" the Irken snapped at the robot, and took a step towards Gaz, "Now, human, you make your choice. Go home . . . NOW!"  
  
Gaz felt mounting anger at this character, more than when she met anyone else. Before she realised what she was doing, she pushed the green person back, who didn't respond well, and brandished a nasty looking gun.  
  
"Now," she snarled, "I don't need to worry about shooting you, because you don't matter."  
  
"I'm Zim's . . . friend!" Gaz tried, almost worried for the first time in her life, "And you're invoking my wrath! Zim'll be back any second and when he sees you threatening me . . . "  
  
"Be quiet. Spend your last seconds with a bit of dignity. Five . . . "  
  
Gaz thought of Dib and her father, about how she would never be able to tell them she was glad they were there, even if she didn't like them at the best of times.  
  
"Four . . . "  
  
She thought of Zim, and the things he had said to her in the last few years, and how she could have, should have, would have responded to differently had she not been so proud.  
  
"Three . . . "  
  
'I wanted to ask you - if you - uh - wanted to go to the dance with me?'  
  
'Yeah, ok, I guess,'  
  
"Two . . . "  
  
'Look at you in the cage, it's because of me, yes? Well, I don't want to be here, and I don't want to have to be saving YOU!'  
  
But he did . . .  
  
"One . . . "  
  
'It is BAD for my reputation and BAD for yours, and all it can ever be is BAD and I have enough BAD what with your brother and a BAD robot and a damaged ship and I think you're a BAD jinx. I hope . . . I hope you understand, and if you don't then you can eat some WEBBED FISH TOES, because all we can ever have together is BAD!"  
  
Gaz closed her eyes, her last thought to be of Zim.  
  
"All we can ever have together is bad . . . " Gaz murmured to herself, then the door flung open and she heard GIR's voice say "Oooooo!" and her brother's voice yell, "GAZ!" and there was nothing from Zim, who eventually strolled across the room and put a hand on the female alien's arm, gave her a knowing look, and she lowered the gun.  
  
"Dib-Stink, you have met her before." Zim looked to Gaz, "Gaz, this is Invader Jed. But that's besides the point. Dib human, take your interfering sibling home and out of my business. " It was the first time he had spoken directly to her for three years. Gaz tried to ignore the heart-wrenching feeling inside her that she hated, but it wouldn't go away.  
  
Gaz didn't do or say anything, but Dib did.  
  
"You can't just tell me to go after she-" Dib pointed at Jed, "tried to kill my sister! You have to keep her under control Zim; she can't go round killing everyone. Especially not Gaz. Just . . . keep her away from Gaz."  
  
'Don't stick up for her, Zim,' Gaz prayed silently, 'Please. I don't want to feel this way, it's bad enough . . . but to feel this way alone . . . '  
  
"Just go, Dib. This argument is FUUUUTILE! Now go and eat some Earth groceries. This meeting is finished. Jed will do as she pleases as long as she is not killing ME! Whether she gets her hands on your smelliness or any of your disGUSTing family's is none of my concern, and I don't want it to be." Zim told him, and Gaz felt her heart sink, and walked out of the door into the newly started rain, Dib reluctantly following after.  
  
Zim swallowed as GIR slammed the door loudly, sucking on a squishee that appeared out of nowhere. MAX followed him through the door, and Zim turned to face Jed.  
  
"Why did you attack her?" he asked, "And what in the name of Irk was she doing here?"  
  
"You tell me," Jed snarled, "she said you were her friend."  
  
Zim hesitated, his breath dissolving in his throat, then inhaled and tried again. He laughed and shook his head, giving her an answer. He decided to change the subject. "I told my DISTURBING human teacher you would come to skool tomorrow. We need to find you and your SIR a disguise. I suggest you don't use one that was similar to Tak's as there are some who KNEW THAT SLIMEBALL under that disguise."  
  
"Don't talk about my sister like that." Jed snapped. Zim didn't say anything and led her down to the base, looking at the capsule that made disguises. He had asked the Computer to make some repairs as it had gotten a little damaged after the baby invasion and had never bothered to fix it. The Voots were both being repaired on the same bay, and Zim led his guest past them both to the pod-like structure. MAX and GIR, who were already down in the repair bay, both headed towards it, but Zim held GIR back, who screamed in protest. The other robot walked into the pod and Jed leaned over the panel attached, knowing that her sister had chosen a "cat".  
  
She decided she would use the same animal, and chose a black and grey shorthair disguise. There was a momentary flash, then the pod opened and MAX walked out, looking very much like MiMi but with different colourings, obviously. Jed nodded, satisfied, and set the panel for human female, with a somewhat more cunning disguise than Zim's. Zim was too busy watching GIR prod MAX with his tin finger. The SIR Unit looked unresponsive most of the time but let out an occasional giggle, and Zim had realised that this robot only misbehaved for brief and occasional intervals.  
  
After the flash from the disguise pod, Zim looked up and it opened, revealing Invader Jed. Who emerged was not Tak's sister, it was a cunningly disguised human wearing the same clothing as she had been, but her eyes were covered with contact lenses that had stunningly blue irises with a black dot in the middle. She had long raven-like hair, cascading elegantly over curved shoulders. Zim stood stunned for a moment, then remembered who he was and who she was.  
  
Jed looked down at herself and turned her upper lip up.  
  
"Oh My Tallest . . . "she moaned, "I look terrible."  
  
"No, no you don't," Zim murmured, looking at her. He realised she had gone with the gothic option, she had pale skin and dark make-up lining her stunning eyes. The best parts of her disguise were those eyes.  
  
"Why don't you make your disguise a little less obvious, Zim?" she asked him, and he felt the fake hair on his head, which he now spiked up a little (but not like Dib's) as the fashionable Computer said that these humans could change hairstyles. Zim had become too fond of being different.  
  
"I . . . I told them I had a skin condition of . . . doom!" Zim told her, "The humans now know me as a warped-skin um . . . what do they say . . . dude."  
  
Jed nodded, and went back upstairs, leaving Zim to get on with repairing the ships. She didn't want to have too much conversation, she feared she might grow close to him and be unable to kill him, which could only be bad.  
  
"Better sooner than later," she mumbled to MAX, who had followed her, "before I begin to know him. Because that's not allowed. We have to avenge Tak, don't we, MAX?"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N : Heeeeee. Meep! Are you enjoying it people? I hope so . . . Gooooose.  
  
Next chapter : Gaz is now even more jealous of Jed as she sees Zim giving her lots of attention at skool the next day. Dib also notices Zim is developing a soft spot for Jed and realises he can use it to his advantage . . . Meanwhile Zim and Jed try not to become close but obviously them living together happens to complicate things a bit. She reminds him that she still has to kill him at some point, but Zim has other views on that.  
  
Anyway, will update as soon as possible folksies. This is a very long chapter. Moo. Probably the longest so far!!! WOOOO Gaz still likes Zim but will he fall for her again or Jed or . . . or Ms Bitters? Okay not Ms Bitters. Another thing in this chapter, Dib will experience the first girl that properly flirts with him and he's quite scared. Awww.  
  
"Cracked eggs, dead birds scream as they fight for life. I can feel death, can see it's beady eyes." - Street Spirit (Fade Out.), Radiohead. 


	21. Two Insane Irkens

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note : Heyyyyyyyyyyyy dudes and dudettes! Yeah . . . cheese. I don't really like it much, but Orkney Mild Cheddar is really very nice cheese. Do you people even know where Orkney is? DO YOU? It's in Scotland! Which is not a place in England Scotland is a separate country, just in the U.K. Yeah it's stupid but I don't like Tony Blair. Hey I don't like politics! BAD POLITICS! NOOOOOOO!  
  
Did you know Scotland used to be called Caledonia? Did yooou? I live in Dundee. There seems to be a Dundee everywhere, doesn't there, dammit? Australia, Florida, South Africa . . . SCOTLAND! Hee. Anyway, enough geography, which is bad too. Bad, bad naughty geography. Okays . . . ON WITH THE STORY! If you can't remember what happened in the last chapter . . . read it again!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Nineteen - Two Insane Irkens -  
  
Dib followed Gaz downstairs to breakfast the next morning wearily. He was weary for several reasons. One being that he was going to have to confront Gaz at breakfast, two being that she would eat him up afterwards, three being that he had to walk to hi-skool with her (Gaz was in first year), four being that he had to go to skool, five being that he would have to sit next to Zim and possibly Jed, six being that he hated them, seven being that he now had two crazy foes to fight against. Dib no longer had the amount of passion he had once had for parascience, perhaps his father had in fact bored him out of it, or maybe it was Zim's annoying persistence.  
  
He sat down at the table and his father plonked a plate of buttered toast in front of him, with a glass of milk beside it. Dib looked up at the professor, surprised. His father's eyes looked happy, and Dib imagined a cheesy grin was taking place, but Dib couldn't see. It looked like he had made up with his toaster anyway.  
  
"Fresh from Nelly!" he exclaimed, "I made a little bit too much, so I thought you two might quite like some toast instead of all that bad, nutritious cereal you eat."  
  
"I like cereal." Gaz growled, and Professor Membrane chuckled joyfully.  
  
"Of course you do. You two eat up, now! Perhaps I'll invent a toast cereal! Yes!" Professor Membrane took his plate, stacked high with toast, and walked as briskly as he could to his lab. Dib was just imagining soggy toast pieces floating in milk, when Gaz threw a piece of toast at him. Dib looked up at her angrily.  
  
"Hey!" he cried, "What's the big idea? I'm trying to . . . oh never mind. What is it?"  
  
Gaz crossed her arms, then uncrossed them again to push away the toast and down her milk, then crossed her arms. She glared at Dib and inhaled, "I didn't need your help yesterday, Dib. I had it all under control."  
  
Dib sighed, "Gaz, you and I know very well that that crazy newcomer would have killed you without blinking an eye. Stop lying to yourself, as well as to me. And I meant to ask you, why were you there, anyway?"  
  
Suddenly it struck Gaz. Why had she gone there? She couldn't find a reason. "I . . . " she started, "I needed to speak to Zim, not that it's any of your business, stupid." She put a nasty emphasis on "stupid".  
  
Dib narrowed his eyes, "Why did you need to get there so fast? And what did you need to talk to him about? You haven't spoken for four years almost!"  
  
"Yeah well, things change. I just needed to ask him about whether his Voot Cruiser was . . . um . . . okay."  
  
Dib stood up, pushing his chair back as he did so. He shrugged his shoulders at Gaz sadly, then walked off to get his skool bag. Gaz grabbed her jacket off the back of the chair and picked up her bag from under the table, and was gone before Dib returned with his things.  
  
As Dib walked to skool, he wondered if the two Irkens had perhaps decided to call a permanent truce, as Zim had looked a little non-hostile towards Jed when he made her lower the gun. He had just looked at her and put his hand on her arm gently, and she put it down. Maybe now he would have two Irken Invaders to contend with, and Dib didn't know if he had the energy to.  
  
Things didn't get better when he entered the classroom. A desk had been slit between Zim's desk and his desk, and in the middle sat Invader Jed, looking smug yet confused. She was in a disguise, but the eyes were still point through the contacts, as Tak's had been. Jed's disguise was better looking than Tak's had been, she had long jet black hair, as dark as his, and very clear blue eyes. She wouldn't be accepted into the preps fold, though; she looked different, despite her looking human. Dib knew that sounded stupid, but it was the only way he could explain it. She was no Zita.  
  
"Now, class," Ms Bitters hissed, "I want you all to imagine for a couple of minutes that you are nice children. I want you all to welcome the latest addition to the smell factor in this disgusting classroom! Jed, come here now!"  
  
Jed slid out of the seat and sidled past Zim, and Dib noticed her hand accidentally brush against Zim's back, who shivered. Dib sat motionless, watching him recover and watch Jed closely as she walked up to the front of the class to Ms Bitters, to whom she saluted.  
  
"Class, this is Jed." Ms Bitters said, then turned to her, saying the thing that had once been said to Zim, "Now Jed, do you have anything to say? If you do, say it now, because I don't want to hear from you for the rest of the skool year! As there is a shortage of desk space, you will have to be seated between Dib and Zim, because they're always fighting and being annoying."  
  
Jed blinked, and scanned the class, "So these are humans . . . " she murmured, then caught Zim's eye, who was making gestures like pulling his finger across his throat and gagging. She guessed this was to tell her to not say things that revealed her alienity, "Um . . . hi. I'm Jed. Don't speak to me." Then she returned to the back of the class and took her place.  
  
Ms Bitters rubbed her creepy hands together. "Now, class, for a lesson on destruction and distress through the ages. Long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long ago there was lots of destruction and distress . . . Long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long ago there was still lots of destruction and distress . . . "  
  
Dib settled himself in his chair, ready for another boring lesson. He saw Zim look to his left, at Jed, and she caught his eye. Their glance met and held for about ten seconds, before Zim coughed embarrassingly and lowered his eyes to the table. Dib couldn't believe it. Zim, embarrassed? Zim, who never lowered his eyes to anyone but met them with a steady glare? It occurred to Dib that Zim was in fact scared of losing his will to destroy Jed; he was losing his hatred of a rival Irken and didn't want to get close to her. Zim was going to have to kill her or she would kill him, and Zim didn't want it to have regret involved.  
  
Zim, Dib realised, was a complex creature that either hid himself from things he didn't want, or destroyed them. Zim was too proud to hide so in most cases he annihilated his object of dissatisfaction. He was finding it difficult, or more difficult, to do the same to Jed. There was an inevitability to Jed and Zim's relationship that disheartened the young Irken male, as he knew he would have to kill Jed sooner or later. Still, Dib noticed a weak spot that Zim was developing for the invading Invader and made a mental note in his brain that if the two ever did join forces permanently, he could use this to his advantage.  
  
But still, he hoped that it wouldn't come to that, and that one of them would kill the other. Even better, they killed each other, leaving Dib with no Irkens to deal with, but he knew that was very unlikely, knowing his damned luck. And he wasn't even sure he wanted it to be Zim who died instead of Jed now, obviously he wanted Zim dead, but Jed had threatened his sister, which had pissed him off. Anyway, he had a backup plan if the worst came to the worse and the two Irkens called a permanent truce, Dib could use Zim's vulnerable spot for Jed in aid to his cunning plan.  
  
It was nearing the skool day, at last, and Dib noticed Zim occasionally glanced at Jed's face, her contact lenses translating the language of the humans (English, that is) so she could read. Her head was always buried in the text book, fascinated by the new learning techniques used on this unfamiliar planet. Zim watched her intensely, but a couple of times she looked up and he averted his eyes quickly. Dib was pretty sure that meant he didn't want her to notice he was looking at her. (Anyone gonna say "DUH!" here?)  
  
" . . . And finally, there is still lots of destruction and distress, and there always will be. There is no hope for any of you, you are all doomed! Dooooomed - go home now." Ms Bitters ended the lesson, and the adolescents eagerly packed up and headed for the door. Just as Dib reached the door, a voice called him back, one he hadn't heard speaking to him directly for a long time. He whirled around to see Zita waving at him.  
  
"Dib! Hang on a sec, can you help me?" she asked, and Dib walked tentatively towards the front right hand desk where Zita sat. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Zim standing beside Jed as she received a long list of skool rules, then when she moved away from Ms Bitters she bumped into Zim, and they both looked down at the floor with a nervous laugh, then Jed walked out. Zim cast Dib a nasty look before he went out after her.  
  
"Uhh . . . Dib?" Zita wove her hand in front of Dib's face, he had gotten distracted while the most popular and best looking girl in the year was asking him for help? Man, Dib felt like he was losing it!  
  
"Um, yeah, sorry . . . uh . . . Zita," Dib blushed, and bent over to help her pick up her dropped skool books, "Do you want me to carry these for you?"  
  
She nodded gratefully, "Thanks Dib. That's really cool of you." Dib had to restrain his jaw before it dropped to the ground in disbelief.  
  
"No problem," he muttered, sounding like a complete dork. He scooped up the remaining book, a book on the incorrigible twat. Dib felt like an incorrigible twat at that moment, and he laughed to himself. When Zita gave him a funny look, he said, "Y'know, sometimes I wish I could fall through a hole into space to escape, but then you realise there's no air out there."  
  
Zita gave Dib a funny look, then laughed nicely, "Ohmigod, did you read that in like, a book, or something? Cos that's just like . . . totally funny!"  
  
Dib coughed a little and got a better grip on her books, "Where do you want me to put them?" he asked, signaling to the jotters and textbooks in his arms. Zita shrugged.  
  
"Could you carry them to the door?" she asked sweetly, "My daddy's picking me up in like, his Dodge Viper, so like y'know, you can put them there."  
  
They walked out to the car together, Dib speaking little, but Zita appeared to be flirting with him completely. The Dodge was a shiny black convertible and her dad was looking very cool. Dib wished his dad was cool and had a shiny black Dodge Viper convertible. He put the books in the boot (you Americans call it the trunk, eh?) and closed the door, opening a side door so Zita could climb in. She took his hand while she stepped in gracefully, and Dib looked at her perfectly manicured nails. She slipped her hand out of his and sat back, smiling at him.  
  
"Like, thanks Dib, you're like, so totally like sweet!" she giggled, and Dib stood back as the car whizzed away, Zita's long lilac hair fluttering in the wind.  
  
Dib let his jaw drop.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Zim opened the door, and the roboparents welcomed the two Irkens. Jed walked past Zim huffily and grabbed MAX off of the couch, where he had been sitting with GIR watching the Scary Monkey Show, and flushed both of them down the toilet into the base. Zim panicked, thinking that maybe she was going to trash it all, so he grabbed GIR's metal hand and tried to drag him away, but the little tin man protested.  
  
"NOOOO!" he screamed, "NOOO not while tha monkey's onn! I love the little monkeey . . . I love him gooood."  
  
"That . . . vile monkey!" Zim spat, and turned off the T.V. This made GIR come easier, and they ran to the toilet, practically diving into it to get down to the same bay as Jed had gone, the communication deck. Zim wondered if she was going to cast a transmission to the Tallest, or just trash the place.  
  
When they arrived down, Zim couldn't see Jed anywhere. He let go of GIR and ran out of the elevator in a panic.  
  
"JED!" he yelled, "Jed-creature! What are you doing? Where are you?"  
  
Zim ran full throttle towards the main viewing screen, where Jed was speaking to MAX in a hushed voice, so Zim couldn't hear when he saw her. He ran up to her, out of breath. She gave him a funny look, and Zim tried to catch the oxygen that he was sorry to share with the humans to depend on.  
  
"What is it?" she snapped, and Zim raised himself to his full proud posture. She was ever so slightly smaller than Tak, and he was the same size as his old enemy now. If he met Tak again, she wouldn't be able to push him around like she had done last time.  
  
"It's just . . . " he began, not quite knowing how to say it, "I felt like going for a little sprint around the communications bay, if you don't mind!"  
  
She gave him a knowing look, and Zim exhaled in defeat.  
  
"I wanted to make a transmission and was worried you might be on it for hours," he lied out of his ass. Jed shrugged and jumped out of the seat she was sitting in, brushing it before stepping away and ushering MAX away to play with GIR.  
  
"No, I was just sitting down, because I was . . . uh, tired," she blushed when Zim caught her eye. She was out of her disguise now, her antennae curved round not quite as much as her sister's, her eyes not quite as menacingly piercing and vengeful. Zim peeled the wig off of his own head and popped the contact lenses out of his eyes, revealing the similar redness Jed wielded in her eyes. Their gaze met and held for half a minute, before GIR screeched at MAX randomly and the two robots had a pizza fight. Jed ran to break it up, and Zim kept his eyes on her. She looked back to him, and he cleared his throat nervously. Why on Earth was he nervous?  
  
"Would you take the robotic thingies upstairs, Jed?" he asked, not sure whether to sound nice or nasty so kept an even balance, "I have to make a couple of transmissions."  
  
Jed nodded, and herded the two giggling robots up the elevator, catching a last glimpse of Zim's back as he set the co-ordinates for the transmission to be placed. He had to make two calls, for different reasons. The first was to his Tallest; the second was for an old friend.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Red was alone for once, relaxing in a room with no Purple, no eccentric transmission announcers, no Invaders, no responsibilities, and a lot of snacks to eat at his leisure. It was such a moment he often longed for in the busy Armada, where he could think and let his brain, that was so much nearer the sky than anyone else's. It was tough work being a Tallest, with only nineteen snack breaks a day, what with all the firing and the gambling and the pummeling and the sentencing to death and the checking on the Invaders and everything, it was hard work.  
  
Especially working alongside Purple, but if he had to be working with anyone, then he would like it to be his indigo chum. Just as he thought this, his peace was interrupted as the Irken intercom unit spoke through the overhead speakers. The voiced-over transmission receiver guy yelled, "Iiincoming transmission frommmm Earth, Sir! The other Tallest is eeeeating, so told me to divert it to your screen in the luxury room! Permission to dooooo so, Sir?"  
  
Red grumbled a yes, and prayed silently, "Don't let it be Zim. Let it be Jed, telling us what happened to Zim. Let him be dead, don't let it be Zim."  
  
Of course, Zim's face flickered onto the screen, and the not-so-small-now Invader saluted the Red Almighty Tallest cheerfully.  
  
"Hello, my Tallest!" he said, "I hope you are well!"  
  
Red nodded wearily, "Zim . . . you're alive?" he whispered, "What about . . . I mean, um, what about, um, well, y'know, of course you're not dead . . . " Red could have thrown his snack across the room in his stupidity, but there was no way in Hell he would really do that to his beloved burrito. He fondled it lovingly, then looked up to Zim.  
  
"You mean Invader Jed?" Zim asked, "She's staying with me temporarily, we called a truce as GIR ate her base construction device. Of course, um, I am planning on destroying her before that . . . as a matter of principle."  
  
"You - she - hang on, you're LIVING together?" Red cried, "How could . . . Zim, what happened?"  
  
Zim explained the whole thing, ending with his own thoughts, "Of course I didn't really think I'd die, my Tallest. But I don't understand how she even got here; I mean SIR Units are issued by the Tallest only, right? And she has one . . . it's slightly bad, like GIR, but less bad. I think she may have stolen that one from another Invader and had to bend its mind slightly so it would obey her only . . . I think, Sir, she is a Rogue Invader!" he cried dramatically, before noticing the Purple Almighty Tallest come in behind Red.  
  
"Hey, Red, what's doin - AAAAAAARRRRRRGGHHHHH!" Purple screamed like a girl when he saw Zim, who saluted accordingly. "Zim! What - wha . . . Red!"  
  
"I'll explain later, Purp. Okay, Zim, just . . . urm . . . keep to your compromise, okay? Give Jed another chance to ki-um, live." Red tried, but Zim shook his head.  
  
"She has sworn to assassinate me, My Tallest. She wants to kill me to avenge her sister, Tak? And then steal my mission! If she tries to do such a thing, I will have no choice but to destroy her." He replied.  
  
"You two aren't . . . you and Jed aren't . . . y'know . . . it's just business, right?" Red checked, and Purple nearly screamed again when Zim blushed slightly, then shook his head vigorously.  
  
"Noooo! Don't be silly, My Tallest. Now I must go, I have another transmission to make before my robot gets hungry." Zim spoke hurriedly, knowing full well Jed was upstairs with GIR, and though he didn't - ahem - care if she got hurt, it wasn't part of the compromise that Jed be eaten by his insane slavebot, "Zim out!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Red waved weakly, and the screen signed off. Purple looked at him, his cool violet eyes popping out of their sockets and looking scared, so Red took a deep breath and started to explain. 'So much for privacy,' he thought miserably.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Another Irken on another planet had too much privacy. She was on her own too much, she didn't even see Zenin very much any more, she was getting old and couldn't really be bothered to waddle over to her house, or to allow the younger, more lively female into her abode. So she was quite lonely nowadays and considered moving away, but the next in line to be sacrificed had to be on the same planet, and it had to be in the Irken Empire.  
  
And since there was no way Zenin would agree to move, it looked like Fia was stuck where she was. From her garden, she heard the bleeping letting her know there was an incoming transmission for her. She sighed and put her lawnmower gadget down on the grass, going in to receive the call. She imagined it would be a civilian asking if Zenin was alright, or her brother Purple calling to check up on his little sister. It was neither, and Fia had to conceal a little gasp of surprise when she saw who it was.  
  
The red eyes of her once best friend, the disgrace to the Irken Military, none other than Invader Zim were looking into hers. Her magenta eyes shone with memories and emotions, her voice caught half-way up her throat, speechless with shock at seeing him at long last.  
  
"Zim!" she finally managed, after they had stared at each other for a long time, "It's been . . . "  
  
"Too long, Fia," Zim said shortly, giving her a slight smile. Fia returned it, "I vaguely remember seeing you a few years ago, but I can't imagine why. The humans said something like I had lost my memory. No memory has the great me, Zim, of losing his memory!"  
  
Fia swallowed, "Y-you don't remember?" she said weakly, "You don't remember being on Moriara? So you're - you're still an Invader?"  
  
Zim laughed as if it were a stupid question, "Of course I am, silly one! I will forever remain faithful to my beloved Tallest! How lucky you are to be related to-"  
  
"ZIM!" Fia yelled, unbelieving, "The Tallest . . . they want you dead, Zim! Their latest plan is to send another Invader to - "  
  
"Jed? She is a Rogue Invader overcome with the downfall of her sister, Tak. She's after revenge and my mission, can you believe it? MY MISSION? No one steals Zim's mission . . . NO ONE!" Zim cried, his arms up in the air, dramatic as usual. Fia looked as if she was about to burst into tears, "Hey, hey, Fia? What's wrong? Fia?" Zim softened his intense tones, and Fia swallowed the burning sensation in her throat.  
  
"Oh Zim . . . " she murmured, "There's no explaining to you, is there? You just won't accept that the Tallest want you dead, will you? You won't accept that they send this other Invader to assassinate you under their orders!"  
  
Zim blinked at her angry eyes, "No," he said slowly, "I won't accept that, because it's not true! The Tallest sent me here as an Invader, they trusted I would bring this miserable planet to it's smoldering doom!"  
  
Fia bowed her head, saddened. "You once believed me, Zim. You once trusted me above all others."  
  
Zim saw her reach for the button on the side of the screen to cut the transmission, so he called out, "No, wait! Fia, I - " but it was too late. Disheartened, the Irken Invader neglected all possibilities that the Tallest wanted him dead and Fia was just lying because she was bored and wanted to cause trouble. She was jealous of him being an Invader. That was what he made himself believe.  
  
With a heavy squeedly-spooch, he switched off the main screen and set the transmission sequence to divert, so he would get the messages on the viewing screen behind the picture in the house level. Suddenly, he heard Jed scream, and he could only imagine that GIR was now very hungry and murderous, so Zim hurtled forwards into the elevator, tripping over his own feet, demanded the Computer take him to the house deck, and he zoomed up, rolling out of the toilet and into the living room.  
  
GIR had Jed's arm in his mouth, all the way up to her shoulder, and she was calling out for MAX, who was trying to pull GIR away from his master, and though the SIR Units were very strong, MAX knew full well that GIR could take Jed's arm with him if the advanced slavebot used its full strength.  
  
Zim threw the SIR Unit away and banged GIR on the head with his fist angrily, Jed crying out in pain and anger words that are so naughty I should not dare to write them down! He hurtled once more into the kitchen and grabbed a packet of uncooked sausages, but he knew that wouldn't matter. GIR smelt them instantly.  
  
"BRATWURST!" he squealed happily, and zoomed over, MAX following in curiosity. In his hurry, GIR knocked Zim forwards and he landed on top of Jed clumsily. Hastily he picked himself up, brushing himself down. He looked at Jed's arm, pretty messed up with all that sharp tin inside GIR's mouth. He took her other arm, holding her hand.  
  
"Come on," he said quietly, not looking at her eyes, because she was watching him intensely, closer than he ever thought possible, "I'll take you to the hospital wing."  
  
"Okay," she said, "MA-"  
  
"No, leave the robot." Zim said, then saw the look in her eyes. "I'm not going to try to kill you."  
  
Jed nodded reluctantly, and let him lead her to the elevator. He lifted her up into the toilet basin, and told the Computer to take them to the Hospital Bay, a floor he only used to either fix GIR or to clean on Mondees. He led Jed inside the white room , and helped her up onto the bed in the centre. Bringing a scan-healer over to her right side, the arm which was damaged, he leaned over her and slid her glove off expertly.  
  
"Anyone would think you were a doctor," she joked, still looking into his eyes. He didn't say anything in reply, and rolled the rest of her sleeve up, revealing her tattered green skin. Already it had started to heal itself. Zim started from her shoulder and held it there as the healing rays started mending her arm. Jed sighed, and he glanced at her quickly, then looked away again, "Look, Zim, you didn't . . . you could have let your robot finish. You didn't have to help me . . . "  
  
He was looking at her now, the healing contraption moving down, down her arm, his hand leading the way down like he was stroking her arm. His touch made her shiver, or was that his eyes boring into her? He blinked, and she blinked, and they moved closer and closer, Zim tilted his head to the right and she tilted hers. Just when their mouths were almost touching, Zim came to his senses and pulled back, accidentally brushing against her arm, making Jed flinch.  
  
"Sorry," he mumbled, his eyes on her arm again. Her arm was fine down to her elbow now, but the rest of it would take a little longer as it was worse. "Jed, who sent you? To kill me, to take over my mission. Are you a Rogue Invader?"  
  
Jed remembered to never say who had sent her, "I'm not at liberty to say, Zim. But I will kill you, I . . . have to."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"That's just the way things are."  
  
"It's not your place to avenge Tak for her."  
  
"It's not . . . it's not about that. Well, it is, but it's other things too. It's complicated Zim, and we promised we wouldn't get personal. It's business."  
  
"So you'll feel nothing if you manage to kill me?" Zim challenged. Jed didn't say anything.  
  
"I have a job to do, I have to keep my promise, no matter how much I . . . um . . . never mind." Jed stumbled, "The fact is that I have to kill you sooner or later, because we can't afford to get close, Zim. I can't afford to know or care about you. It's better if you hate me, like before."  
  
"Why are you so sure you'll kill me?"  
  
"Because I have to."  
  
Zim laughed, finishing off her wrist and hovering the thing over her hand now, "You know, I could defeat you like a single raspberry in a duckpond, Jed. Remember the duckpond. I will, if it comes to it."  
  
"It will come to it," Jed promised, "And I'm not going to say anything else on the matter. The Voot will be repaired soon enough and I can call for another Drill A House device, and you'll be . . . you'll be history."  
  
Zim nodded, and neither of them said anything else until he sat back, returning the device, and said, "Okay. That's done."  
  
Jed nodded, giving him the tiniest smile of gratefulness, then slipped off the bed and walked out, Zim watching her until she was out of sight.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N : Awww, poor things. Poor, stupid, proud, silly little Irkens. What do you think will happen? If you have any ideas either leave them in a review or e-mail strange_deluded_one@hotmail.com, okay? OKAY? Zim was not quite as evil in this chapter, but heyyyy, we all know he's insane deep down.  
  
Okay, not so deep down. Thanks to all my reviewers and I'll see ya next chapter, okies? WOO! Bonez, your story rocks! More than this one. Everyone who hasn't read Project 59, read it! It's in my favourite stories all you guys who are interested, okay? OKAY? I'm insane too, maybe. A little. Okay. A lot. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Next chapter will be an exciting one! The Tallest are getting impatient and contact Jed, telling her to get a move on. She's beginning to have her doubts. Gaz contemplates suicide and has a heart-to-puppet with her dad. Will be an amusing encounter. Dib eats a strange tasting pie, and Jed and Zim fight with consequences neither of them intended to happen . . .  
  
"I want to sing, to sing my song. I want to live in a world where I belong." - Turn, Travis.  
  
P.S. I greatly recommend Travis, they rock muchfully! If any of you guys have Kazaa or Grokster or whatever, just download a song or two. The best ones are: Turn, Sing, Why Does It Always Rain On Me, Flowers In The Window and Writing To Reach You. I don't know if you Americans or Aussies or whatever have heard of Travis cos they're a Scottish band but they're really good they've won Brits and stuff like last year they're great woo! Anyway . . . just download it, you won't regret! 


	22. Neither Gateaux nor Casserole

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note : Hi my people! Did you download Travis like I told you to? Bet you didn't . . . please do, they really are very good. Moo. Don't know what I'll put at the end of this chapter, I'll decide when I get there. If any of you would like to recommend songs for me to put at the bottom or give me some of your own lyrics to do likewise don't be shy! Bliddy hell I sound like a desperate man fish. Don't if you don't want to, okay guys? I LOVE YOU! A bit of a shorter chapter here. Chapter Twenty (twenty-one if you count the prologue as a chapter!) is up now folks. Nope . . . NOW! WOO! Champagne!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Twenty - Neither Gateaux Nor Casserole -  
  
It was a Saturday, Jed had gone to the Hi-Skool for two days and was already bored of the education system the humans used. She was glad to have a day off, even if it did mean that she was stuck in the base for the whole day desperately trying to avoid Zim. After what had happened the previous night, she couldn't afford to have any close contact with him. But she had promised the Tallest she would contact them as soon as she had a spare moment, and she had to keep her promise.  
  
She went downstairs to the Communication Deck and to her dismay saw Zim resting in the chair at the foot of the main viewing screen. Not knowing how to divert transmissions while the Computer was set on Zim's commands only, she decided she was going to have to transmit her message from that viewing screen.  
  
She approached Zim, his red eyes closed and his breathing rhythmical. She didn't know how Zim had managed to obtain this 'sleeping' mechanism he had told her the humans had, but he seemed to have managed it somehow and was deep in this 'sleep'. The Tallest underestimated Zim's intelligence, Jed thought, but she still had to keep her promise to both her leaders and her Gemini sister.  
  
"I WISH I was a TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE!" GIR, a few yards away sang loudly, and Jed noticed Zim stirring. If he woke up, then she doubted very much she would be able to make a transmission without his supervision, so she waved her gloved hand that Zim had healed so gently at MAX, signaling for him to take GIR upstairs and keep him quiet. The robot did so, she was glad that her SIR Unit, though slightly goofy, was only occasionally violent.  
  
Zim mumbled something in his sleep, and Jed looked at him, her eyes softening at his restfulness. Normally he was so intense, so manic, but just now he was almost peaceful. She shook her head. Jesus, she thought, what would Tak say? Jed was full aware of her sister's utter loathing for Zim. She hadn't seen her since the incident on Earth three years ago, but she knew she was living somewhere in hiding on Planet Moriara, which was a well known retirement centre for Invaders and other elite military soldiers to the Irken Army. Once she had killed Zim and taken over Earth, Jed's plan was to go out and find her sister.  
  
Leaning over Zim carefully, she programmed the co-ordinates for where she wanted the transmission to go on the long range scanner, which found the Irken Armada in a matter of seconds. Jed plugged headphone-like peripherals into the appropriate socket in the control panel so only she could hear what was being said. She heard a vague crashing sound from upstairs in the house, but left MAX to deal with it. She placed the earphones over her invisible ears as the screen switched on to the Almighty Tallests' control deck.  
  
It was a good thing she had her earphones too, because the Purple Tallest's girlish scream when he saw Zim would have woken up Jed's assassinee for sure. The Red Tallest was slightly more distinguished, but couldn't pretend not to be surprised when he saw Jed standing next to Zim, who had his feet up on the control panel and his head down on his chest.  
  
"Invader Jed reporting in, Sirs," Jed whispered as quietly as possible.  
  
"Huh?" Purple misunderstood, but Red had probably got it because he repeated it in his colleagues' ear, "Oh, okay. Um . . . hi?"  
  
He gave a little wave to Jed, and then Red took over, "So, um, why isn't Zim dead yet? He told us that you held him and a human hostage, then his stupid robot ate your Drill A House, and you had a crushed up Voot Cruiser so you reached a compromise. Is that true?" he asked.  
  
Jed shrugged and nodded, "Yeah, that's pretty much it." Red raised an eyebrow. Even Purple looked very serious, so she quickly added, "But of course, I am still intending to kill him. Soon. Very soon. Almost immediately, in fact." She looked at Zim, breathing the same air that she was, that the humans everywhere were. She knew right then, when she looked at him that if she didn't assassinate him very soon, almost immediately, in fact, that she would never be able to, and thus the mission would fail.  
  
Not being able to help but make a little whining noise in frustration, she looked back to the Tallest, who were both slurping squishees happily. The Red one looked her right in the eye. "You kill Invader Zim," he told her, "And then complete your sister's plan. You do so, and you will both be given credit, and your sister will no longer have to live in shame. She will be an Invader, and you will be decorated as one of the finest Invaders. Is this understood?"  
  
Jed swallowed, then nodded slowly, her heart torn in two. She knew which path she should follow, but with her ever growing closer to the Irken disgrace next to her, she knew which path she may prefer.  
  
"Y-yes, My Tallest," she stammered, and Purple nodded, Red following suit, for once.  
  
"Good." The crimson eyed leader said, then smirked at the Invader next to Jed spitefully, and the screen turned black.  
  
Jed let out a sigh, replaced the earphones and stroked Zim's antenna thoughtfully, and he stirred ever so slightly. She pulled the small flip dagger she carried in her boot and clicked it open. She laid it against his throat regretfully. The cold Irken steel made the skin around it come up in goose bumps and she closed her eyes, and opened them again, fighting back something she never wanted to feel. She knew what path she had to follow.  
  
"I'm sorry, Zim, it's a shame you'll never know how much . . . " she whispered so quietly, then a crash came from behind her. Jed turned her head, the dagger tight against Zim's flesh that a small trickle of jet black blood dribbled from a cut. GIR and MAX emerged from the elevator, both giggling hysterically. Jed turned back to finish the job, but Zim had his eyes open now, the red sparkling cunningness regarding the situation.  
  
Jed gasped, and Zim grabbed her wrist, forcing her hand upwards. She struggled against his grip but he was too strong for her, and he hopped out of the chair, letting go of her arm. MAX zoomed round to Jed's side, the giggling stopped. GIR walked randomly over to Zim and plopped himself down on the ground happily.  
  
"So much for the compromise, Jed." Zim snarled nastily, "You are welcome no longer in the base of Zim! Get out with your SIR Unit now, or die, Jed. You choose."  
  
"Zim, I-" Jed started, but she couldn't leave. There would not be a chance like this for a long time, "Zim, leave the planet and never come back, go live on a civilian planet . . . I don't want to kill you, but I-I will if you leave me no choice. I'm sorry . . . "  
  
Zim nodded and walked right up to her, pressing their bodies together. Jed felt his squeedly-spooch thudding. He looked her straight in the eyes, then stepped back a couple of paces.  
  
"I'm sorry, too," he said quietly, and then it began.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Gaz sat on the couch in the so-called "family" room, that had only she and her GameSlave were sharing at that moment. She was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Her dad was crap, her brother was annoying and all she could think about Zim living with that Jed girl, which pissed her off greatly. She was at the time of her life, thirteen and nine months, when she was either depressed or happy, and since it was Gaz, it was pretty much always depressed unless she saw pain or the bats eating the cow. She hated thinking of Zim, how long did it take normal people to get over a guy? She had pretended she hated him, forced herself to believe she hated him, and then she had been threatened by some punk Irken that stalked in thinking she owned the place and Zim. But her annoying brother Dib had told her that Jed wanted to kill Zim, so why was he sticking up for her?  
  
Nothing in this stupid world made any sense any more, and Gaz wanted out of it. She wondered what would be the best way. She could gorge at food until her stomach exploded, she could overdose on . . . um . . . cough sweets . . . she could jump off a building, slit her wrists, stick a fork inside Nelly and electrocute herself to mad extremes . . . there were so many possibilities.  
  
And then her father came in.  
  
He carried a hand puppet he nicknamed "Murphy" but it was the spitting image of him, except that the real Professor Membrane didn't have a hand up his ass. He sat down next to his daughter and patted her on the head lightly, before becoming overwhelmed by physical contact and put it back inside the puppet.  
  
Murphy waved at Gaz, and she groaned. Professor Membrane used his own voice now. "I think it's time we had a talk, um, Gertrude," he announced, before adding, "It's not Gertrude is it?"  
  
Gaz shook her head, "Gaz."  
  
"Rigght." Her father chuckled, then used the funny voice Murphy owned, "Now why don't you tell Murphy all about your horrible pointless life?"  
  
"Because it's horrible and pointless, I don't know," Gaz shrugged, "Cos no one cares, I guess."  
  
"Don't be silly!" Murphy squeaked, "There are lots and lots of insane-er- normal people who like you, Geraldine!"  
  
"Yeah?" Gaz scoffed, "Like who?"  
  
"Well . . . how about that little foreign green man? I was preparing your dowry when you first brought him! Very interested in my Toaster Distributor, he was." Murphy suggested, looking back on the day that occurred over three years ago with nice things. Gaz shook her head.  
  
"No," she said, "Not any more."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because he likes someone else now."  
  
Professor Membrane stood up and made Murphy put his hands on his hips professionally. "Well now! Then, small Geoffrey man, you must fight for the one you feel . . . um . . . what was it again . . . ah yes, compassion for! And then, when he is at your mercy, I will prepare your dear mother's wedding dress . . . oh yes."  
  
"Dad, I'm thirteen and I -" Gaz tried, about to say that her name wasn't Geoffrey, and she wasn't a man, and she doubted very much anyone would be at her mercy unless she beat them up, and she didn't want to beat Zim up, unfortunately.  
  
"Nonsense! You're at least sixty-four!" Professor Membrane said, plopping Murphy down on the couch and walking back into the lab, where he would be for another five hours at least.  
  
Gaz sighed, but thought about what stupid, useless information her dad had given her, but he was right saying she should fight for Zim. Why should that stuck up little alien who thought the only way to win a fight was to hold someone at gunpoint get Zim and she shouldn't? It was then that Gaz decided to put suicide out of the picture, at least until she had gotten revenge on Jed. Because it wasn't just about Zim now, it was about wrath, and Gaz was an expert when it came to wrath. (Remember Iggins?!)  
  
She strolled into the kitchen in a happy mood for Gaz, which was still miserable for everyone else. Dib was there sitting at the table, ready for lunch, with a pie sitting in front of him. Gaz peered over his shoulder.  
  
"What kind of pie is that?" she snorted, "It smells weird."  
  
"Yeah, I know." Dib agreed. "I think they gave me the wrong one. I asked for a chocolate gateaux." Gaz snorted again, and Dib looked up at her irritably, then pointed at the pie, "That's no chocolate gateaux!" he said accusingly, giving the pie a nasty glare.  
  
Gaz rolled her eyes and nodded, "Wow, Mr Rocket Scientist, you got it in a oner." She clapped sarcastically, and Dib narrowed his crazy eyes at her.  
  
"I'm a paranormal investigator," he snapped, "and I've just made a very good discovery."  
  
"What, that that's in actual fact a pie and not a chocolate gateaux?" Gaz mocked. Dib snorted now, and laughed.  
  
"Don't be stupid, anyone can see that's not a chocolate gateaux! I've also discovered that it's not a casserole, either." Dib said proudly. Gaz sat down in the chair opposite him, rolling her eyes again.  
  
"Yeah, sure, whatever, Dib." She agreed, "Amazing. Congratulations. Are you gonna eat it?"  
  
"Of course!" Dib exclaimed, "I have to make sure that it's neither a chocolate gateaux or a casserole, or even . . . " he looked at the pie, which looked like a pie so much that it hurt, " . . . an alien in disguise."  
  
Gaz sighed. "He's flipped," she grumbled, "All because of that stupid Zita prep flirting with you the other day. Get a life, Dib. You're even more annoying than you usually are, which is very annoying.  
  
Dib shrugged and cut a piece of the pie, pronging it on his fork and blowing. He looked up at Gaz, "Gaz, if I die, scatter my ashes at the nearest observatory. Now here I go, taking a daring expedition into the unknown hot dish!"  
  
He put the forkful in his mouth, and since the pie that was definitely a pie had been cut, the scent wafted through the chunk, and Gaz could pick out several smells. She saw her brother's face become distorted with pain and distaste, and it was no wonder.  
  
"Tell me, Dib, it doesn't taste like onion, buttery gravy, several different types of sea salts and have an interesting sliding sensation as it goes down your throat but has a crunch when you crush it with your teeth, does it?" Gaz asked. Dib glanced up at her, his hands over his mouth so he didn't puke, but nodded slowly. "I thought so," Gaz nodded, "it's snail pie. You see, at that baker's you probably went to, the secret code word for "snail pie" is chocolate gateaux."  
  
Dib downed a whole glass of water, spluttering, "So what if I wanted an actual chocolate gateaux?" Gaz made a "duh!" face and rolled her eyes again. She was getting dizzy now.  
  
"Well, you ask for a beef casserole, obviously, dumbass!" she sneered, and Dib looked confused for a moment, then his face turned green and he ran for the bathroom, his hand over his mouth. A few seconds later, Gaz heard a barfing sound, and chuckled to herself evilly.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Purple was lounging around eating Shoe Tacos and burritos and all sorts of exciting tasty snacks, but Red was tense, and only had a blueberry squishee. He ordered a slave from a conquered planet to massage his shoulders, but he was so high up the poor slave had to use a step ladder, and that was when Red was sitting down, too.  
  
"I'm just . . . " Red began, then waved the masseuse away before talking about assassination, "Tense about the whole, y'know . . . Zim issue. What if . . . what if Jed doesn't kill him?"  
  
"She will," Purple assured him, "If she wants her sister to be able to come out of hiding. But if you're right, and she doesn't, then we might need a back up plan. Something that will be very, very nasty."  
  
"And if it's not Jed who's nasty, who better than . . . " Red caught on. He looked his partner in the eye, and grinned nastily.  
  
" . . . Tak." they said together.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Shots fired from MAX, Zim, Jed and even GIR were scattered in all directions, none of them hitting each other but banging off walls and equipment. Everyone was angry, everyone was wanting each other dead (well MAX and Jed were trying to shoot Zim and GIR and vice versa). Once, after about an hour of fighting, GIR stood in the middle of the room and held his arms out.  
  
"NOOOO!" he screamed, "Stop da fightin! Let's allll be friends with the tacos! I like food." And then MAX blew his arm off, and GIR looked at his arm, saying, "WOW! I got one! Zimmy! I only got one now! WOOOOO!" He ran up to Zim happily and hugged his leg with one arm.  
  
"We'll fix it later, GIR!" Zim snapped, "Right now I have to inflict doom upon these traitors! Kill me in my sleep she would! Treacherous maiden of the . . . um . . . "  
  
"DUDE!" GIR squealed, "Where's my car?"  
  
Zim put his gun down by his side, distracted, "You don't have a c- arrrrgh!"  
  
Jed had taken the opportunity while he was standing still to aim and fire, hitting him in the shoulder. He dropped his gun and made to pick it up, and MAX ran round and aimed all his guns coming out of his head at Zim, who stood dignified in the centre of the room. Jed looked at his shoulder and they looked at each other for a few seconds.  
  
"Put the guns down, MAX," she told him, dropping her own. She looked at Zim, "We'll finish this between him and me."  
  
Zim nodded, "Yes, let's finish this like men! MEN OF DOOM!" he looked at Jed, looking a bit disagreeable, "I mean, IRKENS!" She nodded, and lunged at him. He tried to swipe at her with his left arm, but that shoulder was damaged so he cried out in pain, but soon used his right to keep her off him. They rolled backwards and forwards on the floor and MAX walked over to GIR, who was sat on the ground already eating popcorn.  
  
The SIR Unit took a handful and stuffed it down his system. It was amazing he didn't malfunction, as it was very buttery popcorn . . . I mean because robots aren't designed to eat. It's different for GIR, because he wasn't really designed at all. (awwww)  
  
"They might be at that for some time," MAX noted, and GIR nodded in agreement.  
  
"Yeeaaah," he enthused, hugging himself, "They so cute!"  
  
Jed nearly had him, she could feel it, but then he caught her eye and she felt herself weaken. By the time she caught herself, a split second later, it was too late and Zim had her pinned under him, flinching with his shoulder but keeping her down steadily. He had a look of anger in his eyes but she didn't blame him, really.  
  
"I'm sorry," they said at the same time, and then almost smiled at each other. They were apologising for different reasons. Jed was sorry she had betrayed his trust, or non-trust, or whatever they had, and Zim was sorry because now he was going to have to kill her, wasn't he? There wasn't any other way to do things.  
  
"I'm sorry things worked out this way," she murmured.  
  
"I'm sorry too," Zim agreed, the hand around her throat loosening its grip.  
  
"I-I'm sorry because I betrayed you."  
  
"I'm sorry I have to do this."  
  
Jed nodded and closed her eyes, waiting for his hands to tighten around her neck while she suffocated and died, never knowing where her sister was, never seeing her again, never being decorated as an Invader, never seeing the end of Operation Impending Doom 2, never doing a lot of things she wanted to do in her life. She had lived over a hundred years, fifteen in Irken years and would never be proven stronger than Tak, whom she had rivaled and loved all her life.  
  
When Zim said "I'm sorry I have to do this", she thought he meant kill her, but instead he moved closer despite the burning pain in his shoulder hurting him, and he moved his mouth towards hers, and they kissed, both of them moving into a world that they couldn't afford to be in, but both wanted to.  
  
He took his hands from round her neck and pulled her up so they were sitting, her arms around his neck and his around her waist, and they were just kissing and kissing until the Computer began to sob with emotion and put them off.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N : WOOOOOOOO! At last man! Or did you not want that to happen? *shrieks at the fact that she pleases not her people of absolute reigning doom!* HELP! MOOOOO! Please like it! PLEASE! I'll cry, or is that what you want? Do you want me to cry? I BET YOU DO! *gets paranoid and rocks back and forward* la la la la la . . .  
  
Okay. Next chapter (or do you not want to know? AAARGH!): The two robots get high (I've not had a chapter with much GIR in it for a while so this is a treat for GIR fans) and Zim and Jed try to avoid each other but that doesn't really work. And then . . . ooooo . . . Jed gets a message from an unexpected person . . .  
  
WHO COULD IT BE? Bet you've guessed, it's a bit obvious. Or do you want it to be obvioius???? *looks at everyone suspiciously . . . * Anyway . . . going to work on next chapter! BYE BYE!  
  
"I feel I'm going down, ten feet below the ground. I'm waiting for your healing hands one touch can bring me round, I feel I'm going down ten feet below the ground, that's just the way I'm feeling." - Just The Way I'm Feeling, Feeder. 


	23. Hiding From Inevitability

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Hey fans! Yeah . . . it's ok, I know you all hate me. *sad face* But hey ho, I'm writing a jolly old story about jolly old Zim yeah shut up now me, okay, woo! Umm . . . next chapter up now people of the world, thanks to all who reviewed. And it seems that less and less peoples are reviewing? What's with that, eh? Do you not love me anymore, eh? Eh? And Bonez . . . why have you not updated your rockingful story in ages? I am very loneful . . . anyhoo here's da next chapter . . . OF DOOOOM! It doesn't have much Zim POV in it but it's pretty important . . . dude!  
  
Oh and to people who keep moaning about Zim and Gaz not being together . . . JUST READ IT! Okay . . . I'm not saying what happens in the end but I have a pretty cunning and confusing plan up my sleeve so don't despair! It's not the last you've seen of Zim and Gaz, in fact we have an encounter next chapter with them! But I'm saying nothing more! Just read it know, okay! NOWWW! Read! Now is the time for the reading!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Twenty-One - Hiding From Inevitability -  
  
"YEAH!" GIR enthused, late the next morning. It was a Sundee and MAX had just suggested that the two robots stop at nothing until they get Jed and Zim together again, as the two Irkens were avoiding each other. Both of the Invaders were either too proud or found it too awkward to speak first, so it was up to the robots, both at least slightly wonky, to make sure that it worked, "Yeah totallllllleeee! That's good tacos . . . "  
  
GIR went off in a dream, and the other robot, who was a bit hyper too, hit GIR on the head and shook him by his tin shoulders. "Keep it together, man!" MAX cried, sobbing, "Keep it togethhhhher!"  
  
"DUDE!" GIR squealed, and the two robots hugged, "You like . . . DUDE! You saved my nostrils! DUUUUUUUDE!"  
  
Hugging again, the two eventually broke their touching embrace and began their not-too-terribly-intellectual plotting as to how to get Zim and the younger Invader Jed together. GIR was the one coming up with the most creative ideas, all be them impossible and not right.  
  
"How about . . . " GIR began to suggest, then looked as thoughtful as he could for a few seconds, then got bored and sat down on the floor. About ten minutes later he stood up again and resumed his thinking position, scratching his metal chin, "Whhheeee hoooo! I gotta beard of stubble! MAX! Feel my stubbly beard! Whhheeeeee!"  
  
MAX giggled, tolerating the less intelligent robot's antics, in fact the SIR Unit found it quite amusing, and quite liked the GIR thing, which was another reason he wanted his mistress and Zim to stop fighting and like each other, so he could remain friends with GIR, or whatever kind of relationships crazy robots had. MAX had watched Jed last night, sitting on the sofa, trying to watch the thing the Humanoids called "T.V." but evidently having something bothering her in her mind. The slightly kooky robot recognised this emotion from a couple of times he had seen it in Jed's eyes towards Zim before, as well as a couple more Irkens back at the Armada. It was called "affection", which could and potentially would evolve into a much stronger force known as "love".  
  
MAX had no experience of it, Irkens were not encouraged to fall in love, and few chose to, and if they did then it was often unwillingly. He wondered how this could happen to Jed, who had discussed the matter of "love" on the journey to Earth in the Voot Cruiser, and how she thought it made the mind weak and vulnerable, and she would never allow herself to be in such a position. Well, she wasn't there yet, but she was getting there with progressing speed, MAX thought, and realised she knew she was getting into that circumstance, thus the reason she was avoiding Zim, down in the Voot Room fixing the ships. Jed, however, was not helping him, but out in the garden polishing up the gnomes' defense chips.  
  
MAX was just sitting, pondering random stuff, when GIR came running from the other end of the room and crashed into him, screaming at the top of his lungs, "KITTY KAT!" he shrieked, and MAX was knocked off balance, immediately leaping up and a great amount of guns erupting from his head compartment. GIR stood up, giggling, then noticed the guns and stood looking at them with an amused expression on his pretty damn stupid face. GIR clasped his hands in front of him and toed the ground shyly.  
  
"I'm soweeeee," he claimed, and MAX returned the guns to their department, having had no intention of shooting GIR without orders from Jed, "I just love youuuu!"  
  
MAX nodded, and the two robots hugged again. GIR bounced up and down, "So whadda we gonna doooooooo?"  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Zimmmy! And . . . and Jeddy! They gonna get married!"  
  
MAX was now having second thoughts about getting the two Irkens together. It was because he knew it would be a successful mission, as the two felt mutually the same way about each other, but he knew that it would be going against the Tallests' wishes, therefore getting Jed into trouble. He also knew Jed didn't want to be in that situation. "I dunno . . . " he said doubtfully, but GIR wasn't listening or didn't care, and flung himself into the toilet, head first.  
  
"Flush meeeee!" he gurgled, his head submerged in the toilet water. MAX sighed and stepped into the toilet, flushing the two down to the Communication Bay. Once there, MAX told GIR to activate the Computer system.  
  
"Whaaaaaat?" the Computer whined once GIR finally stopped singing and did as MAX asked, "Oh. Robots. Great. And there was me thinking that Demi Moore had finally come to sweep me away to . . . somewhere . . . not here . . . where there's lots of nice sweet things and chocolate tarts . . . "  
  
"Ahem!" MAX interrupted, and GIR looked at the other robot.  
  
"AHOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" GIR emphasised, and there was an audible sigh from the Computer.  
  
"What is it?" he moaned, "I'm like . . . expecting some . . . one . . . "  
  
"Liar! Liar! Bum's on fire!" GIR sang, prancing now. MAX grabbed him and made the kooky robot lean in.  
  
"You're the only one he'll obey. Tell him to get Jed and Zim down here. Tell him to lie about something or other. Like there's an emergency." MAX told him. GIR looked very confused for a moment, then shrieked "Sheep!" and nodded, looking up to the roof, even though there was no specific place to speak to the Computer.  
  
"I love youuuu," GIR told the Computer, and it let out a gasp. MAX nudged GIR, "Oh yeahhh! I don't. Can you get Zimmy and Jeddy in herey so they kissey?"  
  
"Ahhh, romance . . . " the Computer began with a kind of distant longing in his electronic voice, "Much freer than anything I ever . . . yeah, okay. What's in it for me?"  
  
"A front seat view of the kisseeeey!" GIR enticed. The Computer made a scoffing sound, then reconsidered.  
  
"Very well." It agreed, then programmed its voice to boom around the entire base, "Emergency! EMERGENCY! Three humans in the Communication Bay! All reinforcements needed! That means you! Zim! Jed! GET IN HERE! EMERGENCY!"  
  
The full base thing clicked off and the Computer spoke, "I suppose you want them in here alone," he said, sounding very proud of himself, "So I suggest you two get out of here, and I will lock the doors until the two give in to their desires. Knowing Zim . . . that could take weeks."  
  
MAX nodded and dragged GIR to one of the elevators, sliding up into the house as Jed came down one pipe and Zim up from another. They both hurtled forward into the Communication Bay, stumbling forwards with guns in their hands and the guns in their paks out and loaded. Coming to a halt in the centre, Zim lowered his weapon and avoided Jed's eye.  
  
"They must be hiding," she whispered. He nodded, still not looking at her. Both crawled around in opposite directions looking for the enemy. They must have been looking for about an hour, when Jed finally sighed heavily and lowered her tense gun, "They're not here," she said, "maybe they escaped."  
  
"IMPOSSIBLE!" Zim yelled, looking up at the ceiling in desperation, "Nothing escapes the great ZIM! Computer!"  
  
"Yes?" it replied, surprisingly alert, that it shocked even Zim.  
  
"Uh . . . are the invaders still on the premises?" he asked, his voice wavering from the surprise of his Computer being so ready to answer him. There was a hesitation, the Computer was pretending to check the radars, then came the negative response. "How did they escape?" Zim demanded, raising his voice, "How did the vagabonds and miscreants escape the impenetrable lair of ZIM?"  
  
Jed came up behind him and put an unsteady hand on his shoulder, not saying anything. Zim didn't resent her gloved claws resting on him, in fact he felt slightly comforted, but he knew he shouldn't be. "Oh come on!" the Computer moaned, getting annoyed with its master, "there were no intruders. Okay? Okay."  
  
"Wh . . . what?" Zim stammered, horror and anger in his voice, "Computer . . . you TRICKED me! You dare to trick ME? I am ZIIIM!"  
  
"I - uh - malfunctioning! Must immediately go back to sleep! MAYDAY!" the Computer improvised, then pretended to switch off, but its sight sensors were still on and could see what was going on, because he did so enjoy a love story.  
  
"Foolish devise of doom and treachery!" hissed Zim nastily almost hyperventilating, "I ought to get GIR to eat it up like a squawking chicken!" He turned round and found that his face was almost touching with Jed's, who looked equally as shocked, "A . . . squawking . . . squawking chicken . . . " He swallowed nervously, and their eyes searched each other for lies and deceit and mistrust and all the things they shouldn't be allowing to happen but both of them did so much.  
  
They exchanged oxygen and tilted their heads simultaneously, Zim leaning down a bit to let his mouth crush into hers hungrily, as if he were trying to bruise her lips or alternatively eat her alive. He kissed her so furiously that Jed wasn't sure if it was an attack or not, but if it was then this was the way she wanted to die. Her arms that hung by her sides swung instinctively and wrapped around his neck, his arms on her waist pulling the assassin nearer him. Jed moaned briefly, but it was the only resistance she made before her free will was gone and Zim was now part of her, and she knew it was wrong . . . but somehow it was right at the same time. How could something that had once seemed so clear now be the most confusing thing in the world?  
  
"Kill Zim," the Tallest had said, "do that and everything you and your sister dreamed of will be yours. You'll be honoured for the rest of both your lives in the highest way possible!"  
  
How hard could it be? Jed was a bloodthirsty ambitious assassin who knew how to shoot a gun, how to compromise her life and the most painful ways to torture and kill her enemy. But she did not know how to love, she had never wished to.  
  
But now it all seemed so far away and long ago, all this talk of killing Zim and avenging her Gemini sister, Tak. Tak . . . what would she say? But all of a sudden, Jed realized she didn't care. It didn't matter right now . . . there would be other times. There would be consequences to this forbidden lust she and her would-be victim shared, but the Tallest were wrong about Zim. Sure he was insane and demented, but his power and abilities were under-estimated. He would be, should be, a valuable ally.  
  
But she daren't think about the consequences right then, they would come. That was inevitable. And after all, there was no point in hiding from inevitability, because it would find her. It would come.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Meanwhile, Gaz Membrane sat in her room wringing her hands, thinking about Zim, goddammit, she always thought about Zim and hated her own guts for it. Dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit a hundred thousand times.  
  
"Why won't you get out of my head, you damned bastard?" Gaz murmured out of the open window, the chill getting to her, the warmth had long been stolen from the room, "I'll be damned if I feel like this forever." She banged her fist off the wall, scribbled with threatening, dark messages and Anarchy symbols, pentagrams drawn in black marker pen and paint were scattered all over her bed sheets and curtains. This was the result of her pain and anger.  
  
Cursing, she held her dad's best kitchen knife to her left wrist, the cool blade sending shivers up her arm. Several painkillers sat in her mouth, the bitter taste of them making her eyes squint, a bottle of cheap Vodka she had found in her father's room open and already half-empty. Or was it half- full? Funny things like that came to her mind, like the chicken and the egg, and whether there was a word that rhymed with orange, because in the short thirteen and three quarters of her life she had lived she had never found nor cared to find a solution to those stupid little things that so easily confused the human race.  
  
As she prepared to drag the blade across her wrist, a knock at the door followed by it opening cautiously caused her to jump and the vodka spilled over her carefully drawn offensive symbols and pentagrams on her duvet. The knife slipped and fell into the mattress, leaving only a scratch on Gaz's pale skin.  
  
Dib entered the room with the word "Gaz?" on his lips, but she never heard him say it because his eyes were too busy surveying the situation, his eyes flitting over the knife, the scratch on her exposed wrist, the spilt vodka and the fuzzy marker on the bedsheets, and finally her mouth stuffed with a handful of paracetamol.  
  
He ran over to her, threw the knife and the vodka bottle across the room away from her, hoisted her up by her arm and swung her round like a child that had embarrassed its mother in the supermarket, and slapped her back. The pills fell out like teeth, half melted in her mouth. He ordered her to stick two fingers down her throat, and Gaz was so shocked by the tone in his voice that she did, and she threw up all over him, then sat down on the soaked bed, tears streaming down her face, black eyeliner on her cheeks. She and Dib sat there, not looking at each other, not saying anything, just panting and gasping for the air that no longer seemed real.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Consequence came quicker to Invader Jed than she expected, and despite her knowing it would come she was still surprised out of her wits at the face on the transmission screen. The Computer had announced some time after that a transmission was coming through for Jed, and although she was confused at to who it could be, Zim obliged to leave, casting Jed a long sideways glance at Jed before the tubes took him upwards out of sight.  
  
Jed turned to the screen and pressed a button to connect with the display image. At the sight of who it was she yelped and jumped back in horror, her red eyes wide with terror. Yes, yes, she knew who this was. Slightly taller and more forceful looking than Jed with fierce purple eyes and a wicked smirk that showed she was just thrilled to be getting such a reaction from her twin, her Gemini.  
  
Jed found a voice, even if it was not quite the one she usually used, "T- Tak?" she gasped, her eyes still wide and her gloved hands by her sides, outstretched tensely, staggering towards the screen, leaning on the control panel looking at her magnified sister on screen with complete disbelief, "I . . . how . . . I thought you were hiding? . . . I . . . how the Hell did you find me, Tak?"  
  
Tak chuckled in that nasty, superior tone. Jed had a much calmer accent than her sister, but apart from small differences like that they were almost identical. "Obviously not expecting me, then?" she replied slowly in her high-pitched English accent, "Well, no matter."  
  
Jed was coming to terms with seeing her sister again and wanted an explanation before she let her Gemini patronise her like she had always done before, "Answer my question, Tak. How did you find me . . . and . . . just WHAT? Why . . . I don't understand!" Jed stammered, unable to find the words she wanted to express.  
  
"Not glad to see me, Jedalla?" Tak sneered. Jed flinched at her real name and the tone Tak used, but managed a glare which told her sister she wasn't going to let this drop. Tak sighed and let out a little giggle, "I love you too!" Still Jed held her glare, strong and steady although soon it would waver, "I've been looking for you for so long, little sister," Tak said, "When I heard you were on Devastis I searched for you but you must have left by the time I found your unit, so I tried to get hold of the Tallest but if you aren't a registered Invader you could wait for years before getting a transmission through to them . . . so I befriended Zenin, the Red Tallest's grandmother and used her transmission screen to contact them. They had an interesting proposition for me and were only too happy to give me the co-ordinates of your whereabouts . . . " Tak trailed off, giving her sister a funny little look, "However, I was very surprised to hear that you are staying with no other than Invader Zim . . . "  
  
"There are reasons beyond my control for that!" Jed protested, staring up at her sister with a mixture of strange emotions. Uneasiness, anger, joy at seeing her sister, pain, betrayal . . . both to Zim and to Tak . . .  
  
"Yes, yes, I've heard the story of how his stupid tin can destroyed your Drill A House device. You fool, Jed. You utter fool. You should have killed him when you had him! The Tallest would have come for you!" Tak scolded her like a child, and Jed felt her blood boil. Why did she have to be so incompetent after so long, they hadn't talked for years but still she hadn't changed? Her attitude had remained unaltered despite her being defeated by the biggest "disgrace" to the Irken race, her ego remained the size of a football stadium.  
  
"How dare you?! There was no way to contact the Tallest! I had to compromise!" Jed cried, anger fuelling her.  
  
"You didn't have to do anything other than what you were ordered to do! You had your gun, you should have killed him and thought about the consequences later! You were always weak-minded!" Tak snapped.  
  
"Who's the Invader here?" Jed screamed, now full of fury, "Who actually lived the dream, Tak? I did! Little me, little Jed did! So don't you patronise me because I did what you never could, Tak! My true mission was always to find you and make you an Invader again . . . I always dreamed I'd see you again, Tak, but not like this . . . not like this . . . " Jed trailed off, her voice had become weaker during her speech, and Tak was extremely surprised at the outburst.  
  
"And what of Zim?" Tak growled menacingly, but Jed had long since drooped, her shoulders slumped and eyes on the floor, at her boots.  
  
Jed shrugged uselessly, helplessly, "What of Zim . . . ? I don't know . . . what of him . . . it's all messed up . . . " Her pride was gone, her eyes refused to meet her sisters'. She flopped backwards, sitting on the cold hard floor she and Zim had been kissing on not so very long ago. Zim . . .  
  
Tak nodded at her sister. She appeared to be thinking about something pretty deeply, her eyes were flitting around the room, settling on the small young Irken on the ground, appearing to be so much smaller than she herself was, even if Jed was only a couple of inches shorter than Tak. She seemed so much younger, yet less naïve and more aware of the crap around her. Tak took this in as she decided not to judge her sister too harshly.  
  
"Fine." Was all she chose to say. "I'll see you in about four months then, kid. I'm with the Armada and they're not far from Earth, so I'd figure I'd come and help you out with your precious Invader's mission. I'll . . . supervise . . . see if you can kill him yourself, maybe then you can prove yourself to me. Bye, Jed."  
  
At Tak's announcement of her coming to Earth, Jed's head shot up, eyes wide and disbelieving, as much so if not more as she had been when Tak's face had first appeared on the screen. It was only when Jed could no longer see Tak's face that she began to scream.  
  
"NO! NO, NO! TAK! TAK! NO! DON'T . . . NO! NOT HERE, NOT NOW! TAK! TAK! COME BACK! TAK!" she yelled at the blank screen, and so desperate was she that she didn't even realise Zim was coming up behind her. He hadn't seen Tak herself, only heard Jed, the assassin he had kissed, the assassin he found himself so terrifyingly attracted to, screaming the name of his long- gone nemesis.  
  
"Hello, Jed," he said from behind her, eyes livid and excited at the same time, mixed together with a nice dosage of sheer confusion and a bitter taste in his mouth called betrayal. Had she betrayed him? Or was this her plan? Jed . . . she made him so angry, yet so incredibly turned on at the same time.  
  
Jed whipped around, jumping to her feet, her face tense with screaming and desperation, and her jaw remained open with shock. Things were just getting worse and worse for Jed, when a short while ago everything seemed so right even when she knew it would never be accepted by anyone else. But for some reason, because of him, she couldn't help how she felt . . . when she had been trained so thoroughly in the art of staying under control and keeping her cool. Emotion had had its effect on Invader Jed and left its scornful imprint, and now she didn't know what to do.  
  
"Zim . . . " she began, but he waved her off flippantly.  
  
"Was this the plan, Jed?" he snapped, "Was this is all the time? Tak? She's alive, isn't she? And you've signed my DEATH CERTIFICATE?! Well, Jed, you stooopid monkey, it won't work out. All this means . . . all we mean . . . is that I am no longer able to kill you. But I can't look at you. Which is why . . . which is why I'm going for a walk."  
  
"Zim, no!" Jed cried, "I can explain! Zim - " but he was already walking away from her, "I swear . . . no . . . "  
  
"Explaining time is not now!" Zim said, "I have to . . . clear my head. Oh . . . what I came down to tell you was that I fixed your Voot Cruiser. If you're not here when I get back, I'll know where you are. Or not are. Or something. Goodbye, Jed. It's probably for the best . . . but we'll never know."  
  
Jed watched Zim travel up the tube until he was gone. She had never felt so angry, confused and upset in all her life.  
  
"We'll know, Zim, I've not given up yet . . . " she murmured to the ceiling, "And I'll be here when you get back . . . I promise." And with that she sat down on the floor with her knees pulled up against her chest, staring at her gloved hands and how much trouble they had caused.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"What were you thinking, you stupid, stupid girl?!" Dib yelled at his sister, "You don't know what suicide is! You're . . . you're life's not THAT BAD! Gaz . . . Gaz listen to me!" Dib tried desperately, holding onto her shoulders, but Gaz ran out of the door quicker than he expected without saying a word, and he gaped after her before gathering his senses and grabbing his trenchcoat, hurtling out of the front door into the dark, rainy night.  
  
Little did he know that Zim, who was running from his own demons, was also out there tonight. He was about to find out.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: WOOOOOOO! Finished! This one took me ages to write for some reason . . . hmmmm evil influences of doom! Not much comedy in this one, really. Sorry, guys. More Zim and Gaz next chapter, which is incidentally called "Feeling Sorry For Gaz". Basic synopsis is that Zim on his walk bumps in to Dib who is looking for Gaz and Zim reluctantly agrees to help find her. Again here we see Kel and Sim, the two farmers that GIR stayed with ages ago. Remember? Of course you do . . .  
  
Anyway Gaz is in the field trying to hide. One of them finds her. Which one will it be, Zim or Dib? Finally we get more from the two rivals, yay! Please review peopleses!  
  
Danke!  
  
"I wanted freedom, but I'm restricted. I tried to give you up, but I'm addicted." - Time Is Running Out, Muse. (very very very very cool song of doom people! ^_^) 


	24. Feeling Sorry For Gaz

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Hey people of the insane stupid world in which our world leaders are puppets and we're all gonna die woo! So lets just enjoy this all, okay peoples? WOO enjoy this chapter. You will enjoy this chapter . . . or else . . . *evil glares* MWHAHAHAHAHHAHAA! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Umm . . .  
  
Okay.  
  
Thanks to Supersaiyanking Tommy, CyborgSmeet, Lillith and Ri2 for reviewing the last chapter and all those who did other chapters you rock my friends! You keep them rocking and I'll keep the story rolling . . . okay that was SOOOO CHEESY! Oh well. As long as it's not *peers around* . . . GORGONZOLA! AAAARGGHHH! Eeek!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Twenty-Two - Feeling Sorry For Gaz -  
  
Zim was angry with Jed . . . he was furious with her, but still he wanted her to be there when he got back. Damn emotions, why had they decided to bother the great Zim the Conqueror of Nothing-Quite-Yet-But-Conqueror-of- Everything-Very-Soon-In-Fact at this moment? Zim reckoned that these "Emotionoids" targeted innocent beings when it was most inconvenient, and in Zim's case, the emotions were extremely accurate, as he was just about to begin his serious plotting for world domination. But then "she" had turned up.  
  
She. She. Jed. Her. A girl, a female, an assassin. Assassins kill people. That one assassin was sent by Tak to finish what she couldn't tackle, and that was the one assassin that Zim had fallen for. Of course. He had fallen for an Irken perhaps just as bloodthirsty as himself, and it was coincidentally his blood she was supposed to be thirsty for. But was she?  
  
He was just thinking on how incredibly evil the whole matter was, when he saw a solitary figure heading straight for him, a black trenchcoat trailing out behind it. The figure was running, Zim saw. Zim himself had a long coat on with a large hood covering his wig and skin, which was allergic to the rain that was falling in torrents around the two figures, the space filling between them. Was it Jed? Was it . . . Tak? Had that been Jed's plan all along . . . to wait until he trusted her enough and then send Tak over to help her defeat him? Was Jed simply the messenger? Did she actually have any intention of killing him that first night they met? . . . everything was so strange now . . .  
  
The figure was only a few metres away, and Zim could recognise him now. Dib. The fifteen year old human had seemed so insignificant and only a tiny little glitch in his plans since he had another Irken to contend with. But now Dib was back again, and things were only getting worse. Oh, happy day. Zim glowered at Dib to let him know exactly how glad he was to see him, but the young human didn't appear to be looking for a fight. In fact, he looked extremely worried. Zim stopped and leaned back on his right leg, folding his arms with his brow raised. He didn't really have time for Dib at the moment, but Dib looked like he had plenty of time for Zim, as he began to babble a lot of nonsense.  
  
"Zim . . . look . . . I don't like this either . . . but you have to help me . . . " were the words Zim caught, and he laughed out loud.  
  
"Me? Help you? Stupid little Earth monkey. I have no intention of helping you in your antics of treachery. I have my own thoughts I wish to expand on in privacy! Do you know what that is, Dib-creature? PRIVACY!" Zim gave Dib some more manic laughter, more for himself really than his enemy, to let out the stress inside his small green body. Dib still didn't seem intimidated, which disappointed Zim a little. Amongst his dismay and confusion and uncontrollable rage towards Invader Jed, Zim still felt as manically insane as he ever did, which was good as it meant the Emotionoids hadn't taken over him completely. Zim gave Dib enough silence to let him tell his arch enemy to help him, because Dib hoped that somewhere, deep within his rotten soul that Zim would still have some kind of soft spot for Gaz.  
  
"Zim . . . " he began, but when the Irken turned his back on him and started to walk away Dib panicked and ran after him, "Zim, listen, come on . . . Gaz is missing and I'm worried what she'll do! . . . Zim, please help me find her!" Zim stopped his march and turned his head, only his head, his fake light purple eyes burning into Dib's searching for a lie. Zim narrowed his eyes, squinting.  
  
"Gaz is missing?" he hissed, voice low for Zim's, his eyes focused, "And what do you mean, "worried what she will do?". Hurry and tell me, Dib- Stink, before I get bored and go away. Do not think you can take advantage of me because of my bad mood."  
  
"I caught her in her room trying to commit suicide," Dib exhaled, shoulders slumped, sure Zim wouldn't care, or know what suicide meant, "and she ran away, I don't know where she is. She disappeared . . . "  
  
They were outside a farm that Zim knew well. This was the one that GIR had run away to, and there was that strange encounter with the sheep-man and his wife. Those were strange humans indeed, and Zim would prefer not to go in there. But he knew what suicide meant . . .  
  
"Suicide," he repeated slowly, rolling his pointy tongue around the syllables, "that's what Kurt Cobain did, wasn't it?" Dib bit his lip and nodded, shivering at the thought of his younger sister sticking a shotgun in her mouth and . . . he shuddered.  
  
"Zim . . . I'm not asking you to do this for me. Do it for Gaz, please? I can't find her on my own, and everyone else is too scared of her to want to go and help her. Please, Zim. It's just a temporary arrangement, and I'll let you use my telescope whenever you want if you do . . . " Dib trailed off when Zim wove his enemy's words off with a gloved hand. Dib watched the eyes within the big hood covering Zim's large head, they were thinking, but there may not be a lot of time to do that.  
  
"Keep your telescope, Dib-creature. I have no use for your tinker-toys when my MIGHTY EQUIPMENT is working well . . . unless Jed has destroyed it in my absence," Zim said before he thought, although something inside him knew that Jed wouldn't destroy his machinery, but she had every chance to. This was what was confusing him further . . . but that would have to be thought about later, because Dib was heading for the field, hopping over a wooden fence. Zim chased him, jumping over the gate and dashing out in front of Dib, spreading his arms out, "Very well, Dib, I will help you in your pursuit. Take this communication device . . . I WANT IT BACK! Make a mental note of that, Dib. If you find her then push that button and speak into it. I'll do the same if I find her first."  
  
Dib nodded his thanks, then said, in lieu of not knowing what else to say, "Just like a walkie-talkie, then?" Zim looked at Dib strangely.  
  
"A WHAT?!" he roared, not appreciating being confused further, but Dib shook his head and walked off in the opposite direction, the communication device in his coat pocket. Zim put his back in the pak, and continued in another direction which had high corn plants towering above him, the rain falling and falling from the blue/black sky. It was a dark night, and he had no source of light with him other than his incredible Irken eyesight.  
  
Further into the corn fields he searched, calling Gaz's name and getting progressively bored and depressed, because he wanted to be with Jed but she had betrayed him to Tak. But she hadn't betrayed him, she hadn't sworn allegiance to him, but she had kissed him so passionately . . . she had made him believe that she was on his side, that she liked him, that she was enjoying kissing him. But had it been a ploy all along? . . . so why had she screamed after him so desperately, in a way he had heard no other Irken scream unless they were dying? Did she . . . could she possibly have fallen for him without meaning to, that happened in stories, didn't it? When he got back he would ask her . . . if she was still there.  
  
"GAZ!" he yelled, and in the distance he could hear Dib's frantic calls of his sister's name, "GAZ!"  
  
Zim had just about given up and covered entire field, but there was a bit in the shadows of an old oak tree randomly sprouted in the middle that beckoned Zim to have a look, maybe partly because it offered shelter from the rain that burned Zim's skin. He approached the tree cautiously, the dark corn plants surrounding him, and underneath the tree, leaning against the trunk, was a girl shivering in the cold night rubbing her arms to try and warm herself up, her purple hair dripping wet and her black make-up running over her cheeks.  
  
Zim took a step back, because he knew he would have to go and give her his jacket or she would freeze, and also because it would be the first time he had a one-on-one conversation with Gaz without a crazy-but-oh-so-goddam- desireable Irken assassin threatening her with a gun for three years, and Zim wasn't sure if he needed it right at the moment considering the mood he was in. Still, he took a deep breath and made his presence known to the girl he had once gone to another galaxy to save.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Dib wasn't having so much luck, in fact he was having worse. He had strayed off the corn field and somehow ended up in the sheep fold. He was surrounded by them, black-headed sheep, white sheep, all black sheep, skinny sheep, fat sheep, tall sheep, small sheep, big sheep, baby sheep, even a couple of goats! They were very intimidating, these animals of the farm. They scared him, so of course, being Dib, he began screaming for help.  
  
After about fifteen minutes, he saw two people running across to him with torches, a large dog running along side them. When they got near, he saw they were a man and a woman, and the dog, but Dib had known it was a dog before it got there. Anyway . . . the two farmers each with a piece of dried grass in their mouths chewing on them introduced themselves as Sim and Kel.  
  
"Zim?" Dib asked, "I know someone called Zim . . . my arch enemy he is . . . interesting story, actually."  
  
"No, no, it's Sim." The man said, but Dib still didn't get it.  
  
"Zim. Yeah, I heard ya. I know someone with that name."  
  
"NO!" Sim was getting annoyed, "It's SIM!"  
  
Kel elbowed him, "I think he's a foreigner, hunny. Try using the alphabet." Sim gave his wife a loving look, then remembered he didn't know the phonetic alphabet and began to look from Dib, to Kel, to Sheep the dog, to each of the other sheep, big sheep, little sheep, fat sheep, thin sheep and the occasional goat . . .  
  
Kel took over from there while her stereotypical farmer began confusing himself by attempting to count the sheep in the dark, "S-I-M. Not Z-I-M. I would use that phonetic alphabet thingy," she paused to spit out a bit of grass, "but I don't deal with any of that crap. Too much to learn. Too many sheep to round up," more spitting, puh-twang, "ya see my dilemma, town- boy?"  
  
Dib raised an eyebrow. Town-boy? Yeah, whatever. Dib nodded and turned to leave and keep searching for his sister. Kel and Sheep ran ahead of him, breaking a way in the sheep fold, kinda like Moses and the Red Sea . . . but with sheep.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Zim!" Gaz started, leaping to her feet, her arms still wrapped around her. Zim made sure he was directly under the tree before he took his jacket off, so as little rain would get to him as possible through the thick leaves. Gaz looked at the dripping coat for a second, then wrapped it around her shoulders greedily, slipping her arms into the sleeves and huddling up inside it. Zim tilted his head to look at her. Gaz sat back down against the stump and sighed heavily. "What are you doing here?" she asked, "How did you know where I was?"  
  
Zim sat down beside her. "I was walking," were the first words he said to her for the first time in three years, "I bumped into Dib, who was looking for you. He'd seen you going into the field. We split up, and it looks like I found you face. I'll just let Dib know that I've . . . " he got cut off by Gaz, who grabbed his arm and shook her head.  
  
"No . . . we should talk . . . " she hissed, and Zim narrowed his eyes at her but nodded, and left the device where it was, in his pak. She jumped to her feet again, and turned to face him. Zim looked up at her, his eyes giving her an idea of confusion. She pulled him to his feet and he stepped away, "I've wanted to speak to you for so long."  
  
Zim didn't say anything. He just looked at her, his eyes narrow looking at her dirty wet face looking so small in his coat. She was still shivering, he could see, and she was crying. Not so he would notice unless he made an observation, because the tears were running down her cheeks silently and seamlessly, making wet lines across the smeared make-up. She was a mess, he realised, but not so much that she should kill herself.  
  
"Dib said you tried to kill yourself," he said, swallowing. Gaz nodded, and wiped her tears and dirty make-up with the back of the sleeve on the jacket. Dirtying his jacket annoyed Zim a bit, but he wouldn't get angry at her just now. He was too tired and she was too upset. So he would just look at her.  
  
Suddenly she pushed forward and wrapped her arms around his torso, squeezing him tightly, which shocked Zim, but he didn't want to embarrass Gaz because he knew she was not normally like this. He never thought Gaz could cry, he never thought Gaz could be upset, he always thought she was naturally miserable, he never dreamed that Gaz would grab him so desperately and embrace him like her entire world was falling on her head and he was the only one that could save her. He didn't want to save her . . . but he didn't want to embarrass her, so he wrapped his arms around her neck and hugged her back.  
  
They stood like that for some time, Zim just staring at the leaves slowly getting weighed down by the increasing rain, while Gaz furrowed her head into his shoulder. After a while her quiet sobs stopped and she lifted her head. Zim lowered his to look at her. Gaz's eyes were tear-stained, but the attitude was back.  
  
"Jed . . . " she murmured, "who is she?"  
  
"She's . . . " Zim started, but shook his head, "it doesn't matter. Not now. I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Are you two . . . ?" Gaz asked at a whisper. When Zim nodded in response, she merely shrugged and pushed her head up to meet his, their lips connecting and their tongues entering each other's mouths. Zim immediately, instinctively dropped his arms and tried to pull away, his eyes wide and horrified. Gaz looked completely humiliated and stared at the ground, pulsating with anger and embarrassment. She threw Zim's coat on the muddy ground, which he swung around himself and lifted the hood.  
  
He took the communication device out of his pak (which there was a hole for in Zim's jacket) and spoke bluntly to Dib, Gaz's taste still on his tongue, cast one last look at Gaz and stalked off.  
  
After about five steps he turned back, ran up to Gaz and kissed her, returning for more of her taste. Once again he pulled away, shocked at himself this time, looked her in the eye, then ran off into the night bumping into Dib on the way, who nodded briefly to Zim, but he didn't take any notice, he wanted things to be back to normal.  
  
He wanted Dib to be his enemy, and for Gaz to be his enemy's little sister that wasn't a separate person with a separate life . . . and Jed. What he wanted Jed's part to be in this novel his life was quickly becoming he didn't know, but he had returned for Gaz's taste because it was different from the first time they had kissed, which was strange. But Jed was very much his main interest at the moment, because she was untouchable and forbidden by every rule in the book, and just because she was Irken. But then . . . Gaz . . . Gaz . . . Jed . . . Gaz . . . Jed . . . Gaz . . . Jed . . . Gaz . . . where would it all end? Zim didn't want to know, but decided to go home anyway, and maybe, just maybe, his mind could be put at ease about a certain few things. If Jed was still there, that was.  
  
Maybe it would be better if she wasn't.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Gaz, I - I'm sorry about earlier," Dib said, feeling much older than he always was. Gaz's hair was dry and in that square around her head, a towel round her shoulders keeping her warm, and her eyes narrow slits again.  
  
"It's okay," she said unenthusiastically, thinking about the kiss. The TWO kisses! What did this mean?  
  
"No, I mean, I just freaked when I saw all that stuff . . . " Dib tried.  
  
"I said it was okay. I guess I should thank you," Gaz said dryly. Zim, Zim, Zim, ZIM! Oh wow, wow! Maybe she should attempt suicide more often. He had come to look for her, and had found her! It was so strange . . .  
  
"Please don't do it again. Promise me?" Dib asked. Gaz looked at Dib and nodded firmly. No, no she wouldn't. Because she might succeed next time, and then how could she be with Zim?  
  
"Are you sure you're okay, Gaz? Can I get you - "  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay. Goodnight."  
  
"Goodnight, Dib."  
  
Dib left her room, leaving the door slightly ajar. Gaz curled up in bed thinking of Zim, but not in a bad way, because he had come back to kiss her. What did this mean, oh what did it mean? She was sure she would find out, but for now she could live in her dreamworld where her demons could not reach her.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"WOOOOOEEEEHHHOOOO! PIZZA'S HERE!" GIR screamed, and jumped off of the sofa that Jed and MAX were sitting on looking very depressed, running to the door in excitement. "Awww . . . it's only Zimmy. Zimmy Zim Zoom! I love you! Ziiiiimmmmyyy zziiiiim!"  
  
GIR pranced across the room, dragging MAX off the sofa and down the toilet to the base, where they would no doubt charge up for the night. Zim closed the door behind him and walked into the living room. Jed jumped to her feet and stood by the sofa watching him. Zim looked at her and swallowed.  
  
"You're still here," he said. Jed nodded.  
  
"I know," she said.  
  
"Look . . . " they both said at the same time, and cut off simultaneously. Jed looked at Zim.  
  
"You start," he said.  
  
"No, you can say what you . . . " she tried.  
  
"You owe me an explanation." Zim reminded her, and Jed nodded, although technically she didn't need to give him an explanation as she was only doing her job, but she wanted to give him an explanation. She felt that she owed him something and wanted to get things straight in her head.  
  
"When I got here . . . " she started, and watched Zim walk up to her, standing a couple of feet away, regarding her. She carried on, "I had intentions to kill you. To avenge Tak, and because I was ordered to as an assignment."  
  
"Who were you working for?" Zim asked.  
  
Jed shook her head sadly, a grim smile on her face, "That is the one thing I cannot tell you. That is the one thing I won't tell you. But it doesn't matter. I'm glad . . . " she reached out to touch his arm, but he pulled it back so she dropped her hand and nodded, "I'm glad you're clever and compromised. And . . . not because I'd be stranded otherwise. The plan was to set up base not far from yours, so I had the co-ordinates set for your house. My Voot malfunctioned just as we entered the Earth's Atmosphere, so we crashed right into your house. The idea from there was to destroy you on the spot. You know how that plan was foiled. Then I had all sorts of ideas to catch you offguard, but I was finding myself going somewhere I didn't really I want to go. And when your robot attacked me and my arm . . . that's when I thought "Oh damn." And when we were fighting was the last time I ever thought of trying to kill you because when you kissed me and I knew you felt the same, that was it, Zim."  
  
Zim simply looked at her, his mouth dry. He took a small step towards her, not sure whether humans were supposed to be with only one or two companions or not, but he wasn't sure what he had with Gaz exactly, and he wasn't sure if any kind of relationship with Invader Jed was safe.  
  
"And today . . . when you left, I didn't know, Zim, I swear. I haven't seen my sister for so long, Zim. I didn't know exactly where she was, only that she was somewhere on Planet Moriara in hiding, but she was saying that she's coming here now and I didn't know . . . I'll do everything I can to get her away, Zim, she's my sister . . . I didn't know, you have to believe me! Tak . . . " Jed began to babble and broke off in a choke, breaking into a cough, ". . . I'm sorry, Zim. I'll - I'll fight against her with you when she arrives."  
  
Zim nodded, and took her in his arms, rocking her back and forth like a child, while Jed shook in his grip. How emotional females were! But Jed and Gaz were the most surprising females of all, because they were so strong on the outside, in different ways. Gaz was scary and intimidating by appearance which was an appropriate shell to keep unwanted acquaintances at bay, but Jed seemed to be small and easy to step over, when she was in fact very defiant and dangerous. Both seemed to be after Zim's affection, and he was unable to choose which one he preferred, but at the moment Jed's aroma was taking him to other places and he wanted her then.  
  
"It's okay," he whispered to her quietly, "it doesn't matter right now."  
  
He kissed her and she kissed him, knowing that they would get through it together, they both knew it, but they didn't know that Gaz wouldn't give Zim up without a fight, Dib was beginning to plot against the two Irkens now, and Tak was on her way with a very special prisoner to cut even deeper into Invader Zim's soul.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Tak was very much aware of Jed's fondness for Zim, as she knew her sister and could see why Jed wasn't keen on her coming to visit, because the young Invader knew very well what that would mean for Zim. But Tak was also looking forward to having revenge on the two humans that had assisted in her downfall. Ah, revenge was sweet and best served cold. Where Tak's revenge was concerned, it was below freezing.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: AAAARRRGH! What will happen in the end? Who will Zim chose? Dun dun dun it's just getting so exciting folksies! But there's gonna be a lot of yo-yoing where Zim's concerned between Gaz and Jed. Who do you like better, or who do you think is better for Zim, cos I mean obviously one of the mighty Jhonen V's characters will always be ahead of my self-inputted one . . . sniff . . . oh well it's great fun writing about it! DUDE! Totally . . . Okay. Away to put this up on the site now . . . this is fresh from my mind but better give you a synopsis thingy for the next chapter . . . mmyep.  
  
Okay, it's called "Face-Off" which is pretty obviously a face-off between Jed and Gaz. Who will win? Who will Zim stick up for (this time) ??? Who knows, well whoever reads it! MWAHA well I do before I read it cos I write it . . . umm . . . okay. Anyway don't think this fic is predictable and Zim's gonna go off with Jed cos it looks like it at the moment . . . I'm not saying he won't or he will but grrrr don't judge me! I know what's going on and it'll confuse all your little minds!  
  
MWAHA! Anyway next chapter is a Zim-Jed thing with a little bit of Dib and his date with Zita that goes so very wrong . . . oh dear . . . he really should find himself a nice little mosher *sticks up hand volunteering to be Dib's little mosher* . . . awwww . . .  
  
O.o  
  
Hee hee! Review people it's only gonna get better!  
  
"You could be my unintended, choice to live my life extended, you should be the one I'll always love." - Unintended, Muse 


	25. FaceOff

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Thanks to all for reviewing I really appreciate your advise ^_^ Even if you are a bit mean to Jed . . . does no one love my creation??? Aww . . . well come on just see what happens people yup, yup. Please be easy on my sweet Jeddy . . . I have no other friends *bursts into manic fits of tears* boo hoo hoo!  
  
Woo! My birthday next week! WEDNESDAY! WOOOOOOOOO! I expect lots of cards and wrapping paper! Or lots of reviews would make it up! Sorry been a while since I updated folks, I was in the land of the Eng (England, you numpties!) sharing a happy weekend holiday with my good chum Rozzie and her parental units. WOO! Yeah we had fun. But Scotland is better (I live there, you queerdos!) much much better woo I'm not biased! Honest!  
  
Oh my MSN thing is strange_deluded_one@hotmail.com for any of you poor people who may want to discuss stuffs with myself would be most welcome . . . will you be my friend? Aww . . .  
  
Anyway, just to let you know Dib and Zita's date description will be put off till NEXT chapter because this one turned out longer than I expected. Oops! Oh well. Read anyway! You who thought Gaz had gone a bit mellow are now put at rest as she goes back to her disturbingly scary kick-ass self in THIS CHAPTER! WOO!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Twenty-Three - Face-Off -  
  
Jed was aware she was in Zim's arms, and she was warm, she was aware of that, but she didn't know that her sister had already left and would in fact be there in a matter of days because the Tallest, in their desperation and longing to have Zim killed as soon as possible, had upgraded her top-of- the-range Voot Cruiser so it could go at astonishing speeds. But Jed was happy there with Zim there, even if she knew she'd have to get up in a matter of minutes and go to the skool, sitting in between Zim and that filthy Dib human.  
  
Zim felt her small body slip out of his arms and he gave her rear end a small playful smack. She yelped in laughter and turned on him, her face in a big smile.  
  
"Grrrr," she growled, and he snarled at her. She jumped back onto the bed and pretended to sink her teeth into his shoulder, "I'm a vampire . . . I vant to suck your blood . . . gaaaarrgghh . . . " Zim laughed at her stupidity.  
  
"Foolish child!" he cried, trying to push her off of him so he could get ready for that dratted skool. He had missed most of last week and he didn't want the authorities to try and find out why he was missing skool, thus discovering he had no parents, "Come on, come on, now is the time for getting up!"  
  
She sighed and rolled off him onto her back, her head on the pillow. Zim sat up and reached over onto the table where his much despised yet oh-so- very-cunning disguise lay. He put the wig on his head and placed his contacts in his large eye sockets. When he turned back to speak to her she made a face. "Can't we stay here today?" she said coyly, walking up to him and nuzzling him gently so he couldn't help but put his arms around her and feel every notch on her spine. She moaned softly, "Can't we stay here together?" she whispered in his ear and Zim felt his mouth form the word "yes" but he wouldn't allow the female to overcome his superior will.  
  
He moved his mouth to where her ear should be, but of course as she was Irken she had no such ears, as if it were his turn to whisper in the game, "Tomorrow we'll stay together. Today . . . we have to let the Skool Nazis know we're still alive and willing to be taught the USELESS things they do teach us."  
  
Huffing, Invader Jed stepped back, crossing her arms. She uncrossed one arm and waved it across herself in one sweeping move . . . down, up, and her disguise was on her, with the stunning blue eyes, the raven-like hair, the dark make-up that was now on her face. She was beautiful, Zim knew that, even as a human. He tried to draw close to her but she played hard-to-get and turned the other way. Zim pressed his body against her back and lifted her hair, kissing her neck and the little white elf ear on the side of her head. He felt her eyes close, her long black eyelashes sweeping away the filthy human Earth dust.  
  
As he continued to kiss her neck, small, soft kisses, she moaned pleasurably and turned around, reaching up with her eyes still closed so their mouths collided and their tongues entered each other's, rolling around in the taste of their passion for one another, and the fact that they didn't have long to share it before they had to leave made it all the more powerful. Zim pulled her right into him, her torso squeezed into his and their faces drowning in the other's, until he pushed her away to breathe. They stood gasping, staring at each other for a moment, before they went up to the house part of the base (for they were in the sleeping quarters) and checked on the robots.  
  
MAX was reading a book, "Interview With the Vampire" and because of his random insanity he spontaneously looked up at Zim and Jed, baring his fangs. Jed laughed, because she had just been pretending she was a vampire, but Zim looked at the robot grimly. GIR was nowhere to be seen, but just as they were about to leave he came zooming out of the kitchen and latched himself onto Zim's leg.  
  
"NOOOOO! NO ZIMMY! AH NEED YOOOOUUU!" he screamed. This made Jed laugh, GIR always made her laugh, but he didn't understand that he was being funny and got confused so he tried to chase his tail, then realised he didn't have a tail and . . . ah, it was a bitter trail of confusion and disappointment at his tail-lessness for GIR, but he was just as crazy and insane as he had always been, just much less to Zim now that they both had new companions, which sometimes Zim resented because despite his ignorance and utter stupidity and disobedience, the Irken Invader was quite fond of the walking sardine can.  
  
"Zim, we'll be late for skool," Jed said softly, and Zim nodded, letting the other Irken lead him out of the door and down the path to the pavement where they had an uneventful trip walking to skool, hand in hand.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Gaz saw them walking in the gate together and felt herself shaking with anger and jealousy. It was her and Zim that were supposed to be together, her and Zim that used to be together but he had just been blind for a while and she had been dormant. She had always cared for him ever since she had felt that funny feeling in her stomach when Zim had walked by one random day. She had ignored it then but still something had happened between them three years ago and something had happened just the other week in the field.  
  
She had kissed him, and he had been shocked but he had come back for more. And no matter how much he cared for that bitch slut Jed, that showed he still cared for Gaz despite his commitment. Could Zim be committed? Jed would not have thought it possible, but obviously she was wrong. Unless Zim was just playing with her to stop her killing him . . . she didn't know, and wasn't sure if she wanted to know or not. Probably not. But Gaz didn't care what their relationship was like, Gaz didn't care how many times Zim kissed her, how many times he felt Jed and how many times he woke up and smelt her, all she cared about was getting what she wanted, and that was Zim.  
  
Watching them with her eyes narrow and angry, Gaz saw Jed talking to one of the other rejects, Melvin, who was now an acne-infested kid with his ever- bulbous eyes and crazy nature, and Zim had his arm around her waist and one of her arms came across his back holding onto the other end of his Irken garment. Gaz watched with narrow eyes Jed stroking Zim's back, talking away happily looking so small compared to Zim who wasn't really very tall himself, then saw Zim kiss the top of Jed's fake hair that glistened in the early autumn's day. With this an angry shiver crept up the now fourteen- year-old's spine.  
  
Yes, today was the day she finally got rid of this Invader Jed, Gaz thought, and she stalked away inside, suddenly realising that Dib had been talking to her the whole time without her noticing.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
In the classroom, Zim felt himself dozing off as Ms Bitters gave another not-very-inspiring talk on how the real cause of pollution was in fact farting and how we could all save the world if we stored our gaseous refuse in jars and ejected them into space, but of course no one could really be bothered to do that so therefore we were all doomed.  
  
At least he got to sit next to Jed, their hands joined under the table, but still he felt himself beginning to daydream, something that rarely happened to him.  
  
~*~  
  
He was in a large dark room with candles lighting the walls, a white tiger throw rug on the floor that he didn't like, a great warmth and source of light coming from the roaring fire in the wall. On the mantelpiece was a golden antique clock ticking away endlessly. The time read 11.35, and Zim reckoned it was at night because of the darkness in the sky. Above the fireplace were several pairs of antlers from Earth deer, and this made Zim think what strange and brutal sports these humans had, their lives were so complex and pointless, entertaining themselves with killing their fellow creatures without a purpose or hatred. Hell, they didn't even kill the animals for food causes! Not that they needed them, humans were fat, greedy creatures anyway.  
  
He was sitting in a large leather armchair, the feet shaped like those of a lion with sharp claws that would make your foot very painful if you stubbed your toe on it. On his lap was Jed, her arms around his neck, her head lolling onto Zim's chest, eyes closed. She was sleeping, or resting, because Jed preferred not to sleep. Zim closed his eyes and nuzzled her, kissed her, felt the outline of her soft face with the tip of his gloved finger delicately, careful not to break her. He opened his eyes and cried out, for it was not Jed who now lay sleeping in his arms.  
  
It was Gaz.  
  
~*~  
  
Awake with a jolt, Zim had obviously cried out in reality too, as the class were all looking at him, judging him. Oh, how he hated all of them, looking on him as if he were stupid and insignificant, how he would enjoy killing each and every one of them, these miserable humans he so detested. Jed tried to pry her hand out of Zim's grip which was clearly hurting her as he was clenching so tightly. He loosened his hold on her and she relaxed, rubbing his knuckle with her thumb lightly before taking her hand away and rubbing it, thinking he couldn't see.  
  
Once the class had settled down again, Dib leaned across his desk and said to Jed, "Is your boyfriend going even crazier than he normally is . . . or were you maybe holding more than just his hand . . . ?" he said it so sweetly and nastily right in her ear that she had to hold herself down lest she stand up and draw attention to herself, which Zim had noticed was one thing Jed didn't like to do.  
  
Instead she gave him the most vicious glare she could muster and Zim saw Dib flinch out of the corner of his eye, snickered to himself and left Jed to it. She could clearly stick up for herself, which she had proven before.  
  
"At least I don't go groveling to some prep to take you on some date because you can't get anyone you're actually attracted to," Jed snapped back at Dib, who opened his mouth with a response but clamped it shut again like a guppy fish, because the thing was, he was uncannily attracted to Zita even if she normally wasn't his type, and he was definitely not the type she normally went after . . . not that he would ever be anything more to her than one date with the geeky boy to see what it was like, part of a dare by her girlfriends . . . Jed smiled. She had obviously realised she had struck a vulnerable chord with Dib and he snarled. She was the first one he would to take out of the Irkens, her, then Zim, and then the world would be safe. Or so he thought, because of course Dib didn't know that Tak was on her way to Earth at that very moment. He sneered at Jed, then returned to trying to listen to Ms Bitters while Jed rested her head on Zim's shoulder.  
  
"Jed! Zim!" Ms Bitters drawled, "Do you know why it is people are so miserable?"  
  
"Because they know of their impending DOOOOM!" Zim roared, the first intensely manic display for that morning. Jed chuckled.  
  
"Basically, Ms Bitters, because we're all doomed?" she said innocently with a smile on her black lip-sticked lips.  
  
"NO!" Ms Bitters yelled, "Because you're all noooottthiing! And it's also because of the miserable shrimpy love we share with another pathetic life. It's all nooootttthing! And we're also miserable, because, as Jed said we're all doooooooooomed! Doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed . . . "  
  
Jed had a confused look on her face for a couple of seconds but she shrugged it off and sniggered with Zim until the bell signaling the end of a long, doomy day and they slipped out of their seats and left the room.  
  
Only Dib and Zita remained, she had stayed behind to wait for him. He walked her out like he did all the time now and put her books in the car. "I'm really, like, looking forward to tonight, Dib," she said prettily, because they had a date at the park planned for that night. To be honest, Dib was absolutely dreading it but really liked Zita so nodded and gaped open-mouthed when she gave him a kiss on the cheek, on his pale, white smooth skin.  
  
"Bye, Dib!" she called from the back of the convertible, "pick me up at seven thirty!" and Dib stared after her in wonder, not being able to figure out how he had wound up with a date with the most beautiful, popular girl in the whole year? It just didn't make sense to Dib Membrane, who wandered home in a daze. Until he saw the fight.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Jed was standing on the pavement alone, leaning against a lamppost, rolling a stone forward and backwards with her foot waiting for Zim to come out of the supermarket with the pizza for GIR. She was expecting to be there a while as she could see from here that the queue was way, way back. Damn human systems, she thought, and then she heard the voice of a person she didn't like very much.  
  
"Hey, slapper!" Gaz called to Jed across the street. Jed kicked the stone ahead of her and crossed the road to the opposite pavement where Gaz was. They stood staring each other down for a while, both eyes narrowed. Gaz's eyes were invisible and Jed's were angry and defiant.  
  
"What?" Jed asked in her nastiest tone which was very low and very quiet, but very clear and unmistakably dangerous. Gaz was probably the only one that wouldn't be phased by that tone of Jed's, and that was only because she was equally scary, even moreso, as even though Jed was insidely very strong, the average person on the street would not expect her to use such a tone despite her disguise's appearance as a Goth, an outsider, a social misfit.  
  
"I just wanted to tell you it's over," Gaz said in a similarly dangerous tone, but hers had a knowing smirk whereas Jed was oblivious to what Gaz meant. The two disliked each other intensely, hated each other even, but had always avoided each other since the gun incident in Zim's house, but now they were face to face, eye to eye, frown to frown, "you may as well just back away and go back to your home planet, Jed. Zim's mine."  
  
Here, Jed let out a loud laugh that sounded not unlike Tak's, high-pitched and intense, which was unexpected especially as Jed normally sounded so laid-back and relaxed. Once she had finished laughing, she looked at Gaz with an ugly smile on her pretty face, "Zim destroyed my home planet, you sad, sad little human. Take your petty obsessions elsewhere, as Zim is certainly not yours. He is, as you say, "mine." "  
  
Gaz frowned and shook her head, "Well, explain to me then why he kissed me, if he is so incredibly and totally devoted to you." At those words, Jed looked a little worried as well as furious, but she managed another laugh regardless.  
  
"Whatever happened between you and Zim long ago is finished, Gaz," she said slowly, clearly, nastily, "surely you can see with me and Zim's holding hands and kissing that we are together, not you and -"  
  
Gaz cut her off, saying, "Oh, I'm not talking about before, Jed."  
  
Jed scowled at her rival, sneering, "What are you talking about then? When are you talking about? Is this one of your puny Earth dreams, Gaz? Because they aren't real, you know."  
  
"I'm talking about three weeks ago. When he left the house . . . to look for me. He found me, oh yes he did, and I kissed him and he pulled away," Gaz watched Jed's reaction change with fascination and delight, first from disbelief to anger and then relief when she said Zim pulled away, "he pulled away, and he called for Dib, who was looking for me also, and then he started to walk away, and then do you know what he did, Jed?" Jed's face was set as stone, her eyes cold and hating, staring mercilessly into Gaz's slits for eyes, "He came back and he kissed me, that's what he did. He didn't have to come back but he did, and when he did come back he kissed me and he kissed me hard and he meant it."  
  
When Gaz had finished, she leaned back on her right leg watching Jed trying to calculate it all in her head. But all the Irken said was, "You're lying."  
  
"No, I'm not. Why would I lie? I have nothing to lie about. What I say is the truth and that's all it is." Gaz said, clearly enjoying Jed's look of hopelessness.  
  
"You . . . you . . . you're sick, you know? All humans are, but you, you are twisted and demented inside. You dream of your passion so strongly you believe it happened. You're so desperate for Zim you can't accept he's with me. You're a sad, desperate, weak and petty human with no - aargh!" Jed started and sounded like she could go on forever because she was so angry but Gaz had thrown herself on top of Jed and they were rolling on top of each other swinging fists and teeth ripping each other's clothes and fingers pulling at hair, legs kicking and heads ramming into the other.  
  
Quite a crowd had gathered around them, and it looked like it could go on forever. Jed was pinned underneath Gaz, who was throwing punches at her face and shoulders, and Jed was kicking and flailing her arms around, and then Gaz spoke for the first time since they had been fighting. "You tell me I'm weak, you tell me I'm petty, but really you are just as bad . . . WORSE!" Gaz burst out laughing and began punching again, but she had angered Jed beyond comprehension and she was screaming curses at Gaz, feeling pain and betrayal and fury, but the fury overtook all other emotions and Jed flung Gaz off of her by getting her knees under Gaz's stomach and heaving as hard as she could.  
  
Gaz flew over to the other side of the human circle that had been made for them and landed on her back, but was on her feet before Jed could get up and fling herself at Gaz, so they were on their feet clawing and punching and kicking at each other with only anger and hatred and jealousy fueling them.  
  
They kept going like that for a long time before Dib encountered them as he walked home from skool, and he pushed his way through the crowds calling Gaz's name as loudly as he could. "GAZ! GAZ STOP! GAZ!" he yelled, but the mindless sounds of "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" were overwhelming the young paranormal investigator. Finally he got to the centre and pulled Gaz back from Jed, which gave the female Irken all the time she needed to pull out her gun, which just looked like a water pistol to the spectators, but Jed, Dib and Gaz knew very well what it was capable of.  
  
Jed smirked. "Hmm! De ja vu ," she sniggered, panting and gasping for the air she had only been able to take in small desperate breaths during the fight. Her blood boiled with pain and adrenaline as her finger tightened on the trigger. She wasn't going to give Gaz the same chance this time. Some agitated cries of "Move! Hey! Hey! I'll destroy you! Hey! Hey! MOVE!" came from within the crowd and distracted Jed. During this time Dib leaned forward and grabbed the gun, throwing it onto the ground, running around behind Jed and grabbing her by the neck and pulling her backwards.  
  
The Irken female screamed in rage and scratched at Dib's arm. Gaz stared at her brother, then looked at the gun, considering picking it up and shooting Jed now, but Zim broke through the crowd and absorbed the scene before staring at Gaz long and hard, glowered at her and ran straight for Dib. He knocked him clean over and Jed fell hard to the ground, crying out as she hit. Zim began to lay into Dib but Jed, gathering her breath, patted him on the leg so he would look at her, and she shook her head.  
  
"You touch her again with those flabby sausages on the ends of your filthy hands again, Dib-Stink, and I will destroy you, mark my words!" Zim hissed to him.  
  
Zim dropped Dib and picked Jed up in his arms, bruised and bloodied from the battle. Before he left he picked up Jed's gun at Gaz's feet and put it in his Pak. He glanced at Gaz, and then at the semi-unconscious Jed in his arms, then back at Gaz. "Don't hurt her again," he snarled to her, then walked through the crowd back to the base.  
  
Dib was on his feet again and looked at his sister. He shook his head in distaste at her, then walked the opposite direction for home, to try and clean himself up before his date as best he could.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
When Jed came round properly, she was lying on the couch in the house quarters of the base, GIR sitting at the end of it watching T.V., MAX was sitting on the floor still reading his book which he had nearly finished now. He would still randomly bare his fangs if someone walked past him or if someone said something to disrupt his reading world.  
  
"I LOVE YOOOUUUU!" GIR squealed when Zim entered the room with an ointment to put on Jed's cuts. Zim simply nodded at the robot. Soon GIR got bored of T.V. and switched it off, dragging MAX into the kitchen still reading his book randomly hissing like a vampire. Zim sat down beside Jed and started cleaning up her face.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said quietly to him, because Zim wouldn't look her in the eye, "she . . . she attacked me and I should have resisted but she made me so angry. It was as if she wanted me to fight her."  
  
"She's stronger than you," Zim said simply. Jed pulled away from the cream he was putting on her forehead, partly because it stung her and partly because she resented that comment.  
  
"She is not!" she retorted, "She was just . . . she's a human, Zim. How can she be stronger than me?" Zim shrugged and started putting on the cream again, gentler this time.  
  
"Why were you fighting?" he asked, "Didn't I warn you to stay away from her?"  
  
She nodded, "Yes, I know. She provoked me, and she provoked me well. I was a fool to really believe that you would have kissed her anyway." This time Zim pulled away, freezing in the chair. She cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. "Zim?" When he said nothing, she gasped and sprung out of her chair. "You did kiss her, didn't you?! In the field, on that night when it was raining and you left! That night Tak called! She said you walked away and went back to kiss her!" Zim just sat there, frozen. Jed began to cry, something she had never done before, and began to kick the couch he was kneeling on hopelessly, "Why won't you say anything?" she sobbed, sinking to her knees on the floor, punching the sofa with her fist, her sore forehead buried deep into the leather.  
  
Zim hopped off the couch and knelt beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged him off bitterly but he put his hand on her back and she didn't resist him, but began to sob helplessly into the settee, her arms covering her face. Zim rubbed her back up and down gently, whispering to her, "Shhhh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."  
  
She shook her head, "No," she whispered, so he had to lean in to her speaking to the couch, "no, no, you're not sorry, you're never sorry, you're too proud to ever be sorry. I'm sorry . . . I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you."  
  
Zim gently placed his hands around her small waist trying not to touch any bruises but if he did then she didn't flinch. She was strong, but she had too many weaknesses. That was why Zim was still alive. He pulled back on her so she faced him, sitting on the floor, her hands buried into her face and her body tipped over bent onto the floor so he couldn't see her. She was out of her disguise, they both were, he could see that, but he couldn't see her face.  
  
"Let me see your face," he whispered to her.  
  
"You don't love me," she hissed, "you don't want me."  
  
"Let me see your face."  
  
Jed moaned lightly as she lifted her stomach, there was probably a particularly painful bruise there that he would have to heal later, if she would let him. He took her hands from her face and they dropped uselessly by her sides. He looked at her and took in his breath sharply. She was more beautiful than he remembered, so much more beautiful when she was out of her disguise, and now she was crying she was breath taking. Her red eyes swam with salty human emotions she loathed and longed to stop crying but she was so fatigued she didn't care what happened then.  
  
"You're so beautiful. Beautiful . . . " Zim murmured, stroking her face, touching a tear. The water from her eyes didn't sting his flesh or hers, but it stung something inside him which made him feel bad. "Computer." Zim said blankly, and the Computer, who had been watching and not expecting Zim to summon him started with a shaky voice from all the emotion. "Play some Nirvana. Heart-Shaped Box. NOW!"  
  
The music began.  
  
"She has me like a Pisces when I am weak, I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for a week . . . " Kurt Cobain sang, and Jed raised her bruised head.  
  
"What's that?" she whispered, allowing Zim to take her hand, but she didn't squeeze his hand but he held her tight.  
  
"That's Nirvana, three humans playing human instruments, singing human words, but there's something . . . " Zim trailed off unable to finish.  
  
"Special," Jed said, and Zim nodded. Yes, special. It wasn't anything specific, it was simply special. He looked at her. She looked at him.  
  
"You're special," he said, trying to lean in to kiss her, but she turned her head away from him, these funny "tears" falling from her still. 'Where did they come from? When did they end? Could she run out of them?' wondered Zim as he looked on her, wanting to kiss her so much, wanting to kiss her tears and cuts and bruises and worries all away.  
  
"Don't kiss me," she mused, speaking so softly that it sent ripples of heartache up Invader Zim's spine. Invader Zim, the proud, manic, intense, focused, resourceful Invader Zim that was now clutching an assassin's hand so tightly, longing her to love him, yet it was something he could not bring himself to say to her because he was not so very sure he did love her or not. He was still on the "like" matter, he had no desire to understand love. Yet he longed for her to want him. Yes, want, that was the word to describe their relationship. It could never last, because it was something they wanted. Zim knew the human saying "I want never gets!" and it was true, it was so unfairly true.  
  
"Don't kiss me," Jed whispered, "just hold me."  
  
Obligingly, Zim moved closer with her consent and wrapped his warm arms around her, drawing her in, rocking her back and forth, while she said over and over, "just hold me," which is what he did, perhaps for the whole night. 'I will make it up to her tomorrow,' Zim thought, 'Skool can wait. I cannot lose her. I know I will lose her . . . just not yet. A little while more.' He kissed her forehead, forgetting she had told him not to kiss her. He waited for her to react, to tell him to let go, but it was okay, she was asleep and didn't know. He had never known Jed to fall asleep, but she had.  
  
"A little while more." He said to her, stroking her face lined with swelling bruises, rocking her back and forth like a cradle, nuzzling her but not so hard so that she woke up. He rocked her in the dark to the rhythm of Nirvana, playing above them in the speakers, but it felt like they came from a far off place that they both wanted to stay in forever.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: Oh dear this has got a bit mellow folks! Don't worry next chapter is DEFINITELY more comical. *wipes eyes with tissue* Oh how emotional this love triangle is! Love triangle of DOOOOM! O.o  
  
Sorry I didn't get the Dib Date in this chapter, folks, but it's in the next one. The chapter (called "The Truth About Chihuahuas") is extreeeeeeeemely 100% crazy fun stuff with maybe a couple of tinges of mellow-ness (from Gaz's POV and stuff) but it's mainly Dib looking back dreamily on the night before, while Zim, Jed and the robots skive skool to go into the city again, where they encounter the dreaded dog-with-meat thing again but this time we discover the dreaded truth of the evil doggie! AAARGH!  
  
So it's going to be a bit of a mad fill in chapter of doom and dismay but the chapter after that is all crazy depressing love story again *sigh* HEY! This is the LONGEST CHAPTER YET! Yup! You heard right, squiffers! 5,702!!!  
  
Anyway! AAARGH! I've actually finished writing the synopsis' of the rest of the story! Still got quite a while to go yet, 40 chapters to my schedule but I might have to stretch it out a bit to 41 or even 42 or something but I dunno don't tell me!! Anyway . . . I'm going to start writing the next chapter, and then once I've done that I will . . . *dramatic drum roll* start on a couple of new fics! That's right, folksies! NEW ONES!  
  
One is a Zim one . . . the other is . . . hey the synopsis' are in my bio so read that okay people of doom? I love you all so much! Okay but keep reviewing alright. Man this is a long author's note; I'm sorry for blethering folks. Bubi!  
  
"If you'd accept surrender I'll give up some more weren't you adored? I cannot be without you matter of fact, oh-oh woah oh, I'm on your back." - Walking After You, Foo Fighters. 


	26. The Truth About Chihuahuas

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Thanks again to all people who reviewed. I love you all dearly. Woooooooo. Blue tacos, how much would they rock? They'd probably suck, actually, but you know, maybe one day blue tacos will take over, but then that'll probably be the day I stop twittering, which will be never, cos goddammit I'm gonna twitter in my grave or so help me. MNYAHA! I'm going off to watch Zim for inspiration then come back and write this comical chapter of doom (about time). And Dib fans, we have a very special day for you . . . Dib's date with Zita, the purple haired prep who sits behind Zim in the series. But not in this one . . . shut up me. Okay. WOO!  
  
It's a very random chapter is this one. But anyway. Read, okay? Read. Why? Because you can, you cheeses.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Twenty-Three - The Truth About Chihuahuas -  
  
Nothing was said in the morning; nothing needed to be said. It had all been done last night, and now both Jed and Zim realised that their time together was running out, they could never survive the brutal society they were in, it simply wouldn't work, and that broke their hearts, or whatever equivalent Irkens had for hearts, whether it be the squeedly-spooch or some other alien organ for as much as they could break. They both knew that it was a waiting game that would end almost certainly when Tak set foot on Earth again, if it had not ended before that. So to forget the gloom and to get on with conquering Earth, the two Invaders went out into the nearest human city to gather information on the random civilian in the street.  
  
Jed had not yet been into the city so it was extremely new and almost frightening for her, considering she was so small compared to these humans that towered above the two Irkens with their dirty faces and surly expressions. Of course, they were in disguise, Zim was using his usual one for going into the city, and it was quite a funny sight of Zim, who had a stupid fake beard and an old tweed jacket on with a straw hat, a flower sticking out of it, and GIR, a small green dog with scary eyes and very obvious zips and stitching, compared to Jed and MAX. Jed, who was in her Goth disguise wearing a long black jacket and a dark, dark red top littered with safety pins and offensive badges with her so incredibly blue eyes and raven-like hair, and MAX a very well disguised tortoiseshell cat who looked like it was just very well groomed if a little speedy and sharper than a normal Earth feline.  
  
It was funny sight, the two robots and the two disguised aliens walking along together, Zim and Jed occasionally holding hands but Jed would break away, remembering Gaz. After a while of walking Jed was tired of seeing all of these humans and they rested in a quiet spot in a park where GIR and MAX would chase the squirrels with sticks tittering happily. Jed and Zim sat apart on a long wooden bench, observing a hobo on another bench opposite the path they had previously been walking on.  
  
Zim sighed at the silence between him and Jed. She looked at him with slightly annoyed, aware eyes. He looked back at her, his pride overtaking him now but he did so want her to come and speak to him freely without the need of awkward conversation. Zim saw small talk as a waste of time, a waste of energy, a waste of perfectly good Nirvana or planning Earth's terrible and horrible doom time, or something else, but Zim would not tolerate small talk as much as he did not wish to be part of it. But that was all it looked like that Jed would yield to.  
  
"Speak to me, Jed," Zim said as softly as his harsh voice would allow, "because I don't know how to speak to you without knowing for sure you don't hate my miserable guts."  
  
A light smile swept over Jed's face and for an awful moment Zim thought she might start to cry again, but all she did was look at the ground, lifting her face up to look at GIR and MAX frolicking on the grass. GIR looked over at Zim and waved at him, skipping backwards and forwards in his not-very- good costume.  
  
"Look master!" he squealed, "Ah'm a mongoose! Ah'm a . . . a squirrel! LOOK AT THE SQUIRREL, MAXY!" MAX turned to look at the grey squirrel GIR had pointed at, poised on a tree with an acorn in its grasp. MAX let out a happy little cry and followed GIR to try and coax it down with twigs lying around the tree the squirrel was in.  
  
Zim was brought back to the scenario he was in with Jed, who was now looking at him intently which made him feel more than slightly uncomfortable. He looked back at her, eyes narrowed, but she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she gave a pretty little laugh that sounded nothing like the one she sometimes used which reminded Zim of Tak.  
  
"Why are you laughing?" Zim demanded, angry because he was confused at whether he should be offended or whether he should laugh with her, "Tell me! Tell me now . . . "  
  
Jed looked at him, a smile on her face, "I'm laughing . . . " she began, "because I love you, and you're a worthless swine and I know you don't love me, you love her! You love Gaz, don't you, so there is no reason why I should be with you, why you should tolerate me any longer, because you have succeeded in making her jealous to the point where she wants you back. And that's what you wanted, wasn't it, Zim? The whole plan all along was to be with her, never with me . . . never really with me. I was just a bit of passion in between, so you could test whether it was better with an Irken or a . . . "  
  
"Stop," Zim said, and put a gloved hand over her mouth gently so she could only communicate with him via her eyes, sharp and fixated on his, waiting on his next words, which came soon after they came to him, "it doesn't matter now. I'm with you right now, right at this moment, aren't I? Doesn't that mean anything to you?"  
  
Jed said nothing, kept her words to herself. She nodded, choosing to agree with Zim just now, but he could see that her brain was working away, calculating how much truth he spoke with. Jed said nothing, so Zim made a suggestion, "Why don't we go and question that vagrant over there? Ask some of your questions about this miserable planet with him."  
  
Jed brightened, evidently she liked this idea. She was especially interested in the outcasts of the society these humans had, and wondered if they possessed the same ignorance as the general public or whether they were rejects because of their refusal to succumb to the group stupidity of these creatures she was supposed to be dominating. But whether that mattered or not anymore she didn't know, because everything had changed . . . but not now. Now she was going to speak to that miscreant with all her interaction skills.  
  
"Excuse me, human hobo!" Zim said sharply, when they had walked over to him. The man lying on the bench sat up and blinked at them interestingly, Jed liked his eyes, a deep brown which didn't reveal anything but a strong will and a long, unhappy past, "Me and my friend wish to discuss matters of GREAT importance with you! Resist us and you will burn!"  
  
GIR skipped past happily and pointed at the hobo, "That one gonna burn goooooood!" he moaned happily, carrying on skipping until he noticed that several of the squirrels had kidnapped MAX and was attempting to carry him up a tree. Jed looked but didn't appear to be worried, she was well aware that MAX could deal with the tree-climbing rodents, but GIR panicked, "Gimme back ma taco friend! YUP! You squirrelies gonna burn nice! BURN BURN BURN IN THE FIREY . . . STUFF! Oh yeah!"  
  
While the robots disguised as pets carried on with their playing, Zim and Jed returned their attention to the hobo. Zim noticed that he was wearing a very old and tattered denim jacket (some kind of smelly human material), trousers that had once been beige but now looked like a very unpleasant grey with stains that Zim didn't wish to analyse their origin. He wore worn leather sandals and half-fingered black gloves that finished off the stereotypical vagrant status. Still, despite his long, greasy, scraggly greying hair (from what must have once been black) brought out his mysterious dark eyes well, and Zim felt himself liking this human, well more than the others, anyway.  
  
"Tell me your name, dirty human!" Zim said in his usual superior manner, and the man chuckled slightly.  
  
"You look like you could do with a shower yourself, lad," the man laughed, and Zim made an annoyed noise and felt Jed move beside him warningly.  
  
"NONSENSE!" Zim cried despite her, "I am as clean as a . . . clean thing! . . . Why I "shower" in your filthy Earth nutrients several times daily! Indeed I am no thing of minging quality! Oh how I laugh at your dirt accusations! Ha! Ha! See me laugh at your dirt accusations which are indeed false. Ha! HA! MWAHHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Alright, son, calm down," the hobo said, guffawing a little bit which made Zim step back. Jed said nothing but looked on with a slightly amused expression on her face. She was here, after all, to learn, and not to teach.  
  
"I know not of the sun you speak of. I have never been there. However I have been to Mars I was battling against Mercury. It was your lucky day when you were not squished by my awesome WRATH!" Zim began manically laughing again and the hobo looked at Jed, Zim jus laughing to himself while the conversation took a different turn.  
  
"Who's this pretty young lady then?" he asked Zim, who frowned protectively and moved to put an arm around her waist. Jed, out of respect for Zim, stood still and said nothing, only folding her arms. She was glad when Zim took his arm away by himself and put his gloved fists behind his back, standing smartly.  
  
"She is my friend. Her name is Jed, and I be Zim. The mighty Zim? And I will be your slave master when your beloved world comes to an end. I will show no mercy . . . NONE!" Zim roared angrily, still looking proud and dignified. The hobo laughed again.  
  
"My name is Leonard. I am a hobo, not mighty like you claim to be, Zim, and no doubt you are. And this world . . . " he waved his arms around him, patting the space on the bench for Jed to sit on, which she did, "It isn't in the least bit "beloved" to me. In fact I think I would thank you if you destroyed it and commanded it or whatever it is you plan on doing. And please, don't show any mercy, because these dirtbags that wear fur coats and fine diamonds on their fingers are more filthy than I could ever be, and they have never shown mercy so neither should you. Anyway I'm going to stop raving or else . . . " Leonard broke off with a hint of fear in his calm unwavering voice.  
  
Both Jed and Zim's jaws dropped at Leonard the Hobo's unexpected speech. Indeed this human was very different from the others, and everything he said was true. He continued to speak of different matters, politics . . . the government, everything he had distaste for in the world.  
  
" . . . and here in America where everything is considered to be perfect . . . " Leonard shook his head as he spoke and gave a dramatic pause before going on, "our political status is appalling . . . the president answers questions that have been organised beforehand, and if anyone says anything any different then they are never allowed in a conference again. In Britain I suppose it's a little better, the prime minister Tony Blair has to be able to answer fast fire questions about anything, which makes him the better leader, I suppose, but that doesn't earn him any more respect, oh no. In fact it earns him less, because everyone hates the leaders. At elections we don't vote for the leader of our country, we vote for the government's puppet (well I don't, I don't own a home so amn't allowed to vote), so much for democracy. But I'm going to stop babbling endlessly about things you kids aren't interested in or else I might . . . "  
  
Zim was getting progressively annoyed at Leonard. He spoke with such sense and emotion and knew what he was talking about, but he always broke off just as he was beginning to accept this new piece of information with his fearful tone. It seemed Jed had noticed it too, but was handling it in a different way.  
  
"Leonard, what's 'or else'? What are you afraid might happen if you say too much?" she said in her gentlest tone, and Zim watched her speak with a dry throat. He, Zim, the great Zim, still didn't know whether he liked Jed or Gaz more, and now Jed had confessed her love for him (albeit distastefully confessed) he felt sure he should return his affection but then, Gaz was always nagging at the back of his mind like a small sharp splinter that would prick again whenever he had forgotten it was there.  
  
Leonard looked at Jed, Jed looked at Leonard, and Zim tore his eyes from Jed to look at Leonard, trying to forget his current dilemma. Leonard flicked his eyes from Jed, to Zim, to Jed, to Zim, back to Jed and then fixing his eyes finally on Zim who looked a little uneasy, and peered up at the tall hobo.  
  
"The cheesy foot demon . . . " Leonard whispered huskily, "he's after my flesh . . . my filthy dirty flesh! Oh woe is me! The cheesy foot demon! Don't let him get me! Please! PLEASE, you won't let him get me, will you? Will you?!?"  
  
Jed and Zim glanced at each other, and then Jed put a gentle hand on Leonard's shoulder, "No, no, we won't let him get you. In fact, we're off to fight him off now for you, okay? We'll see you later."  
  
She grabbed Zim's arm and dragged him to the tree that GIR and MAX were dancing on a branch in. Zim appreciated her getting out of there as soon as possible. He had become less than rational which might make him dangerous, not that Zim couldn't take him, but he didn't wish to draw attention to himself. He was insane, Zim thought, insane but clever and thoughtful, but still crazy with perhaps his loneliness, or maybe he hallucinated due to persistent drug use, he didn't know. But it didn't matter now, Jed seemed satisfied with the information she had got out of Leonard and he had secretly learned something from the experience also.  
  
"GIR! MAX! Get down here! GIR! We're going, GIR. Now! Come on! Stop torturing those squirrels! GIR!" Zim snapped up the tree, where GIR and MAX were now tickling one of the squirrels that had abducted MAX with a leaf.  
  
"AAAAHHAHAHAHA! It's doing photosynthythingythingy in his footsie!" GIR squealed happily, and MAX, who had gone slightly more sane at that moment and had allowed the squirrel corrected his friend with the correct word, "photosynthesis", which it was indeed not doing in the squirrel's foot, but GIR didn't seem to care for some peculiar reason and leaped down from the tree stupidly, crashing into the ground.  
  
He immediately righted himself, one of his eyes having fallen out of his sockets, which looked very strange considering he was wearing his costume. He popped it back in and squeaked, "YAAAAY! It hurts lots and lots! WOO! Lets all go get Shoe Tacos! They taste gooooood!"  
  
"Isn't it, they burn good?" MAX asked, and GIR freaked out at this.  
  
"DON'T BURN MA SHOE'SIES TACOS! DON'T BURN THA TACOOOOOOS!" he wailed, flinging himself at Zim's feet, who picked GIR up by the leash around his neck and dragged him off, while MAX purred around Jed's legs for a moment before they joined Zim and GIR again.  
  
"That was interesting," Jed said quietly to Zim, who nodded, "the hobo, I mean. The whole squirrel scenario was just weird." Zim nodded again and said "YES!" very loudly, which startled her.  
  
"Take my hand." Zim said, making it sound like a command but Jed knew otherwise. She was well aware that Zim was feeling bad about it, and it didn't seem like they had much longer together so she nodded and allowed him to take her hand and kiss her on the cheek. Something inside her told her she wanted this and she wasn't simply tolerating him. But whether he wanted this . . . whether he wanted her . . . was another question she would trouble herself with later, because there was another problem at hand.  
  
A small, ugly dog had just crossed the path, its bulbous eyes and hungry drool from its mouth on its morbidly large head was oozing onto the ground below. It's head greatly outweighed its small, skinny body and it quite comically looked like it was about to fall forwards and land on its head. But it wasn't comical, it was somehow scary. And in its mouth, it held a large tender steak.  
  
Zim and GIR knew it, Jed and MAX saw it for the first time. All four of them feared it. Zim was the first one to scream while the others stood fixated on this hideously . . . hideous . . . creature. "DOG WITH MEAT!" Zim yelled, and the commotion began.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Dib straightened the collar on his trenchcoat, his black shirt underneath looked stupid because he wasn't wearing his usual t-shirt that he loved. He was wearing his usual black trousers ironed especially and he had tried to flatten his hair so it didn't look like he was bald underneath the spikiness.  
  
"Do I look okay? Do I look okay?" he asked his sister persistently, who assured him.  
  
"You look like crap, Dib. Go spike your hair again. Really. Dib, please, really, she won't appreciate it." Gaz told him almost threateningly.  
  
"I . . . no! No, it has to be different for Zita . . . " he trailed off. Gaz sighed and hopped off her chair, wandering over to the fridge to take out the carton of milk. She poured a glass of it for herself and sat drinking it, watching Dib out of the corner of her narrowed eye. He looked at her.  
  
"Did you finish that carton?" he asked her randomly. Gaz took the glass from her mouth and made a noise as the milk traveled down her gullet.  
  
"Yes," she said, "why? Go and undo whatever the Hell you did to your hair, it's not very pleasant."  
  
Dib sighed, not listening to her, "I was going to have some milk before I left, Gaz. You could have asked!" Gaz's eyes narrowed even more and she spitefully drank the last drop from her glass. She glared at him and he took a protective step back, afraid she might fly at him again . . .  
  
"You think you own ALL the milk, don't you Dib? Well, you know what, you don't, you just DON'T, okay? I got there first, and it's too bad if your feeble limbs couldn't be bothered to reach for the fridge door for another five minutes!" she snarled nastily at him, and Dib sighed.  
  
He walked through into the living room to collect the money he had left on the table. Just as he was pocketing it, his father came up from his laboratory humming happily to himself, "Tum tum tee tum tum tum . . . oh hello, Di- EEEEEEEK!" the famous professor that normally sounded so very professional and masculine screamed like a girl when he saw his son's hair, "Dib! No! That's just . . . that's not science! . . . That's not even parascience! It's just . . . evil . . . Spike your hair up son! Be a man! That's REAL science, you should try it every so often!"  
  
Dib sighed again and trudged through to the living room, taking the hint. He spiked up his hair again, washing off the huge amount of gel he had used to try and tame his pointy hair that cursed him so. He heard his father muttering, "My poor, insane son," from the other room, and he rolled his eyes. Everyone was so ignorant, but now a girl had given him a little more attention. And that girl was ZITA. Zita, the prettiest, most popular and, well preppiest, girl, but that didn't bother Dib. He smiled at himself in the mirror, convinced that he would just HAVE to make this night work.  
  
It had been a long day at the skool, not very interesting because Zim and Jed hadn't been there, and everything else that went on was just very uneventful. He hung out with Gaz at the break and lunchtime, keeping his eye on Zita, who occasionally looked over at him after flicking her lovely lilac hair behind her shoulders and winking at him. Never had Dib Membrane had that before. It was his lucky night.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" the four alien creatures screamed at the dog holding the dead cow strip in its mouth, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGHHHHHH!"  
  
How could something so ugly and small and evil and wrong and outweighed be so very terrifying? It was just . . . twisted and demonic in every way possible, and Zim and Jed's hands were crushed by each other. The two Irkens ran for cover behind a large oak tree, but GIR held MAX back.  
  
"We gotta beat it!" GIR screamed dramatically, shaking MAX by his shoulders, "WE JUST GOTTA!" MAX nodded and they stood in a fighting stance, hopping forward in their costumes, looking quite ridiculous.  
  
"We're gonna eat your big head!" MAX told the Chihuahua, "Your days of meat carrying are over! Why don't you just . . . eat it and be done with it?" Jed's robot was near tears and his mistress tried to go over and comfort him, but Zim held her back, looking her in the eye forcefully so she nodded and settled again, watching with bright blue eyes disguising red ones.  
  
"Hees head's almost as big as Dib's!" GIR squealed, fearless now, "And we all know hoooow big Dib's head is! You got a stoopad big head! Hee hee hee!"  
  
MAX and GIR rushed at the Chihuahua, who just blinked and held the meat so tauntingly while the two robots beat at it, Zim was almost overcome with fury at the way the dog with meat didn't react, and pride at how his stupid dumb robot was fighting it, for all the good it wasn't doing, but the point was that GIR was doing something Zim didn't object against.  
  
"OHMAGOSH!" GIR yelled as he pulled off the Chihuahua's head, revealing what it really and truly was inside, "It's a . . . it's a . . . master! It be a SQUIRREL!!!" Giggling, GIR took the squirrel that was controlling the dog with levers and steering wheels inside the small body out of the cabin and held it above his head, "HEEHHEHEHEHEE! I know it! It a doggy squirrel! DOGGY DOGGY DOOGY!"  
  
Zim laughed menacingly and walked out with Jed in hand, as if he had never been afraid in the first place. He kicked his legs up in front of him and his eyes were closed, this was what Jed called his "pride strut", because strut he did.  
  
GIR released the squirrel and MAX and the kooky hero robot took the shell home which still freaked them out, and GIR looked at it and said "That one gonna burn reeeeeall good!" so they burnt it by the dark, and Zim looked into Jed's eyes and she looked into his and they didn't need to say anything.  
  
They just nodded at each other and kissed, because it didn't need to mean very much after all. They cared about each other, but how much was another question. They just had to do something instead of doing nothing, because what use was that? They were long past killing each other now, which both were glad of, even if it had taken a little bit of time. Both knew there wasn't much time left before it was all spoiled, and they didn't know how it would be spoiled so it wasn't something they could prepare for, so they just kissed and embraced each other while listening to Kurt Cobain's gristly but heavenly voice, and the squeals of the excited robots dancing around the piercing light of the burning Chihuahua.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Everything so far was going smoothly, Dib thought. It could have been worse, not much better, because he was with Zita, who he really liked now they were walking side by side with hot dogs in their hands.  
  
"I'm sorry hot dogs aren't very romantic," Dib apologised to her deeply, and she looked at him and nodded.  
  
"That's okay, Dib!" she said happily, her hair bouncing around her shoulders, "I just, totally like walking along with you! It's really cool!"  
  
"Yeah," he said softly, looking at the large moon the night had provided for them, which provided its own kind of romance, he supposed, even if he didn't believe in all that namby-pamby crap, "yeah."  
  
"I really always liked your hair. I just totally, like, think it's kick- ass!" Zita giggled, stroking his pointy hair gently. They looked into each others eyes and pushed forward into a lip-lock. 'Thank you, Gaz and Dad!' Dib thought to himself as he tasted Zita. This was better than he could ever have hoped, that was, until he wrapped his arm around her waste, and the hot dog he was holding squeezed its sauce all over Zita's midriff t- shirt.  
  
"Ohmigod!" she squealed indignantly, "ohmigod, ohmigod, are you like, some kind of total mega moron? Are you having some kind of like, neuron death here, dude? I mean, you like, totally destroyed my $75 top! So can I get you some oxygen, Mr My-dad's-a-big-cool-scientist-so-y'know-I'm-so-very- clever, cos I like, totally think you're suffocating! Ewwwww! It's all over my back! Diiiiib!" she moaned, and Dib threw the hotdog on the ground and apologised over and over until she started to apologise.  
  
Not even Zita was so incredibly shallow that she'd dump Dib on his first try just because of an accident. He was extremely grateful to her for giving him a second chance but she warned him that she had no "three strikes and your out" system. 'It was once you blow it it's okay, twice you can walk the other way!' rhyme with Zita, that Dib greatly doubted she made up by herself.  
  
He suspected it was some kind of sleepover game that involved lots of giggles and girls in pink pyjamas. The rest of the date went well, and Zita gave him her number by the end. "Call me tomorrow, yeah?" she said, and kissed him again while they stood on her doorstep. Dib promised her he would . . . yeah, like he wouldn't.  
  
That night, Dib nearly skipped home.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: WOOOOO! Got some Dib in there for ya! And some Prof Membrane, y'know he is so cool. Gaz was minimal in this chapter . . . sorry Gaz fans, but she'll be . . . what'll she be doing next chapter . . . ? . . . oh she'll be plotting with Dib as to how they can take Jed down . . . mmyep. Gaz has (another) encounter with Jed's gun, will she escape for a third time? Only time will tell, and only your reviews give me the energy to write another chapter so keep 'em coming in pleasey poo!  
  
Danke!  
  
"When your day is long, and the night is yours alone when you're sure you've had enough of this life hang on. Don't let yourself go, cos everybody cries. And everybody hurts . . . sometimes" - Everybody Hurts, R.E.M. 


	27. Battling With Forks Instead Of Biros

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Okie dokie, peoples. Did you like the last chapter? I hope so . . . sigh . . . I wish I could tell you what happens at the end but I'm scared that you might judge me ( I like tacos! I had tacos the other night when my friend was round for dinner. And you know what ? . . . it was the first time he had had tacos! But it's okay kiddies, now he likes tacos. I like tacos! WOO! It was my birthday last Wednesday! Sing to me people! I got a new guitar! WOOOOO!  
  
Review this one folksies. Sorry it's been a while. Please! I'm not desperate . . . honest!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Twenty-Five -Battling With Forks Instead of Biros -  
  
"Right. Right. Right . . . I know what we're going to do . . . Right . . . right," Dib mused sitting on the roof of the Membrane residence, with his sister Gaz by his side, "Gaz . . . I know what to . . . ah wait it's gone again . . . I had an idea a minute ago, so we're getting closer! That's always good, right? Right?"  
  
Almost growling, Gaz looked at her brother with as much evilness as she could muster, which was a lot, as her brother stumbled back in fear and dread of his sister's wrath, then looked back at her drawing of Bloaty the Pizza Hog. She had drawn this revolting character which was far more terrifying than Ronald McDonald could ever hope to be for as long as she could remember and nothing else appeared to take her fancy to draw. Occasionally she drew Zim, but only occasionally, when no one was looking and she was sure no one would be around for a while at least.  
  
That wasn't really a problem, though, her father was always in the lab, and Dib was either watching Mysterious Mysteries, stalking Zim, up on the roof contemplating how to kill Zim and now Jed, or off drooling with Zita as was becoming ever more the popular choice with Dib. Not that Gaz cared, because finally Dib was doing something useful and planning a good way to take down the girl, or alien, or whatever, that stood in the way of her and Zim being as near to happy together as they could be. That was in fact Jed . . . not Zita.  
  
They sat in silence for about a quarter of an hour, and then suddenly Dib let out a random little yell that made Gaz flinch and glower at her brother furiously. "Hey, Gaz, I got it! I really think I got it!" he exclaimed, and he looked so sure and proud of himself that she felt she just had to yield a little smile, but a very little one, you understand. That was enough to satisfy Dib, who took it as a blessing and a means of carrying on, so carry on he did.  
  
"Well," he began, sounding very high and mighty and superior, "the way to take down Jed is simple. All we have to do . . . "  
  
"I know what we're aiming to do, Dib. Cut to the chase before I get bored and begin to think hanging, drawing and quartering you would be slightly more amusing," she paused, looking at her brother, "but then I think you'd scream too much."  
  
Dib opened his mouth to protest, but at a warning glance knew better and proceeded to talk about his whole idea thingy, "Okay. What we need is the element of surprise. So say we were to ambush her and . . . well, we should be armed . . . with pencils or rulers or something with corners . . . "  
  
Gaz rolled her eyes.  
  
"I suppose biros would do . . . but they always tend to burst, don't they? Don't you think that's really annoying? Don't'cha? Huh? Huh? Gaz? Huh? Biros?" Dib asked, perkily.  
  
"I know something else that's really annoying . . . " growled Gaz, "so you're lucky I'm intrigued by this plan, dear brother. And I don't really think biro pens are going to take down an alien warrior with advanced technology . . . I think this calls for forks and spoons, Dib."  
  
Dib nodded thoughtfully and looked at his sister, then looked at the table, then looked back at her with a shocked expression on his face. "Wait a minute . . . have you actually been paying attention?" he gasped, "You mean . . . you're actually BOTHERED about this???"  
  
Gaz looked a bit uneasy, and didn't want to admit she thought Zim was worth all this, so she just shrugged and slumped off, slid down the ladder and into the house without another word. Dib looked up at the sky and took his sister's swift departure as a yes.  
  
"Tomorrow your time's up, Invader Jed . . . "Dib whispered to himself, well, not himself, because himself was not Invader Jed, who it was he was of course speaking to, but of course she wasn't there so he had to say it to himself but he wasn't actually referring to himself. Or something, "But I happen to think forks and spoons are a bit cruel . . . but I suppose they don't really burst . . . anyway. I'm going to stop speaking to myself and go to bed now. Um. Mmyep . . . "  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The next morning, Zim and Jed left the house quite late so they had to trot downhill just to get to Hi-Skool a little faster than their short legs would normally permit them to when they were walking at a normal pace. Which took quite a while, considering Zim kicked up into the air and walked all pompous like, while Jed just walked normally and had to lag behind for Zim. She was in the mood for walking off without him, but today, for some reason, she didn't. She felt like this was the beginning of the countdown of their time together, and she didn't want it to be.  
  
Suddenly, she grabbed Zim's hand, something she rarely did nowadays, and Zim looked at her, not sure whether he should remove his hand from hers or whether he should just enjoy the affection while it lasted. He was just contemplating this with his mighty thinking brain skills when he saw the desperation in Jed's artificial eyes, he knew that he should not reject this expression, so he didn't deny her. If anything, his grip on her hand tightened and she looked up at him.  
  
Their gaze connected and they pushed forward into each other so they shared a kiss, the first one they had both really meant and longed for, and their hands disconnected, and Zim's arms wrapped around Jed's waist and she began to reach her arms to ring around his neck, but in the vague distance they heard a hateful bell ringing, and their longing was maybe so great that they might have ignored it and walked back to the base. Instead they pulled apart and gave each other a "later-on" look, and sprinted the rest of the short way to skool.  
  
The day was boring and uneventful, and Jed was looking forward to getting home for a number of reasons, the main one being that she and Zim had re- found their passion and it was about time they tried it out, it had been almost a fortnight since Jed had found out about Zim and Gaz. They weren't aware that Tak had gotten an upgrade to her Voot Runner and would be there very, very shortly. They still thought they had at least a few months before she arrived. Ah . . .  
  
With a sly look from Zim before he went off to serve his detention after skool (as a cause of calling Ms Bitters an alien from another planet, to which her eyeball had twitched excessively and there had been much hissing) with a promise of making it up to her when he got home. Jed was on her way out of the building, passing the empty classrooms, until an arm shot out of one of them and grabbed her arm.  
  
Before she could yell in protest, Jed was bundled into the room, the door was slammed shut and she was flung onto the floor, her limbs sprawled over the rough carpet that felt more like muddy old sandpaper. Jed cried out in horror as two pairs of strong hands hoisted her up and flung her against the opposite wall. She opened her eyes and saw that it was Gaz and Dib, although she couldn't say she was really that surprised.  
  
"Hey!" she yelled, "What the Hell . . ."  
  
"Hell's pretty close to where you're going," Gaz snarled so horribly that even Dib flinched and Jed felt his grip on her loosen for a brief second before tightening again.  
  
"Let me go!" she yelled, struggling furiously, her arms held so she couldn't lash out and her legs too short to reach them, effectively anyway, "I haven't done anything, let me go or I'll-"  
  
Gaz forced her face right up so she was almost sharing Jed's breath, her teeth clenched and eyes narrowed, "Oh, I think you'll find you have done something wrong, Jed. And you're gonna pay for it now."  
  
She and Dib let go of her and Jed began to sidestep for the door but Gaz blocked her way, brandishing a fork. Jed looked to Dib, who held a spoon firmly in his right hand. Jed blinked in disbelief and laughed aloud. Dib looked a bit disheartened by this but Gaz's expression remained firm, but Jed looked extremely strengthened by the fact that she wasn't up against much and used all her power to throw the two humans off her arms.  
  
Dib and Gaz were only flung back a couple of paces, but it was enough for Jed to drop to her feet and regain her balance and stature so when the humans came in for another attack her wily Irken muscles were too fast for them and used her mind to order her gun out of her Pak and into her hand (Irkens are generally very fast, remember how quickly Zim corrupted the security system in "FBI Warning of Doom"), which made Dib stagger back in shock, a tiny cry of horror escaping his lips, while Gaz stopped dead in her tracks and simply glared past the gun right into Jed's furious fake blue eyes.  
  
They stood staring at each other, hatred linking them together, both equally too proud to be the first to break eye contact, so they stood staring each other down until Jed decided to press the button on the side which took off one of the safeties on her gun and Dib cried out.  
  
"Hey!" he yelled, and Jed held the gun steady, looking at him with the corner of her eye as well as narrowing them, but flicking her eyes back to face Gaz (at whom the gun was pointed directly at) every few seconds. She looked at Dib as if she had only just remembered he was there and didn't seem very interested on what he had to say, she was so angry. "Come on, Jed . . . let her go, yeah? I mean . . . we didn't mean . . . we weren't going to hurt you or anything . . . "  
  
Jed turned away from him, disinterested. She whipped another gun out from her Pak and held it in her other hand, switching off the first safety on that too and pointing it at Dib. "Oh yes we were going to hurt you . . . " Gaz snarled, her voice so low Jed had to almost squint to hear her, "We were going to kill you, and then I would be left with Zim, but it's okay, it'll happen sooner or later . . . "  
  
Jed growled and released the second safety, only on the gun pointed at Gaz though, until Dib ran forward saying "No!" and Jed flicked the switch which lit up two of the three little red lights on the side of each gun. The third would light up when she pulled the trigger and ended the life of whomever she got bored of first. She was practically ignoring Dib, her entire concentration on Gaz, but aware that Dib was there. It was only now that Jed stepped away from the wall, turned, and ordered the two humans against it so she could get an easier shot instead of having to spread her arms to her sides to keep the guns on them both.  
  
Gaz and Dib stood side by side, Gaz on the right, Dib on the left. Once again Dib was just the spare in a hostage situation, which normally seemed to involve this God-forsaken Irken.  
  
Jed smirked at Gaz and cocked her head to the right slightly, "Third time lucky," she said quietly, at almost a whisper, and Gaz's eyes narrowed even more than they already were.  
  
"If you're relying on luck," Gaz said, "then I'd say there isn't much chance of you pulling that trigger."  
  
Jed only smiled wider. Her grip on the small lever tucked under the gun tightened, "Is that so? Well I hold all of your human cards, Gaz. It was nice competing with you, but I think it's time for you to . . . ah . . . step aside, as it were."  
  
Jed could hear her blood pumping in her head, her pulse racing, thinking of how Gaz had kissed Zim, her Zim, wasting the time, wasting his taste . . . she hated her and she hated Zim's infatuation in her. She was a mere human, a scary human that should be left to her own isolated self. Well, now Gaz would be isolated in her grave. Smiling to herself, Jed raised the gun to point at her rival, not really caring whether someone heard the light click of the laser beam that would make Gaz collapse to the ground.  
  
Jed felt the lever give way, felt Gaz's cold, empty stare as all her hope faded, heard Dib's desperate yell of "NO!" (she hadn't decided whether to kill him or not, she supposed she would but wondered if maybe Zim would prefer to do that). Zim . . . this was all for Zim, goodbye Gaz, I'll give him a big kiss for you . . .  
  
"JED!" a loud voice came from behind Jed, and she whipped around to her left, leaving the gun on Gaz but Dib was able to scramble out of her aim and dived for Jed, but a couple of spider legs shot out of her Pak and tripped him up so he went sprawling into a set of desks. Jed kept her aim focused tight on Gaz, but watched Zim approach her with growing dread as to what he was going to do or say.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
**FIVE MINUTES EARLIER**  
  
Detention was boring, Zim realised. Ms Bitters looked almost as bored as him, and the other people in detention were irritating the Irken, so of course he threw a piece of human chalk at one of the children.  
  
Ms Bitters didn't appreciate that, though, and made a hissing noise, before saying, "Zim! Stop throwing chalk at Michael at once!" When Zim didn't stop throwing chalk at Michael, she hissed and rattled even more and even growled before whipping out of her chair and up to Zim's so fast he couldn't follow her movements.  
  
He saluted her when she reached his desk, "Ms Bitters, sir!" he barked, "A fine morning to you and all the worm babies!"  
  
"Zim!" Ms Bitters snapped, "Firstly, it is not a morning, secondly, even if it were then it isn't fine, and thirdly there are no pets to be brought into class," she paused for effect, and also so she could hiss and rattle at Zim a bit more, "and worms count as pets! Now why are you throwing chalk at Michael? He's getting traumatised HORRIBLY!"  
  
"And there was me thinking he was enjoying getting your filthy blackboard scribing implement . . . " Zim said sadly, although he wasn't really sad. He was contemplating telling her she had failed to add a "fourthly" to her list of complaints of his speech beforehand, stating that she wasn't in fact a "sir" but a "ma'am" or even a "madam" or a "miss". But no . . . why did she not deny this fact? Was it possible that . . . ?  
  
"ZIM!" Ms Bitters brought him crashing back down to the filthy planet he was busy infiltrating, "I'm fed up of your stench. Take your miserable self through to the room three doors down. It's the only other one in the skool that's empty where you won't annoy anyone with your HORRIBLLLE odour!"  
  
Zim stood up and saluted again, throwing a final piece of chalk at Michael, who screamed out loud and ran right up the aisle in the classroom right into the wall, which he inevitably crashed into the wall, and Zim left the class of concerned detention students (which included Dib's girlfriend Zita, who was in for passing too many love notes back to Dib).  
  
Zim stormed down the hallway, kicking his feet up in front of him importantly and turned into the classroom he was told to go to. Ms Bitters had not been entirely truthful, the room was in fact not empty but had Dib, Gaz and . . . Jed, holding an Irken laser gun in each hand. Zim took a few seconds to absorb the situation before jumping into the room, spreading his legs apart and yelling "JED!" which made her turn.  
  
He saw Dib try to attack her but she was too fast for him. She still had a gun on Gaz but was looking at Zim from the corner of her eye and he wasn't sure if she was furious or shocked, possibly both. Very possibly both.  
  
"Zim!" she cried, "Zim . . . "  
  
Zim ran up to the wall and stood beside Gaz. Jed's jaw almost dropped but she managed to compose herself into a steady frown, "What's this in aid of?" she asked quietly, keeping her tone down, not really worrying whether Dib had gone or was about to dive for her again. Zim stepped away from the wall and right up to Jed's side.  
  
"It's not in aid of anything," he said, equally as quietly, "just put the gun down."  
  
"What?" Jed hissed, then shook her head, "No. No. Not this time, Zim. Not this time, I'm not going to . . . " Her grip tightened on the trigger again and Zim grabbed her wrist. She stared at him. "Let go . . . " she said huskily, "She's just a human."  
  
"Exactly." Zim said, "Come on, let's go. It doesn't matter. We've got to get some things done in the base tonight if we're going to that party tomorrow night, we won't have time to make any repairs or upgrades tomorrow. Let's go now. Worry later. Come on."  
  
Jed shook her head at first, but a spider leg came out, took the guns back in, switching the safeties back on. She nodded reluctantly, cast another dirty look at Jed, and let Zim drag her away by the hand until she heard Gaz say under her breath, "So much for your luck, then," which made Jed freeze, but Zim urged her on.  
  
Gaz left the room soon afterwards, not even looking at her brother, sprawled semi-conscious against the desk, dazed at the whole situation.  
  
He jumped up to see Zita in the doorway looking annoyed. Funnily enough, the party being held at the skool was the first thing that came to mind, "Zita, we don't have to go to the party tomorrow, do we?"  
  
Zita tutted and walked right up to Dib, pulling him onto his feet, "Dib," she said, ever so preppily, "if you like -ugh- if you like, don't take me to this ultra-cool party, then it's like, ugh, over! I have to keep up - like - an appearance, or something, and I'll do it with you or not, Dib! Ohmigod, how can you be so like, selfish?"  
  
Dib nodded, "Okay, okay. Sorry. I just . . . it's been a hard day." Dib may have argued, but he was so very out of it that he didn't bother. He didn't really want to go to the same party Zim and Jed were going to, but he would do just about anything for Zita. They left the Skool, holding hands, watching Gaz in the distance barely more than a silhouette, all black, all small, all alone.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: Hey! This was a much shorter chapter, but it was really just a fill in. The next one is gonna be quite a biggie, in fact it's a big biggie so I'm not gonna leave a synopsis except that it's set at a party, and Gaz goes with Torque Smacky to try and make Zim jealous. That's all I'm saying.  
  
Sorry it's been so long folks!  
  
Review!  
  
"As I leave will you be someone to say goodbye? As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye? My foot is out the door, and you can't stop me now." - The Last Song, All American Rejects 


	28. A Party To End All Parties

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Okay. To Emily Strange (not the actual merchandise thingy . . . the user . . . shut up!) never swear on the love of tacos for they are holy and magical. And no, I was not typing with one finger, I was typing with my single toe, very fast, but it just took an awful long time. Plus I've been working on fictionpress.com stories, but that's no excuse. I'm sorry Emily, I'm sorry people, thanks to all reviewers, and I will try and make your lives less miserable, okies? I love you all.  
  
MWAH! But never swear again on the tacos . . . and do you have to be so mean? I'm very fragile, you know! Anyway, the title is taken after the First World War thing, y'know, "The War to End all Wars" that kind of thing. Oh well . . . nice try killing millions of people . . . ho hum! REVIEW!  
  
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- Chapter Twenty-Six -The Party to End All Parties-  
  
Jed didn't say anything to Zim on the way home, and wasn't very willing to say anything when they got back to the base, and when Zim opened the door and the robotic parents said so emptily "Welcome home, cherub-pies. I like pies,", Jed went straight for the toilet to go down into the repair bay where she had been making some adjustments to her Pak. Zim, however, stopped her before she could do so.  
  
"Jed," he said, unusually softly for an Irken of his intensity, "Jed, what's wrong?"  
  
She whipped her head down to meet him, her hair dissolving as she willed herself out of her disguise and turned back into an Irken. "Isn't that a little bit obvious, Zim?" she snapped, her emphasis on his name, saying it with a little bit too much contempt than Zim would prefer. They looked at each other, but were interrupted by GIR, who strolled across the kitchen (where they now were) and stood still to look at them. He looked at Zim and held his arms out as if in a hug.  
  
"I LIKE YOU!" he cried emotionally, then dropped his arms and walked off in another direction. Zim looked at Jed.  
  
"Let's go to the sleeping quarters, okay?" he said, "I know you don't like to sleep, but I think we should talk in some peace and quiet." Jed narrowed her eyes but nodded, following Zim down the toilet to one of the lower quarters of the base. They reached it in a manner of seconds. It was quite a small room with only a double bed against the wall, with a duvet cover containing the Irken symbol.  
  
Jed walked out of the lift and stood in the centre of the room, her arms crossed and one eye raised, the other half closed in annoyance and slight frustration. Zim walked right over to her, grabbed both her wrists in his hands and pushed her onto the bed. She struggled against him, calling out for MAX but he silenced her with his mouth on top of hers, crushing his lips into hers so she was helpless. She refused to kiss him back and head butted him. He staggered back, stunned, but still held onto her wrists. They were standing now, the back of Jed's legs against the soft bed.  
  
"What the Hell do you think you're doing?" she spat, "After earlier, you DARE try to . . . "  
  
"What was wrong with what happened earlier?" Zim retaliated, "I think I handled it pretty well, don't you think? Don't you? I could have handled it a lot worse, but as I am Zim, of course, that would never happen."  
  
"You never change, do you?" Jed gasped, exasperated, her mouth open in slight disbelief, but then she never could really put much past Invader Zim. What his problem was that he didn't care as much as she did, and she loved him more than he loved her, which made her the one that would always chase after him forever, begging for love and attention. Zim shook his head.  
  
"You made me change," he said softly, pushing his body up to hers and she tolerated him, only because she had completely and totally fallen for him, and wished with every fiber of her being that he was telling the truth, that he was the only one he cared about, and they could dominate the world together.  
  
"Then why did you stop me from shooting Gaz and her brother?" she demanded, her common sense overtaking her passion for a second, and though she didn't know why she almost regretted saying it, and Zim looked at her for a moment, studying her, then nodded slowly, taking a step back, dropping her wrists reluctantly. Jed let her arms swing by her sides; she had no use for them just now.  
  
"I don't know," he said truthfully, "I thought . . . I don't know what I thought, I didn't think you should. That's all."  
  
Jed lowered her head, and saw Zim's shadow move forward towards her again, tilting her chin up to face him with a crooked gloved finger. He didn't have his disguise on anymore and they were both Irken again. "Oh Zim," she sighed, speaking softer than she had ever done before so only he could hear her, her mouth right where Zim's ears should be and knew he could hear, "what will we do when Tak comes?"  
  
"That is a decision I, Zim, do not have to make, Jed!" Zim said, trying to control his voice volume but was getting all mighty and powerful again, "But it is a decision that you must make. On whose side will you fight, Jed? Mine or your sister's?"  
  
"Don't ask me that," Jed made him promise, and Zim nodded, and now she let him lift her up and onto the bed and kiss her and hold her, and she wrapped herself around him and prayed it would last forever, even if it was the very last night they would spend in each other's arms.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
At the party the next evening, Jed and Zim entered hand in hand with big grins on their faces, the two robots in their disguises at their feet. What they had done for the whole day had made this stupid human party almost worth it. At the door stood Ms Bitters, who hissed on their arrival.  
  
"And where were you two on this HORRIBLE skool day and decided to show up for this gathering of miscreants and joyful children?" she snarled, and Jed gave her a big smile.  
  
"Why," Zim announced, "We were busy doing extra magnificent studies for your skooly examinations, Ms Bitters! What else would we be doing? HA! HA!"  
  
Ms Bitters narrowed her eyes and hissed some more before barking, "Fine! Keep your pets under control! Any soiling skool property and your parents will be sued unfair amounts of money! Now go and don't even think about having fun!"  
  
Zim saluted her, as he always did, and Jed dragged him on inside. MAX and GIR immediately fit in and started boogying, GIR had been perfecting his Monkey Dance just for the occasion. Zim and Jed moved onto the dance floor just as a slow song came on, the Foo Fighters' "Walking After You" (wow a Foo's song at a Trendy party? WOW! ^_^)  
  
Jed wrapped her arms around Zim's neck and he held her waist, staring over at her shoulder at something he knew Jed wouldn't like him to be looking at. What it was that he was looking at was what he was looking at, which was Gaz dancing with Torque Smacky, which he was so surprised to see that he jerked. Jed pulled apart and looked into his eyes. "Are you okay?" she asked, and he nodded. She smiled at him and planted a kiss on his lips that lingered for a while.  
  
"I'm going to get a breath of fresh air," Jed whispered in Zim's ear softly, and he nodded at her, he thought he might go and have a casual word with Smacky.  
  
"Okay," he said, nodding, then said something he had never said, "I love you, Jed."  
  
She blinked at him and laughed pleasantly. "Do you, now?" she said lightly, tipped her head and almost ran to the door leading to the walled off part of the back of the skool which also gave access to the boiler room. Zim watched her go, then heard an annoyed noise from Gaz's direction, and right enough it was she, pushing Torque Smacky away from her.  
  
Before he thought about what he was doing, Zim had run up to them and was jumping on Smacky's back, trying to get him off of Gaz. After a little bit of team effort, Gaz was able to jump back and throw a kick at Smacky's nether regions. With a small grunt of pain, Torque doubled over. Zim laughed at him and aimed a kick at his side.  
  
"Pitiful human!" he bellowed, "Glad I never was one!"  
  
After a couple of minutes of groaning and moaning from Torque, Zim, who had returned to his spot waiting for Jed to return, became the class big-boy's next victim, and the rather large boy thundered over to the Irken Invader and loomed over him. "Hello, Smacky!" Zim acknowledged his presence, "Did you have a nice trip of devastating and uncontrollable PAIN?!"  
  
"I like his head," GIR cooed at Smacky, who had now joined Zim after MAX had toddled off after Jed as the loyal robot should.  
  
"Dude, did your dog just TALK?" Torque Smacky exclaimed, one of the rare occasions he showed enthusiasm. Zim saw Dib drag Zita over to where they were standing with a look of complete joy on his face. Zim had to avert disaster.  
  
"Silly boy, that's not a dog . . . I mean of course it's a dog! It's just a . . . MAGICAL DOG! Yes, the filthy human magician put a spell on him which makes him talk, just like you and I! Look upon him . . . AND MARVEL!" Zim averted disaster very nicely until Dib jumped into the debate.  
  
"Don't be fooled!" he yelled, "It's all a trick! Zim and his "dog" are both aliens! Y'know, from another planet! Another galaxy, one we've never even heard of! . . . That's very far away, by the way!"  
  
"But what about the magician?" someone called out.  
  
"There is no magician!" Dib cried helplessly, with that annoyed little squeak in his voice he had just like that time with Pistulio when he had to convince everyone it was just an evil hypnotic pimple. "There never was a magician! Don't you see, Zim's just making it all up to deceive you!"  
  
"Dib, step away from the normal people. You're scaring them . . . " a gentle voice said, and Zim recognized it as Zita's. Zim took a mental note that this was Dib's new weakness, as he reluctantly submitted to Zita's will and followed after her, casting a final dirty look at Zim before being taken from view by the overcrowded skoolmates.  
  
Smacky pounded his fist into his other hand. "It's time we settled this . . . uh . . . green kid . . . "  
  
Zim lowered an eye. "That's very, very lame, Smacky."  
  
"I know."  
  
Zim ducked the punch only just in time.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"It's been a while since we talked properly, MAX," Jed said mournfully, as they reached the doorway to the outside of the skool, "I hope we have plenty of time to make up for lost . . . Oh my Tallest . . ."  
  
Jed trailed off, her reasons easily analyzed for doing so. They had reached the back, which in the dark looked very much like a narrow alleyway, a dead end on both ends with the boiler room a large heavy door imbedded into the wall further along. It was an enclosed area with high brick walls with broken glass stuck into the top layer of cement to stop children entering, or escaping, because it was after all a skool.  
  
"Hello Jed," said the character in the shadows. MAX waited for Jed's signal to bring about the defenses but she gave no such order. The robot didn't understand but couldn't disobey his mistress, "miss me?"  
  
Jed's mouth gaped like a drowning fish (which you don't get obviously) as she picked out the features of the figure as it moved closer. Yes, slightly taller, slightly angrier looking but the same facial features and the same shape of eyes, except that Jed's were red and the other's eyes were a very distinct shade of purple.  
  
" . . . Tak . . . " Jed whispered so quietly she doubted her sister could hear her. But she had and Tak pulled her closer, in a not-nice and unfriendly fashion that almost scared and shocked Jed.  
  
"Bingo," Tak snarled, and Jed screamed.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Torque Smacky and Invader Zim were having a bit of a cafuffle (sorry, Scottish word, I think it speaks for itself but it basically means a fight) and neither Gaz nor Ms Bitters could stop it as they were obviously fighting over Dib's scary sister. Zim flew straight for Smacky's head and as if in slow motion he knocked Zim down by whacking him in the stomach while in mid-air.  
  
The Irken came crashing down to the ground and whacked into the shiny wooden floor of the games hall. He cried out angrily and tried to get up to attack Smacky again, but the bully was on top of him before Zim could do anything, but Gaz could do something and do something she did.  
  
She flew at Smacky and landed on his back, her arms wrapped around his huge neck. She pulled back with all her strength and she eventually managed to pull him off Zim. She then grabbed the punch bowl (non alcoholic, naturally) and mashed it onto Torque's head, and the mighty brute fell.  
  
On top of Zim.  
  
Who cried out.  
  
Loudly.  
  
Gaz hauled the unconscious Smacky off of Zim and knelt beside the Irken, his wig slightly askew so she straightened it for him. She lightly (for Gaz, anyway) hit the sides of Zim's face so he would wake up after being totally winded by such an immense load on top of him.  
  
"Oh when, when will we be rid of the chocolaty button scourge?" Zim moaned in a daze. Gaz shook him by the shoulders and he slowly returned to reality, "G-Gaz . . ." he mumbled.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, it's me, Zim. I'm here," Gaz said, uncannily softly that he almost didn't recognize her voice as Gaz's. They looked each other in the eyes, Gaz kneeling on top of Zim and he looked up, his vision still fuzzy from the blow.  
  
"Gaz . . . " he whispered silently, closing his eyes, but they shot open again, and the red eyes beneath the fake lilac/grey contacts felt a pang from the depths of their attentiveness as his ears recognized the muffled yet distinct scream that was cut short very abruptly.  
  
In a panic, Zim pushed Gaz off of him and jumped to his feet, the world swirling around him. He found his balance and his robot, which was dancing to some admiring preps. He looked back at Gaz, then looked to the door that his girlfriend had gone out. He ran forward towards the door, all the time calling out Jed's name.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: Hey! This is the first chapter my beta tester is . . . uh . . . testing so all my errors has been eradicated! WOOOOOOO! Everyone cheer for my beta tester, who will anonymous cos she's MINE and none of you can have my beta tester. Mmyep. WOO!  
  
Okay. Well. The next chapter's going to be a big dirty rollercoaster ride of doom and stuff so just . . . um . . . wait for it. I think this was up pretty quickly. Okay. Be nice and review please!  
  
Peace, Love, Empathy.  
  
"You're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry, you float like a feather in a beautiful world, I wish I was special, you're so very special, but I'm a creep." - Creep, Radiohead. 


	29. Trapped In A Boiling Boiler Room

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh my God. I am so sorry my people. Don't eat me, okay? Just don't eat me. I'm so sorry my beloved, lovely lovely people. This is a chapter worth waiting for, I promise. This is where it lifts off. Oh my God I am so sorry, but I kinda, y'know, need to pass my prelim exams! I mean, if I flunk my English exam then how will my morale stay high enough to want to write for all you wonderful people? You so need to forgive me, and if any insanity is caused then I'll . . . get my dad to pay for it. Please forgive me, I love you all and if you leave me now I'll cry lots and lots.  
  
But really this is the first time I've been on the Net for ages. I really need to pass, people! So bear with me, okay? And I'll give you lots more! Just . . . be nice. This has been updated with as much love and joy as I can muster, and I wrote this when I had my one day off . . . sick with the cold! So you better be grateful that I love you all, okay? OKAY??  
  
Okay. Now review. I'm sorry. Let's all hug and be happy . . . mmyep . . . *sneezes*  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Twenty-Seven -Trapped Inside A Boiling Boiler Room-  
  
Bursting out of the side door very dramatically, Zim spun his torso round to the right. Nothing. He turned to the left and gave a little yell of fright at what he saw. What he saw was Tak and her SIR Unit MiMi, both out of their disguises and looking more Irken and insane than ever. Tak gave Zim a nasty, ironic smile which made his insides squirm. His blood froze when he realised Jed was nowhere to be seen.  
  
"Where's Jed?" he demanded angrily, speaking through his teeth. Even GIR looked a little uncomfortable by his side.  
  
"Wherezeego? Where'd my MAXEEEEEEEE go? I wanna know! Oo look . . . Masta! There's a banging from the roomy! WHEEEEEE HOOOO!" GIR shrieked and began to dance, pointing towards a large metal door Zim recognized as the skool boiler room. He took a tentative step towards it, but the main problem for not getting there was because Tak and MiMi were in the way.  
  
"WHERE'S JED?!" Zim repeated, louder and angrier than before. Tak only smiled wider, and when Zim began cursing her persistently she raised her hand for silence, and Zim obeyed. Sure enough, he could hear faint banging and swearing and gun firing from inside the small metal room.  
  
Zim tried to run forward to get to Jed, yelling out her name, but MiMi leaped right into Zim and knocked him down. GIR squealed, "Ohmeeeegoodness! Where's a master? WHERE'S HE GOOO?"  
  
"GIR!" Zim snapped, jumping to his feet as quickly as he could, "GIR! Go and get Gaz and Dib. The miserable humans are a part of this too, I may be able to use the Earth-boy to distract Tak. GIR saluted and banged into the wall, then giggled and went through back into the skool by the door, next to which Dib and Gaz were already standing at arguing, Dib had Gaz by the arm. GIR bumped right into Dib and he looked down at him with a look of disgust, but GIR giggled shyly and waved at him.  
  
Seeming to remember why he was there, GIR's eyes turned red again and he said, "My master wants you to go help him eat Tak. On ya go!" he pushed Dib and Gaz through the door before Dib could protest. GIR followed after them and plopped himself on the ground; but not before grabbing himself a paper cup full of punch.  
  
He offered it to Zim, and then Tak, but when both refused he burst into tears for a period no longer than two seconds before he slurped it down in one and fell asleep. Dib kicked GIR distastefully.  
  
Tak looked at her enemies, standing in a line. She whipped out a ray gun from her I.D. Pak and pointed it straight at Zim. This was all just a nasty case of de-ja-vu with purple eyes for Zim, who said nothing. But Dib, on the other hand, looked like he had plenty to say, but he was having difficulty getting his mouth to form any sort of articulate noise other than "Ta-Ta-Ta-" which he repeated continuously.  
  
"Yes, Dib-Stink, it's Tak, we all got that you filthy little . . . tree- hugger!" Zim snapped sideways at his mortal enemy. Tak was his more- immortal-than-mortal-cos-she-lives-much-longer-but-is-still-mortal mortal enemy, but if Zim was going to die here then he wanted to get a few insults shot Dib's way as well as Tak.  
  
"I'm not-what're you . . . I DON'T HUG TREES! And my head's not big either!" Dib exclaimed, then looked a little embarrassed for a second before he received a particularly evil look from Tak and fell silent. He realised this was not only because Tak hated him, but because no one had said anything about his abnormally sized head. "Okay," he whined apologetically, "I'll shut up now. Right?"  
  
The atmosphere didn't really brighten up after that little interlude, I mean, they were all there because they loathed each other, right? And when a bunch of people all loathing each other get together, there's no telling what might happen! Oooo it's all nasty I tell you. Don't trust someone that's holding a gun. And definitely don't piss them off. That's my advice to you, and Dib was certainly beginning to piss Tak off, and we all know what a scary temper she's got, don't we? *knowing glances all round*  
  
"Right. Now that little weasel's shut up, we can get down to the serious stuff, like killing you all," Tak growled evilly and shot an exceedingly hateful glare at Zim, who obligingly returned the forceful gesture with his eyes almost narrowed shut, the angry vibes being sent tenfold in Tak's direction.  
  
Also coming from Tak's direction were the distinct banging noises from behind her in the boiler room. Tak smiled softly as she watched logic take over Zim's power-crazy mind as he slowly realised who it was that was in that room, and she enjoyed watching his expressions change from furious to confused and then finally, her favourite, fearful.  
  
"What, think I'd kill my own sister, Zim?" Tak snapped at him, his jaw almost dropping open. He hesitated to answer her for a second before scowling and looking more angry than ever, his legs spread apart and his fists balled by his sides tensely, his teeth gritted hard.  
  
"I wouldn't put it past you, you wormy little worming wormful wormer . . . worm!" Zim improvised through his hatred and panic, still keeping his eyes on the door of the boiler room, desperately trying to see what was going on. Well, I'm going to let you see what's going on in that very boiler room Zim was worried about, so let's go there . . . um . . . okay.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Jed wasn't alone in that boiler room. I mean, she had MAX with her, and all the really, really hot water tanks that needed to power the school and stuff, but there was someone else there. Another Irken. That "special prisoner" Tak was bringing as another bit of bait she could torture our little Zim with. Jed realised who this character was, as everyone knew who she was, and it's been a while seen we've seen her, but she was there now.  
  
"Lady Fia?" Jed gasped, wiping her large green forehead with the back of one glove sleeve, "Of the Royal Family? What . . . what are you doing here?"  
  
Fia laughed quietly, her magenta eyes fixated on the steaming containers, and the little tin can conversing with them on the ground. "I wish I knew," she sighed, "Tak came to my house one day saying she needed to speak to me urgently, the next thing I knew I was locked up in a spaceship helm and we were on our way here. I think she's seeking revenge on Zim or something."  
  
Jed rolled her eyes, "Of course she is . . . Your Majesty, that is. She swore revenge on Zim when he defeated her four years ago. The Tallest sent me, oh, I wasn't supposed to demote the Tallest in front of you, was I? Oh."  
  
"No, I'm glad you did," Fia startled Jed by saying, then laughed again, "you see, three years ago Zim rescued Gaz from the Tallest when she was taken to Moriara and me and Zenin helped him. The Tallest tried to kill him there, you see, but he forgot all about it. He doesn't . . . he doesn't think the Tallest hate him, he just refuses to believe it."  
  
Jed stood wide-eyed and thoughtful for a few minutes, taking in what Fia had said. She didn't have time just now to worry about the whole Gaz thing, even though that made her extremely jealous that Zim would go to rescue her, but that Zim wouldn't accept the Tallest hated him was an entirely different matter, and somewhat more serious.  
  
But of course the most serious thing going on at the moment was the fact that both Fia and Jed (as well as MAX, but he doesn't feel heat) were getting dehydrated and felt their heads spinning as they became dizzy with the sudden high temerature.  
  
"We need to get out of here quickly," Jed notified urgently, and Fia nodded in agreement. Jed grabbed MAX by the head and quickly recoiled with a sharp yell of pain, as her SIR Unit was extremely hot. She nodded, because she just realised they really needed to get out of there, but she couldn't really be bothered repeating herself.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Zim, unlike Jed, was very bothered about repeating himself since he had been threatening Tak for the past ten minutes with very much the same phrase, "Let her out of there you dirty moo-hog or I'll eat your socks which are very dirty also" a phrase which here means "Please let my girlfriend out of that boiler room or I'll discriminate your underwear".  
  
After once more repeating this phrase (just for our benefit) Tak laughed nastily and shook her head, "Well I'm certainly not going to keep them in there forever, am I?" Zim narrowed his eyes suspiciously.  
  
"By 'them', you mean Jed and MAX, right?" he asked. Tak smiled slyly, and Zim felt Dib fidgeting next to her. It was then the original Irken Invader first realised that he was standing on the same side as the humans, under the same threat as the humans, except that the gun was in his exact direction. It wasn't the first time he had been under attack by those haunting large eyes, even if they had been different colours . . .  
  
"Oh no Zim I brought a little friend with me, one of your friends, to be more specific," Tak snarled, sounding a little cliché and Zim frowned, confused, "she's quite tall," Tak added with a little sigh, as if disappointed Zim hadn't gotten it before, as if he had gone down in her expectations. But Zim got it now and his eyes widened again as he mouthed the word silently (that's 'Fia' you doheeds).  
  
This shock made Tak laugh nastily again (she's gotten an awful lot happier since last time) but only made Zim angrier. He felt a gentle human hand on his shoulder and he turned his head slightly, not trusting either Tak or himself enough to look away from the female Irken. It was Gaz, and she didn't say anything, but she dipped her head and her eye kind of slipped into his, as if he could see what she was thinking and vice versa. Turning away in an awkward kind of gesture, Zim returned to his helpless situation of not really being able to do anything.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Getting a bit more desperate than they were two minutes ago, Jed, Fia and especially MAX (with his mighty guns) were blasting with guns out of their Paks, but the metal was very strong and their guns should have blasted through it no problem but the conditions being so hot and the inhabitants becoming so weak it wasn't much good.  
  
"Uh," Fia said, leaning against the door with the horrible sweat dripping from her brow, "that wasn't much good since we're so weak as the conditions being as hot as they are."  
  
Jed nodded agreeably, "I know," she said, "the metal is so strong but our guns should still blast through it no problem but the conditions being so hot . . . ah forget it. You know what it's all a-"  
  
Jed didn't finish her sentence, because right then her eyes glazed over and closed as she sank into the pit of darkness we know as unconsciousness, very suddenly. Fia kind of cried out in a frantic way seeing Jed lying on the ground with her mouth slightly open. MAX however, freaked out, and in his craziness he used all his force to bash against the door with his guns and his little metal body until the door came crashing down with a huge thud.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: Woosh! Didn't that all happen quickly? Again, sorry for the non updateness it'll be a bit iffy oinky for the next wee whiley but just bear with me okay? Thanks so much guys!  
  
"And I never meant to cause you trouble, oh no I never meant to do you wrong, oh and if I ever caused you trouble, oh no I never meant to do you harm," - Trouble, Coldplay. 


	30. Big Dirty Compromise

Doom Witch  
  
Author's Note: Just finished prelims. I'm so happy, I passed them all, guys! And I'm gonna make it up to you. Emily Strange, I'm so fooking sorry, you're my biggest reviewer and a big pillar of support. If I've let you down I'm sorry, but I'm updating before Christmas. And since it's my holidays I'll have plenty of time to write more, okay? And Bonez, I'm glad you're back I'll get to reviewing your story ASAP.  
  
Merry Christmas everyone. Have a good one. God bless.  
  
NOW READ!  
  
WARNING This fic is not suitable for the flimsy, or those allergic to doom. Thank you.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
- Chapter Twenty-Eight -Big Dirty Compromise-  
  
Everyone on the other side of the boiler room door (outside, that is) blinked in shock and turned their heads towards it, which gave Zim enough time to get his own gun out of his Pak and point it straight at Tak in return, so when she turned back to him and steadied her hand pointed at Zim (it was getting a little heavy by now) she was a bit surprised. Although everyone was still surprised at what characters had tumbled out of the boiler room prison. MAX was the first one to emerge, his guns sliding back into his head as he realised he was free. He then went back in, and Fia emerged, hovering slightly above the ground, her eyes wide with relief that she was out of the boiler room, but quite distressed at seeing everyone looking so angry at Tak.  
  
MAX came back out dragging Jed behind him. Zim let out a little cry of distress and when everyone looked at him he straightened himself in a dignified manner, bellowing "I AM ZIM!" to let them all know, in case they had forgotten in all the commotion. Now that Zim had a gun pointed towards Tak she couldn't do anything and wasn't in charge of the situation. Dib and Gaz stood with their arms limp not knowing whether to make a run for it or stay and watch it go through. Considering they were a bit fixated on what was happening, they went for the latter (humans, eh?).  
  
"So, how long are we gonna be standing here for, eh Zim?" Tak snarled, her gritted teeth on for show, even if her audience weren't wholly focused on her pearly whites.  
  
"That depends on how long it takes for me to pull this trigger, foul Tak- monkey," Zim snapped in an equally as snarly tone to the one Tak had just used. He considered it a witty threat, but Tak threw back her head (keeping her gun positioned on Zim of course) and laughed nastily. Zim took this time to look at Jed, unconscious on the ground, Fia kneeling next to her with MAX randomly screaming at Tak. The three were behind Tak, she had the advantage.  
  
Tak stopped laughing and looked at the two humans standing beside Zim and GIR, their arms limp by their sides, mouths open. Even Gaz was in a situation she found hard to be in, which wasn't very usual for her. Then she looked at GIR, who was eating the crumbs at the bottom of a crisps (potato chips to US dudes) packet, half of the previous contents scattered messily over his green disguise's face. Then she looked to Zim, who flicked his eyes from Jed to Tak's eyes.  
  
Without saying anything, Tak smiled from the corner of her mouth, and swung her gun arm round. At first Zim thought she was surrendering, but that smile always means something else . . . right enough, Tak swung her arm loosely, then steadied it, the finger on the trigger as firm as it was when she had been focused on him. But this time the gun was focused on Jed, the barrels parallel to her skull. One blast would kill her.  
  
The first thought that entered Zim's mind was "shit".  
  
The second thought that entered Zim's mind was that Jed would never kill her own sister when she could easily should Zim, but the smile on Tak's face told him otherwise . . . Tak was a cold-hearted monster, the "evil twin".  
  
The third and conclusive thought that entered Zim's mind rhymed with "Clucking Bell".  
  
Zim swallowed. "This is between me and you, Tak," Zim said strongly, despite his mouth being dry and his eyes on the sparkly cartridge holding the laser bullets that could be his lover's doom if he made a wrong move or upset Tak. Tak was being clever. If he tried something stupid, she would shoot Jed, and even if he shot at Tak, as a trained gunswoman she would be able to swing round and take him with her. Two birds with one stone. Jed's life would be wasted if Zim made a stupid mistake, and both the enemies would be dead, thus the Earth would be safe.  
  
Zim realised, and hated, the fact that he would have to tread very, very carefully indeed.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
After a while, Tak evidently got rather bored, and bent down towards Jed, pressing the gun against her head, causing her Gemini sister to stir, her eyelids twitched and her mouth opened slightly, letting out a light moan, only just audible to Zim, who groaned miserably in response, he was finding the situation very difficult for him, he was used to being in charge and much preferred it that way, but that would be an obvious compromise as it's Invader Zim we're talking about, know what I mean? Okay.  
  
Tak looked up and grinned at Zim horribly. Zim growled, and GIR tried to join in but sounded like a little hyper puppy, so then proceeded to chasing his pretend tail. Three legs shot out of Tak's Pak, and wrapped themselves around Jed. MAX began bleeping at Tak furiously, and Fia, still on her knees, held him back. She did not want Tak to kill this Irken girl, and she certainly did not want Tak to kill Zim, or even Fia herself. MAX writhed and struggled in her grip, but Fia was stronger. Tak stood up with the new weight, turning her gun to Zim again.  
  
"See you later, Zim," she snarled. With that and the movement, Jed woke up slowly, then looked around her after coughing a couple of times. She looked over Tak's shoulder, saw Zim, looked at the scenario. Being a sister of Tak and knowing her tactics, it only took a few seconds for her to figure out what was happening, and believe you me, she did not want it to. She too began wriggling and squirming in her restraints.  
  
"TAK!" she cried, "Tak, please, put me down! PUT ME DOWN! MAX! MAX! TAK! PUT ME . . . " her eyes passed over Zim's eyes, there was a moment of heat and the back of her neck felt a shiver. She meant to scream, but managed only to mouth his name.  
  
Zim took a tentative step forward, the gun now lowered as he watched Tak being all victorious. Seeing Jed look so scared and desperate broke his squeedly-spooch in two, the first time he had ever felt ripped apart in something to do. Zim had always followed his instincts, he had always been such a proud creature, and proud of being such a proud creature. Now he felt torn between his own life and that of Jed's.  
  
Tak's robot flew up into the air and Tak followed it, waving her arm over herself to make her vanish, like she had done when she had destroyed Zim's base a few years ago. It was then that Jed found her scream, and the last thing Zim saw of her was her arm flailing in the air helplessly, calling out, "ZIM! ZIM! I LOVE YOU, ZIM! ZIM!"  
  
"JED! JED! JED! JED! JED . . . Jed . . . Jeh . . . Jed . . . " Zim's yells diminished as he fell to his knees, his head on the ground in dismay. Dib looked down on his enemy in shock. This was so unlike Zim. Gaz took a step forward towards Zim, but Dib stopped her, reaching an arm across her path. For once, Gaz said nothing against her brother's wishes, and left with him.  
  
Gasping on the ground, Zim repeated Jed's name, pounding his fist on the human cement. Fia hovered over to him, while MAX was still looking around the air looking for his mistress.  
  
"Zim," Fia said gently, bending down and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, "Zim, it's alright. It's not the end, it's okay. It'll be fine, you'll get her back."  
  
"You don't even know her," Zim expressed helplessly.  
  
Fia smiled, and raised Zim's head up to look at her. "No," she agreed, nodding her head slightly to look knowledgeable and kind, "but I know you."  
  
Zim nodded and sat up. "I'll get her back. I'll get her back. Just watch."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It took a long time for Zim to locate Tak, but discovered she had set up base in an old ice-cream stand and extended all her evil technology onto the back of it. In his base with him was GIR, naturally, MAX and Fia. They were all on the transmission level, huddled around the communication screen. They waited for the screen to flicker, the signal connected, and Tak's face appeared, a wide grin spread over it.  
  
Zim was the first one to notice the cage holding Jed in the background. He cried out to her, "JED!" but she didn't react.  
  
Tak laughed, "She's undergoing some new programs," she said heartily. Zim scowled angrily.  
  
"What does she mean, Zim?" Fia asked. GIR began dancing with MAX, but Jed's SIR Unit remained limp, staring up at Tak with utmost hatred.  
  
"Brainwashing," MAX said numbly, "I can feel it happening to her. I can feel her will going. IT'S A CATASTROPHE!"  
  
"I like apostrophes," GIR squeaked innocently from where he was now waltzing with a piggy, "they taste like dem tacos. Tacos taste gooooood."  
  
No one paid attention to GIR except Fia, who lost interest very quickly and returned to Zim and Tak staring each other down.  
  
"You make me sick, Tak," Zim snarled, "You don't deserve to look like someone related to Jed."  
  
"Oh, she's always been much prettier than me, Zim. That's why you fell for her, not me," Tak snapped, "All this has been your fault Zim, you can't blame me for your many, many faults."  
  
"Let her go, Tak. I'll share Earth with you if you do." Zim compromised. This only invoked another nasty laugh from Tak. Zim had had enough of those and flinched.  
  
"I can get Earth to myself, Zim, that's not a problem. What is a problem is making you suffer for all you've done to me, and if that means taking drastic measures - including altering my sister - then so be it."  
  
"She's done nothing! Let her go! Send her to the Armada . . . she has nothing to do with this!"  
  
Tak shook her head, almost sadly, "No, Zim, that's what makes it a message. If I did this to Dib then you wouldn't understand. Just be thankful that the last thing she ever said to you as your ally was that she loved you. Be grateful for that Zim, because she did, and she does. It will take a long time to break through that. But you don't love her, do you Zim? You love the human. That knowledge alone would destroy Jed. Love is a treacherous, treacherous thing, Zim, an emotion that should remain select to weak minds."  
  
Zim shook his head, but was unable to speak.  
  
"You will see what's in store for you, Zim. But your days are selected, highlighted, and numbered. I will see you soon, Zim. Goodbye." Tak reached for a button.  
  
"Tak, no! NO! JED! JED!" Zim yelled, but the screen turned black and Zim was alone, despite Fia, MAX and GIR around him.  
  
Fia said nothing. GIR whistled, and MAX nattered away to Zim about possible plans.  
  
"We'll just have to infiltrate her base to get Jed back," Zim decided, "I've held this off too long. I can't believe I didn't prepare. Sometimes I'm such a jaded little monkey."  
  
"What's the situation with Jed and Gaz, Zim?" Fia asked, "Was Tak telling the truth? Do you love the human?"  
  
"I don't know. I don't know anything about stupid infantile humany problems, and I don't need to. I don't know how I feel. Leave me be. Leave me." Zim snapped, and Fia nodded. But she had her answer, and Zim knew that.  
  
"I love Jed," Zim called after her, "but not as much as Gaz. But I still love Jed. I want her back, Fia. You have to help me."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why? WHY? Because I AM ZIM, and I command you to do so, foul being!" Zim randomly expectorated. Fia smiled.  
  
"And there was me beginning to think you'd gone all sane on me, Zim," she smiled, then continued to walk away, while Zim shrieked a loud "NEVEEEER!" to her back.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"What do you think will happen?" Dib asked his sister cautiously. Gaz hadn't said anything since they had returned from the Skool.  
  
"I don't care. I don't want to know. I don't care." Gaz shrugged away any possibilities of a meaningful answer to her brother's question. Dib nodded knowledgeably, but Gaz had one last thing to say which was very meaningful, if cold and horrible.  
  
"I don't care what happens, as long as she kills Jed."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: Again, this is a taster. Holidays = time and time = boredom and boredom = writing. SO you see, guys, you just need to be patient, but I've been very unreasonably slothful. Sorry guys.  
  
Next chapter: Wait and see. I don't really have a synopsis. You just need to read it.  
  
Merry Christmas. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx  
  
"Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson, look right through me, look right through me. And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I ever had." - Mad World, Gary Jules (UK Christmas No. 1 2003) 


	31. Not You, Never You

Doom Witch  
By Julie Danskin  
  
Author's Note: Hey peeps. Sorry it's been so long, but my computer was down. Hard disk error. Anyhoo, I've got a new one and even though I don't have my Zim files anymore at least I've got them on the net. Don't eat me please! I'm sorry, but there was nothing I could do! Anyway, here's the next chapter!  
  
Chapter 30: Not you, never you  
  
By now, Zim was more than slightly frantic about Jed not being there, and what the evil Tak was doing to her. In fact, he was so frantic that he decided drastic action should be taken. The thing was, however, Zim was scared that Tak may hurt Jed if he crashed into her base personally, so he thought for a while about how this unfortunate matter could be avoided.  
  
After much deliberation, the answer finally came to him, and so trusting and naïve was he that he was not aware that they too hated him. These people he was going to seek help from were, of course, the Almighty Tallest, and we already know what kind of thing they are going to say to Zim, don't we? Yes, we do . . .  
  
"IIIINCOMMIIING TRANSSMIIISSSIOOON FROM EEEAAARTH!" the over-exaggerating transmission detecting Irken guy announced to his leaders sitting on their luxurious thrones behind him, sucking on their brain freezers with uninterrupted mirth . . . until the transmission came in, of course.  
  
"Who from?" Purple moaned, "We've got so many Irkens on that stupid little ball now . . . Zim . . . Jed . . . Tak . . . who's the other one . . . ?"  
  
"Your sister," Red sneered back at his dopey comrade.  
  
"Oh yeah. Fia."  
  
Rolling his superior eyes in their sockets, the Red Almighty Tallest nodded in consent for the transmission to be cleared. As soon as the exaggerating transmission detecting Irken guy did this, a large green blob appeared on the screen, which soon revealed to be Zim screaming into the television.  
  
"AAAAAAAAARGH!" squealed the purple Tallest in shock. GIR popped up in front of his master and screamed right back at his leaders/makers/nasty peoples before popping back down again and running off giggling with the other SIR unit the Tallests' recognised to be Jed's robot. The slightly wonky one. In the background, Purple pointed out Fia, who was hovering above the ground with her hands clasped in front of her. Zim noticed his leaders' attention from him wavering so he desperately started dancing to draw all concentration onto his bizarre movements.  
  
"Zim, what ARE you doing?" Red demanded, and Zim abruptly stopped his absurd dancing ritual and straightened out his tunic, saluting his leaders messily before beginning his maddened plea:  
  
"Please, my Tallest. Tak has come back to Earth trying to STEAL MY MAGNIFICENT PLAN from me once more! SHE SHALL NOT SUCCEEEEED! But wait! There's more! Invader Jed . . . the young Gemini of Tak . . . she's being held prisoner by her sister in Tak's new base. I've done some research, my Tallest, and I can say that it's an EVIL GIANT ICECREAM STAND . . . " he paused for breath and dramatic effect, "OF DOOOOOM!"  
  
"Oh no," the Red Tallest mourned expressively once he had taken in the information. (in fact I'm being sarcastic, Red was in fact ALSO being sarcastic and didn't actually mean it).  
  
"Oh yes, how very terrible," Purple continued, "you must be distraught."  
  
"WELL! I'll live . . . but I need my . . . uh . . . ally! Yes! I need my ally back! But I need your help, my clever, sly Tallest! You must help me formulate a cunning plan!" Zim was beginning to think perhaps there was hope after all, his leaders seemed so sympathetic!  
  
"Um, yes. We must do something to help you get back your . . . ally. Zim," Red enthused not very enthusiastically.  
  
There was a long, dragged out pause. Behind Zim, Fia shook her head wearily. She had known long before this moment that there was no chance the Tallest would help her friend. She suspected they might even be in on it. Thinking on this matter, the more sure she was that this was the base. But she didn't say anything, because she knew Zim wouldn't listen to a word she said.  
  
After a while, Zim spoke: "So, uh . . . what are you going to do?" he asked innocently, his red eyes wide and hopeful.  
  
"What are we . . . what are we going to "do", did you say, Zim?" Purple replied, glancing sideways at his partner while feeling uneasy under his sister's cold stare.  
  
"Yes! Yes, your cunning plan. I hate to rush you, my Tallest, but it really is a matter of life and death! We must do all we can to rescue Jed from the slimy claws of Tak . . . the . . . yak!" Zim expressed with real enthusiasm. Fia floated over to him and placed a reassuring claw on his shoulder, knowing it wouldn't mean much . . . it was more to comfort herself that Zim.  
  
"Our . . .cunning . . . plan . . . "  
  
"Yes. But it really does have to be very cunning, My Tallest. Perhaps . . . as cunning as a fox who has just graduated with a degree in cunning from the University of Cunning?" Zim suggested.  
  
The Tallest looked at one another.  
  
"I'm sorry, Zim, we're really in a no-win situation here. We will give you all our sympathy but we can't waste any cunningness of your proportion on something that won't really bother us in the long run. Sorry!" the Red Tallest shrugged mercilessly, and gave the go-ahead to sign off.  
  
"NO!" Zim yelled, "NO! NO! It doesn't even have to be a fox!" The screen went black. "It could be a . . . a badger . . . or a stoat . . . "  
  
Sitting down on the floor where he was, Zim buried his face in his hands and let out a loud, angry growl. Fia, however, stood, staring at the black screen with a feeling of utter loathing in her stomach as she thought of her brother and his friend as complete bastards.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Meanwhile, back at the ranch (well, giant ice-cream stand), Tak was pondering over ways in which to turn Jed against Zim. Her Gemini was very much in love with the Irken disgrace, that was evident, but there had to be some way in which Tak could change this. Although a cunning plan had not yet formulated, she had a feeling she could perhaps get an idea from the Tallest.  
  
Back on the Massive (not the ranch), the Tallest heard the announcy guy say his bit all exaggerated-like, and rolled their eyes.  
  
"If it's Zim, turn it off," Red ordered, "I wouldn't give him a cunning plan if he was the first one to set foot on the planet Garofsakwal and saved my mother from the nasty pointed tooth of Bulldozer."  
  
"It's from a different location on Earth, sir. Something to do with a frozen food . . . "  
  
"Ah! That'll be Tak! Yes, yes, send transmission!" Red agreed to this one, he was now interested in what was going on. When Tak's face appeared on screen, Purple woke up from his little annoyed trance he was in from Red turning off Zim's amusing pleas too early, and nodded a greeting.  
  
"My Tallest," Tak addressed in her nasty evil voice, "I've successfully captured my sister, but there's a slight problem in getting her to hate Zim's guts."  
  
"I never had any bother," Purple offered.  
  
"Shh!" Red silenced his goofy chum and offered his own advice, "Hey! You! Transmission guy! Send this video in a file to Tak's computer!" the leader of the Irken Empire chucked a small disc over to the front, and using the super fast Whizz Whizz technology, the file was over there in no time, and Tak opened it.  
  
The file erupted onto the screen, and there appeared a tree. It was dark and it was raining, and there was a girl sitting by the tree. She had her arms wrapped round her, trying to keep heat in. Then a figure appeared behind her. The girl, who Tak recognised as Gaz, leapt to her feet in surprise.  
  
"Zim!" she cried, and then the figure, who must have been Zim, gave Gaz his jacket to wrap round herself. The girl sat back down, and Zim watched her. The girl sighs heavily and says, "What are you doing here? How did you know where I was?"  
  
Zim sits down beside her. "I was walking," he says, "I bumped into Dib, who was looking for you. He'd seen you going into the field. We split up, and it looks like I found you first. I'll just let Dib know that I've . . . " He was cut off by Gaz grabbing his arm.  
  
"No . . . we should talk . . . " she hisses, and Zim narrows his eyes at her but nods, and she jumps to her feet again, and turns to face him. Zim looks at her strangely. She pulls him to his feet and he steps away, "I've wanted to speak to you for so long," she says meaningfully.  
  
Zim doesn't reply and just looks at her. "Dib said you tried to kill yourself," he says quietly. Gaz nods, and wipes her face with the back of the sleeve on the jacket. He just looks at her.  
  
Suddenly she pushes forward and wraps her arms around him tightly. Zim looks shocked for a while but soon wraps his arms around her neck. They stand like that for a while, Gaz cries into Zim's shoulder. She stops and raises her head.  
  
"Jed . . . " she whispers, "who is she?"  
  
"She's . . . " Zim starts, but shakes his head, "it doesn't matter. Not now. I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Are you two . . . ?" Gaz asks. Zim nods but she shrugs and kisses him passionately. Zim pulls away and stares at her in horror. He backs away. Gaz seems angry, and throws Zim's coat on the ground, which he picks up and puts on himself.  
  
He speaks into the camera about finding Gaz then looks back at her before walking away. Tak stared at the footage with an eyebrow raised. Interesting, but not enough . . . but wait . . .  
  
After a few steps he stops and runs back to Gaz, gets a grab hold of her and kisses her. He pulls away again looking shocked at himself, looks at Gaz one last time and turns his back on her, running away.  
  
"That's fantastic!" Tak exclaimed. "I will show this to Jed, and then it will be no problem! Thank you, My Tallest! How did you get it, can I ask?"  
  
"Sure you can!" Purple laughed cheesily, "We love bragging!"  
  
Red rolled his eyes; "Zim activated a communication device on that night, which has a mini camera in it. He carried it with him and this is the footage we received. We were very entertained that night. We hope it is of use to you. Now we have to go. It's time for our elevenses!"  
  
"Goodbye my Tallest!" Tak saluted, then switched off the transmission screen and went through to show the film to her sister.  
  
~*~FLASHBACK~*~  
  
Jed nearly had him, she could feel it, but then he caught her eye and she felt herself weaken. By the time she caught herself, a split second later, it was too late and Zim had her pinned under him, flinching with his shoulder but keeping her down steadily. He had a look of anger in his eyes but she didn't blame him, really.  
  
"I'm sorry," they said at the same time, and then almost smiled at each other. They were apologising for different reasons. Jed was sorry she had betrayed his trust, or non-trust, or whatever they had, and Zim was sorry because now he was going to have to kill her, wasn't he? There wasn't any other way to do things.  
  
"I'm sorry things worked out this way," she murmured.  
  
"I'm sorry too," Zim agreed, the hand around her throat loosening its grip.  
  
"I-I'm sorry because I betrayed you."  
  
"I'm sorry I have to do this."  
  
Jed nodded and closed her eyes, waiting for his hands to tighten around her neck while she suffocated and died, never knowing where her sister was, never seeing her again, never being decorated as an Invader, never seeing the end of Operation Impending Doom 2, never doing a lot of things she wanted to do in her life. She had lived over a hundred years, fifteen in Irken years and would never be proven stronger than Tak, whom she had rivaled and loved all her life.  
  
When Zim said "I'm sorry I have to do this", she thought he meant kill her, but instead he moved closer despite the burning pain in his shoulder hurting him, and he moved his mouth towards hers, and they kissed, both of them moving into a world that they couldn't afford to be in, but both wanted to.  
  
He took his hands from round her neck and pulled her up so they were sitting, her arms around his neck and his around her waist, and they were just kissing and kissing until the Computer began to sob with emotion and put them off.  
  
~*~ PRESENT~*~  
  
When she saw the kiss, Jed let out a loud moan of misery. She at once formed tears in her eyes but forced them back, staring at her sister with nothing other than sheer malice.  
  
"You staged this! This isn't real!" she accused, pointing a maddened finger at Tak, who had let her sister out of the cage.  
  
"It is."  
  
"No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! He wouldn't do that, it's in the past!"  
  
"Zim doesn't know what he should or shouldn't do. He does what pleases him."  
  
Jed stood still for a moment, watching the film over and over again. He watched Gaz and Zim press themselves together as if life itself depended on it. She noted the date in the corner. It was the night Zim had stormed out on her calling her a traitor. Yet he had betrayed her.  
  
Filled with rage, Jed moved to storm out of the base without her disguise. Tak stopped her and made her put on her human outfit. Tak did likewise and took MiMi and her sister out into the sunny day, Jed practically running ahead of them while the two exiles followed closely behind her.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The door was blasted open. Jed stood in the doorway, her eyes full of shiny, wet tears. The robotic parents were shot to bits. Fia, MAX and a giggly GIR, who found the robot mother with her head lolling to the side to be very amusing, blocked Tak and MiMi, who stayed where they were quite happily as onlookers.  
  
Zim stood in shock looking at Jed standing before him with such hurt and anger on her face.  
  
"How could you, Zim?" she demanded, her voice no longer soft, but high and mournful, "How could you do this to me?"  
  
"Jed . . . do what?" Zim asked, confused.  
  
"You kissed Gaz, the night you found Tak talking to me! You kissed her out under that tree! You . . . you betrayed ME!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"No . . . how did you know . . . how did you found out about this?"  
  
"I don't know! But when I see a video of you and Gaz I don't care where it came from! Or is that unreasonable?"  
  
"Jed . . . "  
  
"NO!"  
  
Zim tried to take her in his arms, but she stepped back from him, almost with fear. He shook his head helplessly.  
  
"Please, Jed. I never meant to hurt you . . . "  
  
Jed screamed and lunged herself at Zim, knocking him to the ground, her trusty gun to her head. She had a flashback of when she had Zim at her mercy back when they had first met.  
  
~*~FLASHBACK~*~  
  
She pressed the gun right against his forehead and tightened the pressure on the trigger, but Zim cried out.  
  
"Wait a second!" he ordered, and she looked very surprised. GIR stood motionless, MAX poised and ready to strike. Dib just looked on, his eyes wide and terrified.  
  
"What?" Jed snapped, angry enough, "I may not have a base but I can still destroy you!"  
  
"And be stranded here?" Zim queried, and Dib suddenly noticed his plan, and his heart skipped a beat.  
  
"Wh-what?" this Invader may be very confident, but she was still young and inexperienced.  
  
"Think about it, if YOUR device is broken, and your Voot and my Voot are both in need for repair, then WHAT HOPE IN THIS UNIVERSE have you of possibly having any resources to take over this planet?" Zim analysed, but she still looked confused so he obliged, if it meant he may get to stay alive, "How are you going to operate the repair bay and all the equipment if you don't have a base?"  
  
"I'll - I'll use yours!" Jed laughed, but Zim shook his head, chuckling at her slightly. She didn't like that, and tipped his chin up with the gun now to his throat. Zim swallowed and carried on.  
  
"My Computer obeys my voice only. The commands of any other life form will be denied without exception, unless I program the Computer to accept those commands." Zim saw the look in her eye, "And I am not going to allow my base to work under your orders."  
  
Invader Jed looked completely devastated, "Well, what . . . what do I do?"  
  
Zim was surprised, as was Dib. Neither had expected her to ask Zim, whom she had come to kill, for help. Yet here it was, and Zim looked both happy he wasn't going to die and also quite annoyed that this Irken Invader that had been so sure and confident minutes before was now faltering.  
  
"Well, you could either kill me, and remain stranded here, trying to use one of the human shuttles to get back to the Armada, which I very much doubt these slow in technology beings' spaceships are capable of, or we could come to a compromise." Zim looked at her, letting her know he would much more prefer the latter.  
  
Invader Jed nodded and swallowed, still not lowering her gun. Her SIR Unit giggled briefly, and GIR joined in with a chorus of manic laughter. Dib supposed this was robot bonding. Zim stared hard at the intruding Irken, and she bore her eyes right back into his. Suddenly, she chuckled.  
  
"I'd love to hear what Tak would do," she murmured, "She was always so sure, and I'm . . . "  
  
~*~PRESENT~*~  
  
"Curse you, Zim!" she spat, and dropped the gun to the ground, sobbing gently in his lap. This was when Tak started to get a bit annoyed, thinking her plan wasn't working out as well as it had first seemed to be.  
  
"I'm sorry . . . I didn't . . . It just happened . . . Please don't hate me . . . I never meant to hurt you, Jed," Zim said honestly, his manic personality fading for a while. He reached up to touch her face, and they looked each other in the eye, the red lingering on red, "I'd never hurt you. Not you . . . not ever . . . "  
  
Jed lifted her face to his, "Then tell me why you kissed her. Tell me why you went back to taste her. And just answer me honestly for once. Please."  
  
Zim nodded and lowered his eyes, "Me and Gaz have history. I . . . I still have feelings for her, Jed."  
  
~*~FLASHBACK~*~  
  
"Anyone would think you were a doctor," she joked, still looking into his eyes. He didn't say anything in reply, and rolled the rest of her sleeve up, revealing her tattered green skin. Already it had started to heal itself. Zim started from her shoulder and held it there as the healing rays started mending her arm. Jed sighed, and he glanced at her quickly, then looked away again, "Look, Zim, you didn't . . . you could have let your robot finish. You didn't have to help me . . . "  
  
He was looking at her now, the healing contraption moving down, down her arm, his hand leading the way down like he was stroking her arm. His touch made her shiver, or was that his eyes boring into her? He blinked, and she blinked, and they moved closer and closer, Zim tilted his head to the right and she tilted hers. Just when their mouths were almost touching, Zim came to his senses and pulled back, accidentally brushing against her arm, making Jed flinch.  
  
"Sorry," he mumbled, his eyes on her arm again. Her arm was fine down to her elbow now, but the rest of it would take a little longer as it was worse. "Jed, who sent you? To kill me, to take over my mission. Are you a Rogue Invader?"  
  
Jed remembered to never say who had sent her, "I'm not at liberty to say, Zim. But I will kill you, I . . . have to."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"That's just the way things are."  
  
"It's not your place to avenge Tak for her."  
  
"It's not . . . it's not about that. Well, it is, but it's other things too. It's complicated Zim, and we promised we wouldn't get personal. It's business."  
  
"So you'll feel nothing if you manage to kill me?" Zim challenged. Jed didn't say anything.  
  
"I have a job to do, I have to keep my promise, no matter how much I . . . um . . . never mind." Jed stumbled, "The fact is that I have to kill you sooner or later, because we can't afford to get close, Zim. I can't afford to know or care about you. It's better if you hate me, like before."  
  
"Why are you so sure you'll kill me?"  
  
"Because I have to."  
  
Zim laughed, finishing off her wrist and hovering the thing over her hand now, "You know, I could defeat you like a single raspberry in a duckpond, Jed. Remember the duckpond. I will, if it comes to it."  
  
"It will come to it," Jed promised, "And I'm not going to say anything else on the matter. The Voot will be repaired soon enough and I can call for another Drill A House device, and you'll be . . . you'll be history."  
  
Zim nodded, and neither of them said anything else until he sat back, returning the device, and said, "Okay. That's done."  
  
~*~ PRESENT ~*~  
  
Tak stopped struggling against the door guards and smiled nastily in Zim's direction. He caught her gaze and glared at her horribly. Jed pushed herself off of Zim's lap and stood up. He did likewise.  
  
"Jed . . . " Zim tried to go after her, but Jed shook her head. She didn't say anything, she just turned her back on him and moved to the door. Fia tried to convince her back, GIR waved goodbye to MAX who followed his mistress out of the door. Tak lingered for another victorious movement before bowing her head and sweeping after her sister, leaving the house in devastation.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: Dunnnn durrun dun! Sorry it's not very long, it was just a chapter to prove I was back in business, you know? So, get reviewing and hopefully the next chapter will be up very quickly!  
  
"Eyeholes in a paper bag, greatest night I ever had" - Nancy Boy, Placebo. 


	32. Encounter At The Beach

Doom Witch  
By Julie Danskin  
  
Author's Note: Hiho. Hiho. It's off to work we goooo! I do like tacos. You know in Scotland there aren't any Taco Bell's or anything? We must make do with Old El Paso in the happy yellow boxes. They make funny noises! Anyway, thanks to the new person who is reading Doom Witch who read 12 chapters in 2 hours --- record time, but the craziest reviewer of them all is Emily Strange, who I fear may have a nervous breakdown if I don't update. It's the only reason I'm still carrying on with this, honestly! Well, that's not true I do like this one . . . let's get the reviews up to 100 okay people? The 100th one will get a character (of the name left on the review) input into the story. Well, there isn't a lot to go now. Another few chapters or so. I think the fortieth one is the last, or it's maybe a bit more than forty. I can't remember. Anyway! Here ya go. A much shorter chapter here, kind of a fill-in to the BIG BIG BIG BIG BIGGY one, which is next chapter!!!!! O.O So . . . read!  
  
Chapter 31: Encounter At The Beach  
  
Zim tried very hard to speak to Jed in Hi-Skool, but she wouldn't listen to him. She would only turn round and snapped at him nastily, hissing only one word, "Traitor", which would pivot his attitude into silence for a while.  
  
"Tak's made it sound much worse than it really is," Zim tried to explain as the clock edged towards 3.30. Dib was snoozing on the desk; he had lost interest in the argument a long time ago, "I was angry with you when I kissed Gaz . . . I was confused! CONFUUUUSED LIKE A GOOSE!"  
  
Dib stirred, cracking open one eye to scowl at Zim before dropping off to sleep. Tak, who was at the front of the class, looked round to stab Zim in the eye with her stare. He glared at her with utter loathing at which made her smirk at him extremely nastily. So nastily, perhaps, that it may make a nasty person feel like an angel. Which nasty people aren't. Anyway, veering off the very interesting yet upsetting topic of nasty people, we shall return to the story in 3 . . . 2. . . 3 . . . . 2. . . . 3. . . . 6. . . . 1 . . . 0! Jed finally had something to say to her lover: "You even admitted that you still have feelings for that human. You said it yourself, Zim! Or are you going to tell me that the Almighty Tallest told you to say that?"  
  
"Firstly, I DEMAND to know why the Tallest would meddle in my affairs when I have all their sympathy, and SECONDLY AND FOREMOSTLY, just because I say I still have feelings for Gaz doesn't mean I don't care . . . "  
  
"You may care, Zim," she cut him off with a sharp tongue that made his spine shiver, "but that doesn't mean that you love me. I think you underestimate your feelings for the human more than you know yourself."  
  
"NONSENSE!" Zim tried to cry, but his voice cracked halfway through the word. He couldn't lose Jed now . . . not now . . . when he needed her by his side, "I have perfect control over my 'feelings'."  
  
Jed didn't reply, but the bell rang. She stood up quickly, slung her bag over her shoulder and hurried out of the room not even waiting for Tak, who had dropped something under the table and was bending down to pick it up. Half the class was empty now, and Ms Bitters blew a foghorn to wake Dib up. It worked, and the young human flung himself back in his chair crying out in horror.  
  
"AARGH! Oh . . . right. Home!" he saw Zim staring at him, "Is your friend not wanting to talk to you anymore, Zim? Well, you know what they say, "Who goes around comes around."" Dib walked off down the aisle leaving Zim very confused indeed.  
  
"I don't know! I don't know who comes or goes around! And who is this "they" you speak of? DIIIIB? Who is the "they"?!" Zim made as if to follow Dib, but on his way he passed Tak, and decided to pester her instead. He backed her into a corner of the room and snarled at her. Ms Bitters sat at her desk, not caring.  
  
"TAK!" Zim bellowed, "I demand that you turn Jed back! Turn her back! NOW! Or I'll . . . I'll . . . "  
  
"I didn't "turn" her to do anything, Zim," Tak said coolly, "I simply gave her a little nudge."  
  
She chuckled at Zim's expression. He growled at her, the stance he was in was as if he were going to pounce at her. This only made her laugh harder. Ms Bitters didn't even flinch at the very nasty laughter.  
  
"All the anger my Gemini has for you, 'Invader'," Tak slurred, emphasising the "Invader", because of course she knew that Zim was in fact a false Invader. Zim looked at her funnily, but didn't question this strange expression, "is your fault. It's because of YOU that she hates you, and if you can't see that then you're stupider than I ever imagined. And I imagined you were pretty damn stupid before."  
  
Zim scowled, nastily.  
  
"I suggest you get away now, Zim," Tak suggested quietly, "because although she isn't most impressed with you just now, she'll be reluctant to kill you all the same. But she will. Given time she'll sense and she WILL kill you, Zim. She may even feel pleasure in it. But I'm giving you a chance not to hurt her, because killing you will hurt her. If you really care about her, you'll not hurt her, and you'll run. And run quickly, because I'll have no remorse in chasing you. But Jed will, god dammit."  
  
Zim didn't say anything. Neither did Ms Bitters. There was nothing to say. Tak had made herself clear. Zim stepped back and watched her leave. He looked at Ms Bitters briefly before sighing deeply and walking out of the door.  
  
"Close the door, Zim," hissed Ms Bitters after Zim. He ignored her. Ms Bitters chose not to punish him. Her wrath would be upon him on Monday.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A figure followed Zim after Skool, stalking his every movements. He went to a place the character had never known him to go before. It was the beach, quite a way out of town, but he walked the whole way, and the shadowed, unnoticed figure followed him whichever direction he took.  
  
Whether Zim meant to end up on the beach or not, Gaz didn't know, but she just wanted to be alone with him, even if she didn't know she was there. They hadn't spoken in a while, and she missed him. It wasn't surprising; Gaz felt for Zim something she had never felt for her brother, father, or even her mother.  
  
She followed Zim until he stopped at the shore. The water lapped at his feet, burning the skin underneath his boots, but he didn't care. Zim was too deep in thought, unusually deep in thought. This time he wasn't pondering on his latest magnificent plan to destroy Earth and all its miserable inhabitants. He was pondering on whether he should take Tak's advice, or whether he should stay and take his chances.  
  
"Zim," he turned to the voice behind him, which he had already recognised as Gaz's. They stood and looked at each other. Not saying anything, just looking with no expression on their faces.  
  
"What are you doing here?" he asked her. Gaz shrugged.  
  
"I followed you," she answered honestly, "what are you doing here?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"I've never understood you, Zim . . ." Gaz trailed off as Zim's eyes bore into her, "and I don't think I ever will."  
  
He took a confident step towards her. He was taller than her, and his figure shadowed her face. She looked up at him; her eyes open, observing him.  
  
"No, you won't." Zim told her, "But understand this, Gaz. I still have feelings for you, no matter how much I despise you in my delicious guts. Deep down in my squeedly-spooch, I know there is something else."  
  
Gaz nodded. Zim lowered his mouth to hers and their lips touched. It wasn't the kiss Zim had once known to be Gaz's. Her taste was better, more fixated on him. It wasn't the same lust that they had once had to one another; this was something much purer. They dissolved into each other, their arms intertwined in such a way that neither could bear to let go.  
  
It was such a kiss that Zim simply couldn't stay in, though. Not with so much going on at the moment, everything would be different if they gave into what they felt for each other just now. Everything had to be clarified. He stepped away.  
  
He didn't say anything to her, he just looked at her, and vice versa. Without another word Zim walked past her, before turning back and asking her which way was home.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Back at Zim's base, he found GIR and Fia sitting in the main room of the house. It wasn't just them, though. There were two other Irkens sitting with them. It wasn't the Almighty Tallest, it wasn't even Tak and Jed, it was in fact Shoe (GIR's taco friend) and Zenin, back from Moriara.  
  
"Oh," Zim said expressionlessly, bowing unenthusiastically to Zenin, "Your Majesty," He looked a bit confused for a while, fazed both by the kiss and why such important visitors were in his beautiful - yet in the long run insignificant - base. "Um," he tried, "with all respect, what are you two doing here?"  
  
Fia smiled kindly, "They're here to help with the fight."  
  
"What fight?" Zim demanded, getting a bit annoyed now.  
  
"Against Jed and Tak," she said, almost sadly.  
  
"And MAX," GIR squeaked.  
  
"You think I should fight Jed?" Zim asked, "You think I should kill her?"  
  
There was silence in the house, because everyone knew what the answer was.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: OOOOOO cliffhanger of DOOOOOOOM! Next chapter is the big face off!  
  
Now, I know that Dib hasn't been in the story much for a while but it's okay, it's just been kinda Gaz-Zim-Jed-Tak centred, but we'll get some more Dibby in for ya soon ----especially you, Bonez! Loving the storee!  
  
Now, I must depart with lots of doomy stress! See ya latter peeps! Why don't you read some of my other stuff? Or some of my things on Fictionpress.com? My username is Exegesis. WOO!  
  
"I know I will be leaving here . . . with you" - Take Me Out, Franz Ferdinand. 


	33. Blood Is A Lot Thicker Than Water

Doom Witch  
By Julie Danskin  
  
Author's Note: Okay, I know, I know. I'm a bad, nasty, terrible person who deserves to be eaten up by an evil white rabbit with big, nasty pointy teeth. "Grrrrr" it shall say and I shall cry a lot before going "AAAAAARGH!" and dying nastily. By rabbit. What a way to go. The reason of my nastiness, and my untimely yet deserved death? Not updating . . . (hangs head in shame) I'm sorry. But you still love me, right? There's not much to go, just another 8 chapters or so, so you only have to tolerate me. Endure my bitter non updatie-ness and then you can bite off my head and feed it to the nasty rabbit. Alright? Is it a deal??? WOO!  
  
Okay, this is the BIIIIIIG CHAPTER that is THIS big! Okay! Enjoy its bigness!  
  
Chapter 32: Blood Is A Lot Thicker Than Water  
  
"I hope you'll forgive me, Jed," Zim whispered inaudibly, so not even the person he was addressing his apology to could hear him. Maybe it was better that way – less personal, less guilt, less emotion. Zim was having so many of the dreaded human emotions he loathed so greatly as he stared at his lover, the Irken who had come to Earth to destroy him but then ended up falling for him. Now, because of her weakness she had so blindly decided she hated him after seeing him kiss Gaz, when in fact in her head all that was blazing was a jealous love. A thirst for revenge, a thirst to make Zim hurt as much as she was hurting. She knew that wasn't possible, but if she couldn't have him, no one could.  
  
On one side stood Zim, Fia, Zenin, GIR (who was sobbing hysterically at the emotional atmosphere and the prospect of having to eliminate his good friend MAX) and Gaz, who had managed to drag Dib along if only to watch. He refused to fight on Zim's side due to his proud hatred of his enemy – although he was admittedly disappointed at the lack of attention Zim had been giving him lately – but also had no wish to fight Jed, MAX and Tak, he had enough Irkens on his plate.  
  
But although he didn't know it, he was going to have to join in sooner or later anyway.  
  
On the other side of the quiet country road they had planned to fight on, where there would be no disturbance, no police, no annoying humans getting in the way, was Tak, Jed, MiMi and MAX. At least they thought no annoying humans would get in the way, but out on her daily stroll of the bumpkin territory was Dib's girlfriend Zita. But she was not the problem as yet.  
  
"Are you ready, Jed?" Tak smiled to her sister, her eyes twinkling bright with anticipation and crazy hunger for blood.  
  
"Let's just get it over with." Jed spat back at her, her eyes narrow and focused on Zim. You did not love him, she told herself, you are being juvenile. You can do this. You are an Irken Invader, an elite member of the Irk Military. You do not need him. He is a disgrace, and you should have killed him long ago when you had the chance. Now is the time to make up for your mistakes.  
  
Now is the time for your redemption, and you shall step out of this victorious.  
  
"GET ON WIVVIT!" GIR squealed joyfully from where he was, and Jed suddenly needed to restrain herself from laughing at Zim kicking the piece of tin rubbish in the head. "WOOOOOO! DOMESTIC ABUSE!" The robot turned to Zim and pointed a metal finger at him scornfully, "There's no excuse!"  
  
Zim promptly screamed, "BE SILENT!" before returning to his serious gaze into Jed's eyes, which caught her unexpectedly. She flinched and moved her foot back as if to retreat but after a hesitation she placed it back on the ground again where it had been previously.  
  
"You'll regret ever messing with me Zim," Tak was calling to him, "you and your little human friends."  
  
"THEY'RE NOT MY FRIENDS!" Zim defensively denied, yelling across the twisty road, "They're my . . . TEMPORARY ALLIES!"  
  
"Speak for yourself," Dib grunted from the sidelines, refusing to fight. What did he have to fight for? He wanted them to all destroy each other, and Gaz was sure to be able to look after herself. He didn't have any reason to fight, really. Yet.  
  
Zim merely cast a nasty look in the spectator's direction. He wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. He knew deep down that the awkward silence he had received from his comrades (not that he needed any) meant that they wished for him to kill Jed, his lover. His enemy. He cast an eye at Jed, who met his with a scowl of many emotions: dread, anger and reluctance. The same things he felt, except that he envied Jed for being able to express them. His overwhelming pride prevented him from sharing his feelings with those around him, but he hoped that maybe Jed realised this was not something he particularly wanted to do; it was simply something he had to.  
  
As an Invader he had sworn to make sacrifices to benefit the Irken military, and it would benefit all of Irk if Tak were eliminated. Jed, he knew, would have to go with her. And for that he hated himself dearly.  
  
"Let's get this over with!" Gaz groaned, "I'm hungry!"  
  
Zim was tempted to laugh. The last thing he wanted to do right then was eat. Not that he wanted any of the Earth scum's filth, anyway. He glanced Gaz's way, and their eyes locked for a second, before she looked away. On her face was a firm smirk, the lips he had recently kissed now spiteful and blood-thirsty. Thirsty for the blood of Jed. Zim only wanted one Irken dead, and that was Tak.  
  
He would not leave the battleground until she lay twitched with her blood as black as a raven spilling out of her mouth, her squeedly-spooch strewn all over the road while he, Zim, stood over her, victorious. It was either her that died her today . . . or himself.  
  
He knew which one he would prefer to die.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The fighting started shortly after this thought, because at the delicious idea of Tak lying on the ground as life seeped out of her he became more longing for that moment and for a while thought nothing of Jed or Gaz or the mission. Instead he let out an angry roar and launched himself at Tak.  
  
Tak smiled nastily and side-stepped out of the way so Zim ran right past her. He swung himself around, his feet spread out on the ground so he got a decent stance to balance his small form. He glared up at Tak, his eyes narrowed and thirsty for her pain. That was one emotion Zim had that was more than evident.  
  
Tak laughed at him. "If you allow yourself to be taken over by anger, Zim," she patronised, slurring her words as if she savoured each one. Zim did not blame her, she probably knew that they could well be her last. "Then you have no chance of succeeding . . . not that you ever had a chance, anyway. It will just make the "fight" much less more amusing."  
  
Zim nodded, "You say that now, psycho howler monkey," he snarled, "but you under-estimate me, and that is your weakness."  
  
Tak said nothing and straightened herself out.  
  
This time when Zim charged, it was not just a one-sided assault, because he had angered Tak, and she launched herself at him just as he had done at her, and this time it was not Zim who was made a fool of.  
  
The laughter arose from her enemy as she tripped over his foot and fell but she picked herself up full of rage and injustice. In her face was another one. This face was shocked, small and pretty, and it was right in Tak's way, standing between her and Zim. Tak narrowed her eyes and pushed her aside carelessly. The human stumbled backwards and fell over onto her backside, squeaking quietly as she landed.  
  
Normally Zita would pick herself up proudly and scream nastily at anyone who dared to oppress her, but this girl she had once known as the strange- looking "Tak" girl was now unmasked as an alien, as was the weird green kid in her class called Zim.  
  
"ZITA!" screamed Dib from the far end of the road. He was no longer a spectator as he was running forward at full speed trying to get to her. As he did so, Tak put two-and-two together, and figured that this human girl was Dib's lover. Seeing an opportunity to seek revenge on the human who had assisted in her original downfall, she whipped out her Irken gun and pointed it straight at the young female human's head, who let out a loud shriek.  
  
"NO!" Dib yelled, approaching Tak, but stopped dead when she pulled the trigger without the blink of an eye, the slightest flinch. Dib swore and hurtled forward, tripping over Tak's foot as he did so. He landed face first in Zita's lap, but she never moved or yelped "DIB GET OFF ME!"  
  
The Irken guns were not like human ones. If you shot someone in the head, they did not blow your brains out. It was a laser gun, it simply shut down the area it was aimed at. Zita had a small, smouldering mark on her forehead like a mole she would prefer to have removed, but she would never have another manicure. She would never giggle extortionately again, or stand up for herself when she was made fun of by her so-called friends for going out with a guy like Dib.  
  
"Zita . . ." Dib murmured by her side, stroking the side of her cold face with the back of a crooked finger. He loved her, but he had only ever told her once. She had been surprised but surprisingly happy, and she had returned the sentiment. He would never be able to do that again. He would never be with her again.  
  
In a blind burst of rage he leapt up, aiming for Tak, but she was no longer where she had previously been, snickering at Dib's misery and Zita's death. "I HATE YOU!" he screamed, not quite sure to whom though he was. He hated many things. He hated Tak, he hated himself, he hated Zita for leaving, his Dad for never appreciating him or giving advice on how to keep the high- maintenance Zita and Gaz for dragging him along to this thing, but most of all he hated Zim. He hated Zim because Dib had once wished for something like Zim to come along, so he could be recognised as the saviour of the world and at last be respected. But it would never be like that.  
  
"Be careful what you wish for."  
  
Well, Dib had learned his lesson. He had learned it all, and all he wanted to do now was kill. He could not stand back and watch the fight now. He looked around. He saw Zim and Tak going full on at each other and Jed was taking on Zenin and Fia, but away at the far side he saw Shoe and GIR attacking Jed's robot, MAX, and Gaz taking on Tak's, MiMi. They were just robots and deserved to be destructed. Besides, when those robots were taken care of, there would be plenty to take on those that mattered: Jed and Tak.  
  
With a roar of mourning, anger and craziness, Dib plunged himself over to MiMi. Gaz looked up at him, surprised, then glanced over at Zita's body lying peacefully at the side of the road like a rabbit or hedgehog that had been caught innocently in a car's headlight. She regarded him and nodded. She stepped forwards and kicked the robot's head so it lost its balance slightly. Dib cried out and tapped it over onto its side, jumping on it continuously until it was crumpled and making strange, malfunctioning noises.  
  
"I HATE YOU!" Dib screamed again, "I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!"  
  
"Dib . . ." Gaz whispered, "Dib . . . I took Dad's gun. It's not much compared to the Irkens', but it'll kill that tin piece of shit." She revealed something wrapped in a linen cloth, and handed it to her brother.  
  
Dib took his foot of the robot, which tried to stand up again, but had no more than uttered a mechanical "MALFUNCTION" before Dib unwrapped the gun, loaded the barrel, clicked off the safety and blew its metal brains out. With a gasp caught in the back of his throat Dib lowered the gun to his side and collapsed to his knees.  
  
Without a word of sympathy, or a declare for revenge, Gaz stepped forward and took the gun out of her brother's unresisting yet trembling hand, pulled back the safety lever, took aim and shot the other robot, MAX. The SIR Unit stopped in its tracks and fell to the ground, where GIR instantly burst into tears and Shoe tried to comfort him, but shot the robot again with his own laser gun just in case.  
  
Two down, two to go. It was Zim, Dib, Gaz, GIR, Shoe, Zenin and Fia against the two Gemini sisters. The two twins stood back to back while their opposition made a circle around them.  
  
"We're done for . . ." Tak mumbled so only her sister could hear, the first apprehensive word that Tak had uttered for a long time. So it was no less than surprising when it was Jed who took the optimistic view on things.  
  
"Not yet," she murmured, "shoot one of them."  
  
"I need to load," Tak told her. She didn't, in fact, but she wanted to see what her sister was up to.  
  
Jed cursed. "Fine," she grumbled, as if it were over no more than who got to use a computer first in the average family home. Jed whipped out her gun and she felt all eyes on her. In her range there were four characters she could easily take out. They were GIR, Zenin, Dib and Zim. If it had been Gaz in her range then she would already be twitching on the ground, but the cowardly little human was probably behind her deliberately. She felt like handing the gun to Tak and telling her to shoot Gaz, but she knew that Zim would shoot both of them dead.  
  
No, she would have to be subtle in her massacre. Just to shoot one person before they all shot her and Tak, but who to risk her life with to take another? GIR would be a waste of time, he could be fixed far too easily. She almost felt sorry for Dib, he had never wanted to fight in the first place . . . so she had the choice to destroy the character she loved, and face certain death to be shot in the back by Gaz, or kill Zenin and possibly be able to get out of it. But then . . . if Jed and Tak were to live then they would be hunted down by the Irken Armada for terminating the life of one of the Irken Royal Family.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Jed felt the safety buttons under her fingers and switched them both off. In the same movement, she willed the small jet pack in her I.D. Pak to be released and rocket her into the air. She noticed Tak followed her example. They didn't stay in the air long because when she landed the characters against them were hungry for revenge, because on the ground lay Zenin, unmoving and senseless.  
  
Jed heard Fia scream her friend's name and Zim cry out in frustration. Shoe gasped and even Tak looked at her sister as she stood beside her in shock.  
  
"Why didn't you kill him when you had the choice?" she choked disbelievingly, seeming more angry than grateful for getting them out of there. Jed shrugged defensively and glowered.  
  
"What are you doing, standing beside me?" she snapped, "Get away and we'll have more of a chance if we're split up."  
  
Tak opened her mouth to argue but she was admittedly right. Of course she was, Jed may be young but she was well trained. She simply hissed, "You fool, love has spoiled your senses," before sprinting to the other side of the road, where Zim ran to meet her in combat.  
  
Jed tried to shake her sister's words out of her head but was glad she wasn't dead, not yet. Jed did not expect to walk away from this place alive or at least unharmed, there was too much hate for her and her Gemini.  
  
She noticed Shoe, GIR and Dib all run for Tak to join Zim, but it was Fia and Gaz that (understandably) came to face the youngest Irken. Jed smiled grimly at them both.  
  
"Your Majesty," she bowed sarcastically yet respectfully to Fia, truly repentant of killing an innocent, but she had no choice, she was an Invader and that was the way things went sometimes, but she did not expect Fia to understand that. She turned to Gaz, "scumbag."  
  
"Don't you dare speak to her," Gaz snarled, jerking her head at Fia next to her who had black Irken tears streaming down her face. Jed couldn't help but wince. Gaz spoke to her with such spite, and Fia just looked so sad. A sad person cannot look angry or murderous, even if that's what they feel inside. Jed did not like not seeing what Fia felt inside because outside she only looked sad.  
  
"You're going to die right now, Gaz," Jed snarled at her, "or at least one of us is. You, Lady Fia, I will ask to leave now, for I have no quarrel with . . ."  
  
"You have no quarrel with me yet you killed an innocent old woman!" Fia shrieked indignantly, "I have quarrel with you, Invader, even if you do not with me."  
  
Jed felt a part inside herself die at those words; probably her own self respect, she wasn't sure, she felt too many emotions just then. She would kill Gaz . . . and Fia, if she had to. And she felt it may come to that.  
  
Just as they were all about to attack each other, Jed's trusty gun pointed out in front of her pointed at Gaz, who held her father's shiny black revolver and Fia held a small Irken dagger, Jed heard a familiar scream and froze.  
  
She jerked her head around and sprinted in the direction of her sister's cry, and collapsed at the ground, not realising she had dropped the gun far away after she heard the scream. She looked at her sister's tilted head and wide eyes as death came over her. Dib stood over her with Shoe's gun in his hand, still pointed at the unoccupied space that Tak had previously been standing in.  
  
"Tak!" Jed called, "Tak! TAK!"  
  
Tak moved her head and inch, a small part of her clothing around her chest area frazzled. Jed let out a soft moan: Tak would not survive no matter how good the medicine Tak's Pak was feeding her, battling against the pain. There was a small gasp from her sister's cruel mouth which sounded distinctly like "Jed", but no more.  
  
Jed let out an open sob as she felt another part of herself torn away from her. Losing one's self-respect is one thing: losing a twin is another, no matter how evil the other. "Tak . . ." Jed moaned, "Oh, Tallest . . ."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Dib cast a sideways look at Zim, full of a feeling that he had avenged Zita and could mourn properly. He, and Shoe walked over to join Fia over the road, where Jed's abandoned gun lay.  
  
Jed realised that her own life was in danger, but didn't really care anymore. Instinct made her remove her sister's gun from her lifeless hand and stand up shakily. Gaz appeared behind Zim and GIR at his feet gazed up at his master with a rare kind of silence from the goofy robot assistant.  
  
Gaz glared into Jed's eyes from behind Zim's shoulder, letting her know that it was not the young Irken that had Zim's affection, but herself. Jed lowered her head and took a couple of steps backwards.  
  
"Don't move," Zim said suddenly, which made Jed's head snap up, "it's better this way. It's better for all of us."  
  
Jed nodded. "Go for it, then. Please."  
  
Zim was shocked by the accidental innocence in Jed's voice. No doubt she wanted to sound ready and unafraid, but it was evident she was afraid, but still wanted to die at the same time. This made both Irkens confused, and Zim raised the gun to shoulder level, pointed directly at Jed's head.  
  
Jed kept her eyes on Zim, but had flashbacks back to when she first met Zim . . .  
  
"What is this?" Zim snapped, "Who are you?"  
  
The Irken smiled wryly.  
  
"My name is Invader -"  
  
"Who are you?!"  
  
"My name is Invader -"  
  
"Who are you?!"  
  
"My name is Invader Jed. I have been training on Devastis for the past three years, having drilled into my mind: To seek my revenge on you, Zim. Well, actually, my sister's revenge, I'm just performing her wrath via myself, who will then take up her plan to turn the Earth into a big box of snacks. A round box . . . of snacks."  
  
When they first connected . . .  
  
Jed removed the gun and Zim leapt to his feet, and the young Invader stood back. Zim stood slightly taller than her due to his artificial height, and Dib also stood up, mouth slightly open in disbelief.  
  
"So . . . we're not going to die, then?" Dib asked, breathing very quickly, and Zim shook his head.  
  
"Not today, Dib-Stink," he replied, and without another word, Dib rushed out of the door to the night streets. Zim and Jed regarded each other, and Zim put out his hand. Jed looked at it suspiciously.  
  
"It's a tradition humans have," he explained, "To confirm DIRTY deals and treaties like this COMPROMISE OF DOOOOOM!"  
  
Jed nodded, and took his hand without another word  
  
Their first awkward moment . . .  
  
"Anyone would think you were a doctor," she joked, still looking into his eyes. He didn't say anything in reply, and rolled the rest of her sleeve up, revealing her tattered green skin. Already it had started to heal itself. Zim started from her shoulder and held it there as the healing rays started mending her arm. Jed sighed, and he glanced at her quickly, then looked away again, "Look, Zim, you didn't . . . you could have let your robot finish. You didn't have to help me . . . "  
  
He was looking at her now, the healing contraption moving down, down her arm, his hand leading the way down like he was stroking her arm. His touch made her shiver, or was that his eyes boring into her? He blinked, and she blinked, and they moved closer and closer, Zim tilted his head to the right and she tilted hers. Just when their mouths were almost touching, Zim came to his senses and pulled back, accidentally brushing against her arm, making Jed flinch.  
  
"Sorry," he mumbled, his eyes on her arm again.  
  
Their first kiss . . .  
  
"I'm sorry I have to do this."  
  
Jed nodded and closed her eyes, waiting for his hands to tighten around her neck while she suffocated and died, never knowing where her sister was, never seeing her again, never being decorated as an Invader, never seeing the end of Operation Impending Doom 2, never doing a lot of things she wanted to do in her life. She had lived over a hundred years, fifteen in Irken years and would never be proven stronger than Tak, whom she had rivaled and loved all her life.  
  
When Zim said "I'm sorry I have to do this", she thought he meant kill her, but instead he moved closer despite the burning pain in his shoulder hurting him, and he moved his mouth towards hers, and they kissed, both of them moving into a world that they couldn't afford to be in, but both wanted to.  
  
He took his hands from round her neck and pulled her up so they were sitting, her arms around his neck and his around her waist, and they were just kissing and kissing until the Computer began to sob with emotion and put them off.  
  
Their moments of passion . . .  
  
Zim walked right over to her, grabbed both her wrists in his hands and pushed her onto the bed. She struggled against him, calling out for MAX but he silenced her with his mouth on top of hers, crushing his lips into hers so she was helpless. She refused to kiss him back and head butted him. He staggered back, stunned, but still held onto her wrists. They were standing now, the back of Jed's legs against the soft bed.  
  
"What the Hell do you think you're doing?" she spat, "After earlier, you DARE try to . . . "  
  
"What was wrong with what happened earlier?" Zim retaliated, "I think I handled it pretty well, don't you think? Don't you? I could have handled it a lot worse, but as I am Zim, of course, that would never happen."  
  
"You never change, do you?" Jed gasped, exasperated, her mouth open in slight disbelief, but then she never could really put much past Invader Zim. What his problem was that he didn't care as much as she did, and she loved him more than he loved her, which made her the one that would always chase after him forever, begging for love and attention. Zim shook his head.  
  
"You made me change," he said softly, pushing his body up to hers and she tolerated him, only because she had completely and totally fallen for him, and wished with every fiber of her being that he was telling the truth, that he was the only one he cared about, and they could dominate the world together.  
  
"Then why did you stop me from shooting Gaz and her brother?" she demanded, her common sense overtaking her passion for a second, and though she didn't know why she almost regretted saying it, and Zim looked at her for a moment, studying her, then nodded slowly, taking a step back, dropping her wrists reluctantly. Jed let her arms swing by her sides; she had no use for them just now.  
  
"I don't know," he said truthfully, "I thought . . . I don't know what I thought, I didn't think you should. That's all."  
  
Jed lowered her head, and saw Zim's shadow move forward towards her again, tilting her chin up to face him with a crooked gloved finger. He didn't have his disguise on anymore and they were both Irken again. "Oh Zim," she sighed, speaking softer than she had ever done before so only he could hear her, her mouth right where Zim's ears should be and knew he could hear, "what will we do when Tak comes?"  
  
"That is a decision I, Zim, do not have to make, Jed!" Zim said, trying to control his voice volume but was getting all mighty and powerful again, "But it is a decision that you must make. On whose side will you fight, Jed? Mine or your sister's?"  
  
"Don't ask me that," Jed made him promise, and Zim nodded, and now she let him lift her up and onto the bed and kiss her and hold her, and she wrapped herself around him and prayed it would last forever, even if it was the very last night they would spend in each other's arms.  
  
That was when they had shared their last kiss, and it had never been enough.  
  
Jed's last ever kiss.  
  
There were so many things she had to say to Zim, so many things she wanted to apologise for, and she realised that she forgave him, but she could not say it while Gaz was there. She could not disrespect her dead sister by saying those things to someone she hated.  
  
"Just do it, Zim," she pleaded, "prolong it and you'll only make it worse for everyone." She looked around. "Everyone here wants me dead, even myself. So you'll be doing me a favour. Just make it quick, alright?"  
  
Zim regarded Jed seriously and knew there was no doubt in her eyes or her precarious voice. He switched the safeties off, tightened his hold on the trigger, took careful aim and . . .  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Zim lowered the gun to his side. Gaz made an astonished noise from behind him but no one else made any noises or movements. Zim and Jed stood regarding each other for a long time. Jed suddenly gave him a slow, lingering smile which made Gaz think she knew she'd won.  
  
"You may even want yourself dead, Jed," Zim said slowly, "but there is one person here who does not." Jed's eyes sprung to his in shock, and Gaz felt a trickle – no, more like a raging torrent of water – up her spine like jealousy taking hold of her like a magnet.  
  
Jed saw he was serious, and not just sympathetic. But then she remembered Zim was either honest or sarcastic, at which he was shit at being. She hated to disrespect him.  
  
"But you forget, my darling," she told him, not sarcastically, just ironically, "that I too have a gun."  
  
And before Zim could fully understand her meaning, she had turned the gun in on herself, clicked off the safety and shoot herself in the stomach.  
  
As she fell, there was nothing but Zim in her head, and when she hit the ground and opened her eyes for the last time, he was there. He was her only purpose. He was her dead end. He was her destiny. He was what she had lived for. He was what she was dying for right there and then. He was her all and end-all, but he was here.  
  
He was here.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Author's Note: Ohhh my God! I hate getting rid of Jed, I've come to quite like her despite her being an inputted character along with the best characters from J.V. Of course she doesn't match up to them but you know . . . I didn't really want to kill her but you lot are bloodthirsty maggots after original character's blood.  
  
Thanks anyway for all your reviews for Jed's death and against, and I'm sorry this was such a serious chapter and how inexcusably long it took to be written and updated, but you know, you can't choose when you have writer's block, can you? No. Sorry!  
  
But it is a long one, and probably the longest one that we'll have yet, but we'll see how it goes okay? Right, now . . . forgive me in my non- updatiness, but in the meantime check out my original stuffies on the fictionpress.com account. Username is Exegesis. Please? DANKE!  
  
"Have heart, my dear, you're bound to be afraid, even if it's just for a few days, make it up for all this mess." – Run, Snow Patrol (probably the best album out so far this year, check them out they're from BELFAST!!!) 


	34. Love You So Much

Doom Witch  
By Julie Danskin  
  
Author's Note: ^o^ been getting mixed reviews on Jed's demise . . . well here's the one, will she die or will she live? Who knows? ME!! MWAAAHHAHAHA! Well, you'll know too if you read on, thanks to all who reviewed, answers to reviews are given at the end of the chapter! Boom boom! This is quite a short chapter anyway, not a lot happens in it, it's mainly talking and whatnot but quite important . . . YUM! Okay. HERE! *hands chapter on a plate with happy little flowers and bunny rabbits on it* Mmyep.  
  
Chapter 33: Love You So Much  
  
. . . No . . .  
  
"NO!"  
  
It was Zim yelling, but Jed couldn't hear him. No one could hear him and make a difference. The fact was that Jed had shot herself, and now she was on the ground shaking like jelly. Dib was standing over Zita's body, his own grief taking over his soul from all other matters that may be going on at the same time. Fia knelt by Zenin who was lying face down, and when turned over seemed at her most peaceful, as if she had been longing for someone to shoot her a long time ago. MAX was lying in a sizzling heap not far from Zenin, but away off to the side of her struggling sister lay Tak, to whom no one was paying any attention whatsoever. Tak did not matter to anyone there except Jed, who was more concerned about staying alive long enough to say what she needed to say to Zim than her sister, whom was the cause of all the pain.  
  
As tentatively as the word could possibly mean, Zim stepped forward to stand beside Jed, a lump quickly developing in his throat. He collapsed to his knees and he bent over her, his deep red eyes looking in to her fading ones.  
  
". . . Jed?" he enquired, making a big effort not to allow a sob into his voice. He felt Gaz's presence behind him, felt her eyes boring into his back as she watched him stroke her antennae hopelessly. He felt uneasy under her gaze, but she did not say anything, did not try to remove him from Jed's side, or her from his. She just stood there, observing.  
  
Jed closed her eyes, obviously the pain was too great for her to speak and see simultaneously. Her senses were failing one by one, each organ closing down in a step-by-step process of the Irken body closing down sequence. She did not have long.  
  
"Zim . . ." it was a start. His name was not especially what she hoped to achieve but it proved that she could in fact muster speech. She opened her eyes to look at him again, tears swimming around them signalling the agony she was in. She groaned as she noticed Zim's hands travelling down her torso to reach the wound. He looked up at her helplessly, a look she had never before seen in his eyes, not even when she had been holding him at gunpoint when they first met. She didn't like it. She tried to sit up and reach him, hold him, tell him she was not in any pain and that she was fine, but she could not muster the strength or will.  
  
Zim could not look at her wound anymore, so he stretched his body up to meet her eyes. They looked at each other for a while until Zim reached out a gloved hand and stroked the side of her large head.  
  
"Why did you do that?. . ." he choked weakly, the usual force in his voice somewhere else, somewhere that didn't matter at the moment. "Why would you shoot yourself?"  
  
"Because you wouldn't," she replied simply, and he imagined that had she been healthy she would have shrugged, nonplussed. But circumstances – or rather, consequences – being what they were, things had not worked out like that. "And you didn't love me."  
  
"I do love you," Zim told her desperately, well aware of Gaz's eyes, but now was the time for truth. Zim did not understand love, not even now, but he knew he felt some form of great affection for Jed despite it perhaps not being as strong as the alien emotion he felt for the human.  
  
Jed attempted a small laugh or a scoff, but it came out only as a splutter and she began to cough. Zim lifted her head and shoulders with his short arms so she wouldn't choke, and she spat out some gooey liquid that fell onto Zim's garment.  
  
It was sticky, shiny and the blackest black. It was Irken blood. Both Zim and Jed looked at it and new time was running thin. A single tear ran down the side of Jed's face and Zim caught it with a sharp finger. They held a look and Jed spoke again, the pain becoming increasingly restraining.  
  
"Forgive me, Zim," she said, not a request but an order. "You have to forgive me."  
  
"What for?" Zim asked.  
  
Jed shook her head, the lost look entering her eyes as she saw nothing ahead of her. "Everything. For being so blind, for not understanding . . ."  
  
"Shh, shh," Zim soothed, stroking her brow, all screwed up with the struggle to stay alive. "It doesn't matter. I'm sorry too."  
  
Jed didn't press the matter. Something entered her head that she knew had to be made known. Whether Zim believed her or not was irrelevant, she had to do what he could lest he be unaware of the plots.  
  
"I want you to hear me, Zim," she said, "just listen. This is why you must forgive me, because I didn't tell you before, and I've had so many chances."  
  
"Alright," Zim acknowledged anxiously. Jed took a deep breath although it added a great strain to her Irken equivalent to lungs.  
  
"The Almighty Tallest . . ." she began, "they hate you. They hate you so much that they will stop at nothing to dest-destroy you . . ."  
  
Zim said nothing. Jed was sure he didn't believe her.  
  
"It's true, Zim!" she cried, the pain mounting up in her chest, the explosion in her stomach spreading, "I swear to you! I am . . . was . . . one of their plans to kill you . . . but I fell for you and I couldn't, which is why they sent Tak . . ."  
  
Zim nodded. He'd known, he'd always known. He believed her, because he already knew.  
  
"I believe you," he said gently, "and it doesn't matter. I will avenge you. It's my fault you're dying, and it's the Tallests' fault that you're here, causing me to kill you eventually. Jed . . . I will kill the Tallest and then . . ."  
  
"Don't kill yourself."  
  
"But then your name will be . . ."  
  
"I don't give a shit about my name. My name . . . you knew my name, Zim, you knew it . . . and you knew me. You . . . you've given me more than I could ever hope for, and this was the only way it could end. Either . . . you died or I did. I'm glad it . . . was me." Jed sank back into Zim's arms after the effort and for a dreadful moment Zim thought she was dead, but she opened her eyes again one last time.  
  
Zim heard a dramatic sob from behind him. GIR was standing beside Gaz, holding onto the bottom of her skirt and wailing into the material.  
  
"DAT'S THE ROMANTICEST THINGIE AH EVER SAWED!" he moaned. Zim didn't care. Jed smiled from the side of her mouth, wincing as she did so. Zim thought it was because she was amused.  
  
When Zim's head was turned for the second as he looked at GIR, an opening was made so that Gaz and Jed could see each other in the eyes. Jed looked at Gaz, and the stare was returned. Jed's eyes softened and she smiled at her rival, a friendly, forgiving smile that shocked Gaz. Unexpected though it was, it was welcomed, and Gaz gave her an acknowledging nod of good sportsmanship.  
  
Zim turned back to her and saw her smiling, but not at GIR. Zim never knew about the understanding Jed and Gaz had shared, neither of them felt he needed to because it was for them only. There was no time for hatred or competition when death was involved. Only repentance and the things in the life that had mattered were to be shared.  
  
Jed stopped smiling as Zim's head once more blocked out Gaz from her view. She gestured for Zim to come so she could whisper in his ear.  
  
"Thank you," she said so quietly it was almost inaudible, but loud enough so that he could just hear her, "thank you for showing me so much. I love you . . . I love you so much that you could never know. I don't care for you not feeling the same, but you introduced me to . . . so much I thought I'd never see. Thank you Zim, I'll see you again one day."  
  
"Jed . . ."  
  
"Will you do me one last thing?"  
  
"Anything."  
  
"Will you please kiss me goodnight?"  
  
Zim's face screwed up as if he might burst into tears, but he somehow knew Jed would not want him to. He looked at her long and hard before bending his head down to kiss her lips, his tongue entering her mouth and searching it for something, possibly life that he could restore into her. Her tongue danced with his for a few seconds, but then it fell away, fell useless and limp to the side of her mouth, leaving only his tongue in her mouth.  
  
Zim pulled away reluctantly, the soft lips not giving any feedback to his. A droplet of salt water fell into her closed eye from his, but no one ever knew about it except Zim, and perhaps Jed. But Jed was gone now, she was just a body. Everything inside her had stopped working and she was nothing to anyone who walked by. She was nothing, not even to her sister. But to Zim she had been an Irken Invader, one of the elite and he had respected her, and loved her.  
  
And he would avenge her death if it was the very last thing he ever did.  
  
~*~  
  
As Zim lowered Jed's head to the ground and crossed her arms over her chest, picked her up and stood, Dib was already standing beside his sister and GIR, holding Zita in his arms, tears rolling down his human face.  
  
"Come, GIR," croaked Zim, looking at Dib in the face but speaking to his robot. "Let's go home."  
  
The eyes of the two enemies met and held, their hatred for each other put on hold for grief to coincide and conquer their souls for the time being. They regarded each other and the grief that they shared but didn't say anything, either of them. There was nothing to say, because for the first time they understood exactly what the other was feeling, and that frightened them both.  
  
They both felt anger and pain. Both wanted to hurt what had happened, and it all came down to the Almighty Tallest. It was them that would pay the ultimate price.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: I'm so sad now. Sorry to all those that liked Jed, but I thought this would give the story a better impact. Apologies for being so late in updating-ness, but more exams are evilly approaching and I'm beginning to SLIGHTLY PANIC! I'm also dying from chocolate withdrawal for forty days, cos I gave up sweets, chocolate, cake, crisps etc for Lent and I am DYING!!!!! Not long to go . . . just a few days . . . tee hee hee . . . ho hum hum . . .  
  
Okay, here are my responses to the reviews I got for last chapter:  
  
Queen of the Mooses: Well, you got your wish anyway! Jed's now dead because of cold-hearted, nasty people with pointy sharp teeth that Jed is now deceased and Zim is sad. But you're right, Gaz saw Zim first so I hope you're happy cos I did it for you! I'm glad you like the story, and I agree that it was probably . . . sniff . . . best . . . for Zim and the story in general. Plus I was scared you might come and slice me with a cheese knife if I showed mercy. Ah well, keep reading!  
  
Gir's hell: Yes, an update. After a long time, I know. I hope you still care, and am glad you reviewed. I know I didn't update for ages and see where you're coming from in the area that I might not have continued, because I did in fact ponder over stopping it but then realised I probably wouldn't get away with my life. I am sorry that I take so long, but I have a busy schedule at the moment, never mind a severe case of writer's block. But there are no excuses. I'm sorry from the depths of my soul. But I'm glad you reviewed.  
  
anymous: I'm sorry. I know how you feel. I wish things could be different but . . . some characters are just meant to die. I'm very sad. Perhaps we can go to a meeting where people get over bereavements, cos I know it's sad. Blame the nasty people who enforced it on me! I'M SORREEEE! I hope I gave her a good enough send-off for you.  
  
Piggy: I'm sorry. I'm sorry like a thousand apologetic sorry people who have graduated from the University of Sorry with a PHd in Apologetics. I hope you can forgive me. You can come to the meeting too. I'll bring some tacos and biscuits. Or shortbread! Yeah, I'll bring some shortbread. WOO! Everything will be fine. *rocks back and forwards* Shortbread . . . shortbread . . . WOO!  
  
HappyNoodleGurl: Well Bonez, ol' buddy, ol' pal, I did as you wished. I hope you're a happy goose-goose now. YOU BETTER BE! I'm soooooo upset that everyone hates Jed, but you know, I think it's for the best after all. I'm still a shiny happy person and I'm just away to skip off to watch Trainspotting. Mmyep, that'll be happy! I'm glad you think Gaz is the "shiznit". You've still not reviewed any of my stuff on fictionpress.com. I demand you do, and if you have one then you need to give it to meeee! Username is 'Exegesis' okay? Anyway, hope you liked this chapter, Bonez, love ya!  
  
Emily Strange: Again, I was reluctant to have to kill Jed off but it's what the fans want y'know and the plot after Jed died did fit in more. I was going to have a big Jed-Gaz face-off but thought it would be best if she died in the 'dramatic' big showdown of doom and blood and stuff. I'm glad of my assumption being good now you have assured me it can be so. Or something. I don't really want to be killed by the evil Monty Python rabbit, but I have my Holy Hand-Grenade of Antioc at the ready if needs be. BWAAAHAAA! I love Monty Python. Wow. It rocks. I have written, updated and you have read, I imagine. Or maybe you drink words, I don't know how you do it on your planet. Tee hee. Anyway, I took the hint and here is the produce. I hope you enjoy it and review again! Byee!  
  
Till next chapter, folks!  
  
"Take my hand, come undercover. They can't hurt you now, can't hurt you now, can't hurt you now because the night belongs to lovers, because the night belongs to lust." – Because The Night, Patti Smith and Bruce Springsteen 


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